indefinite pet sitting

[Jason]

@ Jason

Some of things are really ridiculous like I have to constantly watch their puppy and make sure he touches a bell before he pees or poops (so far only 40% success rate). And, sometimes when he poops, the poop gets stuck on his long, white fur and it's like trying to get gum out of hair.

Based upon this new information, I am now offering my services for free in order that I can retrain your "friends''" puppy to shit on the bell and then ring it. Please PM me contact info.

[Campitor]

@ OP

You are screwed. You are putting too much emphasis on the needs of a dog and your friend's needs above your own. I suspect that any push back you get will end with you cleaning shit-smear off a dog's ass indefinitely. As a sympathetic person on your side I recommend you just say NO, don't give them 2 weeks, and take a short trip somewhere to get away from them so you gain perspective.

Givers need to set limits because Takers never will (make this your mantra for the next few weeks).

[EdithKeeler]

I’m a dog person, and I wouldn’t put up with that. I’d probably steal the dog, shave around his butt so the poop doesn’t stick, take him to the park and wear him out so he sleeps the rest of the day, and do my thing. Your friends are being ridiculous in so many ways, and they don’t need a dog.

[fuyu]

They _might_ think that this is a favour for you (they love and wish to be with the puppy full time so you are so lucky to have this).

I don't think so? They know that I wouldn't want to adopt a cat or dog because I don't want the responsibility if that counts. And every morning, I say that even for my old job that paid me for 100k, I still didn't wake up at 7am like I do now in order to get to their house at 7:30am.

She keeps jokingly saying she wants to kill the puppy because he's so needy. Even being home with the puppy three days a week when she's working from home is driving her crazy. During the first few weeks, I felt bad and offered to bring their puppy out for walks on the days she was watching, so she could get a break. I've watched other friends' dogs before and I don't think there's anything exceptionally needy with her puppy's behavior. It seems normal dog behavior that she's trying to train him out of. Or maybe, other friends' dogs behavior is really bad and my expectation is off.

Her husband actually doesn't want the puppy. I think she convinced him to get the puppy by saying it'll be a good trial run for when they have a baby.

[saving-10-years]

@fuyu They need to find new more responsible owners for that puppy RIGHT NOW! Really. They are doing that poor helpless animal no favours and abusing their friends/family into the bargain.

Side question. Do you really think that the husband's boss changed his mind about the homeworking. Or did the husband beg not to work at home (with the puppy).

[fuyu]

Side question. Do you really think that the husband's boss changed his mind about the homeworking. Or did the husband beg not to work at home (with the puppy).

I think so. Why would he lie to me or want to commute to work when he can work from home?

[Jason]

Her husband actually doesn't want the puppy. I think she convinced him to get the puppy by saying it'll be a good trial run for when they have a baby.

I hope they buy the baby a new bell.

[saving-10-years]

her husband said he was scared of being alone with puppy, so I went over on the days he was watching.

Maybe he would prefer to be at work than alone with the puppy in sole charge of the training regime. Certainly a bit weird.

[phil]

The problem with creating excuses by committing to other things is that it just sets you up for more of the same. She might change her working days, ask you to take care of the puppy before or after the yoga class, etc. At some point you will then have to get straight with her, and then she will probably be angry with you for not being honest from the beginning. Also, yoga classes might be a good thing but this situation being the number 1 reason for signing up... come on.

I strongly advocate to be honest with her. I know this is not easy for many people, but believe me when I say that you will feel relieved afterwards no matter how she takes it. It is the only way to avoid these kind of situations from occurring in the future.

Yes, it might affect your friendship with her. But this is really a lithmus test of her "friendworthiness". A real friend should in such a situation ever take it bad if you are straight with her.

[fuyu]

I talked with my best friend and after asking what they would do if I went back to work at the end of the month (They said they would put in him into doggy daycare), I blurted out that I want my free time back instead of using a commitment as an excuse to stop. It felt so freeing to say those words out loud. Surprisingly, she said that it was fine. I'll see what happens on February 1st. Maybe, I'll turn off my phone and not check Facebook the day before and the day of, just in case. I also checked for doggy daycares with better reviews in nearby towns. The cheapest full day doggy daycare was $42. So expensive.

Thank you for all of your helpful advice!

Edited to add: Later, best friend asked me if I could watch one day a week if they can't find a daycare they liked. She also now wants me to take the puppy outside every hour for a 5 minute walk to train him out of using puppy pads (Is this normal?) and he has to wear little boots on him. Trying to put on and take off the boots would probably take longer than the actual walk. I managed to say no and that I didn't want to learn how to put on his boots since I'll only be watching him for three more days.

