How to deal with being a sore loser

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Quadalupe
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How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by Quadalupe »

How do you deal with being a sore loser? I like playing (board) games, participating in events like Advent of Code, but I really cannot deal well with losing. I get angry or feel bad, and sometimes take it out on my friends. Do you have any strategies for dealing with this?

daylen
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by daylen »

Play more?

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Bankai
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by Bankai »

1) Co-operative games

2) Reframing goals of playing from winning to having fun, getting better, learning and testing new strategies. Basically, enjoy the journey/process and ignore the destination/outcome

theanimal
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by theanimal »

Don't lose

daylen
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by daylen »

Life is not a game, it is a series of games. The objective is not to win a single game; the objective is to play all games.

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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

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Jean
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by Jean »

I have a close sore looser Friend. I think it's down to self confidence. Every Time you lose, it's a reminder that you might be stupid. If you have not enough to know that you're not, then losing is painfull.

suomalainen
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by suomalainen »

Deliberately lose, but just barely. Takes more skill than winning.

Campitor
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by Campitor »

To expand on Bankai's suggestions...

Gaming is a tool for eliciting fun and unexpected delight. Non-professional gaming should be approached in this manner. The fun and unexpected delight strengthens social bonds which creates incentives for future participation, therefore, it's imperative that you pick and choose games that achieve this objective.

Games like Risk, Monopoly, Catan, etc. are interpersonally competitive and create more pointed hostile interactions - the goal is to defeat everyone. And if you're particularly good, you will frequently be the target of elimination. This type of gaming environment is hostile to strengthening social bonds; many people don't have the emotional and psychological maturity to control their pride/ego while gaming. Losing a game amongst friends shouldn't elicit negative emotions.

Suggest other games like Dungeons & Dragons which require cooperative play. If the only choices are competitive games, find the means of cultivating distance between yourself and the negative emotions that surface. I recommend stoicism or meditation as the means for cultivating a balanced and healthy disposition.

TopHatFox
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by TopHatFox »

I prefer flipping the tables (literally :lol: )

FBeyer
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by FBeyer »

Quadalupe wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 11:57 am
I like playing (board) games...
Why? What is it you like about playing them? With whom? Where? And what kinds of games do you prefer?

TopHatFox
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by TopHatFox »

@FBeyer, board games are fun. Like chess, jenga, taboo, Cards against humanity, regular cards, scrabble, etc. I used to use them all the time for home dates. Just combine a board game with some tea or alcohol, as the case may be.

vexed87
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by vexed87 »

Damn, this thread made me lose the game. First time in about 4 years. :twisted:

TheProcess
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by TheProcess »

+1 on Finite and Infinite Games. Really unique book. It might actually be enough of a mindshift to solve this problem.

BRUTE
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by BRUTE »

vexed87 wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 6:27 pm
Damn, this thread made me lose the game. First time in about 4 years. :twisted:
fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

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Sclass
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by Sclass »

This is going to vary depending on who you are. Here is my take.

Stop. Get a grip on your ego and control your emotions. Focus on winning games that you can win and that count towards your bottom line.

Unless you’re motivated by rage it is best to stop following this path.

I’ve known a lot of hyper competitive people. You meet them during elite schooling and the following professional paths. Big sore losers. Full our sour grapes. It just held them back. They took their eyes off winning the games that mattered and focused on racking up inconsequential wins.

There is nothing more sad than seeing one of these overachievers realizing they’ve lost the game. Tables get flipped. Yelling. Red faces. Disbelief. Boiled over with insecurity, jealousy. Whatever.

It’s that time of year when I am reminded of this game. I used to send out a hundred cards and get a hundred replies with images and stories of lives larger than reality. Now I get few responses. The sore losers have gone into hiding...which is another destructive behavior because now they cannot learn.

Wasted energy. You’ve been warned.

FBeyer
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by FBeyer »

TopHatFox wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 2:33 pm
@FBeyer, board games are fun. Like chess, jenga, taboo, Cards against humanity, regular cards, scrabble, etc. I used to use them all the time for home dates. Just combine a board game with some tea or alcohol, as the case may be.
:lol:
I am asking the OP a question regarding his true motivations. I've owned more than 200 different board games in my life. Board games are basically the glue that connects me with every single acquaintance of mine.

Quadalupe
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by Quadalupe »

Lot of good and insightful posts so far, thank you all so much!

I see three kind of replies

1. Git gud
2. Change your environment (i.e. only play games that you'll win/can't lose like cooperative games)
3. Change yourself/your internal goals so that you don't care about winning the game
(4. Rage about losing The Game :P)

1. is difficult to achieve. I have some ability in certain games, but I don't want to make much of an effort to get really good at other games. The goal for me is not to always beat my friends!
2. This is a very good suggestion and something I have already done. I love playing Pandemic and group-coop games like Codenames. DnD is also something I've played a lot
3. Is also a good suggestion, but it's hard. I wish I could just flip the switch so that I have a zen like reaction when that asshole friends steals my sheep with the robber in Catan, but I cannot (yet). I'll try to find ways to reframe events like this.
FBeyer wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 2:31 pm
Why? What is it you like about playing them? With whom? Where? And what kinds of games do you prefer?
Good question! I guess I like having fun with friends in a social setting. We would call it "Gezellig", I guess you or Jacob would refer to it as "Hygge". I also like to devise some strategy on how to play the game (so it shouldn't be completely luck based). Of course, some crazy party games like Bausack are also fun to play once in a while. If you have any suggestions, please share them (or PM me), always looking for new stuff!

What I don't like is when I lose because of stupid mistakes on my end. I am insecure and think* that losing will cause my friends to think I am stupid/dumb/incapable. When a pair of dice is involved at least I can hide behind those as an explanation for my failings. I also don't like to continue to play when it has already become clear that I've lost.

* Well not think, because I know that I am not stupid and that my friends don't think of me like that. But I feel that way.

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Bankai
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by Bankai »

Quadalupe wrote:
What I don't like is when I lose because of stupid mistakes on my end. I am insecure and think* that losing will cause my friends to think I am stupid/dumb/incapable. When a pair of dice is involved at least I can hide behind those as an explanation for my failings.
This is the underlying issue you need to tackle. Games are just one of many ways this can manifest. I.e. are you also holding back saying anything during meetings at work from fear of saying something silly? At least you are aware of this, it's an important first step to change.

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Jean
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Re: How to deal with being a sore loser

Post by Jean »

Games exist to make mistakes and indulge un antisocial behaviors, liké streaming your Friends sheep.

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