indefinite pet sitting

[fuyu]

Side question. Do you really think that the husband's boss changed his mind about the homeworking. Or did the husband beg not to work at home (with the puppy).

I think so. Why would he lie to me or want to commute to work when he can work from home?

[Jason]

Her husband actually doesn't want the puppy. I think she convinced him to get the puppy by saying it'll be a good trial run for when they have a baby.

I hope they buy the baby a new bell.

[saving-10-years]

her husband said he was scared of being alone with puppy, so I went over on the days he was watching.

Maybe he would prefer to be at work than alone with the puppy in sole charge of the training regime. Certainly a bit weird.

[phil]

The problem with creating excuses by committing to other things is that it just sets you up for more of the same. She might change her working days, ask you to take care of the puppy before or after the yoga class, etc. At some point you will then have to get straight with her, and then she will probably be angry with you for not being honest from the beginning. Also, yoga classes might be a good thing but this situation being the number 1 reason for signing up... come on.

I strongly advocate to be honest with her. I know this is not easy for many people, but believe me when I say that you will feel relieved afterwards no matter how she takes it. It is the only way to avoid these kind of situations from occurring in the future.

Yes, it might affect your friendship with her. But this is really a lithmus test of her "friendworthiness". A real friend should in such a situation ever take it bad if you are straight with her.

[fuyu]

I talked with my best friend and after asking what they would do if I went back to work at the end of the month (They said they would put in him into doggy daycare), I blurted out that I want my free time back instead of using a commitment as an excuse to stop. It felt so freeing to say those words out loud. Surprisingly, she said that it was fine. I'll see what happens on February 1st. Maybe, I'll turn off my phone and not check Facebook the day before and the day of, just in case. I also checked for doggy daycares with better reviews in nearby towns. The cheapest full day doggy daycare was $42. So expensive.

Thank you for all of your helpful advice!

Edited to add: Later, best friend asked me if I could watch one day a week if they can't find a daycare they liked. She also now wants me to take the puppy outside every hour for a 5 minute walk to train him out of using puppy pads (Is this normal?) and he has to wear little boots on him. Trying to put on and take off the boots would probably take longer than the actual walk. I managed to say no and that I didn't want to learn how to put on his boots since I'll only be watching him for three more days.

Maybe, from the beginning, I shouldn't have tried to learn how to do each additional thing she wanted for the puppy.

[Chris]

Edited to add: Later, best friend asked me if I could watch one day a week if they can't find a daycare they liked. She also now wants me to take the puppy outside every hour for a 5 minute walk to train him out of using puppy pads (Is this normal?) and he has to wear little boots on him. Trying to put on and take off the boots would probably take longer than the actual walk.

Oh em gee.... no, they are not going to find a doggie daycare that will boot-up the dog 8x per day for $42.

This whole situation is kind of funny.... If you wanted to do all this stuff, you would have gotten a dog for yourself! You have the time, but have decided not to take this path. Yet the people who clearly do not have the time to properly take care of the puppy are the ones with the puppy.


I'm glad you were able to clearly-define your boundaries with your friend. It's important for her to know that just because you were able to buy your freedom, you are not a spare resource waiting to be used. Stick to your guns.

[Seppia]

This thread is surreal.
I'm going to be extremely rude so sorry in advance, but based on the facts told here, I would take a wild guess and say your friend is a complete jerk.
Think about it this way: would you ask this to a friend?
If the answer is no, why no?
I would never do it because I see my friends and family as people who can be there for me in case of a real emergency, in case I have no alternatives and I'm trouble.
Not some way to avoid paying for something.
Is she at least showering you with gifts?
Because if, on top of being unreasonably demanding with your free time, she is also unappreciative, you should really start looking for better friends (possibily ones without dogs)

[fuyu]

This thread is surreal.
I'm going to be extremely rude so sorry in advance, but based on the facts told here, I would take a wild guess and say your friend is a complete jerk.
Think about it this way: would you ask this to a friend?
If the answer is no, why no?
I would never do it because I see my friends and family as people who can be there for me in case of a real emergency, in case I have no alternatives and I'm trouble.
Not some way to avoid paying for something.
Is she at least showering you with gifts?
Because if, on top of being unreasonably demanding with your free time, she is also unappreciative, you should really start looking for better friends (possibily ones without dogs)

I think she's just feeling very stressed? Other than deciding she wants a puppy that has long white fur and watching training videos for teaching dogs tricks, she doesn't seem to have done much research on how much work a puppy would be. And, she finds normal dog behavior too needy (like the puppy wants to lay down near her when he naps and she puts him in a crate instead)

I don't think she's doing this to avoid paying. She was willing to pay $3,000 for this puppy, the brand of food this puppy eats is more expensive than most human food, they're buying new toys for this puppy literally every weekend plus random amazon purchases, and they take this puppy to expensive training lessons ($500 for ten 1 hour lessons?). Not including their mortgage and HOA fees, before they bought the puppy, they spend over 2k each month on stuff, so I don't think they would care that much about the cost of daycare.

No, but to be fair, she also knows that I don't like random gifts/clutter.

[Jason]

@Fuyu

You seem like a really nice, caring person. And it's honorable how you value friendship and are sensitive to the needs of others, humans as well as animals. I hope you retain these qualities throughout your life. But in all honesty, I don't think Patty Hearst had this level of Stockholm Syndrome.

[EdithKeeler]

I just feel so sorry for this dog.

[fuyu]

@ EdithKeeler: Their puppy seem to be pretty happy most of the time. He's usually wagging his tail and really likes people.

