How to protect your retirement from your parents

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
jacob
Site Admin
Posts: 10890
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 8:38 pm
Location: USA, Zone 5b, Koppen Dfa, Elev. 620ft, Walkscore 73
Contact:

How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by jacob » Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:07 am

https://www.barrons.com/articles/how-to ... 1553285595

This article is about the other way around (protecting it from your kids) but given how this problem comes up rather often, I think the lessons might be applied on the opposite vector as well.

The short answer would be in bringing the "needy part" into the financial discussion about how much is affordable. A potential kicker is the parents' inability to understand how FI works and why you're not obligated to "contribute to society" when you're still able to work. I've certainly seen some cognitive dissonance talking to older people on the latter part. Here the idea they bought into was that "you save nothing for retirement but if you work hard you're entitled to a SS/pension" whereas the FIRE idea is that "you save enough for yourself and once you've done that your obligation ends". Those two ideas do not co-exist easily from a simplistic perspective.

On similar notes, FIREs might find themselves shanghaied into caretaking because "you got the time" (since you're not working) as well.

EdithKeeler
Posts: 856
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:55 pm

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by EdithKeeler » Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:27 am

On similar notes, FIREs might find themselves shanghaied into caretaking because "you got the time" (since you're not working) as well.
That’s a main reason I will continue to work for now.

User avatar
7Wannabe5
Posts: 4635
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:04 pm

There is an additional vector to consider given the demographics of our affluent, aging culture and the plans of many forum members. I was very surprised recently when both of my millennial aged children indicated that they were fretting a bit about the possibility that they might eventually end up on the hook for providing elder care for their two aunts who never had children themselves. It had never even occurred to me that they might end up with this responsibility, but it made complete sense once they mentioned it.

Another possibility that has occurred to me is that because it seems highly unlikely that my ex-husband will ever remarry, I might end up being at least obliquely responsible for some of his care, if I am in good shape and wish to relieve my children of some of their mid-life burdens.

Augustus
Posts: 837
Joined: Sat Apr 02, 2016 10:15 am

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by Augustus » Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:40 pm

Relocate and "start a business." Great excuse. Sorry, I'm just so busy over here! Working an hour a week... on a hobby project...

It'll be a balancing act for sure, whatever happens. I love my family, I want to take care of them, but I have to take care of me first.

User avatar
7Wannabe5
Posts: 4635
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:49 pm

...or if, like me, you are resigned to the fact that you will be called upon to provide some care-taking, you can at least enforce enough boundaries to make sure that you receive some sort of semi-retirement pay or provision in exchange. For instance, since my younger sisters recognize that they owe me for doing more than my fair share of Mom-care, they will likely pick up my share of extended family vacation rental expenses this summer.

Even when I was a young stay-at-home Mom, I was constantly receiving requests to provide other care-taking services or similar due to the fact that I wasn't locked down all day every week day, so I have learned how to roll with it to some extent.

Another great extremely expandable excuse for not being available is online coursework. As in, "Sorry, but I am at the beach working on my online coursework which is due tomorrow." Camping in area that is remote enough that you can claim to have no cell signal is another one I frequently use.

Augustus
Posts: 837
Joined: Sat Apr 02, 2016 10:15 am

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by Augustus » Wed Mar 27, 2019 1:16 pm

That's what I mean by balancing act. I'll do some care for others, but not to the point where it has a large negative impact on my life. I've got 2 generations (my kid + my parents) that will be dependent on me in the near future and no siblings to share the load, need to make sure no one is homeless while also making sure I do plenty of self care. My parents screwed up by not planning for the future, one of my goals in life is not to be a burden to my child(ren).

Plenty of socially acceptable excuses in life. Kids are the best excuse I ever got, you can get out of anything by claiming kid is the reason.

To reiterate, I love my parents, I want them to be comfortable and cared for, it's just got to be in balance with everything else. Same goes with my kid.

User avatar
Ego
Posts: 4008
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:42 am

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by Ego » Wed Mar 27, 2019 7:44 pm

The article mentions speaking with adult children (in this case it would be parents) about the reality of the situation to help manage their expectations.