Maybe, from the beginning, I shouldn't have tried to learn how to do each additional thing she wanted for the puppy.

[Chris]

Edited to add: Later, best friend asked me if I could watch one day a week if they can't find a daycare they liked. She also now wants me to take the puppy outside every hour for a 5 minute walk to train him out of using puppy pads (Is this normal?) and he has to wear little boots on him. Trying to put on and take off the boots would probably take longer than the actual walk.

Oh em gee.... no, they are not going to find a doggie daycare that will boot-up the dog 8x per day for $42.

This whole situation is kind of funny.... If you wanted to do all this stuff, you would have gotten a dog for yourself! You have the time, but have decided not to take this path. Yet the people who clearly do not have the time to properly take care of the puppy are the ones with the puppy.


I'm glad you were able to clearly-define your boundaries with your friend. It's important for her to know that just because you were able to buy your freedom, you are not a spare resource waiting to be used. Stick to your guns.

[Seppia]

This thread is surreal.
I'm going to be extremely rude so sorry in advance, but based on the facts told here, I would take a wild guess and say your friend is a complete jerk.
Think about it this way: would you ask this to a friend?
If the answer is no, why no?
I would never do it because I see my friends and family as people who can be there for me in case of a real emergency, in case I have no alternatives and I'm trouble.
Not some way to avoid paying for something.
Is she at least showering you with gifts?
Because if, on top of being unreasonably demanding with your free time, she is also unappreciative, you should really start looking for better friends (possibily ones without dogs)

[fuyu]

This thread is surreal.
I'm going to be extremely rude so sorry in advance, but based on the facts told here, I would take a wild guess and say your friend is a complete jerk.
Think about it this way: would you ask this to a friend?
If the answer is no, why no?
I would never do it because I see my friends and family as people who can be there for me in case of a real emergency, in case I have no alternatives and I'm trouble.
Not some way to avoid paying for something.
Is she at least showering you with gifts?
Because if, on top of being unreasonably demanding with your free time, she is also unappreciative, you should really start looking for better friends (possibily ones without dogs)

I think she's just feeling very stressed? Other than deciding she wants a puppy that has long white fur and watching training videos for teaching dogs tricks, she doesn't seem to have done much research on how much work a puppy would be. And, she finds normal dog behavior too needy (like the puppy wants to lay down near her when he naps and she puts him in a crate instead)

I don't think she's doing this to avoid paying. She was willing to pay $3,000 for this puppy, the brand of food this puppy eats is more expensive than most human food, they're buying new toys for this puppy literally every weekend plus random amazon purchases, and they take this puppy to expensive training lessons ($500 for ten 1 hour lessons?). Not including their mortgage and HOA fees, before they bought the puppy, they spend over 2k each month on stuff, so I don't think they would care that much about the cost of daycare.

No, but to be fair, she also knows that I don't like random gifts/clutter.

[Jason]

@Fuyu

You seem like a really nice, caring person. And it's honorable how you value friendship and are sensitive to the needs of others, humans as well as animals. I hope you retain these qualities throughout your life. But in all honesty, I don't think Patty Hearst had this level of Stockholm Syndrome.

[EdithKeeler]

I just feel so sorry for this dog.

[fuyu]

@ EdithKeeler: Their puppy seem to be pretty happy most of the time. He's usually wagging his tail and really likes people.

[TopHatFox]

Now this would be interesting: having a roomate inside the room AND pet sitting for a week each month for instant ERE (y)

[pukingRainbows]

Her husband actually doesn't want the puppy. I think she convinced him to get the puppy by saying it'll be a good trial run for when they have a baby.

I think she's grooming you to eventually babysit the child she will also be too busy to care for.

Seriously though, this person doesn't sound like a friend.

[fuyu]

I’m free =)! Best friend found a daycare near her husband's office that she likes.

Other than asking me one time if I can continue watching the puppy once a week (and I said no), she seemed okay with me stopping and wasn't behaving differently. In hindsight, I should have said I didn’t want to take care of her puppy as soon as he got all of his vaccines and could be around other dogs.

Edited 1/27 to note that I said no to once a week pet sitting too.

I think she's grooming you to eventually babysit the child she will also be too busy to care for.

Seriously though, this person doesn't sound like a friend.

Her husband has jokingly said a few times that he would hire me as their nanny in the future after this very icky time when I had to wipe poop off their puppy's paws and fur. Other than knowing that she plans on having a kid in the next year or two and that both sides of their parents have already said they don't want watch their grandchild full-time, I'm not sure what her plan will be.

She's a really good friend usually.

[cat9]

...
She's a really good friend usually.

And the definition of a really good friend is... ?