Early Retirement Extreme Forums

@did Yes! I agree that in the beginning, I suspected that this might be "required" socializing and that's why I was feeling so much obligation. I have friends who work in big law firms and other such places where there is a lot of that kind of obligatory activity required if you want to advance. I don't think that's happening here so much.

i use these excuses:

1. plans already with a friend or family member
2. work will keep you late
3. you are going to be out of town(for weekends)

most people are only concerned with themselves and may even forget you didnt join 3 days later. i would place a bet that nobody asks you what you did instead in any detail, if at all.

@Scott-2 Make up is a awesome indicator that my values does not match with theirs, I totally agree!

If the thing interest me I would go, but if not I would just let go and tell them. You will probably have other occasions to socialize with them, in a contest you like more. On the other hand I also feel that sometimes I should go otherwise people just stop inviting me, and then I complain that people are boring .

Like many introverts I struggled for a long time with forcing myself to participate in extrovert events. Bars, parties, games, etc.

I'd say 1/10 times I had a good time, whereas 9/10 times hanging with 1-2 friends I had a good time.

You eventually get to the age/maturity level where you just arent phased by delivering a "no" anymore. It''s easy, and people will take more note of how you showed up and were a dud than they will if you passed with a common excuse.

"Oh man, I have plans already, thanks though" covers pretty much anything, and they dont try to shame you or talk you into it.

Just say you have other plans. I do that all the time.

At my new job, many of the folks go out to eat for dinner every payday. While I am an introvert, and don't like most group gatherings, the biggest drawback is celebrating having money by habitually spending it. It helps that the food in this city sucks. I went to the first dinner I was invited to, but thereafter I said no thank you, and now they don't even bother to ask. Just say no thanks and eventually they'll quit bothering you about it.