Do you lie?

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
Sclass
Posts: 1619
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:15 pm
Location: Orange County, CA

Re: Do you lie?

Post by Sclass » Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:19 am

Sure I'll share.

I have a family friend who got kidnapped in downtown LA at his business. 1970s. He escaped because the kidnappers were idiots...his ex-employees. They picked him up as he was opening up his business in the early morning. It was an eye opener for our friends. Everyone in my parent's circle started toning things down. At least the smart ones did.

It was a direct result of him showing off. Everyone knew this guy was rich. He told us. Idiot. Rags to riches story that just got retold over and over to anyone who would listen.

I am much poorer than that idiot and I still got my friends upset about my wealth. There is something about all the crabs trying to pull you back into the barrel when you climb out. 90% of my relationships were ruined by disclosing I had enough to retire early.

Admittedly this has to do with acting frugal. People assumed I was poor and liked me because I was a humble and resourceful miser. It was easier for them to look down on me than to feel envious. Once I retired people were genuinely worried about my financial situation because in their eyes I was poor. I screwed up and explained my entire situation with transparency and that torpedoed the friendships.

"Don't worry friends, I won't starve, see I have more money than you could have imagined!" Yup that went over well.

I mean I took "retirement" and "wealth building" advice from people poorer than me for years over beers. I never said, "ridiculous your rules don't apply to people like me." I just nodded my head and listened to their middle class wizdumb. This convinced them of their superior financial standing and thus made them comfortable with little old me.

I guess they kind of felt comfortable pitying me over the years. Reality was always under there but the middle class people I chose to socialize with are good at putting on blinders. I called a couple of days ago to skype in on Thanksgiving. I've missed our usual dinner for two years now after relocating. I'd think they'd want some retirement investing advice but nope. They seem to want to run away from me and my reality. It's got to be a coping mechanism.

Non of this occurred when I looked poor. I could have kept going and kept my old friends had I lied.

ShriekingFeralHatred
Posts: 75
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:03 am

Re: Do you lie?

Post by ShriekingFeralHatred » Sun Nov 27, 2016 8:14 pm

blah
Last edited by ShriekingFeralHatred on Thu Dec 22, 2016 6:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sclass
Posts: 1619
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:15 pm
Location: Orange County, CA

Re: Do you lie?

Post by Sclass » Mon Nov 28, 2016 12:00 am

ShriekingFeralHatred wrote: I am considering to tell people I am on welfare and doing odd jobs on the side and imply my career went south, like I pissed off the wrong person and got shut out off the business or something.

I am just rambling, but I would love to hear people's deceit tips.
My dad has been telling family friends I got really sick and I have a bad heart. This is not really true because I got the heart fixed better than new. He makes me out to be a disability case to our friends who have not retired yet. It kind of pisses me off when people start out after not seeing me for years like I'm dying or something. I bite my lip so I don't mess up my dad's carefully woven lie. He's just trying to protect our friendships.

Nobody has asked for a loan yet. They already know the answer.

Sad stuff. I naively had this vision that it would go well but it didn't. I wasn't sharing in the toil anymore. I wasn't the object of pity. I wasn't the receiver of novice financial planning. I just kind of got cast off. I started to realize our get togethers were complaint fests about work, the economy, retirement, and the lack of money in general. Pretty sad thing to hang on to.

One of my really good pals calls when he's intoxicated. He gets really insulting and frank. The next week he acts like nothing happened. It's amazing to see his heart when his inhibitions are down. Envy mostly. Some anger. Mostly he tries to guess how much money I have and when he comes up with a number (usually wrong) he starts saying how it isn't enough to retire.

Whatever. I'm not sure these friends are even worth lying to.

ShriekingFeralHatred
Posts: 75
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:03 am

Re: Do you lie?

Post by ShriekingFeralHatred » Mon Nov 28, 2016 6:00 am

blah
Last edited by ShriekingFeralHatred on Thu Dec 22, 2016 6:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sclass
Posts: 1619
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:15 pm
Location: Orange County, CA

Re: Do you lie?

Post by Sclass » Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:42 pm

ShriekingFeralHatred wrote:Haha good show, your dad knows what's up.

I take it some of your friends saw through your dad's tale. What do you think gave you away?
Yup. Mostly it is for his friends who are in their fifties and still working. Actually they believe him and they think I'm an invalid. The mind believes what it wants to.

They want to believe I am a nothing. So they go on doing that.

Amazing what people will accept especially if they already want to believe it. Just takes a little push from my dad.

steveo73
Posts: 1147
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 6:52 pm

Re: Do you lie?

Post by steveo73 » Mon Nov 28, 2016 7:48 pm

I tend to not lie but it's tough. I have 6 weeks holiday coming up over Christmas. When I tell people the next question is "where are you going". The problem is that I'm staying at home. People think it's nuts.

James_0011
Posts: 393
Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2016 12:00 am

Re: Do you lie?

Post by James_0011 » Mon Nov 28, 2016 8:45 pm

Maybe I am just to young to understand all this, but it seems to me like these people aren't really your friends to begin with....