I wonder, has anyone here actually had that conversation with their parents? If so, when? How old where you? Did it help?

I like to think of myself as someone who is pretty good at planning for the future and I didn't have the conversation. I think back now and wonder why.

My parents died before needing care from us. They had taken care of both of their parents and I knew they were adamant that they wouldn't do that to their children. But we never actually had the conversation. I just kind of understood that they felt this way from offhand remarks. This is probably one of those things that people should be forced to talk about at what, 35 or 40?

If you were going to have the conversation, how would you start? What points would you want to make? How would you manage their expectations?

I've mentioned before that Mrs. Ego and I attended both the Engagement Encounter and the Marriage Encounter at our local Catholic church. We will be forever in the debt of the church for providing the opportunity to discuss and face frankly the difficult issues that couples frequently ignore. The two encounters helped to create the playbook we use and then ensure that we both continued to play from the same book.

Right now there are plenty of support groups that focus on providing outlets for exhausted, exasperated, enraged caregivers. But that's too late. There needs to be an encounter program for parent/adult child issues before they happen. Parents and adult children need to be playing from the same book from the start.

User avatar
Sclass
Posts: 1498
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:15 pm
Location: Orange County, CA

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by Sclass » Wed Mar 27, 2019 9:33 pm

jacob wrote:
Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:07 am
On similar notes, FIREs might find themselves shanghaied into caretaking because "you got the time" (since you're not working) as well.
My family acted this way when I got consumed with caring for my mom. I guess it helped them rationalize throwing me under the bus. I suspect family members were jealous of my early retirement too. They enjoyed sticking it to me. Dad almost treated my lifestyle as sinful...that I refused to use my gifts (genetically gifted from him of course) to be productive. Anyhow I got shanghaied.

When I really think about it, I could have always said no. The people in the Barron’s piece could always say no. “Sorry kiddo, get a job and deal with your debt.”

It’s really a personal decision to help out.

On the other hand it’s kind of a loser thing to beg out of this kind of duty. A dereliction of duty. But if it’s going to hurt you financially you need to think it through just like any other big expense.

I had some opportunity costs because I was incredibly distracted with my mother’s back to back crises. But strictly speaking, I was compensated with money. So it neither was all about money or all about love. I cannot say I was financially hurt. I actually came out financially richer but I think I’m psychologically damaged.

A few dollars doesn’t change my life much these days. Being free of anger, bitterness and and grief seems more important at the moment. So I own a Mediterranean style villa in LA now. So what. I locked it up and turned the thermostat down. But I did take from both my mom and dad. I’d have been a fool not to. But I still took. And I feel like one of those useless gen Xer kids in the barrons piece. I didn’t even need the money. Of all the kids in my family I’m the one who needs it the least. Sadly the inheritance just went up on the shelf next to my other dollars. I feel like wallpapering c notes on my wall like Sting in his old music video to show how meaningless they are. Forgot the song.

My wife warned me not to take it. I told her I might as well because I’m not abandoning mom. But it has little utility to me aside from generating more savings that I’ll never spend.

And that brings us back to the ridiculous concept of Shanghaiing the ERE kid into taking care of mom because I’m free. My siblings stole my retirement. I stole their inheritance. I regret only setting fire to half of it on mom’s care team. I didn’t know how long it had to last.

My brother is wondering where all the money went. I said what I didn’t spend I’d take. He was silent but didn’t argue. He doesn’t know I took her home too. He will someday.

Still coming down. It has been a long ride.

EdithKeeler
Posts: 856
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:55 pm

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by EdithKeeler » Wed Mar 27, 2019 10:13 pm

If you were going to have the conversation, how would you start? What points would you want to make? How would you manage their expectations?
I think the “when” to have that conversation is tricky.

When you’re young and just starting out, you mostly can’t imagine having to deal with stuff. When you’re older, it’s probably too late.

