I feel like there is some cognitive dissonance in this thread, because you can choose "gender is irrelevant" or you can choose "don't make it about the junk", but you can't have both. 'Cause, for a straight guy, "my new female friend whom I am not picturing naked" is not a real thing.
Well, my point was not that you wouldn’t necessarily picture someone naked, but rather don’t approach every single interaction as an opportunity to get laid.
Sure, we all have sexual desires and needs, and screwing is fun. But even the most sexual people around are only going to do it for maybe an hour a day, at least after the “honeymoon” period. A person should have something else going for them in order to have decent, interesting relationships.
I get it-we’re animals. But some of these threads sometimes seem like we’re all a bunch of Bonobos with one goal.
My point is: live your life. Meet lots of people. Cast a wide net. Do interesting things. People enter your life from unexpected places. You will find people to hook up with, both short and long term if that’s what you want. But you gotta leave the house, and you have to practice your social skills, and not be so focused on people touching “your pee-pee.”
I know I’m probably the weirdo around here. I spent time with my DBF this past week. I can tell you that what really made me want to jump him was when he told me about something he did for a a dying friend, and a project he was working on. If you want to get all evolutionary biology here, those things reinforced for me that
he’s a good mate, a good provider, and a good contributing member of the clan. Now that’s HOT!! Hot in a way that ultimately a slacker dude with no job and no interests, etc might not be. At least that’s my theory.