Christmas presents!!!

[thrifty++]

I'm thinking about the possibility of raising with my family that we cancel giving Christmas presents. Or that we all decide to buy one present for one person and draw out of a hat. If I do it I will have to get onto fast as time is wearing thin.
I am just wondering on thoughts about whether to do this and if so how? Or ideas on making Christmas presents to avoid costs. I am time poor now with one full time professional job and a part time professional consulting job so not keen on spending loads of time on making stuff that takes lots of time, I would just end up buying.
I know that this Christmas presents thing would be controversial, but at least I am already the pariah of the family so I am not sure it can make them think that I am even more odd than they already do.

[IlliniDave]

A couple years ago I switched to taking all my immediate family relatives out to dinner at a place in the old neighborhood instead of buying gifts for everyone and hauling them across 4 states. It was a practical thing because I'm not a shopper, I'm the only one who lived "away", and I'm terrible at picking out gifts. But it was also kind of nice in that everyone could gather and enjoy an evening while taking a break from hosting duties and the like.

I tried to parlay that into no one buying anything for me (the last thing I need is more stuff), just attend the dinner as their gift to me, but they would have none of it, and in the end it's the thought that counts. This year with my mother's illness and one of my sisters having moved away the second most senior generation (mine) opted to go for the "draw names" approach among ourselves/spouses, but those in my parent's generation opted to buy for everyone but asked to receive none. So it's been a gradual thing. In my ex's family they had gone to the draw names approach many years ago.

I think it's a perfectly acceptable compromise, but sometimes it is hard to get everyone on board right away. The gift-giving is very important to some people and diminishing it can be a blow to them.

[Banjosnorkel]

Oh, no, it's that time again. We are four siblings and instead of drawing a recipient out of the hat, we are using a list system where we buy presents for a different sibling (with family where applicable) every year. So instead of having to purchase 9 gifts, this is reduced to 5 this year, that being the worst case scenario, with best case being only one present. Still a hassle ofcourse, but I guess I'll have to compromize.

[7Wannabe5]

The funnest thing we ever did was the year we had a whole weekend to play with and everybody arranged a different activity as their present. Everybody in my family is creative and either frugal or broke, so much more likely that you will have to suffer being forced to take part in a puppet show than go to any sort of expense at the holidays. We also sometimes just keep shuffling around family heirlooms as presents. As in, "Here, why don't you be the keeper of this china for a year."

[GandK]

Both sides of our family sort of mutually decided that from now on, presents are for children. Maybe you could implement a similar rule?

[jennypenny]

The trick is to pick a fight with everyone on Thanksgiving so you get out of having to see them or exchange presents with them on Christmas.


I told everyone a long time ago to stop with the crazy gift-giving shenanigans. They don't like it, but what else is new. Some of them still buy my kids gifts just to make a point.

[Dragline]

Both sides of our family sort of mutually decided that from now on, presents are for children. Maybe you could implement a similar rule?

Yes, this what we do. But we make it more stringent -- each adult gets one child (that is not their own) to buy one gift for, and grandma picks up any orphans. As the children become adults, they move from the giftee column to the gifter column. This may sound simple, but we are talking about 12 adults and 18 children here.

Of course I never turn down a bottle of whiskey when it happens to show up unannounced.

[thrifty++]

The trick is to pick a fight with everyone on Thanksgiving so you get out of having to see them or exchange presents with them on Christmas.

lol

hmm yes could try focussing only on the kids. All the kids live in a different country though so they are the most expensive to deal with lol

[fiby41]

When I was 12, I didn't think my aunts would agree if I asked them not to gift me, so I requested them to give cash as present instead of gifts.

They agreed. Every paisa has gone to what is now the FI fund. I'll be rich soon ... B)

[brighteye]

With my side of the family, we celebrate Christmas with around 20 people. We also do the "draw out of a hat" thing, meaning one has to buy just one present for another person. The cost for the present is limited to a maximum of $50. I think it started when a lot of the younger family members (me included) were students and didn't have enough money to buy a present for everyone. I like the solution, it's a good compromise. The one's who like getting presents get at least one, and for everyone that doesn't like to give presents, it's max. $50. Of course, you don't have to spend that much, you can spend less or get creative and make something yourself. On Christmas Eve, we sit together and open the presents one after another. It's fun as you never now from whom you will get your present. This procedure does not apply to the children. They usually get (way too) many presents.
Now for my boyfriend's family, they are very frugal anyway (his father is a farmer). They don't give presents among the siblings, but their parents give gifts to all their children. Usually, it's something like dried fruit (which they made at home from their one harvest), nuts (from their own trees of course) and some chocolate. So the value (moneywise) is small, but I must admit I look forward to these presents every year. The young children/grandchildren though do also get a lot of presents (too many imo).

