Meeting eccentric people IRL

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
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Stahlmann
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Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Stahlmann » Sat Apr 06, 2019 2:25 pm

I tried organising meet ups on FB in local groups of: vegan, zero waste (atm I haven't tried permaculture [somebody caught my request and tries to organize meet up, but the issue with postponing event just to cater all the members started...] and minimalism [no local "chapter"]). After honing my techniques, people started clicking "I'll be here' (like 15-20 people, same for 6k or 2k members group).

<spoiler>plot twist</spoiler>
Unfortunately, nobody shows up.

In the meantime of getting data points I even handshaked some eccentric physicist in his home country.

What to do?

My not so random thoughts:
Problems posted in such groups still are ridiculous, but there's some hope for any kind connection.
Until I've joined vegan group, I haven't thought that it's possible to burn money in that way on food (or on social part of this activity).
Yes, these groups women dominated. Getting touched my pee pee is about 20-30% of this project.
Yes, I'm needy or whatever current buzzword is in fashion, because... I tried using FB as trampoline to find "aware people". I assumed that "FB is stupid, let's meet IRL" crowd will be relatively big in below mentioned groups.
Don't have any kind idea for becoming local guru/cult leader of such communities.

(I have longer post on it, I'll maybe publish it later)

Frita
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Frita » Sat Apr 06, 2019 5:58 pm

Disclaimer: I have had a FB account for more than 10 years and just starting using it around a year ago. I like it for sharing pictures with family, buying/selling/free item exchange, and finding out about community events. As far as meeting, developing, or maintaining friendships; it’s a bust. FB seems rather shallow to me.

P.S. After reading Jacob’s post, I will add that I ignored your comment about wanting to use this strategy to hookup. Living in a state and town with more men than women, plus we still have single friends, I understand from where you could be coming. I also understand the offensiveness of the blunt statements.
Last edited by Frita on Sun Apr 07, 2019 10:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

Jean
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Jean » Sun Apr 07, 2019 6:36 am

Find a group that actually meet regularly (a choir, a common garden, a concert venue, etc...) and start from there.

jacob
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by jacob » Sun Apr 07, 2019 8:37 am

Stahlmann wrote:
Sat Apr 06, 2019 2:25 pm
What to do?

My not so random thoughts:
Problems posted in such groups still are ridiculous, but there's some hope for any kind connection.
Until I've joined vegan group, I haven't thought that it's possible to burn money in that way on food (or on social part of this activity).
Yes, these groups women dominated. Getting touched my pee pee is about 20-30% of this project.
Yes, I'm needy or whatever current buzzword is in fashion, because... I tried using FB as trampoline to find "aware people". I assumed that "FB is stupid, let's meet IRL" crowd will be relatively big in below mentioned groups.
Don't have any kind idea for becoming local guru/cult leader of such communities.
Basically, you've just told the internet that your motivation for meeting people is to get laid and that your strategy for getting there is to walk into online groups dominated by women telling them that their choice of online platform is stupid and that their problems are ridiculous, so they should come and hang out with you IRL instead? :shock:

If you actually want people to meet you, I suggest doing the exact opposite in terms of motivation and strategy, because this modus operandi is a disaster at every conceivable level. I should probably nuke this thread as an act of mercy.

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Stahlmann
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Stahlmann » Sun Apr 07, 2019 9:21 am

I'm bit suprised that somenbody who was/is on extreme side of minimalism/zero waste (or part of such "philosophies") produces such response.
I think you know how hard it's to relate to average consumer problems if you're a bit more focused on having higher savings ratio with lower income.

It isn't like next discussion of not using plastic bags will change anything in my life, but knowing the fact this person considered such problem in life is rather pretty promising.

How about fact that having common ground will lead to some long term friendship and maybe even something more?
It isn't like every member of Millenial generation is interested in colleceting N-partner count as "experience".

I don't mind meeting people of the same gender.

My a bit tongue in cheeck description of part my motivation was rather defensive to likely to come comments "bro, why do you do this? hahah loser OMG". Anyway, check Maslov's pyramid of needs if ever you got struck by recent surge of not so happy men online, then post. Yes, there're newer versions of such pyramids or new perspectives on human needs, but I'm not psychology major, so I don't care about details.