ShriekingFeralHatred
Posts: 75
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:03 am

Re: Do you lie?

Post by ShriekingFeralHatred » Tue Nov 29, 2016 5:59 am

blah

TimeTravel
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Re: Do you lie?

Post by TimeTravel » Sun Jan 29, 2017 11:14 pm

I have never lied in my entire lifetime :roll: .

BRUTE
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Re: Do you lie?

Post by BRUTE » Mon Jan 30, 2017 2:22 am

pants aflame, full of shame

Farm_or
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Contact:

Re: Do you lie?

Post by Farm_or » Mon Jan 30, 2017 7:59 am

fiby41 wrote:A thought...


Demerit list of those who lie to us based on intent or harm caused:

Lied to us to exploit us
Lied to us to protect their self-interest, with no effect on us
Lied to us to protect their friends, with no effect on us
Lied to us to protect their self-interest, at our cost
Lied to us to protect their friends, at our cost
Lied to us for no discernible reason
Sounds like my ex. I learned that there are some people that will climb a tree to tell a lie when they could tell the truth with both feet on the ground.

Early in our relationship, she'd try to enlist me in her elaborate schemes. I'd say, "BS! You better just hope that they don't ask me, because I will just flat out tell them the truth!"

bigato
Posts: 2065
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:43 pm

Re: Do you lie?

Post by bigato » Sun Jul 14, 2019 7:12 pm

As I approach the date, I've been thinking about this. Do I tell the world that I am FI/ER? Or only close friends? How to go about it? I found this old thread and Sclass stories are a bit frightening. So far I've been telling the closest friends and it is going quite well. I was thinking about writing a series of articles in my native language on my site, something like "How I retired at 40", telling the basics and most important points, with references in case someone is interested in more. Like telling "I told you so" to the world, but laying out useful information in the remote case someone else really wants to follow this path. But I'm considering at least not linking the articles to the main page, and only sharing the link with chosen people.

suomalainen
Posts: 678
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Do you lie?

Post by suomalainen » Sun Jul 14, 2019 8:13 pm

What purpose would "telling the world" "I told you so" serve? Why do you care what other people (whom you've presumably never even met) think?

Sclass
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Location: Orange County, CA

Re: Do you lie?

Post by Sclass » Sun Jul 14, 2019 11:55 pm

Hey Bigato. Yeah, this was awhile back. The group of friends I’ve described have pretty much gone on without me. I emailed last week saying I’d be in the old neighborhood but nobody responded. I was hoping to meet up for dinner at one of our old haunts. But sadly, no. Old friends don’t want to continue our relationship.

It’s not so bad. I’m kind of through the transition. That was the shocking time when people were their worst.

Funny I’ve recently drifted apart from a very interesting friend I made after he became wealthy. He cashed out of his startup for nine figures in USD. I honestly feel a little uncomfortable around him now. We still talk but our relationship has changed with his staggering net worth. We just live on different planets now. Totally different life problems. So maybe I’m a little guilty of the same thing.

I guess I’ll just carry on being low key from here on out. Even if I need to be a little deceptive.

Seppia
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Location: Italy

Re: Do you lie?

Post by Seppia » Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:49 am

it happens the most when talking about money.
I usually don’t ask people, so I don’t know for sure, but I have reason to believe I’m better off than almost all my friends.
Some are as frugal or more than me, others make more money than me, but those two groups never intersect.
I just prefer to blend in.
Luckily, I very rarely have to lie (maybe once every couple years) as absolute net worth or salary is something people outside the closest couple friends will usually not ask.
My closest couple friends know real figures

horsewoman
Posts: 74
Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2019 4:11 am

Re: Do you lie?

Post by horsewoman » Mon Jul 15, 2019 7:30 am

@bigato - we have been living semi-ER for almost a decade now and even this is hard for people to wrap their heads around.
HOW can a family of three plus a shitload of animals live on 2 part-time incomes? It is simply not possible! ;)

I tend to over-emphasize the "negative aspects" of our lifestyle, like driving cheap, old cars. Or living in a crumbling old house without central heating, wearing only second hand clothing and never going away on holidays. Of course to us this is not negative, but people can relate to that at least to some extent. We are of course not super well off because we more or less skipped the accumulation phase, so I do not have to lie about that.

But I suspect that some people believe we are selling drugs or something like that (we're not, if you want some you have to go elsewhere).

Sclass wrote:
Sun Jul 14, 2019 11:55 pm
Funny I’ve recently drifted apart from a very interesting friend I made after he became wealthy. He cashed out of his startup for nine figures in USD. I honestly feel a little uncomfortable around him now. We still talk but our relationship has changed with his staggering net worth. We just live on different planets now. Totally different life problems. So maybe I’m a little guilty of the same thing.
Haha, I can totally understand that. I have an acquaintance who bought a small castle as a weekend hang-out. We met thorough a band project and kept in touch, but I can not talk to her for any length of time. I feed my family 2 months with the amount she spends on two antique candlesticks. Different planets, indeed.

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