Tired of friends ...

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
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frugal
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Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal » Mon Oct 02, 2017 3:32 pm

hello.

I am tired of my old friends. Almost all.

Is this normal with you?

I don't have the same aims and objectives they have...

I think I need new friends but I also feel that I will not find them.

Relations became too distant and we lost contact.

Please advise.

Regards

SavingWithBabies
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by SavingWithBabies » Mon Oct 02, 2017 4:01 pm

All you have to do is find a partner, have some kids and move and your problem will be solved. (I'm somewhat joking but it's actually mostly true for me.)

Although maybe you did all those things already or you're too old or too young. Roughly how old are you? I'm in my early 40s. I find the older I get, the harder it is to make friends. Although we're on kid #2 and soon we'll probably be making friends through meeting people at our kids school.

I also find friends made later in life (besides partners) just aren't as strong a bond as friends made earlier in life. I hope this isn't just how it is so I'm curious about others experience.

What if you turn it around? What about you would lead to making friends? Do you have any hobbies or interests?
Last edited by SavingWithBabies on Mon Oct 02, 2017 4:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Campitor
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by Campitor » Mon Oct 02, 2017 4:22 pm

People change so inevitably interests diverge and hence old friendships wither. Making new friends requires efforts and being vulnerable to new experiences within your desired interest. Amazon may be able to help with ideas: https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c ... W9KZJQ9AWM.

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theanimal
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by theanimal » Mon Oct 02, 2017 4:53 pm

Relevant article: Friends of a Certain Age

slowtraveler
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by slowtraveler » Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:25 am

Story of my life. When I slowed down on certain substances, friends changed. When I stopped doing stupid ish as a teen, friends changed. College, same thing. I've got a few I've kept long term and even if we don't click perfectly, we support and care for each other. We help each other and provide a helping hand or early when one is down.

At this point, my closest friends are in my family and I'll happily pick this over close non family friends but distant from my family. Not everyone in my family is a friend, obviously but I like most of them a lot. Parties in Mexico can have 50-200 of us, somehow all family.

My other closest friends have been lovers who I parted amicably with but these are a different type of friend, even though it includes support. My lover at any time will likely be my best friend. If not, I've chosen poorly.

I tend to end up in circles of people with wisdom about where I want to go. I have many traveler friends around the world and though we meet up rarely, we still feel close when we do. I've couch surfed at their places in various states/countries and would happily give them a couch for a few days if I have one.

To frugal I say, let go as your gut and heart tell you to. You will likely feel some loneliness. This will also free you to explore your hobbies and have more time/energy for new friends or love.

Don't stay inside though, go do what interests you. Hiking, travel, cooking, scuba, base jumping, redwood climbing, whatever. There are people doing these and you'll meet them as you enter the field. I take it most of us have a basic level of charisma to interact and build friendships. If not, I don't think lack of friendship but quality of life is the challenge- something is draining your life and your charm. That is a bigger issue imo.

I often have a hard time balancing love and friendship since one is light years more nurturing than the other but I still manage to enjoy friendship in my life.

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frugal
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal » Tue Oct 03, 2017 3:42 pm

Yes, sons parents is a way.

Another ways in on interests.

I:-)

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7Wannabe5
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Wed Oct 04, 2017 6:40 am

Never ending problem. I am long past even the Mom-friend years, because my youngest child graduated from high school in 2009. So, it's like I can remember hanging out with these women in the ballet-class waiting room when our daughters were 5, and then giving each other hugs and saying "I can't believe how fast the time went by." when they graduated, and now even that event was over 8 years ago. And it is pretty likely that I will live another 40 years. My best friend from college lives across the country and is on her 3rd marriage to the man she was engaged to when we were in high school. I visited her a few years ago with my second "husband", and her first husband, who was the father of the babies who were babies with my babies, was staying with her and her third husband for the holidays. Tonight I have a first "date" with a 39 year old man who has never been married.