I think paper versions of societal ads of meet ups are rather out of date, so I switched to more recent medium. I'm also aware of its disadvantages, so I'm keen on switching to real life interaction ASAP.

If discussion goes in direction of exchanging links to websites with cynical descriptions of encyclopedic terms, feel free to delete this topic.

Jason
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Jason » Sun Apr 07, 2019 10:12 am

Stahlmann wrote:
Sun Apr 07, 2019 9:21 am

It isn't like next discussion of not using plastic bags will change anything in my life, but knowing the fact this person considered such problem in life is rather pretty promising.
Considering your ultimate goal, do you think its wise to just eliminate the all-important bag lady demographic?

bigato
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by bigato » Sun Apr 07, 2019 10:24 am

The negative response has nothing to do with the fact that you want to meet people or that you are setting the criteria for which kind of people you want to meet. It’s just the way you wrote this is disgusting to most people, including other males who could maybe have interesting insights that could help you, but are so disgusted by your attitude that they will just close the tab and go away. It’s a mistake on your part that is working against you and it’s something easily fixable.

Jason
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Jason » Sun Apr 07, 2019 10:43 am

The fact that he specified that having his "pee-pee" touched was only 20%-30% of the project, that's downright gentlemanly, at least by internet standards. Although, not to be an offense to the OP, I do not for one second believe those numbers to accurately reflect the project overview.

slsdly
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by slsdly » Sun Apr 07, 2019 11:56 am

Speaking as a more-or-less celibate man who has done his own share of soul searching and pity partying as much as he would prefer not to admit it, I'll tell you exactly what I think men who preach MGTOW and such are: Pathetic.

They aren't pathetic because they want sex from women. They are pathetic because they preach the gospel of self ownership is all you need, but are clearly in thrall of their unfulfilled desires. Hence the rage and frustration that permeates throughout their communities. A kernel of truth does lie in their beliefs -- you really don't need a partner, or sex for that matter, to be happy. Maslow's pyramid is a guideline at best, and does not describe any sort of predestiny.

In fact, I would go as far to say the opposite. If you want to find a partner, learn to be happy first. It is a drag to be around people who are sad or angry about what life has not provided them. Few would prefer to sleep with that. Heck, few would prefer to be friends with that.

As for some practical advice to becoming happy, I would suggest the following:

- Get some hobbies. There are tons of physical exercise clubs, and some of them cost as little as a pair of running shoes. Seeing people on a regular basis is the foundation for most relationships (not just romantic). Familiarity only breeds contempt if you have strong disagreements :).

- Lower your expectations of others. I've learned a lot about others through said hobbies. Some I only met the once, others have become close friends. This requires patience, engagement, and often doing the legwork for organizing social activities outside the original realm, with little return in the early days, as people will more readily flake on acquaintances. Each person is going to have different limitations on what they can give, and what they wish to receive, and accepting those boundaries is important.

- Read up on cognitive behavioural therapy. Seriously. You can do it at home, entirely alone, which allows you to hide your shame :lol:. The resources are cheap, and the success of the therapy lies entirely in your hands and willingness to address your issues. I don't believe for a moment that anyone who references "unhappy men on the Internet" doesn't have psychological issues which can likely be addressed with CBT. I've done my own share of reading terrible communities, and I'm grateful I always dismissed them, despite feeling their pain.

Also, I think it works if you want casual sex, rather than a partner. That was never my desire, but hey, I don't judge on that front. People who are pleasant to be around, and don't act as if there is a chip on their shoulders, are much hotter.

TopHatFox
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by TopHatFox » Sun Apr 07, 2019 2:05 pm

What’s wrong with making events to get laid? That’s pretty much what parties are. If a chick made an event to get laid, she’d get 1000 men to show up and do things like push-ups to compete for her lol (look up Tinder Trap). If a guy does, he’s shamed for even trying :lol:

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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by jacob » Sun Apr 07, 2019 2:35 pm

Look guys, it's not even funny anymore :evil:

Obviously this is a very frustrating problem like so many other problems. I get it. However, the problem is not in that there's no solution but that sometimes the problem is framed in a [here fractally(*)] wrong/dysfunctional way which leads into a figurative dead-end. This is frustrating not only to those who have the problem but also to those who know the way out. What do you tell someone who is stuck on a problem but clearly isn't ready or willing to try a solution that doesn't yet make sense to them from their current point of view? What if that happens over and over in multiple threads and those who have the solution eventually give up in frustration? What if the problem not only causes pain to the one having it but the wrongheaded solution/commentary also causes pain to bystanders?---Perhaps in a way that makes the original problem even worse. What do you do then?

