Alternative Open Relationship
Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:24 am
There's another thread recently on the matter of open relationships, but I didn't want to distract from that discussion, so starting a different topic. Long-time lurker of several years and have enjoyed the advice and commentary given on this board, so I've decided to seek your input
Background: I've (male, upper 30's) been with a woman (mid 30's) for a few years now, whom I care deeply about and honestly want to spend life together with her for the long haul. We've had a discussion on getting more serious in our relationship within the past year or so and one of the topics that came up was sexual experience. I'm guy #3 for her - she had been married for quite some time and another somewhat longer bf/gf relationship afterwards. She's my first very serious relationship and, well, I have substantially more experience than her.
During the discussion, one of her regrets was not having gotten experience and exploring her sexuality in the same manner that I have thus far when younger - hook-ups, casual dating, etc. This is something I know she thinks about and, I feel, restricts the growth of our relationship, which concerns me as I enjoy making her happy and I want her to be fulfilled. Having had the discussion, i offered her up the idea of a semi-open (one-sided) relationship, where she could go out, have fun, explore herself and her sexuality, while still maintaining our relationship. As a side note, the vast majority or my prior relationships were "open", so this is certainly not something that is new for me - granted they had been open on my end too. I've stated to her that I'm not interested in sex with other women and really have nothing to gain from it, so hence I proposed just open on her end. I honestly doubt she would ever be comfortable with openness on my end, anyways.
She was hesitant with regards to the offer for quite some time. We've had extended discussions/communication on the topic - set boundaries, mutually agreed to rules, etc, etc. Thus far she's hooked up with 2 other men and so far has been relatively smooth - we agreed to share EVERY detail and we talk for 1-2 hours after each occurrence. I have mostly no concerns that she would leave me, but, of course, that's always a possibility of happening and I'm prepared should it happen. Our key has been to talk about everything..communicate, communicate..
I'm definitely not a jealous person, but occasional self image/comparison pops up, which I mostly shrug off - something I've not expected. I've requested that this remain just a physical thing for her, though some chatting happens with text or while she's out with another guy (when i'm traveling for work).
A concerning point is that most of the 'open' relationships I've witnessed with friends, etc (and my own) have ended. Mine ended more as a result of circumstance - moving for work, other priorities, etc but I've yet to experience anything successful with peers - most ended not on a good note (!!)
Have you had any experience with this type of arrangement or keys to success? Or concerning points you would look out for?
Background: I've (male, upper 30's) been with a woman (mid 30's) for a few years now, whom I care deeply about and honestly want to spend life together with her for the long haul. We've had a discussion on getting more serious in our relationship within the past year or so and one of the topics that came up was sexual experience. I'm guy #3 for her - she had been married for quite some time and another somewhat longer bf/gf relationship afterwards. She's my first very serious relationship and, well, I have substantially more experience than her.
During the discussion, one of her regrets was not having gotten experience and exploring her sexuality in the same manner that I have thus far when younger - hook-ups, casual dating, etc. This is something I know she thinks about and, I feel, restricts the growth of our relationship, which concerns me as I enjoy making her happy and I want her to be fulfilled. Having had the discussion, i offered her up the idea of a semi-open (one-sided) relationship, where she could go out, have fun, explore herself and her sexuality, while still maintaining our relationship. As a side note, the vast majority or my prior relationships were "open", so this is certainly not something that is new for me - granted they had been open on my end too. I've stated to her that I'm not interested in sex with other women and really have nothing to gain from it, so hence I proposed just open on her end. I honestly doubt she would ever be comfortable with openness on my end, anyways.
She was hesitant with regards to the offer for quite some time. We've had extended discussions/communication on the topic - set boundaries, mutually agreed to rules, etc, etc. Thus far she's hooked up with 2 other men and so far has been relatively smooth - we agreed to share EVERY detail and we talk for 1-2 hours after each occurrence. I have mostly no concerns that she would leave me, but, of course, that's always a possibility of happening and I'm prepared should it happen. Our key has been to talk about everything..communicate, communicate..
I'm definitely not a jealous person, but occasional self image/comparison pops up, which I mostly shrug off - something I've not expected. I've requested that this remain just a physical thing for her, though some chatting happens with text or while she's out with another guy (when i'm traveling for work).
A concerning point is that most of the 'open' relationships I've witnessed with friends, etc (and my own) have ended. Mine ended more as a result of circumstance - moving for work, other priorities, etc but I've yet to experience anything successful with peers - most ended not on a good note (!!)
Have you had any experience with this type of arrangement or keys to success? Or concerning points you would look out for?