> got spent anyway so that didn't make much sense
> to me.
If any parent doesn't think the kids are watching, then here is a wake-up call.
Wonder how many other families operate on the same principle of tight money?
Environment Growing Up
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George the original one
- Posts: 5406
- Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:28 am
- Location: Wettest corner of Orygun
Grew up in upstate New York, basically in a squarely middle-class family in the suburbs. Never really wanted for anything growing up, but also didn't live a lavish lifestyle. My mother is quite thrifty and I rarely wore new clothes - most of the things I owned until my mid-teens were bought used at garage sales, thrift shops, and so on. My father is more of a consumer and especially hooked on the latest gadgets. He buys a lot of them, but buys the cheap knockoff, which strikes me as a bad combination. You end up spending a lot of money on something that's basically garbage. My mother would sometimes buy things only because they were on sale.
My interests were really intense as a child, and I went through various phases where I was obsessed with physics, the Civil War, computer programming/website design, strategy games and ancient history. I haven't been obsessed with anything in adulthood, which is a shame.
I went to a private school for elementary school, and then public school afterwards. For most of my childhood I didn't have many close friends, but was basically able to fit in and get along. My parents were pretty lax in terms of discipline, but for whatever reason I always ended up following directions 100% - at school I always did my homework and so on - it wasn't even a decision I had to make.
I remember working *so* hard in middle school, and really stressing out, and then finding out that my grades there wouldn't even be something colleges would find out about. That took a lot of my motivation away, and I basically gave up on overachieving. I still got As, and I was in advanced classes, but I didn't really put in more effort than necessary. This continued through college and I guess to the present.
As time has gone on, I've become more and more aware of how outside the mainstream my interests and attitudes are. I never consciously rebelled, I just became disinterested. In high school I would sit at home on a Friday night and stress out that I wasn't invited to parties. In college I went to a few bars with friends and realized I wasn't missing anything staying home.
I never had the desire to buy anything I didn't have a use for. When I did spend money on things I didn't need, or even worse, spent my parent's money, I always ended up feeling almost physically nauseous. Some sort of guilt complex. I remember going to the mall with my father when I was about 5 or 6, and they were giving out free action figures. We stood in line but I didn't get one, and I threw a tantrum. And immediately afterwards, and even now really, I felt absolutely terrible about it. After that I felt bad spending my parent's money (for instance, if we went to the supermarket I would always choose store brand products even if I wasn't buying), and then that reluctance to spend transferred to my own expenses. It only recently loosened and now that I'm on a budget again I feel much more comfortable.
My interests were really intense as a child, and I went through various phases where I was obsessed with physics, the Civil War, computer programming/website design, strategy games and ancient history. I haven't been obsessed with anything in adulthood, which is a shame.
I went to a private school for elementary school, and then public school afterwards. For most of my childhood I didn't have many close friends, but was basically able to fit in and get along. My parents were pretty lax in terms of discipline, but for whatever reason I always ended up following directions 100% - at school I always did my homework and so on - it wasn't even a decision I had to make.
I remember working *so* hard in middle school, and really stressing out, and then finding out that my grades there wouldn't even be something colleges would find out about. That took a lot of my motivation away, and I basically gave up on overachieving. I still got As, and I was in advanced classes, but I didn't really put in more effort than necessary. This continued through college and I guess to the present.
As time has gone on, I've become more and more aware of how outside the mainstream my interests and attitudes are. I never consciously rebelled, I just became disinterested. In high school I would sit at home on a Friday night and stress out that I wasn't invited to parties. In college I went to a few bars with friends and realized I wasn't missing anything staying home.
I never had the desire to buy anything I didn't have a use for. When I did spend money on things I didn't need, or even worse, spent my parent's money, I always ended up feeling almost physically nauseous. Some sort of guilt complex. I remember going to the mall with my father when I was about 5 or 6, and they were giving out free action figures. We stood in line but I didn't get one, and I threw a tantrum. And immediately afterwards, and even now really, I felt absolutely terrible about it. After that I felt bad spending my parent's money (for instance, if we went to the supermarket I would always choose store brand products even if I wasn't buying), and then that reluctance to spend transferred to my own expenses. It only recently loosened and now that I'm on a budget again I feel much more comfortable.