My point here being that life just goes on and on in this manner. At least for me, it is more like one of the rollicking novels or memoirs of the 18th century, where new characters appear in each chapter, and there is no ultimate perfect, happy or moral resolution. Social interaction is very important to humans, and you can never stop working or playing at it.

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frugal
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal » Thu Oct 05, 2017 2:17 am

eheheh

I believe that polygamy should be cool but I prefer monogamy, not so tough for kids...

Friends are just for some parties and not much for helping each other.

thrifty++
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by thrifty++ » Fri Oct 06, 2017 3:34 am

I know what you are saying as I have changed in the last few years and so have some of my old and dear friends but in different directions.

So I have recently stopped getting caught up on these old friends and focused on enjoying the more positive relationships, some are with newer friends and some with older ones. Certainly an ERE type focus on things is likely to jettison you in particular directions which is different from others, and perhaps old friends.

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frugal
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal » Sat Oct 07, 2017 3:35 am

Is ERE = loneliness?

Are ERE people less available to parties?

:-)

thrifty++
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by thrifty++ » Sat Oct 07, 2017 12:49 pm

I dont think ERE necessarily equals loneliness.

I have the good fortune of having made two new good friends within the last 2 years who are very ERE friendly. Not that they closely follow the lifestyle like I do. But they are amenable to frugality and living efficiently with minimal waste and small footprint. They both happen to be INTJ as it so happens. Fancy that.

I have drifted apart from one old friend partly because of ERE. I think he actually get offended by the fact I have such extreme frugal habits despite earning three times what he does. I also started to think we have nothing in common because I am constantly focused on some sort of personal development, with ERE being one of those things, whereas he never has anything remotely resembling a web of goals.

I dont think ERE means avoiding parties either. As long as the parties are not wasteful.

But ERE might stop you from having much in common with people who are very consumption focused, in which case it might be time to try and find new people you will have more in common with. Dont ditch your friends. Just find new ones and give less time to your old ones.

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frugal
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal » Sat Oct 14, 2017 4:22 am

Hi,

should friends pay dinners to other friends?

ERE people only have self expenses or also share with others?

A true friendship consists on sharing and give to others?

Regards

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fiby41
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by fiby41 » Sat Oct 14, 2017 4:48 am

Last time it was impromptu decided to eat out. I keep very low cash at hand and pay for transport using prepaid cards. The cash note I did have was torn a little so it wasn't accepted which I exchanged later in the bank. They chipped in for my meal cost and I issued their tickets back home, so they avoided waiting in long lines.

This time I paid for the entire groups tickets to the restaurant and my meal. It evens out, I suppose.

Everyone's food costs the same excect when someone orders something extra. We have one person in the group whose judgement we all trust. After eating we give him our money and he returns some back or asks for more, after which he pays the bill.

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frugal
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal » Sat Oct 14, 2017 3:30 pm

hi

how many real friends you have?

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TopHatFox
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by TopHatFox » Sat Oct 14, 2017 5:35 pm

Everyone pays for their own dinners, no handouts. Unless if you're feeling generous, I guess.

People come in and out of life like breath comes in and out of the lungs. Learn to go with that flow. There's nothing wrong with seeking new friends if your previous ones were met at a different stage of life.

I've found that some do stay longer than others. For me, that's been previous partners who are now friends, and family.

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frugal
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal » Sun Oct 15, 2017 1:30 am

TopHatFox wrote:
Sat Oct 14, 2017 5:35 pm
Everyone pays for their own dinners, no handouts. Unless if you're feeling generous, I guess.

People come in and out of life like breath comes in and out of the lungs. Learn to go with that flow. There's nothing wrong with seeking new friends if your previous ones were met at a different stage of life.

I've found that some do stay longer than others. For me, that's been previous partners who are now friends, and family.
superb!

I feel everybody is only interested about himself and not about others.

FrugalFred
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by FrugalFred » Sun Dec 03, 2017 1:08 pm

Adult friendships don't interest me. Anything I could talk about with another man I could just say in my own head. It's not like high school where you could goof around and stay up all night playing GTA. No pesky job to go to the next morning. No worries.

All I need now is a romantic partner.

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