I know if I’d been savvy enough to think about talking to my mom about things when I was younger, she would have simply poo-pooed it. I think Dave Ramsay calls it the “I powdered your butt” syndrome—I powdered your butt when you were a baby, so you can’t possibly know anything I don’t know. I know for my mom, she retired at 62, feeling confident SS was enough, because “it was enough for your grandparents.” She’d’ve probably been ok if her house had been paid for, but she kept taking money out, etc.

I know when my dad died, I tried to talk to her about her retirement and possible care needs down the road. “It’ll be fine.” And it should have been—she got $$ from my dad’s estate and a little cash when my grandparents died. But a kitchen remodel was more important.

Then she got Parkinson’s, and then it was too late. You’re 72, have a debilitating neurological disease, you can’t exactly go back to work.

What I wish I’d done in retrospect was drawn some harder boundaries. I should NEVER have moved back here. I have other boundaries—I will not clean her house-it’s a huge fight-but I do pay for someone to do it. I pay for medicine and some other things. She does not want me to bathe her and stuff when the time comes, and I won’t do it anyway. I kinda put my foot down on this crazy vacation she wanted to take. (Vacation for her maybe, but not for me!). My brother has to take her to some doctor appointments, though she’d prefer I go to all.

I think that people think it’s going to be easier than it is to set those boundaries, to say no. It’s easier if someone’s mentally not ok, but otherwise—well, no one knows what buttons to push like your family. My mom in bad moments accuses me of being selfish. In bad moments she tells me I’m rich and greedy about money. But there’s the good moments, too, where I take her out for a nice lunch and she tells me several times how nice it is, etc. I sit in a lot of doctors offices and I see kids (or caregivers) being downright nasty to elderly parents or patient, things like screaming at a Parkinson’s patient because can’t put on his shoes, stuff like that. I don’t want to be that person.... and I don’t want my mom to be in the care of someone like that.

At the moment, as outlined in my journal, I’m really resentful of the position I’m in. But as I also said—I have to look at myself in the mirror. If I have the $$ for my mom’s Eliquis, I’m probably going to pay for it if she can’t afford it. (I also work on getting her free samples...). Because I gotta look at myself, and I’m certainly not going to enjoy my beach early retirement knowing my mom had a blood clot because i wouldn’t pay $300 for medicine when I had it.

EdithKeeler
Posts: 856
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:55 pm

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by EdithKeeler » Wed Mar 27, 2019 10:58 pm

Another thing to remember is that many states in the US have filial responsibility laws, obligating kids for their elderly parents’ care if the parents can’t pay. They are only rarely enforced, but that could change.

User avatar
Sclass
Posts: 1498
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:15 pm
Location: Orange County, CA

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by Sclass » Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:24 pm

EdithKeeler wrote:
Wed Mar 27, 2019 10:13 pm
I think the “when” to have that conversation is tricky.

What I wish I’d done in retrospect was drawn some harder boundaries. I should NEVER have moved back here. ....My mom in bad moments accuses me of being selfish. In bad moments she tells me I’m rich and greedy about money. ....as outlined in my journal, I’m really resentful of the position I’m in.
@EK I feel your pain.

Who knows how the conversation will play out? Some stubborn older folks won’t take no for an answer. When I retired, within a month my dad said we need to visit my mom immediately and get things in order. I went. We had our conversation.

I said no. He had many terms. I refused a lot of them. I was supposed to move in with her. One month after retirement. I refused and went home. The war and negotiations went on for years. A conversation only works with a rational person.

I too wished I could go back. I caught myself saying the same things “if I only knew what was going to happen...”. I get it. Regrets.

But you didn’t run away. You can look in the mirror and you’ll see the person you are. Your mirror is one of those fun house mirrors btw. As I said it is a personal decision. I can only say now I made the right decision. I didn’t feel like this while I was in the middle of it. I wished I’d run off and hid like my siblings.

You also cannot take your mom’s comments about being selfish to heart. You are not selfish. I know what it’s like to accompany mom to medical appointments and advocate for her. That is not selfish and greedy. No way. You’re listening to a mentally impaired person. You need to listen to your own rational thought. You’re not greedy, you’re careful with money and you are closing the gaps with your funds. And you know that too. You have to be unemotional and calculating sometimes to survive.

