Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
User avatar
vezkor
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2016 9:51 am

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by vezkor » Fri May 06, 2016 8:53 am

"I'm an asset manager"

sharansingh
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2016 6:36 pm

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by sharansingh » Wed Jul 13, 2016 4:11 pm

Yes it would be, no job means no respect why? Not in my case.

ShriekingFeralHatred
Posts: 75
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:03 am

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by ShriekingFeralHatred » Sat Nov 26, 2016 8:57 pm

blah
Last edited by ShriekingFeralHatred on Thu Dec 22, 2016 6:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
fiby41
Posts: 706
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2015 8:09 am

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by fiby41 » Sun Nov 27, 2016 9:19 am

I won't mind.

User avatar
fiby41
Posts: 706
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2015 8:09 am

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by fiby41 » Sun Nov 27, 2016 1:15 pm

My one liner after I FI would be-

"I'm an engineer."

It satisfies Jacob's criteria by serving as both identity and purpose.

Scott 2
Posts: 811
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:34 pm

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Scott 2 » Sun Nov 27, 2016 2:17 pm

IMO the negative responses result from challenging either the values or fears of the other person. With the very rare exception, people don't care about you, they just care about how you make them feel. Challenge their deeply held beliefs, and yeah, they'll lose "respect" for you. But it's really about protecting themselves, and has nothing to do with you.

I vary between not caring if someone that doesn't share my values likes me, and wanting to drill into their values to understand the difference. Having enough money makes this far far easier.

I generally avoid taking about what I do for money. The cursory details are incredibly boring to me, and going into the fun stuff would glaze everyone else. Also, any hint that I even might know how to even use a computer, is inevitably meet with the request for free tech support. I am not the Geek squad. That response trained me away from the conversation at a young age.

I don't see it changing when I stop working.

My usual response is something like "I don't like to talk about work, it alreay gets so much of my energy. I've been doing a lot of yoga though. Have you..." That's where they cut me off and talk about their yoga experience, etc. Again, most people really just want an audience that makes them feel good. I suppose the desire for respect is another variation of this.

Lately, I've been amusing myself at work by trying to discern people's agendas, then creating situations where they can further them. I'm pretty much there to have a good time, and it is highly entertaining. People get so excited when they are"winning" in their eyes. This behavior could map onto the what do you do question. It's usually someone with an agenda for a conversation about their own work.

User avatar
Sclass
Posts: 1134
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:15 pm

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Sclass » Fri Dec 02, 2016 9:13 am

Scott 2 wrote: My usual response is something like "I don't like to talk about work, .
Good response.

I've thought really hard about this stuff during my four year retirement. I am not respected by some folks. Mostly family. But it is all tangled up with other emotions like envy and bitterness.

What I've come to is I don't really need respect anymore. That was something I needed when I relied on others to get by. Now I kind of write my own rules. The others can do as they please. It doesn't matter much what they want to respect.

If you can get to the place where you can pay your bills without reporting to a boss you may not have that hole in you that needs to be filled up by some other person's respect.

The converse is true too. I don't let some person's disrespect for my lifestyle eat a hole in me. I just look at where it's coming from and laugh.

Incidentally it was really apparent to me a few days ago in my closet. I looked at my fancy props (shoes, clothing, watches) that I no longer wear. I just don't need that stuff now. There is nobody left to impress now that I don't work in an office environment.

halfmoon
Posts: 566
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2016 10:19 pm

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by halfmoon » Fri Dec 02, 2016 1:25 pm

A lot of thoughtful comments here. I'm trying to remember if it was ever an issue for us.

Everyone we worked with knew that we had animals and acreage. A waiter who regularly blew all his money on racetrack gambling once commented snidely, "I wish I could afford to have a farm like you." DH replied in the sweetest of tones: "Oh, you do have a farm. You're supporting some horses."

When we announced our plans to retire and move, there were some who asked how we could afford to do that. (I'm with @JP; why does anyone think this is an okay question?) I didn't take offense; I just said "We're retiring poor." Then I started asking people to give me their hand-me-down clothes instead of hauling them off to Goodwill. Lots of people did! We got some great stuff and donated the rest. :lol: DH was mortified. He hates it when someone compliments me on something I'm wearing, and I say "Thanks! I got it for 50 cents at a yard sale." It's my form of bragging.

When we were living in the mountains, most of the people we knew weren't traditionally (or often at all) employed. You were measured more by what you accomplished, because of course people will always measure each other by some standard. I think the key is: (1) what group of people do you respect; and (2) how do/would you stand with them. If there's a disconnect between the two, it's something to investigate further.

I respect people on this forum, but I couldn't care less what the people I used to work with would think of me now. When we left, lots of co-workers said, "Come back and visit sometimes!" DH said, "You will never see us again."

Did
Posts: 612
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 7:50 am

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Did » Thu Dec 22, 2016 5:14 am

@halfmoon, my DW is mortified if I ever speak of a good deal I got on anything. I've had to stop doing it.

User avatar
Sclass
Posts: 1134
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:15 pm

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Sclass » Thu Dec 22, 2016 9:54 am

:lol:

Every Christmas SO's dad gets drunk and does his best imitation of me. It always goes something like this.

Old man goes up to the tree and picks up a gift. Then says, "you know what this is?" Big smile. "A GOOD DEAL". Bigger grin. "I got a good deal on this!" Clutches the gift to his chest. "Oooohhhh sooooh good! A good deal!"

He puts me in in stitches.

Back OT...it's been five years since I quit my job and went "unemployed". That old man never asked me what I do or how I support his daughter. Not a peep. I asked my SO and she said on the week I quit he asked her "you have enough money?" She said yes and it never came up again. He's a sharp retired businessman so I'm pretty sure he gets it.

User avatar
Eureka
Posts: 252
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2016 11:03 am
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark

Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Eureka » Thu Jan 12, 2017 6:04 pm

jacob wrote:Don't say you're focusing on something with zero potential income ... like I'm focusing on my yoga.
Ha! That is exactly what I say. That I want to focus on my yoga.

And in fact I know quite some people who make a decent income through yoga, especially those who publish yoga books or yoga DVDs - or make retreats for the average burned-out money-spending executive.

Post Reply