Mommy, my sister is teasing me!

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
Christopherjart
Posts: 191
Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2012 2:03 am
Contact:

Post by Christopherjart »

It seems really dangerous to me to brag about investments. My roommates know I'm saving up part of my meager income and one is already looking for ways to convince me to be more generous with him because "I earn more". Perhaps it is a latin american thing though. It isn't a good idea to let people know you're doing ok. :-)


Chad
Posts: 3845
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 3:10 pm

Post by Chad »

That would be the end of that roommate for me. That is not something I could put up with.


Christopherjart
Posts: 191
Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2012 2:03 am
Contact:

Post by Christopherjart »

@Chad Since another roommate just confirmed that he would be leaving (he was offered a room very close to where he works), I want to replace him first, but yeah this roomate is going to be getting less preferential treatment (none actually). I'd even been teaching him how to cook yet he started complaining about how "cheap (codo)" I am. He told me yesterday morning that he was telling his coworkers about that. So I won't be sharing more food I cook or teaching him how to cook or any other good Christopher. He'll eventually get bored and move out. He's been sleeping in the living room and keeping things in my closet for 700 pesos a month. The money helps, but I'd rather not have him if he's going to be like that.


Chad
Posts: 3845
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 3:10 pm

Post by Chad »

Wow, that's even worse. You were sharing food with him and he calls you cheap? Glad you don't have to just put up with it.
"He told me yesterday morning that he was telling his coworkers about that."
That is a rather childish response on his part.


secretwealth
Posts: 1948
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:31 am

Post by secretwealth »

"You were sharing food with him and he calls you cheap?"
That doesn't surprise me, to be honest. Once you start giving people a little, they start to want a lot. This goes for charity, salaries, dividends, free samples, banker bonuses, and just about anything else. We're genetically programmed to acquire resources.


Christopherjart
Posts: 191
Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2012 2:03 am
Contact:

Post by Christopherjart »

well, I was not sharing normal food, just when I'd cook something I'd offer a portion, but still. It seems if you give a little they want to take more. Friends in Facebook have worse things to say about the issue. Of course he cooks something and doesn't share at all.


User avatar
Sclass
Posts: 2091
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:15 pm
Location: Orange County, CA

Post by Sclass »

Wow, a lot of activity here. Thanks for the views.
I don't dare drop hints about the investments I'm making. Like pouring gas on a fire. It doesn't make competitive people nicer. Same goes for "Nyah Nyah naynahnah look what I got.". Does nothing for roi.
I'm going to avoid her. I avoid quite a few old friends now. Yes, kiyosaki is a con man of sorts, but his words on human psychology are spot on...especially the foibles that keep people poor. I need some new friends. That's why I'm here.
Come to think of it my hourly rate is zero. Wait, or is it infinite because I refuse to show up for the game?


Chad
Posts: 3845
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 3:10 pm

Post by Chad »

Your hourly rate is actually X, as it's whatever you want it to be. Infinity is what your sister is chasing, but, of course, she, and the everyone else, can't catch it.


altoid
Posts: 186
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2012 5:26 pm

Post by altoid »

Another thing for the $500 per hour rate, how many hours a day is she working that is billable?


before45
Posts: 80
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2012 2:59 pm

Post by before45 »

@Sclass: Sounds like some painful discussions going on in your family, and I'm sorry that you don't have more like-mindedness in your family. My advice is to spend a little extra time thinking about your own choices and why you're living the ERE lifestyle. When I feel solid in my own choices I tend to be much less upset by criticism--and to recognize that people criticize me because they're unhappy with their own choices.
And I think it might be powerful to share that you're free to choose work based on what really seems worthwhile rather than what someone else could afford to pay you.