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themodernchap
- Posts: 70
- Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2016 10:21 am
- Location: Northern Ireland
Re: Environment Growing Up
I was born and raised in Belfast, Northern Ireland, where I still live at the moment.
My mother and father met at 16. They got married and had me at 24 and my brother at 26. My mother was a primary school / special needs teacher. My dad worked in as a pump attendant in a petrol station when I was born. On my birth certificate it says he was a gardener but he was more or less unemployed. He was/is an excellent motor mechanic but never really had a proper job, he worked cash-in-hand jobs in garages owned by people he knew but never made much money at all. Mum was the breadwinner. We didn't have a lot of money growing up. We lived in a council house (I think US people call them section-8 or something, owned by the state) in a pretty shitty area of Belfast, but there were plenty of worse areas and plenty of people worse off than us. We didn't have a lot, but we certainly had enough. I think my mother was under immense pressure and I think she's sainted. I am not anywhere near as tough as she is. I would crumble like a wet cake under half the pressure she had to cope with.
We were never hungry, although my mother never bought new clothes, she wore clothes given to her by friends and family. There were plenty of hand-me-down clothes. If we needed anything she went without and she knows I know and am grateful. A lot of their money went on a caravan (trailer) on a site on the northern coast of ireland. We spent weekends / summer holidays there. We had 1 holiday abroad when I was about 13 to Turkey but I am confident my mother borrowed money to allow this to happen. My brother got involved in crime and was taken into social care, then young offenders, then prison. He was released briefly a few months back on parole but re-offended and is now back in prison. He was heavily influenced growing up by the paramilitary groups in the local area, I blame this for the direction his life has taken. I know my mum feels some kind of guilt or shame about this, she can't really tell many people about it because people judge, as though his life choices were somehow her doing. We had a happy childhood, although my brother was fairly troublesome. His first major bit of trouble was involvement in an arson when I was perhaps 13. As a result of this we lost the caravan (weren't allowed to lease the land any more) and I think it was downhill from there really.
My father came from a really abusive home, he has about 8 siblings. his mother died when he was 14 and his dad was a horrible evil man from what I understand, I was shown to him as a newborn but my mother put her foot down, so I never new him and I think that was a good call on my mum's part. Dad was raised from 14 in the uk version of child protective services. For these reasons I don't really blame him for his problems. He has no formal education to speak of, his literacy is also poor.
He drank pretty steadily from when I was perhaps 13, parents divorced when I was 15 and I think his drinking had a lot to do with this, although my mother was also drinking a fair amount to cope. We didn't make it any easier. My brother and I beat seven shades of sh*t out of each other on a daily basis. I am not free of fault here, I've knocked my brother unconcious, kicked him in the face as he chased me up the stairs etc. he broke my nose, chipped one of my teeth by smashing my face into a door etc. I couldn't have coped with the conditions my mother did. I tried to establish some kind of relationship with my dad several times but he has never shown up when we have arranged to meet, the last time he got drunk and was calling lying saying he was on his way and I could hear that he was in a pub and I knew who with. I haven't seen him in 7 years. Haven't spoken to him at all for at least 5 now.
My brother left education at 14 because mainstream schools couldn't handle his behavior, special behavioural schools couldn't either. He is an addict now, but he's funny and charismatic and can be really kind. We are much closer now than we ever were as kids, although his incarceration limits that obviously. He stayed with me for a time when he was released. I don't know what will become of him but I think institutions will play a large role and that he will probably die fairly young. My mother feels the same way, she does what she can for him but she has to protect herself too.
My mother comes from good stock, her dad was a toolmaker and engineer, he's still alive now, we aren't close, though we were for a time. Her mother was a medical secretary, great grandparents were nurses and tradesmen. My great grandmother lived till I was 18 and we were very close. My mother lives in the house my great grandparents lived in now and works a government job. She is terrible with money, doesn't save at all but is well insured. The house was never mortgaged. It was bought outright in the 40's. My great grandfather was a socialist and loathed money. He gave his pay packet to his wife every week, she gave him an allowance to go to the football and kept the rest to run the house, he died while travelling in the USSR in 1984, the year he retired. My grandmother was ignorant of investing but saved a lot, bought bonds and lived comfortably.
My mother has a bad case of lifestyle inflation, she lives at the limit of her means, but has little to no savings that I know of, but no debt either. She has some pension money but I don't know how much or how it is managed. I hope it's enough.