"Nuking it" or "cleaning things up" is a crude and extremely tempting solution but it is also a simplistic solution(!) Telling it like it is (something I'm personally bad at) is also hard so when such is called for, I tend to chicken out and speak in abstractions hoping that people will take the hint even if experience shows that this rarely works, so thank you @bigato and @slsdly for not doing that. (I totally agree with what you said.)

(*) I'm not looking to trade URLs. When I link something, I actually intend for it to clarify things. There's a reason why memes and 10 second youtube clips are frowned upon here.

What I'll suggest (again speaking in generalities, damnit!) is that if you have a problem (such as finding a partner) where your current solution attempts are just one long streak of failures, is that a wise(**) meta-rule would be to presume that the framework you currently hold is inherently broken and needs a complete overhaul. A good starting point would be to listen ONLY to those who have demonstrated some level of success in solving the problem you're suffering. A bad starting point would be to clarify your position as if those reacting badly don't understand the problem or start a debate about "both sides" or commencing with some "whataboutery".---It's not necessary. We already get it.

I know this is a lot harder in practice than in theory, but to quote Einstein: "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them." => Getting unstuck sometimes requires changing our thinking.

(**) In the sense that it would save everybody including yourself a lot of time-energy.

So here's some advice (please for the love of !@#$@#$ take it!) ... the OP post would have been 100x better and more constructive/less reputationally self-destructive if it had stopped at the "What to do?" point.

Insofar we can restart the thread from that point, I have some advice... if [and only if] you're ready to listen.

Seppia
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Seppia » Sun Apr 07, 2019 4:06 pm

About 12 years ago I have been in a situation where, for a multitude of reasons, I was angry at the world and especially at the opposite sex.

For a while I confronted the issue with an attitude that only exacerbated the problem: I mostly looked for superficial relationships that provided a short term physical pleasure boost but in the end just made me more and more cynical.

Then I realized I first had to make peace with myself and be comfortable in my own skin.
That put me in the right (positive) state of mind and ultimately , I was lucky and found a lady I’ve been super happily together for a relatively long time (around 10 years).

One thing that I believe transpires from THF and Stahlmann writing is a sort of unease about their condition that seems very similar to what I experienced.
Go hike in the mountains, be close to your real friends and family, isolate yourself from the negativity and angry people.

You’re much more attractive when you’re happy.

TopHatFox
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by TopHatFox » Sun Apr 07, 2019 4:45 pm

Interesting, how many other young men are in a similar spiral?

——

For context, the stuff ppl write is helpful. Already doing most of the suggestions, like learning Portuguese, getting a masters, lifting weights, etc.

bigato
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by bigato » Sun Apr 07, 2019 5:28 pm

So here’s one suggestion. Don’t look at parties as places you go to get sex. Such places do exist but they are called something else. Parties are how extrovert people network, speculate on social capital, and hone their social skills. Sex may end up happening as much as a business partnership could, but it is incidental. Also, it’s an extrovert’s game. If you are an introvert, it’s like swimming with sharks. You’ll get eaten for lunch. You may learn the extrovert game but you don’t need to. If you are a land animal, you’ll never get so good at swimming as the fish. Better to pick your fighting ground strategically.

Another suggestion: don’t look at girls as walking pussies. Treat people like humans and focus on building relationships (with both gender), even if they are just a superficial friendship sometimes. Sex may eventually follow sometimes.

ZAFCorrection
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by ZAFCorrection » Sun Apr 07, 2019 7:17 pm

I was a happy virginal neckbeard grad student until 27 when I decided I wanted a life partner and then did all the boring shit to turn it around, such as losing the neckbeard, learn how to be a decent conversationalist, and talk to all the women. Somehow it magically worked after a couple of years of part-time (still in grad school) effort in a city with a very unfriendly male:female ratio.

