7Wannabe, or other poly human -- birthday advice? :D

[TopHatFox]

My birthday happens within a week or so. I'm wondering how one navigates throwing a birthday celebration if 4 of the people (women) invited are polyamours? They all know about one another, and our connections are all consensual and lovely, but, they've never seen each other in person. The other 5 people I'd invite are close friends (3 guys, 2 gals). Total: 10 people.

To add some interest to the mix, some of these polyamours or close friends are into consulting/finance, some into simple living/environmentalism/adventure, some into philosophy/therapy.

Some activities could include going on a hike together as a group, or lounging around a park together, or some other outside activity (I doubt my apt can comfortably fit 10 ppl).

This could either be a huge disaster or a very awesome way to spend time w/ 10 people I really like (that hopefully also like one another).

Hah, have any of you poly people had a "giant" party like this before?

[7Wannabe5]

If you come up with an answer, please let me know. Mine are all male dominants, so I think it is best if I keep them separated, even though they are all also of the highly-intelligent, apparently civilized variety, and I am up-front in my communications.

[SilverElephant]

Much like in other settings, the results will depend largely on your frame.

That is: assume you invite them all. If you think it's weird, you will act weird, they will feel weird, it'll become weird. If you behave as if this is basically what you do all the time, i.e. you had a party with five polyamours just the other day, and the week before, you'll radiate it, which is very hard to attack.

Never forget the upside if you handle it well: orgies.

[TopHatFox]

http://kimchicuddles.com/

I found a cool & hilarious series of comics you both might like. Yay! Polywareness.

[Lemon]

Its fine. Just invite them all. As long as you don't think it is weird and they are not obviously disapproving (which given it is all out in the open I would hope not, although it is no guarantee)

I know a couple who invited their aux poly partners to their wedding. Completely fine!

As for activities, you know them far better :p

[7Wannabe5]

@Zalo: Liked the comic, but what I am currently engaged in doesn't exactly look like that. If I have to put a label on it, I would say that I currently identify as post-feminist, neo-primitive, hetero-with-just-a-smidge-of-flex (never fall in love with women, but can sexually interact with other femme-types), super-femme (verified by new digit-ratio information), strong-submissive, but flexible up to fun-top (no drive to dominate but can play-act behavior), free-agent-currently-practicing-ethical-non-monogamy. Only one of my partners or potential partners self-describes as overtly polyamorous. He is in a marriage that was entered into with the understanding of polyamory over 15 years ago, but his primary partner (wife) is not entirely happy with the arrangement anymore, even though she already had multiple partners when they met. He might be kind of like you will be in 40 years-lol. Our contract is that I am his girlfriend/romantic interest. My second partner is more the very-good-citizen, very-good-friend, hopeless-chronic-dominant-player-who-reflexively-and-openly-checks-out-the-ass-of-every-woman-who-passes type. Our contract is I asked him if he was polyamorous and he said "Maybe, are you?" and I said "Maybe" and then we both burst out into hysterical laughter. My third still-potential partner is a courtly-sex-geek overtly seeking no-strings, but not necessarily poly. I think he wants to walk around museums and go to very good restaurants with me and do exquisite behaviors in private. My fourth still-potential partner is more like usually conventional monogamous guy who is too fresh off of bad divorce for "serious" relationship. I find him very attractive, but I am a bit leery about whether he will really be cool with me being poly. Due in part to the fact that I don't own a car, I keep showing up at the same few very good restaurants and cafes within walking distance of my house with these men and others that I blind-date once and dismiss. Also, the more I am becoming involved in community social groups, the more my circles are starting to overlap those of more than one of my partners. For instance, I ran into a friend of one of my partners at an urban gardening event while I was in the company of my other partner. All of my potential or current partners are over the age of 50, so our children range in age from 11 to 35. I am out as poly with my family including my adult children and they are cool with it,so that end of things will not be a difficulty for me planning social events in the future. My rational expectation if/when any of my partners meet would be nod, handshake, maybe some silent exchange of man-code conveying drop of weaponry in recognition of over-lapping turf, zero-percent possibility of hug-fest. My current expectation if I meet my married partner's primary is something like smile combined with dagger-eyes, and I am not entirely comfortable with that, and actually broke up with him for a minute for that reason. My expectation for my behavior if I run into my player-partner with one of his girls would be something like friendly, awkward and amused. I have accompanied him into a bar in which he is known, and had no difficulty interacting with women who likely were involved with him at some point in time. One of the delightful things about the practice of polyamory in my experience is that I really feel no jealousy or resentment. Okay, maybe just a twinge when my older romantic partner told me about his planned trip to Ireland with his wife, but that was clearly just a case of sour grapes over my relative lack of affluence, so quickly dismissed as being fault of my own life choices and subject to remedy along those same lines.

[7Wannabe5]

Well, turns out I wasn't giving some of my gentlemen friends enough credit for being like older versions of uber-diplomatic you (Zalo.) There shall soon be an event involving moi being taken out to dinner by two of them at the same time. I think this is much more avant garde of me than if they were both younger, and it will greatly reduce some of my hassles in scheduling.