How to reconcile with people you used to know

[fiby41]

Not related to ERE.

I went to boys school and it took 1 hr one way and school used to be from 8:45 to 3:45. That is my excuse for not maintaining social relations.

There have only been 2-3 girls I've known well. 1 neighbor at hometown, 1 at babysitting, 1 where I live. So until 10th I was too shy to talk to girls and still can barely hold a conversation. The problem is since I got to connect with so few people I remember EVERYTHING about them, while they have moved on and have new friends. This makes it harder for me to get over it and to get along as just acquaintances without coming out to be overly interested in them and their lives, regardless of their gender.

The girl who lives in the same neighborhood, we played together as a part of 4-6 friends when I was in 4th standard/grade. I tried to reconnect with her after 10th. Boys are straightforward about it. Within 10 mins of bumping into an old/former male friend/acquaintance/colleague, you can put a finger on weather they want you into their life or not, and if yes, to what extent. They are also more consistent, less moody. If you cross paths with that same person after 6 months, his priorities would have rarely changed. This girl, she is 2 years older than me, and our bus route and her college and my coaching class timings coincided.

I was naive back then so didn't understand/pay attention to the constant judging/evaluating up/down that goes on. Or maybe I was too intrusive or annoying. I'm not sure what exactly happened but I think I got shot down hard or something.

Anyway, her building is emptying up and citing security reasons*, the family is moving into the the apartment flat right in front/next to ours. There are 2 flats in each wing.

* The neighborhood itself is safe overall, as its for state govt and legislature employees but she has two grandparents.

Now I have bit of an ego, and I think it was bruised few years ago. Should I hold a grudge or something or play along like its all good?

Either way, how to go along without messing up and straining relations? And how to not be intrusive or too excited without coming off as rude or mean?

What are my options? :

Don't approach her first, so as not to be intrusive/annoying. But if she approaches you, play along. She has all the power. But you did not come off as rude/mean.

Approach her first with 'Who moved in right in front of us...? Hey I know you"

Please suggest a solution. What I want is unstrained amicable relations because they are neighbours, while keep my ego from blowing to pieces in the future if I'm ignored or something.

[Ego]

India and the U.S. are very different. I can offer advice from the perspective of an American kid in your situation but it could be very wrong from an Indian perspective. Buyer beware.

Next time you see her say something like, "Hey, I saw you moved in across the way. Welcome to the neighborhood. How do you like the place?", then let her talk. If you get the impression that she thinks you're a creep, then tell her you hope she enjoys living in the building and leave her alone. If not, then ask questions about your common history, friends, places... etc.

Gauge success by:
1) The length of her answers. The longer the better.
2) Whether she asks you any questions.

The age difference may be the culprit for her coldness. The older you get the less important the difference is. Again, India is very different from the U.S. so consider adjusting my answer for cultural difference that you understand far better than I do.

[GandK]

If it were me, I'd just smile and say hi whenever I see them. Do that, and anyone open to relationship will eventually talk to you.

[JamesR]

Why should you hold a grudge?

Why should you have an ego?

Why should you consider girls less consistent & moody, or more judgemental? (Perhaps you don't know the full story, also a sample size of 3 isn't sufficient)

If you had to ask, you probably *were* too aggressive/intrusive the last time.

Is this about seduction or friendship?

Avoid expectations. Avoid treating her special. Treat her like any other human being. Be friends.

If you like her, then project your sexuality in your voice & your gaze, but don't be overt/obvious about it. Fishing requires reeling the line in softly, and then loosening the line before reeling in again, repeat til ready.

[IlliniDave]

Like GandK I would say just be kind/polite/respectful to her if and when you see her and leave it at that. If you appear needy or clingy, or too aggressive, she's likely to push you away again, perhaps because she'll misunderstand your intentions. If your interest is overtly romantic you'd probably be best served concentrating your efforts elsewhere.