INTJ Can't Relax Around People

How to pass, fit in, eventually set an example, and ultimately lead the way.
Scott 2
Posts: 2824
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:34 pm

Re: INTJ Can't Relax Around People

Post by Scott 2 »

@sclass, no offense taken. Even as an introvert, I needed decades to both understand and accept the difference. I'd tell myself I was being lazy, not trying hard enough, needed to develop my skills, get used to it, etc. The fact is, American society rewards extroversion. By external measures of success, it seemed like I'd achieve more fighting my nature every day.

Career wise, I've done just fine giving that up. There is plenty of need for someone who will focus on a complicated problem for hours. The ceiling is lower than putting the same energy into relationships, but there is enough opportunity. The work pays plenty and is well respected. Since it is aligned with my nature, producing good results is far easier.

By external measures, my social experience is definitely stunted. What I finally came around to though, is if I don't want those experiences, I am not missing out. Just because other people desire them, that doesn't mean I enjoy them. This especially, can make more extroverted people crazy. I really don't want to dance at a wedding, I'm not just insecure about my moves. I don't want to attend a baseball game, I don't care that the seats are great. It doesn't matter that the band is doing a reunion tour and this is the last chance to see them, I will still suffer at the concert.

An upside, is keeping me happy is very inexpensive. Most of my favorite things are free or extremely low cost. I don't see "missing out" on big events as sacrifice, it is my preferred way to spend time. Really catering to my introversion might mean a $100 bottle of scotch, a session at the float tank, skipping public transit for a cab, paying to avoid the free day at a museum, etc. All indulgent, but not very costly in the grand scheme.

enigmaT120
Posts: 1240
Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2015 2:14 pm
Location: Falls City, OR

Re: INTJ Can't Relax Around People

Post by enigmaT120 »

Jason wrote:
Mon Dec 31, 2018 9:27 am
I was talking to my therapist about these personality tests. I asked him "What type of personality is the douchebag who is too impatient to take the test?" He said not to worry about it, as personality is fluid and these things can be like horoscopes - you can find yourself in many categories.

I believe your issue is greater than personality. It has to do with health. And if it's mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically unhealthy for you to be in certain situations, than you have an obligation to yourself to avoid them. That's how I justified not attending a Christmas function. Not that I'm a specific acronym who prefers different environments, but that these people are complete fucking assholes and being around them is distressing to me and therefore a threat to my health. At that point, not attending became non-negotiable and I did not lose time with them or time recovering from them or time giving a rat's ass about the implications of not being with them.

It's simply a matter of agency. What I think is simply more important than what other people think and what I think about myself is simply more important than what other people think about me. Christmas and the Holidays is just a cluster fuck of bullying psychological bullshit and I refuse to pay attention to people who base their lives around a mythological fat fuck in a red suit.
But what if they need you to sing "Joseph's Song" at church in the Christmas special? This year I let them down, I had a cough that wouldn't quit. But also I didn't want to go. No fat fuck in a red suit here, this is supposed to be the real reason for the season, though for me it's the fact that these short miserable days will start to become longer again.

Jason

Re: INTJ Can't Relax Around People

Post by Jason »

This is something you are going to have discuss with the INTJ's when you get to Hell.

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