Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
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frugal
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Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by frugal » Mon Oct 09, 2017 3:59 pm

Hello my friends!

I need your help and advise once again.

My mother has now 70 years. She had a business selling musical instruments.

I worked for her during 15 years until she had an offer to buy the business. The offer was irrefutable and she accepted.


I was young and I found a new job (at the bar) that I don't like and the salary is very poor. I didn't want to stop, so I continue to work for money.

In my country the ER is not visible. Nobody does it. Riches become more rich and never stop. Poor people obviously have to work...

To be at home you are called lazy. This is why I never asked mother to share some of her savings.

She has now enough savings to donate us so we can live without need to work and continue to live in the RAT RACE.

My salary is too low comparing to her savings. Today it doesn't make sense to work for such a small amount of money.

My lifestyle was very affected after selling the business. I lived much better before it.

Please let me know how shall I speak with my mother.

What should I say to her?


I want to have ER lifestyle as you describe over this great forum.

Thank you my very best regards!

:roll:

Campitor
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by Campitor » Mon Oct 09, 2017 4:39 pm

You should say nothing to your mother - her money was earned by her and how it's spent is also determined by her. Is there anything that stops you from learning a new skill or procuring employment in another instrument shop? It seems you want to achieve ER without the prerequisite effort. Any ER you achieve will be wasted because you haven't incorporated the knowledge and skillset required to stay ER. Is there anything in your personal resume that won't lead to you blowing any money given to you similar to these mega lottery winners that are bankrupt within 5 to 10 years?

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frugal
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by frugal » Mon Oct 09, 2017 6:02 pm

I am simple and i live frugally.

Regards

General Snoopy
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by General Snoopy » Tue Oct 10, 2017 1:34 am

Take this as a lesson to keep everyone (especially) children in the dark as to your wealth. The wealth belongs to your mother. She may decide to give it to a charity or she may have other plans. IT IS NOT YOUR MONEY.

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Eureka
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by Eureka » Tue Oct 10, 2017 1:40 am

Maybe start telling your mother, that you are not happy working in the bar and ask her for advice for a new cariere to pursue.

Did
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by Did » Tue Oct 10, 2017 1:45 am

Sounds like an episode of.... Bates Motel.

I would forget about trying to get a slice of your mother's money. It isn't a very positive thing for you to be doing. I'm surprised she got so much for a music store. My suggestion would be to leverage the skills she taught you in those 15 years and open another store. She may be able to help you (although she is likely subject to a non-compete for a period, so check).

Good luck.

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Seppia
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by Seppia » Tue Oct 10, 2017 2:00 am

I would agree with the rest here.
It's not your money, so you should not ask nor expect it.

Campitor
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by Campitor » Tue Oct 10, 2017 11:40 am

frugal wrote:
Mon Oct 09, 2017 6:02 pm
I am simple and i live frugally.
If you're simple and live frugally then you shouldn't need your mother's money - it should be easy for you to earn you're own way. Or perhaps you're problem is that you're too simple despite being frugal. Most of the highly functioning posters on this forum may be frugal but I'd be hard pressed to describe them as "simple" - they all have very sophisticated talents (physicists, professors, IT workers, etc.)

Perhaps this is what you require - to be less simple and output some effort into improving you're intellectual capital thereby increasing you're earning potential.

