Ways of improving your social capital?

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
7Wannabe5
Posts: 5331
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Re: Ways of improving your social capital?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Jul 16, 2019 7:49 am

Campitor wrote: Neutrals are supposedly the ambassadors between introverts and extroverts - we facilitate the communications between both sides which allows organizations to function but we also pay a penalty for this - we tend to get overworked, over utilized, and burnt out at higher rates than pure extroverts/introverts.
Amen. Classic example being the Art Gallery Owner who has to simultaneously attempt to sell/explain work from an Artist's black period to affluent extroverted Businessman and advise/explain to the Artist why the general public isn't "like"-ing on her black period pieces. The Scientist is right down there in the Introverted Disciplined Innovator-Technician Abyss with the Artist, so same rule of thumb applies to their "black" works such as global warming models.

OTOH, I am currently more cheerful about my data science studies, because I recently read that a human who possesses all of the qualities theoretically needed by a data scientist is known as a "unicorn", so it's more sensible to put together a team, and at least one of the people on the team needs to be able create and present a results-based narrative for intended audience of stake-holders, and that's something that I can do fairly easily compared to coding for 12 hours straight.

subgard
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Re: Ways of improving your social capital?

Post by subgard » Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:49 am

1) approaching people you don't know yet and talking to them without somebody you already know introducing you
Ask questions. The blander, more boring, and non-intrusive, the better. Bland statements about the weather are good. Don't try to be funny, interesting or witty. The vibe you're going for is "I say bland pleasantries to strangers all the time, and it doesn't matter to me whether they engage me or not."

2) making a good first impression that causes people to think of you roughly the way you want them to think of you
Don't try to do this. Focus on making the other person comfortable. It was a big paradigm shift for me when I stopped worrying what people thought of me and started focusing my attention on them. I realized how insecure most people are. I realized just how much they were concerned with making a good impression on me. If you practice not worrying about yourself, and focusing all your attention on others, you will give off a kind of "dominant" vibe. People will be worried about what you think of them, they will try to please you.

3) small talk
Don't worry about having an interesting conversation. For most humans, conversation is not about content. It's about the good feelings they get from interacting with another human. Just accept it, and roll with it.

4) how to move on from small talk to bigger talk
Be accepting and nonjudgmental. Create a comfortable conversational environment where the other person is not afraid to be vulnerable.

5) following up on your conversation so they become a friendly acquaintance instead of just someone you met once
Be pleasant to be around, and they will want to follow up with you. This is kind of zen - Just focus on other people, paying attention to their emotional vibe, facilitating them being themselves (if that makes sense?), and they will want to be around you.

6) staying in touch with them regularly enough that they become a casual friend that invites you places and sends you opportunities
Make people feel good, and they'll want to stay in touch with you.

7) how to deepen the relationship to become a close friend that you can go to for emotional support if desired
karma. Be the emotionally supportive person you want others to be.

8) how to manage conflicts in the friendship
Hand grenades and baseball bats. Nah, if you pay attention to the other person and behave like an adult, you can head off conflict before it gets to that stage.


On the other hand, there are a lot of emotionally needy, manipulative, unpleasant assholes out there. You got to know when to cut people off.

reepicheep
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Re: Ways of improving your social capital?

Post by reepicheep » Sat Nov 30, 2019 4:16 pm

I don't really bother with meeting strangers at the store and hoping to befriend them, though once in middle school I got a fencing coach out of that strategy. Generally I don't expect strangers to offer me much of interest.

I haven't had to deliberately break this down as yet, because I don't lack for people who want to hang out with me. Benefits of being 20-something, attractiveish, and tits.

Mostly my problem is finding people I actually like and can sustain mutually beneficial relationships with.

To whit, that is a initially a question of shared values and interests. I dance. I have volunteered at dance. Befriended fellow dancers. Asking someone if they'd like to get lunch later is an easier jump after my face has been in their armpit. Also, dance is a great test for physical chemistry.

I currently mostly live in an intentional community/eco village. People care about their carbon footprint, etc. We hang out together. I don't know if those relationships will last, yet, but there are shared values. Indeed, the people living year round in a tent with a woodstove are harder core than I am.

I have other communities I participate in. Finding people with shared interests is a question of surrounding myself with people similar to me. Then I screen for other desirable traits -- reliability, emotional management, control over substance use, knowledge of sci-fi, etc.

