I think there is some truth to what you are saying about mating markets, but it has been my experience that the highest level of interaction takes place in environments where there are approximately equal numbers and equal proportions of masculine and feminine energy present. For instance, when I attended an engineering school in a very rural location, even though there were many more men than women, I was rarely asked out on a date. During that same period of time, when I would take my semester and summer breaks in the large, more balanced, university center where my parents lived, I was asked out much more frequently. Quite possibly the same would hold true for a young man in a traditionally feminine setting.
crazylemon wrote:This really stuck out for me as I do a similar thing to my partner. Although more just getting the damn thing loaded. If there an approach that works and still gets the housework done withouts getting the, 'stop asking me to do things'? Beyond just doing more of it myself (which I sort of do anyway).
Well, grain of salt, because I am not an expert on MBTI, and I am only moderately P and extremely N, so it's more the detail
part of the "focus on detail" that gets to me. Also, I am a naturally messy, absent-minded person who has spent decades studying and developing systems to overcome these tendencies, so that I could function running a household and/or a business. So, I give the appearance of being a fairly neat, organized person.
So, for a P, the trick is to get the boring stuff you have to do on total auto-pilot. So, I can do the dishes as part of my morning or cooking routine without even thinking about it (almost as easily as I can walk into the kitchen and pour some coffee and eat 2 cookies without even thinking about it-lol.) But, it takes a while to get to auto-pilot on any given task, so it drives me crazy when somebody else's suggestion on how I might do it slightly better forces me to once again waste valuable attention on something so trivial. With two different J partners, I have had to say things like "Hello...I am an individual who cooked almost every meal for a family of 4 for two decades, so I think I can scramble an egg without your direction. Your choice is either get the f*ck out of the kitchen and let me do it my way or do all the cooking yourself!" IOW, sometimes Js need to brush up a bit on their delegation skills.
Anyways, I was trying to think of a way a J could get the information/control he or she needs in order to relax without overly imposing on P partner, such as myself. NJs and NPs are both very curious and future oriented, but Js are more "marching powerfully forward in a straight line towards mountain perspective" and Ps are more "exploring every side path at leisurely pace." So, if your partner is an NP, using the word "plan" won't be a problem. If your partner is also a fairly self-aware NP, using the word "focus" might even be appreciated. So, you could maybe engage your innate curiosity and ask your NP partner something like "What do you plan on focusing on today?" and then if, based on response, it seems reasonable, "Could you fit doing the dishes into your plan?"
Another factor to keep in mind is that Js are generally more "Work Hard/Play Hard" types and Ps are more "Make work fun. Make play pay." types, so it can be easy to underestimate the not-in-your-face overall productivity of a P, especially given the tendency of Js to often over-shoot the mark of optimum. For instance, my SJ partner was literally trying to tidy every twig on his wooded acreage until I pointed out the uselessness and impossibility of that task while refusing his demands to participate. My other J partner wanted me to help him develop even more rental properties even though he was already drawing more than adequate income from those we had already renovated together. That's why I pretty much don't believe most of the participants in this forum are ever going to truly "retire." It's not that easy to gear yourself down.