When my mom was still somewhat lucid she asked me “how’s your brother?” I said he’s ok. She asked, “has he found another job? What’s wrong with that boy? Why won’t he work like you? Tell him to get a job.” I dropped what I was doing. She mixed me and my useless brother up.

I was so sad. She thought I was my employed brother who never visited her. She was asking me about her lazy son Sclass. I felt like saying “you old dolt! Sclass isn’t working because he’s wasting his time here taking care of your affairs so you can cling to a lifestyle that you can no longer manage alone!”

But then between tears I realized she was mentally damaged. She was just worried about me. I shouldn’t take anything she says seriously.

I played on it and started laughing. I said, “yeah that useless bastard Sclass, he thinks he’s so rich he doesn’t need to work. All he does is ride his Harley and drink beer!” She laughed “Well that’s just Sclass right?”

You’re going beyond the call of duty. Do not let this destroy you. Carry what you can. At the end of the day there is no limit to how much we can serve. Lines need to be drawn to save yourself. You’re dealing with a child and now you have to be the rational adult...for both of you.

Something that helped me was imagining what my mom at age 45 would say in this situation. And I’d go from there.

Good luck with things. It will end. Strike a balance that you can be okay with once it’s over.

I have some regrets but for the most part I’m okay with the compromises I had to make. Mom is gone and it’s me I have to live with now.

User avatar
unemployable
Posts: 181
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:36 am

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by unemployable » Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:32 pm

I've fallen into spending winters with my mom (dad's dead) in her paid-for house on a golf course development on the Gulf Coast. Maybe y'all need to get better parents. I buy groceries, do her taxes and RMD's, clean and fix stuff around the house and in exchange she lets me play with the cat.

I worry about my two sisters more than mom. I'm not very close to them and one outright despises me, but all of us are close to mom. None of us have kids and our biological clocks have expired so we're it. When mom visits Cunt Sister I can't control what she says about me or what mom's reaction is. Dealing with them when mom needs to go into a nursing home or dies will be the bigger problem. I'm her executor and we've brought the will up occasionally, but she seems to think it'll all work itself out. I'm not so sure, but what can I do.

classical_Liberal
Posts: 715
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2016 6:05 am

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by classical_Liberal » Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:43 pm

I didn't read the article. However, part of this retirement discussion has to be health care directive related. This needs to go beyond the idea of DNR/DNI. If someone is a DNR it basically means (I'm not a lawyer, nor am I making recommendations) healthcare providers will not bring you back to life if your heart stops and will not use ventilators to keep you alive. However, we will continue to treat any other condition medically. Modern healthcare can do more than you think, even just medically.

Now, it's important to have the DNR discussion, it's a first step, because too many elderly folks with chronic illness do not know how poor the outcomes are for their situation if chest compression's and intubation/ICU care are used. Parents and children need to talk to a primary healthcare provider about these things, particularly if there are chronic illnesses. Everyone needs to have a full understanding.

The discussion should go even further though. How many people say "I just want to die in my sleep"? Well, historically this type of death was possible because we have not had the normal medical interventions to fix things, for example, bad pneumonia(s) due to food aspiration. Now we can treat this, repeatedly if needed, and put in feeding tubes to avoid it, etc. How far do people really want to go, even just medically, to manage chronic illness? This is a very personal decision. One that very much depends on quality of life. One that our parents need to address while they can. Otherwise the default, even with DNR, will be to treat everything no matter the quality of life or suffering.

tldr: Healthcare has advanced more quickly than human ethics for late life care. Address this or risk having parents that become stuck in the system. Also take the initiative to address it yourself, for your kids.

