Random Relationship Derailment Thread

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
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Jean
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Jean »

I didn't mean that those options are good or Bad. I just mean that they don't existe for men in their 20's, which makes ere the most attractive path for more m'en than women.

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Jean
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Jean »

To my (and apparently your) values, yes. People have different values and might rank options differently.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

I would like to suggest that it is important to differentiate between two very different modes of functioning which might be referred to as Sugar Baby vs Lentil Baby. A Sugar Baby would be the stereotypical individual who trades youth, beauty, charm, and other associated skills for the posh lifestyle provided by the significant financial resources of another individual. OTOH, a Lentil Baby is the extremely rare individual who consequent to much study in the realms of home economics, perma-culture, finance, modern relationship and systems theory, is able to readily help another individual to reduce personal resource waste and improve over all quality of lifestyle through intelligent process resembling beneficial symbiosis, such as occurs in the fixing of nitrogen by bacteria in the soil gathering near the root nodules of leguminous plants.

For example, in our affluent culture it is highly unlikely to encounter a heterosexual man over the age of 40 who is sharing a bed or a bedroom with another individual in order to save on housing costs. So, from the perspective of a Lentil Baby this is as obviously a situation indicative of resource waste as recyclable beer cans left littered about a walking trail. If this open loop were to be closed by inserting her warm body into this cold wasted bed space, then the thermostat might even be set down by approximately 4 degrees! Even greater resource savings may accrue due to savings on electricity necessary to broadcast internet porn, heart and prostate healthy workout provided reducing future need for expensive pharmaceuticals and surgeries, and expenses related to ownership of non-human pet to provide affectionate touch.

Obviously, when an individual gives fair consideration to the value of all these benefits accrued in relationship to Lentil Baby, it is highly possible he will insist on, at the very least, taking her out for pancakes at some nearby diner the following morning. However, the amazing skill set of a Lentil Baby is such that it is very much within the realm of possibility that she could even cook breakfast for both of them making use of whatever happens to be in his kitchen at the moment!!!! Etc. etc. etc. ...the part where she convinces him that he could retire early and live on his blueberry covered acreage in the shed built for $3500 by some Amish guys.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@bigato:

You could try buying a wholesale lot of good quality woman's overalls and offer them up for sale on Craigslist with only slim profit margin.

Mister Imperceptible
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Mister Imperceptible »

lolz Lentil Babies, I love it

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Jean
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Jean »

The lentilles baby trade is isually more like : warmth produced by extra muscular mass during thé night against additional ingrédients in thé lentils making lentils great again day After day.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Jean:

Do you mean you can only afford plain lentils if you share them with your lentil baby, but your budget will allow for a couple vegetables otherwise? If that is the case, then you just need to buy your lentil baby a good book on wild foraging and/or dumpster diving. However, it isn't recommended practice to send your lentil baby out dumpster diving on her own. Unfortunately, I have not yet found a Lentil Daddy who is willing to eat anything I might scavenge from a dumpster.

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Jean
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Jean »

She occasionaly goes dumpster diving on her own. What i mean is that without our agrément, she would be cold at night, and i wouldn't vary my recipes very much despite it getting boring.

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Jean
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Jean »

Or less metaphorically, you don't reduce your expense level, but you make life much nicer at such an expense level.

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C40
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by C40 »

I'm actually thinking about going to be, I guess, a Lentil Baby for my friends. I want to live with them. They want me to live with them. I don't want to pay rent. They don't really care about rent. I do want to make sure I'm contributing in some way, maybe mostly for my own mental acceptance of not paying rent. So I've discussed/asked/suggested some things I will do for them in exchange for living there. Things like making great coffee most days, personal training and dietary advice for one, fixing an old motorcycle for the other, gardening (which could actually save them a substantial amount of money), obedience training for their dog, and helping with a house project here and there.

Nearly all of these are things I enjoy doing and would do for fun even if I was paying rent.

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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by CS »

@c40 It is amazing what people will pay for companionship. Most people are so rigid/have so many personal plans/etc that when one is flexible and can go along with others, it is as valuable as a gold mine.

Get some ballroom dancing training and you are set for life apparently, lol!

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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Jean: Gotcha :)

@C40:

Sounds great. I hoped once I described the concept, the young men on this forum would recognize their own potential for achieving Lentil Baby, if not Sugar Baby status. As CS noted, flexibility is very important, and also being unencumbered of your own "babies." For instance, even owning a dog might tip the balance. My permaculture project and adult children keep me tethered to the extent that I still sometimes function more as Lentil Mama than Lentil Baby. Also, throwing sexuality into the mix is also not required except to the extent that your presence is not a limitation on the sexuality of your host(s.)

CS
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by CS »

@augustus

Your post about your perspective for your daughter on the negative Wheaton levels was a breath of fresh air. You get it exactly. Actually, you sound like my mom - and that is a compliment. She was the one that pushed me to get a Ph.D. (no discussion wanted on ERE usefulness, lol). How it HAS been useful is having some leverage. It almost makes up for not being a man in this society. Combining that with a breadth of experience, several hard to earn degrees, passing difficult certifications, and obtaining hard to get state licenses allows me to charge excellent rates for my time, if I choose to make that trade.