I'm seriously confused about why people are continuously complaining that this is an intractable problem. Maybe if your goal is to be smashing 10s on the reg. I've had friends who went through long stints of singledom because only "ugly" (read: average) women were into (also average) them. Can't help you there except to say know your SMV and stop whining. The latter is especially important. People think they are being clever making one little comment about there being too many liberals in the area, and I know if I stay around them I'm in for 24/7 passive aggressive Fox News recaps. Same goes for any other topic. Aggrieved people are fundamentally annoying and easy to spot.

Jean
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Jean » Mon Apr 08, 2019 5:29 am

For having solved the problem with difficulty, I can vouch that it's difficult for some people to solve. There are very good advice on this thread and many others. No one here knows you enough to know which one will work for you so you'll have to filter them out yourself. Good luck.

Jin+Guice
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Jin+Guice » Mon Apr 08, 2019 10:10 am

@OP:

This thread took a turn for the incel/ redpill and your original post does have that tone to it. If that's the problem you're trying to solve, I agree with what's been said above. I spent some years as a nice guy/ incel, thankfully years before I was aware of all the angry internet communities complaining about this problem. I'd share my experience of how I, a bit accidentally and haphazardly at first, got out of this, but I'm not sure it'd help you and I'm not sure it's what you're looking for.
bigato wrote:
Sun Apr 07, 2019 5:28 pm
Another suggestion: don’t look at girls as walking pussies. Treat people like humans and focus on building relationships (with both gender), even if they are just a superficial friendship sometimes. Sex may eventually follow sometimes.
This is very good and important advice. The message that women are walking vaginas is very prevalent in our society and if you aren't good at talking to them it's very easy to view them that way. When I (unconsciously) thought of women that way it made talking to them harder, because I always thought, "this girl is going to know what I want and I will come off as a creep." And if you think of women this way you will be weird and come off like a creep because you're being a creep. If you don't view women this way it's easier to approach them and they will be more receptive.

Taking the OP at face value, you're also redpilling meeting eccentric people. As Jacob said, you're going into communities with the attitude that you're better/ smarter than them and then wondering why they don't show up to meetings. If you're going to engage with a community you are interested in on some level, why not go in with the attitude that you have something to learn? The best way to meet eccentric people is be eccentric and talk to people. I talk to eccentric people all the time. You can't get these motherfuckers to stay away from you if you are running around doing weird shit all day.

It's really hard to meet people who hit all of the ERE criteria without meeting people directly from the forum. It's not impossible, but It just combines too many things that don't go together and is too far outside the current paradigm for there to be that many naturally occurring ERE people out there. It shouldn't be that hard to meet someone who tells you they are a minimalist or cares about the environment or is into working on their house.

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Stahlmann
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Stahlmann » Mon Apr 08, 2019 11:19 am

Coming to the original problem (first part of the post), I know I haven't provided any kind (or enough) of value to members of these group to make them show up IRL. I'm still thinking about it. I simply proposed walking around accessible park in my metro area.

daylen
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by daylen » Mon Apr 08, 2019 12:04 pm

Stahlmann wrote:
Mon Apr 08, 2019 11:19 am
I know I haven't provided any kind (or enough) of value to members of these group to make them show up IRL.
This is dangerous meme to have propagating around in your mind. Projecting what you may or may not perceive as valuable onto other people is a choice that comes with a consequence. However you choose to judge value is flawed and this is okay. This is a multi-agent reality where other people are not objects to be navigated but subjects to grow with. By choosing to value a limited set of possible interactions you are planting seeds for future resentment. Your mind will start to fracture when your model of reality bumps up against complex and/or anomalous observations. Defense mechanisms will be required to compartmentalize these fractured neural nets and to convince yourself that the model is still correct (and complete!).

Give yourself a favor and forget what you think you know about other people. Try to think on a different time-scale where the memes you are accustomed to will feel cyclic and terminal. Try to engage in a higher-order ebb and flow where the lower-level boundaries dissolve into a boundless topological space from which a multitude of geodesics are possible.

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Stahlmann
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Re: Meeting eccentric people IRL

Post by Stahlmann » Mon Apr 08, 2019 12:17 pm

@daylen: ???

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