Scott 2
Posts: 1239
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:34 pm

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by Scott 2 » Thu Mar 28, 2019 12:03 am

EdithKeeler wrote:
Wed Mar 27, 2019 10:13 pm
If I have the $$ for my mom’s Eliquis, I’m probably going to pay for it if she can’t afford it. (I also work on getting her free samples...). Because I gotta look at myself, and I’m certainly not going to enjoy my beach early retirement knowing my mom had a blood clot because i wouldn’t pay $300 for medicine when I had it.
Maybe this is what you are referring to, but if not - drug companies have programs to help you get their expensive drugs:

https://www.bms.com/patient-and-caregiv ... cines.html

My wife is on one that fully pays her $3000 insurance deductible within the first two months of the year. Then her expensive drug is fully covered by insurance.

Threads like this make me greatful to have parents who have planned for old age.

Seppia
Posts: 848
Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2016 9:34 am
Location: Italy

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by Seppia » Thu Mar 28, 2019 1:17 am

Scott 2 wrote:
Thu Mar 28, 2019 12:03 am
Threads like this make me greatful to have parents who have planned for old age.
So much this.
I am thankful every day that my parents not only taught me about being financially responsible, but also are super-safe planners and have more than they need for their future.
In the family the mantra is that you want to leave your kids better off than your parents left you.
My father's father starter poor (they were rich, but they lost everything with WWII), and died a relatively rich man. My mother's father was a doctor, and while never rich, he saved responsibly.
My parents take great pride in saying that they did not spend a penny of what they've inherited, and that they have zero debt.

I always say I feel like the luckiest person on the planet. I have a great wife, a great family, I am blessed with having few wants, and all I had to do in my life was just "not fucking up".

IlliniDave
Posts: 2391
Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:46 pm

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by IlliniDave » Thu Mar 28, 2019 3:36 am

Seppia wrote:
Thu Mar 28, 2019 1:17 am
In the family the mantra is that you want to leave your kids better off than your parents left you.
For some reason this topic has made me uncomfortable (in general, not what I quoted from Seppia). This is my second attempt to participate. I'd say my largest role model was my maternal grandfather. Perhaps coincidentally, perhaps not, his parents were born and raised not far from where Seppia lives. I don't remember a time when I didn't believe I had some amount of intergenerational responsibility. That contributed to the many relatively conservative decisions I made through the years regarding career and finances. I've mentioned many times that integral to my ER plans was putting myself in a position to be able to better look after my parents. I couldn't pull it off in time for my mom, something that will always haunt me a little, and something that I'm especially mindful of now as Saturday will be the first anniversary of her passing.

Regarding my dad, it's likely to consume considerably more time than money. But like I happened to mention it in another discussion yesterday I consider it a closer to a privilege than a constraint (although I don't kid myself that it might not be a difficult burden).

Regarding my kids, what I quoted from Seppia has always been a goal of mine as well, one I "inherited" from my maternal grandparents. My mom tried to do the same, put only partially succeeded. My kids are at an age now where it is still important for me to encourage them to learn to fish, so I've resisted the temptation to prop them up in a lifestyle they can't afford. It's been among the most difficult aspects of parenting for me. My emotional instincts are to keep playing Daddy to his little girls. But because of other things going on in my family I'm keenly sensitive to the reality that generosity and "caring" can too easily become destructive enabling.

Financially I suppose I've implicitly managed expectations such that no one is looking at me as the Bank of iDave. There may be some strategic reallocation of money at times which is something I've planned for as a contingency. If the universe is relatively benign my kids will someday enjoy some amount of improved financial security. Helping Dad through the remainder of his golden years is something I want to do and is integrally baked into the plan. The area where I might have difficulty is with my siblings. None of them appear to have done much to get ahead of the curve to the point where they are preparing for the out years.

I'm not holding myself up as an example--my views are a little old-fashioned and I realize that family dynamics come in many, many varieties. To do what I need to do requires the "put your own oxygen mask on first" tactic. I guess that's why I found the topic somewhat jarring. I never thought about it from the perspective of being under siege.