My mother and father met at 16. They got married and had me at 24 and my brother at 26. My mother was a primary school / special needs teacher. My dad worked in as a pump attendant in a petrol station when I was born. On my birth certificate it says he was a gardener but he was more or less unemployed. He was/is an excellent motor mechanic but never really had a proper job, he worked cash-in-hand jobs in garages owned by people he knew but never made much money at all. Mum was the breadwinner. We didn't have a lot of money growing up. We lived in a council house (I think US people call them section-8 or something, owned by the state) in a pretty shitty area of Belfast, but there were plenty of worse areas and plenty of people worse off than us. We didn't have a lot, but we certainly had enough. I think my mother was under immense pressure and I think she's sainted. I am not anywhere near as tough as she is. I would crumble like a wet cake under half the pressure she had to cope with.
We were never hungry, although my mother never bought new clothes, she wore clothes given to her by friends and family. There were plenty of hand-me-down clothes. If we needed anything she went without and she knows I know and am grateful. A lot of their money went on a caravan (trailer) on a site on the northern coast of ireland. We spent weekends / summer holidays there. We had 1 holiday abroad when I was about 13 to Turkey but I am confident my mother borrowed money to allow this to happen. My brother got involved in crime and was taken into social care, then young offenders, then prison. He was released briefly a few months back on parole but re-offended and is now back in prison. He was heavily influenced growing up by the paramilitary groups in the local area, I blame this for the direction his life has taken. I know my mum feels some kind of guilt or shame about this, she can't really tell many people about it because people judge, as though his life choices were somehow her doing. We had a happy childhood, although my brother was fairly troublesome. His first major bit of trouble was involvement in an arson when I was perhaps 13. As a result of this we lost the caravan (weren't allowed to lease the land any more) and I think it was downhill from there really.
My father came from a really abusive home, he has about 8 siblings. his mother died when he was 14 and his dad was a horrible evil man from what I understand, I was shown to him as a newborn but my mother put her foot down, so I never new him and I think that was a good call on my mum's part. Dad was raised from 14 in the uk version of child protective services. For these reasons I don't really blame him for his problems. He has no formal education to speak of, his literacy is also poor.
He drank pretty steadily from when I was perhaps 13, parents divorced when I was 15 and I think his drinking had a lot to do with this, although my mother was also drinking a fair amount to cope. We didn't make it any easier. My brother and I beat seven shades of sh*t out of each other on a daily basis. I am not free of fault here, I've knocked my brother unconcious, kicked him in the face as he chased me up the stairs etc. he broke my nose, chipped one of my teeth by smashing my face into a door etc. I couldn't have coped with the conditions my mother did. I tried to establish some kind of relationship with my dad several times but he has never shown up when we have arranged to meet, the last time he got drunk and was calling lying saying he was on his way and I could hear that he was in a pub and I knew who with. I haven't seen him in 7 years. Haven't spoken to him at all for at least 5 now.
My brother left education at 14 because mainstream schools couldn't handle his behavior, special behavioural schools couldn't either. He is an addict now, but he's funny and charismatic and can be really kind. We are much closer now than we ever were as kids, although his incarceration limits that obviously. He stayed with me for a time when he was released. I don't know what will become of him but I think institutions will play a large role and that he will probably die fairly young. My mother feels the same way, she does what she can for him but she has to protect herself too.
My mother comes from good stock, her dad was a toolmaker and engineer, he's still alive now, we aren't close, though we were for a time. Her mother was a medical secretary, great grandparents were nurses and tradesmen. My great grandmother lived till I was 18 and we were very close. My mother lives in the house my great grandparents lived in now and works a government job. She is terrible with money, doesn't save at all but is well insured. The house was never mortgaged. It was bought outright in the 40's. My great grandfather was a socialist and loathed money. He gave his pay packet to his wife every week, she gave him an allowance to go to the football and kept the rest to run the house, he died while travelling in the USSR in 1984, the year he retired. My grandmother was ignorant of investing but saved a lot, bought bonds and lived comfortably.
My mother has a bad case of lifestyle inflation, she lives at the limit of her means, but has little to no savings that I know of, but no debt either. She has some pension money but I don't know how much or how it is managed. I hope it's enough.