Pondering your original question, several things come to mind:
  • You don't know how to talk to your mother about this and you're asking strangers on how to deal with a highly subjective matter where all variables are unknown. Is you're mother greedy? Does she hate you? Are you lazy? What are her financial goals and obligations in regards to her OWN money? What skills do you have? How old are you?
  • You somehow feel entitled to this money or at least some consideration as a beneficiary/inheritor because you don't like working for your current amount of pay. Would you still feel entitled to some of it if you were making good money?
  • You're unwilling to learn new skills to increase you're earning potential.
  • You decided that working in a bar was preferable to working anywhere else despite your previous 15 years experience working in a musical instrument business.
  • Either the musical instrument business is dead in your part of the world or you failed to apply yourself during your 15 years of working in that industry thereby making your utility to any musical instrument business nhil.
  • The new owner didn't keep you on as an employee despite your musical instrument knowledge (or lack thereof) - why was that? Were you grossly overpaid for your skill set?
  • You had good pay while working for your mother for 15 years - if you're frugal then you should have been utilizing or saving that money in order to provide yourself with greater opportunities/freedom in the future.
  • You fail to see the opportunities of working in a bar that may help you increase you're earnings: how to run a bar, how to mix drinks, how to manage inventory, how to negotiate business contracts with vendors, etc.
  • You do see the learning/skill opportunities in your current job but don't have the patience and/or the drive to take advantage of it.
  • You want life on easy mode without the prerequisite work.
So without any additional information to add anything else to my analysis I can only conclude that your mother shouldn't give you any money in order to teach you a vital lesson. You should forget about her money and start improving yourself instead - you need to learn how to be more resilient and self sufficient.

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frugal
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by frugal » Tue Oct 10, 2017 3:27 pm

Thank you all for your answers.

I didn't know that mindset of ERE people.

In my opinion parent's savings are to help son's and daughters during life, not after it.

It seems that all you will giveaway your money before die and nothing will be for your "kids".

Yes, ERE people must have an intelligent job so they can earn above the average.

Now, at 40's what can I learn totally different? I want to change ...

I would like to study and be top at a new skill.

My country is poor and opportunities are not available on every corner as in USA.

Waiting your feedback I remain.

Regards!

Campitor
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by Campitor » Tue Oct 10, 2017 4:08 pm

In my opinion parent's savings are to help son's and daughters during life, not after it.
Actually a parent's saving is to help them survive in their old age when they can no longer work. If they die with any money left over, then it may be distributed to their children if they think they deserve it.
Now, at 40's what can I learn totally different?
This question is impossible to answer without knowing which country and region you live in - economic opportunities vary so advice will vary. I assume, since you're posting on a forum regarding ERE, that you have access to a computer. I suggest using your computer to research the learning/earning opportunities in your region rather than asking strangers how to live your life or how to coerce your mother into giving you money.
My country is poor and opportunities are not available on every corner as in USA.
You're 40 and your mother is 70 - I would think she has less opportunities than you therefore needs her money more than you. And how poor can your country be if she was able to earn good money selling musical instruments and paying you to work there? A musical instrument isn't required to survive so there have to be people who have disposable income to spend on musical implements. And you work in a bar - another signal that you live in an economy where people have money to spend on non-essential items. How poor can your area be if you have access to people who are willing to spend their money?
Last edited by Campitor on Tue Oct 10, 2017 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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C40
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by C40 » Tue Oct 10, 2017 9:03 pm

What is your mom's opinion on what a parent's savings should be used for? That is all that matters here.

Has she told you, or given you any indication? Have you asked her? I think asking is reasonable, but you should do it with a greater level of tact than you've shown so far here (with a language barrier). You should NOT be asking with the expectation that the money is for you. It's not. It's her money. You should consider it to be a special gift If she gives you some, and especially if she gives it to you before she dies.

Campitor
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by Campitor » Tue Oct 10, 2017 9:26 pm

C40 wrote:
Tue Oct 10, 2017 9:03 pm
What is your mom's opinion on what a parent's savings should be used for? That is all that matters here.
I would say her projected economic position is also important. She's 70 years old and is starting her most vulnerable years; she may require extensive medical intervention or assisted living if any health complications occur. Her emotions for her son (or his pressure tactics) may cause her to sacrifice her financial well being to help a son who is 30 years younger and still has plenty of earning potential. So far Frugal has mentioned zero about this or what consideration he has for his mother other than wanting her money. And since he decided to seek opinions in a public forum, he has volunteered to receive the opinions of anyone posting on this board. 8-)

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C40
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by C40 » Tue Oct 10, 2017 9:41 pm

@Campitor - agreed.

Some mothers may decide that she'd rather have him use the money during the rest of his life instead of getting a lot of late healthcare to extend her life a brief amount during the absolute worst part of it. Of course, some would give all their wealth to stay alive one extra hour.... Again, I believe it's her own wealth and her own choice.