It is a shot of mental health to have safety and security (as much as possible consider black swans, guns in the US and all that.), especially when combined with other ERE elements.

It's a wonderful gift for your daughter.

I will say though, having to have a separate area for this sort of talk reminds me of Bernie BS Sanders. "Stop distracting us with your irrelevant Wymin issues!" complete with a waggin' old white man finger. :lol: :lol: :lol: Nope. They ARE the relevant issues... get with the program. But I'll post here just the same because frankly, it is more interesting to me and I've not the time nor the energy to explain it the unenlightened. :P

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Stahlmann
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Stahlmann »

@cs
You seem to have some kind unrealistic expectations what it means to be man (for most men on this planet).
As living in neocolonized banana republic I don't see many privileges of such situation.

Iirc in usa senate half of the people are millionaires. (In reference to disappointment with old so called socialist. He doesnt support ubi or ubs so aint the real for me :lol: ) Hmmm.

It worth noting that almost everybody who found their safe place will say that the other part of the population is unenlightened. :?

You seem like one lady who I met during my German course, same vibe. Are you medical doctor?

This how ends unlocking browsing on the phone...
Last edited by Stahlmann on Wed Feb 27, 2019 5:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Augustus wrote:It's funny how the tables turn when you have a daughter. The problem with that idea is that the women end up with no assets/skills, the ability to get the old man on the boat is age dependent, and the woman is going to have 50%+ of her life ahead of her when obtaining the old rich man scenario is no longer possible. The old rich man is unlikely to leave her any money, and will probably dump her at some point before he dies anyways. Having no skills or assets means they're basically imprisoned with whatever dude they end up with, and the guy will often dump them or treat them like shit because of the power disparity, he can do whatever he wants and she just has to put up with it or she is homeless. Which is really one of the primary issues facing any woman, and is harder for them than it is for men. Men are almost always expected to accumulate money and assets. It may seem unfair that the man has to go work while the woman can just look hot and find a mate, but I know that I certainly do not want anyone to be lording over me and telling me what to do lest they tire of me and dump me in a homeless shelter. When I make the money and have the skills and accumulate the assets I have the power, and I want to keep it that way.
Yes and no. The old man on the boat is not often regarded with sympathy, but the further along in life's journey a man goes, the more likely it becomes that the bulk of what he has made of his life is now stored in the form of financial assets or just memories. He wishes he was still the 21 year old who could render a pretty girl brainless all night long, but now the next best he can offer is to turn on the passenger seat warmer in his Lexus. So, it is rarely the case that such a relationship is a one-sided power play.

Also, I would note for the record that I have been to a large extent financially supported by relatively affluent older men who weren't all that much older than me, and I'm not exactly a spring chicken myself. My early retired millionaire-next-door "ex" was only 55 to my 48 when we met. My current BF is only 2 years older than me and he is actually quite a bit better looking than me too :lol: It really has a lot more to do with being "good in the follow" than young and super-hot. And, I also think it is somewhat less likely that a man who has cared for you will simply serve you with walking papers with little consideration for your ongoing welfare than any given corporation with which you might otherwise be employed. At least 3 of my affluent exes have told me that anytime I need help of any kind, I should feel free to ask them. That said, definite nod of head to notion that any individual needs to be always on the lookout for own best interest inclusive of assets, equity, and prospects for future employment.

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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Augustus:

I don't disagree, but I would note that it is worse to be stuck with kids in a marriage with a jerk who is also a poor provider than to be stuck with a jerk who is at least a good provider. Also "jerk" is more likely to be eyes of the beholder than "good with money", and I don't think the two qualities are particularly well-correlated one way or the other.

Also, there is this sort of liar's paradox engaged when men consider protecting women they love from other men, because most men believe that most other men are douche-bags.

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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Augustus:

lol- When my DD called me in tears because her first serious college BF dumped her, I wanted to get on a plane and throttle him myself.

Anyways, the best thing you can do for your daughter in terms of protecting her in future relationships is just to be a good model upon which she can base her expectations and core esteem. If a 6 year old girl is solid in her belief that her father thinks she is absolutely lovable, then even though like everyone else in this world, she will likely have her share of heartache and trouble, she will remain teflon in her confidence of that compass truth.

Jin+Guice
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Jin+Guice »

Does anyone here have any real world experience with sex workers as a 1) Sex Worker 2) John 3) Romantic Partner 4) Friend/ Acquaintance? I believe it is generally well accepted that sugar babies are sex workers.

If you can't guess, I'm asking because the understanding of their motives/ lives on here seems to be pretty weak.

Fish
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Fish »

@J+G: For your #1, you might want to check out @riparian (unfortunately no longer active on this forum). She also authored a couple e-books based on her experiences (haven’t read but they appear to have sold well).

Intro thread
viewtopic.php?t=1712

Journal
viewtopic.php?t=1715

Jin+Guice
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Re: Random Relationship Derailment Thread

Post by Jin+Guice »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Wed Feb 27, 2019 5:48 pm

Also, there is this sort of liar's paradox engaged when men consider protecting women they love from other men, because most men believe that most other men are douche-bags.
Haha, this is so true.

@Fish: Thanks, I'll check it out.

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