Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread
Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2023 11:01 am
Ah good points both.
What I resent is the implication by men who have difficulty with women that the changes they would need to make are, by definition, incongruent to themselves. They are forced by a cruel inhospitable world to make a choice between remaining alone yet valiantly true to their pop-tart and video game loving selves or give into the soul shattering expectation that they learn to hold eye contact and have an interesting conversation.
Since the op is in reference to a second hand source, we will never know which changes he found intolerable. However, I suggest that the devil to this myth is in its details. While I'm sure there does exist a small subset of men who are incapable or uninterested in become appealing to women, I think for most, these changes are perhaps not so bad, once we examine what they actually are?
If the op found that he had to put on an act, he could perhaps question which of the changes felt like an act and whether or not these changes were strictly necessary to achieve his romantic goals (which are also unstated). If what feels fake is required perhaps he should ask whether his goals are authentic to himself?
To use Jacob's job analogy, it sounds like he trained, applied for and was given a highly paid, yet ill-suited job. But I feel like the implication is that being "timid and quiet" is the amorous equivalent to unemployment.
Did the OP train to get women he didn't need, in which case there is no real conflict, or did he determine that all of the things he would need to do to increase his dating prospects were untrue to his soul? The job/ skills equivalent would seem to be "my truest self is a trustfund kid."
What I resent is the implication by men who have difficulty with women that the changes they would need to make are, by definition, incongruent to themselves. They are forced by a cruel inhospitable world to make a choice between remaining alone yet valiantly true to their pop-tart and video game loving selves or give into the soul shattering expectation that they learn to hold eye contact and have an interesting conversation.
Since the op is in reference to a second hand source, we will never know which changes he found intolerable. However, I suggest that the devil to this myth is in its details. While I'm sure there does exist a small subset of men who are incapable or uninterested in become appealing to women, I think for most, these changes are perhaps not so bad, once we examine what they actually are?
If the op found that he had to put on an act, he could perhaps question which of the changes felt like an act and whether or not these changes were strictly necessary to achieve his romantic goals (which are also unstated). If what feels fake is required perhaps he should ask whether his goals are authentic to himself?
To use Jacob's job analogy, it sounds like he trained, applied for and was given a highly paid, yet ill-suited job. But I feel like the implication is that being "timid and quiet" is the amorous equivalent to unemployment.
Did the OP train to get women he didn't need, in which case there is no real conflict, or did he determine that all of the things he would need to do to increase his dating prospects were untrue to his soul? The job/ skills equivalent would seem to be "my truest self is a trustfund kid."