He helped her with the business, but (I assume) she paid him then, and she paid him in money, not in a percentage of the company. So - Frugal - if that is how it happened, you should remove any reasoning that she owes you the money because you were her employee.

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Eureka
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by Eureka » Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:50 am

Hey frugal, do you know about moocs?

Mooc=massive online open courses

These are online courses at university (and sometimes high school) level, which are free or very cheap. By self study you can learn a lot of new skills that will enable you to get a higher income, either as side gigs to your present job or as a new cariere.

Take a look at https://www.edx.org/, https://www.coursera.org/ and https://www.udacity.com/

I wish you all the best and hope you manage to change your situation to the better.

saving-10-years
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by saving-10-years » Wed Oct 11, 2017 6:36 am

@Frugal I think that you are in Portugal so unemployment is relatively high there. If you enjoy bar work is there a way in which this can become better paid for you - learn more skills, work longer hours? Perhaps your job is not full time and you have other things you could do as a side hustle.

Your mother is in retirement phase. She had a business, sold it and now has this money to live on. If she is based in the EU she won't have some of the healthcare concerns that those in the US have. But she may be understandably worried that the Portuguese economy will follow Greece with consequent upset to national healthcare. You are making it clear that you don't have spare money to help her should that need arise and she does not appear to live with you. Others on this forum are budgeting to help their parents - to not be called on to do so is an asset to your ERE plans. So please don't count this money as yours. I agree with what others have said here.

You call yourself frugal and describe yourself as frugal. But you don't supply figures or context. Looking at others in the Journals section how do you compare for savings rates? I've always been impressed that people who are ERE-minded are creative, resourceful and make opportunities and savings where others would not have thought these possible. Read the book, read the other posts. There is a lot to be learned here to help you. Usually ERE ways require considerable effort - especially at the outset. But they do work.

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Seppia
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by Seppia » Wed Oct 11, 2017 7:12 am

Being from a not so expensive Country also has positives:
I'm from Italy (similar situation to Portugal's), and the money I saved in my years working in France and the US counts double now that I'm back (plus I get paid more than the average people my age because of my 15 years of experience abroad).
In portugal people speak above average English if compared with other mediterranean nations (on average, italians and greeks are terrible, spanish and french are worse): you could consider moving to Germany, Holland, any of the nordics.
You have zero visa problems, you'll be able to work and will benefit from local healthcare from day 1
Virtually ANY job in sweden pays a minimum of 2500€ net per month, if you're frugal a 50% savings rate is easily attainable, and that 50% would be worth an average monthly salary in portugal.

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frugal
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by frugal » Wed Oct 11, 2017 1:59 pm

Hi my friends,

I understand what you mean. My written English is not the best but I understand all that you write.

I am the most frugal I can, not as you, but for my income and savings, I am in the top of my country :-)

Regarding my family patrimony, it is an amount that the problems you mention of healthcare and others are not really a problem.

But OK, I understand that you prefer to do all by yourselves. It is better of course.

I have a degree on university, but now I would like to do something else, something new. I want to find a new CHALLENGE, but up to now nothing came to my mind or appeared.

Anyone could make a total turn and start a new project by self learning over internet?

Please continue your replies, they are well appreciated.

Best regards!

General Snoopy
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by General Snoopy » Thu Oct 12, 2017 2:33 pm

@frugal: What do you want to do?

Perhaps the best option would be to leverage what you do have. It seems you are from Portugal, a country with substantial touristic potential, your family has successful business experience, and your family has some money available. Perhaps you could do the research and pitch a business project to your mother? Normally, I would shy away from this idea, but in this case your mother is a successful business person and could provide wise counsel. You may want to consider buying a property and turning it into an AirBnB?

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frugal
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Re: Early Retirement with Mother's money - HELP please

Post by frugal » Sat Oct 14, 2017 2:05 am

Hi,

I look around and unfortunately I don't see any possibility to win money...

I have to continue trying.

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