Facebook for introverts

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
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UK-with-kids
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Facebook for introverts

Post by UK-with-kids »

My tolerance for Facebook is about 1 minute. I find it overwhelming. I was an early adopter in 2007 before it got too crazy and I have way too many "friends". I can't even remember who some of them are. They might be school friends, but especially with women who've got married and changed their surname, can't work out who they are. I'm not great at recognising faces either.

But as an extreme introvert, this cuts me off even more from other people as it means I don't know what people have been up to and don't reinforce some of the social bonds. I think events get put on Facebook sometimes as well so I don't get to hear about those.

Does anybody have any suggestions or coping mechanisms for any of this?

ertyu
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by ertyu »

I am off facebook in entirety. I occasionally log in again, e.g. I recently logged in because most of the for rent ads that aren't agents are on facebook. Apart from that, I stay off. I am an extreme introvert and I don't mind letting those "connections" go. If the connections are important to you, I suggest setting time aside (e.g. 15 min every 2 weeks) to log in, deliberately look up particular people, and go on their profiles (rather than scrolling through your "feed"). Interact with personal posts they have made and ignore any "memes".

You might want to set 15 min aside to just weed out people who are in your friends list. If you don't remember them, mute or unfollow them. What's the point having them stay on if you don't even know who they are?

IlliniDave
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by IlliniDave »

I'm an introvert too, but I don't find facebook troubling. Maybe that's because I don't expect much from it. It's primarily a way for me to keep current with relatives and a few close friend. I've accumulated a fair number of superfluous FB-friends, my total roster is 175ish at the moment. I'm pretty good about dumping people whose behavior annoys me (or hiding them if they are a relative I don't want to offend). They cover about every facet of my life from childhood neighbors through recent former work colleagues (I don't do facebook with current coworkers, too risky), except ere I just realized, haha. I even have one boglehead FB friend.

One thing that might be significant is I don't have a smart phone so FB is constrained to fall within the time I spend sitting at my computer, where it has to compete for time with a bunch of other stuff.

I'd say write down the things that bother you and address them. You didn't say much but it sounds like culling your contacts would be a good first step. Just for the sake of personal security I'd immediately dump anyone you don't even recognize.

UK-with-kids
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by UK-with-kids »

OK I think it's the feed that's the problem for me. Random pics of what hundreds of different people are doing with their kids I didn't know they had. The odd political view or dodgy comment. Videos of people doing crazy stuff that autoplay. Baking photos. Annoying ads. Coronavirus. I stopped there.

Actually I just saw a photo of a park bench with a plate on it that says "In memory of <person's name> who hated this park and everyone in it". That was pretty funny. I might ask for that when I go.

No I don't have FB on my phone.

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Dream of Freedom
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by Dream of Freedom »

Avoid the feed. Use it as a contact list for the messaging app. Check up on specific friends and relatives when you are wondering how they are doing. Use it to update others about your life. That's it. It's designed to be a time sink. Use it. Don't let it use you.

jacob
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by jacob »

UK-with-kids wrote:
Sat Aug 29, 2020 6:44 am
OK I think it's the feed that's the problem for me. Random pics of what hundreds of different people are doing with their kids I didn't know they had. The odd political view or dodgy comment. Videos of people doing crazy stuff that autoplay. Baking photos. Annoying ads. Coronavirus. I stopped there.
Snooze and unfollow are vastly underrated in their ability to solve this problem. I suspect that's why/because FB doesn't make them easy to find. For a given post, click on the [...] menu next to a problematic post and then scroll down and snooze or unfollow the poster (not the source or the original poster). Unfollow means you wont ever see anything from them again in your feed, so if you for some reason want to see what they're posting, you have to go to their profile. Snooze does the same but only for 30 days. (This does not unfriend or block them.)

In my experience, if you snooze/unfollow just a handful of select people, most of these issues go away. In return, you get to see what everybody else is doing. It seems that human behavior very much follows a Pareto distribution.

Conversely, if you wonder why you missed some important post from someone (who doesn't even have to be a friend), you have to actively follow them. This ensures you see everything they post in the feed.

catpepper
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by catpepper »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbPI2Wo3ZgE

I used this video to unfollow almost everybody on my facebook friends list. The news feed is the most toxic. You "hear" all the most negative and positive proclamations from all your FB friends. Their "awesome" fake "living the life" lifestyle and also the dumb hateful stuff that anyone of a sound mind wouldn't post.

I only join the casual facebook groups like my favourite animes, video games or tv shows. There rarely is any quarreling in them. It really made me a less angry person.

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Alphaville
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by Alphaville »

i only use facebook to spy on people :lol:

horsewoman
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by horsewoman »

Pweh, Facebook, it's a mixed bag. I found lots of opportunities as a musician there, but if it wasn't for my bands I'd have deleted my account long ago. The stupidity, raging ignorance and hate is hard to bear, I wasted way too many hour arguing with idiots, so I basically did what @jacob recommended a year ago. It is better now but I still log only in about once a week. I'm not even overly introverted (rather right in the middle of in/ex), and it overwhelms me!

ember
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by ember »

For a long time I regretted joining Facebook, and then a couple of years ago, a genuine friend used it to communicate that her husband was dangerously ill, and I was very glad to be in the loop about that. So maybe it depends on how your friends use it, if it's how they get in touch with you.

Otherwise, most of my FB friends are really friends from school/uni with whom I have very little IRL contact, so am definitely taking Jacob's advice about the snooze button. Also, it's possible to categorise some of your FB friends as acquaintances which means you see less of their stuff - info here: https://www.facebook.com/help/209850012 ... _permalink

I do get in trouble occasionally with real friends who seem to live their lives on FB because I only look at it very intermittently, but they've got used to my Luddite ways by now ;)

tonyedgecombe
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by tonyedgecombe »

I seem to go through the same pattern with these sites. They look interesting to start with and I'm an early adopter. As soon as they start monetising everything goes to shit and I end up leaving. Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Reddit have all been the same for me.

jacob
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by jacob »

I've always blamed the downfall on Eternal September, but https://meaningness.com/geeks-mops-sociopaths provides a somewhat more nuanced take on what eventually happens.

Kriegsspiel
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by Kriegsspiel »

Try the strategy from Digital Minimalism: stop using facebook for a month and see if you miss it. If you miss it, figure out what parts you miss and only use those parts.

That's a really good book in general.

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Lemur
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by Lemur »

I deleted it :) But I think any time I spent on FB has now been replaced with Reddit....which is not much better. Perhaps even worse. Need to delete that too but keep falling prey the to the dopamine feedback loop.

enigmaT120
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Re: Facebook for introverts

Post by enigmaT120 »

I've never used Reddit. Maybe I'm better off without.

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