[Sclass]

Why not buy toys for the kids? I was at Target yesterday and I hit the toy area. It looks like you can buy a lot more toys for your buck than when I was a little kid. Must be China.

So modern kids may have adjusted. That is, buying three toys for like $75 per kid isn't enough because they expect a $300 mountain of plastic junk like their friends receive. This is where you can show your kids how to be tough like you. Your family is different, you don't waste your money on excessive toy purchases that eventually destroy the planet and your financial future just because the Jones kids get that. Lifelong survival lesson. Disappointing some greedy kids isn't the worst thing you can do to them.

This is where you want to be a leader in your family, not a pariah. Try to logically explain your motives and how they conserved money isn't just paper script to exhange for useless goods. I'd want to be remembered as the dad who taught good values...not Scrooge.

That said, is it my imagination or are toys cheaper than they were in the 1970s? It seems you can get a lot more useless toys for an hour's pay than you could back then.

As for family gifts...well that is hard when others give really nice stuff. It becomes an arms race. Just do what JP does or give the pine cone wreath/fruit bread and maybe they'll negatively reciprocate next year.

Edit - oops, sorry OP, I thought you were talking about gifting small kids in the family.

[thrifty++]

Why not buy toys for the kids? I was at Target yesterday and I hit the toy area. It looks like you can buy a lot more toys for your buck than when I was a little kid. Must be China.

So modern kids may have adjusted. That is, buying three toys for like $75 per kid isn't enough because they expect a $300 mountain of plastic junk like their friends receive. This is where you can show your kids how to be tough like you. Your family is different, you don't waste your money on excessive toy purchases that eventually destroy the planet and your financial future just because the Jones kids get that. Lifelong survival lesson. Disappointing some greedy kids isn't the worst thing you can do to them.

This is where you want to be a leader in your family, not a pariah. Try to logically explain your motives and how they conserved money isn't just paper script to exhange for useless goods. I'd want to be remembered as the dad who taught good values...not Scrooge.

That said, is it my imagination or are toys cheaper than they were in the 1970s? It seems you can get a lot more useless toys for an hour's pay than you could back then.

As for family gifts...well that is hard when others give really nice stuff. It becomes an arms race. Just do what JP does or give the pine cone wreath/fruit bread and maybe they'll negatively reciprocate next year.

Edit - oops, sorry OP, I thought you were talking about gifting small kids in the family.

Im talking about some small kids and some adults. So there are three small kids (nephews and neices) and 6 adults. In past years I have spent up to $1k on presents in my less frugal days. Yes toys are cheap but the little ones are not. They have pretty expensive tastes. A couple of years back I bought a toy for my neice and my sister brought it back to my house a few days later. I was gutted. I actually was a bit annoyed that my sister brought it back. I did spend $70 on it. They could have thrown it out or sold it lol.

[Sclass]

. A couple of years back I bought a toy for my neice and my sister brought it back to my house a few days later. I was gutted. I actually was a bit annoyed that my sister brought it back. I did spend $70 on it. They could have thrown it out or sold it lol.

Ok. Wait, why did she bring it back? Kid didn't want it? Wasn't expnsive enough?

[thrifty++]

My neice didnt want it. She didnt think it was cool lol. So my sister brought it back

[Sclass]

My neice didnt want it. She didnt think it was cool lol. So my sister brought it back

Santa no likey.

I had a similar experience with my niece. At six she lobbed my gift back at me like a quarterback and yelled "I don't want this!"

Thrifty, it's time to get out the lumps of hard anthracite.

[jennypenny]

The trick is to pick a fight with everyone on Thanksgiving so you get out of having to see them or exchange presents with them on Christmas.

It's only 5:47pm and mission accomplished. We haven't even eaten the turkey yet. I think this is a new record.

[Dragline]

The master at work!

[thrifty++]

The trick is to pick a fight with everyone on Thanksgiving so you get out of having to see them or exchange presents with them on Christmas.

It's only 5:47pm and mission accomplished. We haven't even eaten the turkey yet. I think this is a new record.

haha I love your thanksgiving strategy to stuff Xmas.
Unfortunately we dont celebrate thanksgiving in my part of the world. I am heading to a thanksgiving dinner at the house of some American friends tonight. Dont know if I will benefit form pissing them off though. lol

[jennypenny]

In my defense, I wasn't even trying to pick a fight. I only insisted on sticking a meat thermometer into the turkey because it looked a little bloody as it was being carved. An argument ensued over whether it was okay to serve turkey 'medium rare' like beef. I ignored the protests and stuck the turkey back into the oven so we all didn't spend black friday in the emergency room, and now I'm on the shit list again.

[Ydobon]

So is it ok to serve turkey medium rare?