I don't have many good friends. The circle isn't large. I have a number of casual acquaintances and enough people who will help me move in exchange for pizza. Trying to play statistics by meeting strangers where the odds aren't already stacked in my favor seems like unnecessary challenge.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Ways of improving your social capital?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Dec 02, 2019 8:04 am

reepicheep wrote: I don't lack for people who want to hang out with me. Benefits of being 20-something, attractiveish, and tits.
Eh, based on my experience, even 50-something, attractive-ish-ish, and tits will serve. In fact, I would go so far as to suggest that just "tits" or maybe even "tit" would be enough. This would be evidenced by the way our language rather rudely embodies the concept of social capital in the phrase "living off the government tit." However this language embodiment does become rather confusing when combined with the concept of sugar baby, because the sugar baby is somehow producing or providing "sugar" while "living off the tit" of a particular affluent old man, which would have to entail some sort of energy intensive reverse fermentation process in order to convert sour back into sweet.

basuragomi
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Re: Ways of improving your social capital?

Post by basuragomi » Mon Dec 02, 2019 11:05 am

A sugar baby just needs to produce lactase to convert lactose to its monosaccharides. That's why the elderly need sugar babies as lactose tolerance fades with age. Living off the government cheese implies that one is a rennet baby instead.

7Wannabe5
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Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Ways of improving your social capital?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Dec 02, 2019 11:44 am

I did briefly qualify for free government cheese coupons because I gave birth while still a college student. The nurse who was filling out all the paperwork had to suggest some sort of risk for my already very large and chubby baby if I did not receive the coupons, so she laughed and wrote down "anemia" because he was naturally about as pale as a human can get without genes for albinism. The married graduate student housing office also had cans of free government meat stamped with pictures of cows or pigs for all takers. It was so tough, there was almost no way you could render it edible; not even in chili.

The totalitarian socialist government of North Korea went so far as to provide something like unto sugar babies to its elite class and even workers prior to the great starvation. However, they weren't very fancy, not like the kind you can get in the West. They were more like Lentil Babies or nurses in some busy, low-rent district urban hospital.

Jason
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Re: Ways of improving your social capital?

Post by Jason » Mon Dec 02, 2019 11:56 am

Nuuka wrote:
Tue Oct 22, 2019 3:04 pm

But I still think considering the string of movies that Woody has produced that he clearly proofs capability of understanding complexity of human life and nuances of it. Perhaps the artist has to go to the bottom to truly understand life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MohiJL0KolU

7Wannabe5
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Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Ways of improving your social capital?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Dec 03, 2019 8:10 am

@Jason:

Pretty clear that Woody meant for the giant breast to be representative of pre-Scientific Pantheist religions in that scene. However, although I agree that this is somewhat apt, I feel like the fact that he also conceived it as composed of modern technology pretty well muddled the matter. Of course, he does seem to be of the disposition to look to the past and the future through lens of anxiety.

Anyways, I think we can all agree that making use of intelligence to transform anxiety into humor is a good way to improve social capital. Making use of your own adopted step-daughter, not.

reepicheep
Posts: 253
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Re: Ways of improving your social capital?

Post by reepicheep » Tue Dec 03, 2019 7:00 pm

@7Wannabe5,

Relieving. Youth is not a viable long-term investment strategy.

One of my partners is having a backside of his 50's birthday party soonish. I appreciate that he also (and mostly) dates people his own age.

I'm suspicious of men who don't. And wonder if older women who struggle to find what they want* look at me with envy -- or pity for my future.

*Mom insists on monogamy and commitment from men who have mostly been divorced and burned a couple times already, or the ones smart (or something) enough to have never married. It's not working out for her, and hasn't in the 15 years she's been trying it. I did not introduce her to the partner closer to her age than mine.

7Wannabe5
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Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Ways of improving your social capital?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:30 am

reepicheep wrote:And wonder if older women who struggle to find what they want* look at me with envy -- or pity for my future.
Well, as with most things, it depends a good deal on whether you have a perspective of scarcity or abundance. From my perspective, my middle-aged divorced or never-married or polyamorous peers are kind of like thrift store or severe mark-down clearance or free to borrow table items. No shortage of availability, although you do need to check for missing buttons and broken zippers etc.

Also, since I have been peer, younger, and even older woman in various relationships, I have a pretty good feel for the pros and cons of either role all other things being equal (which they never are.) Most frequently a rough trade off between respect and cherishment. Individual personality types, experience, and culture can definitely be larger factors than age. For instance, one of my peer partners had a much younger, quite beautiful partner, but she was, according to him, way more bossy than me. In fact, she used to even yell at him for being "too lazy" in bed. :lol:

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