Freedom_2018
Posts: 452
Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2010 12:10 am

Post by Freedom_2018 »

The family you are born to : Fate
The friends and relationships you choose : Feat
Can't do much about the first, the second is entirely in your hands. To me the purpose of ERE is to live a self directed life (which includes adding or dropping relationships and activities consciously versus sticking to the ones you were born with or fell into by default) and not be 'the football of other people's opinions'.
After trying for a few years with a few folks I've worked with as well as some I know for 20+ years...I can confidently say that it is only when the student is ready that the teacher will appear.
As Ben Franklin said " A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still".
Some battles are just not worth fighting.


indigo
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2012 6:44 pm

Post by indigo »

Boy $150/hr as a consultant seems pretty good especially if you are frugal!
Don't let her get you down. I think you are doing great, and I am a lawyer in private practice :).
As far as lawyers working in firms go, they don't make anything close to their billable hourly rate unless they are owners and even then you have overhead to pay for.
I wouldn't want to be your sister. I'm very happy to practice part-time and have lots of free time for family and life in general.
Seems like your sister is equating making more money with self-worth and is inflating the bottom line intentionally or unintentionally by failing to account for spiritual and free time and actual take-home after expenses amounts.
In any event, I have a low earning spendthrift sister who I often have to help out financially. Love her but that is pretty frustrating and sad too...
Surround yourself with like-minded folks and it will help balance out the family pressure.


dragoncar
Posts: 1317
Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2010 7:17 pm

Post by dragoncar »

>You were sharing food with him and he calls you cheap?
I was going to say... dude rents a living room and he call you cheap?


jacob
Site Admin
Posts: 12963
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 8:38 pm
Location: USA, Zone 5b, Koppen Dfa, Elev. 620ft, Walkscore 73
Contact:

Post by jacob »

I didn't mean to talk about investments in a confrontational or competitive manner. Just bring it out naturally:
"How are you doing?"

"Oh, I don't know, I'm trying to decide whether to move $$$ into bonds with the way interest rates are going. It's a lot of money."
Just talk about investments in a way it relates to your interests and life in the same way that other people talk about their job or their newest iThing as it relates to their life. If they're consciously or even subconsciously talking about their life in order to impress, investments/money-status trumps any kind of consumer-status. If they're authentically pleased about their stuff and salary, no harm is done.


secretwealth
Posts: 1948
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:31 am

Post by secretwealth »

I think with naturally competitive people, any statement that hints at accomplishment will quickly be interpreted as a confrontational or competitive statement. One of my best friends is a former competitive athlete and near-Olympian who reacts this way to just about anything--I've learned to speak to him with care.


jacob
Site Admin
Posts: 12963
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 8:38 pm
Location: USA, Zone 5b, Koppen Dfa, Elev. 620ft, Walkscore 73
Contact:

Post by jacob »

I bet he can't lick his own elbow.


User avatar
jennypenny
Posts: 6615
Joined: Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:20 pm
Location: Stepford USA

Post by jennypenny »

>>I bet he can't lick his own elbow.
LOL...DH says something similar to let the air out of a stuffed shirt--but he doesn't say "elbow." Shuts them up every time.


Carlos
Posts: 152
Joined: Sun Aug 15, 2010 3:51 pm
Location: Southeastern USA

Post by Carlos »

>>> I realized this was my sister who never grew up.
You hit the nail on the head there. She seems very immature to me. Sounds like she's uncertain of her path in life and feels threatened if everyone else isn't following the same "rules".
I've enjoyed following this thread very much.


pooablo
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Aug 20, 2011 4:32 am

Post by pooablo »

Thanks for sharing!
I'm fortunate that my closest family, my sister and my father, actually respect the way I handle my finances and are open to talking to me about it. Unfortunately, I haven't had much success on getting them onto the ERE bandwagon yet!
They agree to ERE on principle but can't seem to practically implement the steps to get there. :P
Big hugs! I hope you feel better soon. Words can bite when they come from people close to you.


User avatar
Sclass
Posts: 2091
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:15 pm
Location: Orange County, CA

Post by Sclass »

Hey, funny thing happened last night. So it has been 4 months sice I quit my job. They've lost three engineers since then. Manufacturing is having a yield crash and out of desperation I got a text requesting my consulting services. They said $100/ hr. say what? I wouldn't get out of my pjs for any less than $150. Ok they said, please come down and find out why nothing meets spec.
I said I'd think about it a day. Today I refused.
I just escaped that pit. Why the heck would I just jump back in.
Btw I only learned yesterday my replacement quit after two weeks. I'm starting to think they can't pay me enough to get back into that fight.


Post Reply