Seppia
Posts: 848
Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2016 9:34 am
Location: Italy

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by Seppia » Thu Mar 28, 2019 6:43 am

IlliniDave wrote:
Thu Mar 28, 2019 3:36 am
I never thought about it from the perspective of being under siege.
Me neither, but that is probably because I have received so much unconditional love, non-financial capital and tools to deal with life in general from my parents, that even if I had to care about them I would see it as normal giving back.
I owe almost all my qualities to them

User avatar
7Wannabe5
Posts: 4635
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Mar 28, 2019 7:10 am

It really does depend on the qualities of your specific relationship. My father was a great parent and one of my best friends as an adult, but my mother was a quite neglectful, somewhat abusive parent due to her mental illness, and she also often makes me want to tear my hair out due to her current behavior. I have to say things to myself like "Well, at least she always made sure you had lots of arts and crafts supplies." while I listen to her vetching.

The tone of my relationship with my own adult children is well represented by the avatar I chose for this forum. In fact, I recently received the Save the Date notice for my DD27's wedding, and it was addressed to Mother Cabbage Head. My DS30 laughed and laughed with his sister when he heard about her "joke." Once when they were teenagers they conspired to hide my car from me by parking it on the grass behind the free-standing garage, because they knew that there would be a moment when I would break out of my usual fog, get a fretful look on my face, and assume for a moment that I had somehow misplaced the car myself. IOW, they believe me to already be quite advanced into dotage, and they just smile and say "Good plan." when I suggest that me endgame will be something like swallowing a bottle of morphine that I keep on a chain around my neck after I fall into a snow bank on the way to my backwoods sauna, even though they otherwise seem to still regard me with some mix of affection and narrow realm respect.

EdithKeeler
Posts: 856
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:55 pm

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by EdithKeeler » Thu Mar 28, 2019 9:36 am

Regarding my dad, it's likely to consume considerably more time than money. But like I happened to mention it in another discussion yesterday I consider it a closer to a privilege than a constraint (although I don't kid myself that it might not be a difficult burden).
I think that’s key. It is a privilege in a way to be able to spend this time with my mom. When it’s good, it’s good—and good is often just having a meal together, retelling the family stories, and having a laugh. And despite my kvetching, we still have lots of those.

And if my retirement is delayed a couple years, I’m ok with that, too. But I don’t think it’s unusual or even terrible to sometimes wish it was different, although maybe ultimately not productive.

I think for me, I get a little annoyed by the ads on TV for “A Place for Mom,” or our local upscale retirement place. You know, where the “elderly” person is about 60, appears to have good enough mobility to be out working in her garden, is perfectly dressed and coiffed, and the caregiver makes her a sandwich and they happily play a board game in the afternoon.

The reality—at least for some of us—is that Mom doesn’t get around well at all, is incontinent and the house smells of urine despite the best efforts, the caregiver doesn’t show up on time or brings her kid and doesn’t do very good work when she’s there. When Mom’s feet are so swollen that you can’t find shoes to fit, and it takes 20 minutes to get her into the car, and the specialist is on the other side of town but you have a work meeting that you must attend. Or you drive across town to pick up and pay for the meds, drop them off, and when you pull into the driveway, you get a call—“I forgot to call in my other prescription, can you pick up tomorrow?” And, when you suggest that you take over the finances and other things, you get a snippy “I’m not that far gone yet!!” And she’s right—she’s not quite there yet.

I love my mom, and I’ll do as much as I can for her. But I’m also human and sometimes resent it because I am not the model of perfect Christian charity. Very few of us are.... and the ones that seem to be are probably faking!! 😁.

But it’s our actions that count the most. I’ll always do as much as I can. But I can’t help it if I get annoyed and irritated about things sometimes.

User avatar
prognastat
Posts: 932
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 8:30 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: How to protect your retirement from your parents

Post by prognastat » Thu Mar 28, 2019 9:55 am

It might be good for me to have the conversation at some point. Definitely always feels like there will always be time later.

Given that my mom was quite young when she had me she is still in her early 50s so it hasn't been a priority, but it's going to become one more so down the line. The upside is that I probably got most of my frugality from my mom so expensive healthcare or mental issues down the line not withstanding they should be in a good place to take care of themselves and the social safety net in the Netherlands is relatively good compared to the US so I'm probably less concerned than people in the US are about this.

Post Reply