[TopHatFox]

Now this would be interesting: having a roomate inside the room AND pet sitting for a week each month for instant ERE (y)

[pukingRainbows]

Her husband actually doesn't want the puppy. I think she convinced him to get the puppy by saying it'll be a good trial run for when they have a baby.

I think she's grooming you to eventually babysit the child she will also be too busy to care for.

Seriously though, this person doesn't sound like a friend.

[fuyu]

I’m free =)! Best friend found a daycare near her husband's office that she likes.

Other than asking me one time if I can continue watching the puppy once a week (and I said no), she seemed okay with me stopping and wasn't behaving differently. In hindsight, I should have said I didn’t want to take care of her puppy as soon as he got all of his vaccines and could be around other dogs.

Edited 1/27 to note that I said no to once a week pet sitting too.

I think she's grooming you to eventually babysit the child she will also be too busy to care for.

Seriously though, this person doesn't sound like a friend.

Her husband has jokingly said a few times that he would hire me as their nanny in the future after this very icky time when I had to wipe poop off their puppy's paws and fur. Other than knowing that she plans on having a kid in the next year or two and that both sides of their parents have already said they don't want watch their grandchild full-time, I'm not sure what her plan will be.

She's a really good friend usually.

[cat9]

...
She's a really good friend usually.

And the definition of a really good friend is... ?

[fuyu]

...
She's a really good friend usually.

And the definition of a really good friend is... ?

Hmm... hard to put into words. For me, the difference between friend and close acquaintance is would I be willing to go out of my way to visit them if they didn't live nearby and would they would do the same and that's my dividing line. When we lived in different state (about 3.5 hours apart by car), we would take turns to visit each other every other month during the weekend when it wasn't my busy season (There wasn't a busy season in any of her previous jobs during the past 6 years.)

As for the really good part, not in order of importance, she's someone I can be completely honest with, whine about stuff, and act childish around. She helps me with areas that I'm bad at and general stuff, supportive of my goals even though its weird to her (like ERE), and I usually feel happier after spending time around her. I assume it's the same for her.

[halfmoon]

In my opinion, that's a well-considered answer to a great question. I'm glad you extricated yourself from the dog-sitting (except one day per week?) without damaging a friendship you value. As an aside, it's probably good for the puppy to experience daycare socialization.

I don't know if others respond the same way, but your avatar makes me feel protective of you in the same way that 7W5's current avatar makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Anyway, here's hoping that your puppy-poop-wiping days are over.

[pukingRainbows]

Her husband has jokingly said a few times that he would hire me as their nanny in the future ...

I hope that if that happens, you will feel comfortable enough to be honest and set boundaries whenever the friendship descends into inconsiderate and unreasonable requests.

[cat9]

Though I asked the question, I didn't have an answer, and I think you gave a good one, Fuyu. In particular I'd not appreciated that this is a friendship that has lasted over a number of years and despite distance. Had it been briefer I might have been presumptuous and pointed out that you're clearly someone that many people would count themselves lucky to have you as a friend, so shake loose.

My worries are more about the puppy. It's kept in a crate? Are these veal farmers, or what? Is this normal treatment of a pet in America?

I'm not a dog person, my experience is restricted to my childhood. My parents rewarded me when I was about 11 by getting a puppy. I'd always been fond of nature and animals, so this was delightful. The puppy was bouncy, enthusiastic, utterly adorable. None of us had any experience with dogs before. It came as something of a surprise when 6 months later we found we had an uncontrollable, yappy, aggressive nightmare for a pet. I still have a small scar on my hand as a reminder.

After 2 or 3 years a local farmer shot the dog. Allegedly mistaking it for a fox. More likely it was sheep worrying, I suspect.

With hindsight, dog training classes are a MUST HAVE. Dogs treated right are just looking for a leader, the classes are for training the owners, I guess you know. I've no idea how you can plant the seed and get your friends to do this, but I really hope they go that route.

If only there were baby training classes as well. Will your friends keep their toddler in a crate until age 18? Sounds a good plan actually.

Good luck!

[fuyu]

My worries are more about the puppy. It's kept in a crate? Are these veal farmers, or what? Is this normal treatment of a pet in America?

I'm not a dog person, my experience is restricted to my childhood. My parents rewarded me when I was about 11 by getting a puppy. I'd always been fond of nature and animals, so this was delightful. The puppy was bouncy, enthusiastic, utterly adorable. None of us had any experience with dogs before. It came as something of a surprise when 6 months later we found we had an uncontrollable, yappy, aggressive nightmare for a pet. I still have a small scar on my hand as a reminder.

After 2 or 3 years a local farmer shot the dog. Allegedly mistaking it for a fox. More likely it was sheep worrying, I suspect.

With hindsight, dog training classes are a MUST HAVE. Dogs treated right are just looking for a leader, the classes are for training the owners, I guess you know. I've no idea how you can plant the seed and get your friends to do this, but I really hope they go that route.

If only there were baby training classes as well. Will your friends keep their toddler in a crate until age 18? Sounds a good plan actually.

Good luck!

Yes, best friend insists on keeping the puppy in a cage for several hours during day and when he sleeps at night. The rest of the time, the puppy is in fenced off area in the living room. I don't think so? Other friends and acquaintance allow their dogs free run of their home.

I'm sorry, that must have been hard to lose your dog like that.

They already bring the puppy to a weekly training class. Personally, I think their dog is already well-behaved. He doesn't bark, howl, try to chase after cars or pull on his leash during walks, or beg for human food. He'll sit and stay when people command him. He comes when you call his name.

Lol. I think if they stick to their plan of having a baby in the next year or so and don't plan out how they'll take care of it like the puppy, they're going to start arguing more, especially about money.