Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

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SimpleLife
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Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by SimpleLife » Mon Aug 24, 2015 8:48 am

I've noticed more and more people everywhere, at work, on here, other places, mention that they find it constitutionally challenging to live in the same place for more than 2 to 5 years.

I imagine it is the same reason for them as it is for me; they get tired of the problems of that place, the routine, and want to move to someplace new. Sure, there will be new problems at the new place, unless it's a 100 acre tract of land with no neighbors, but that's unlikely to be an FIRE location for anyone other than a country music star. But at least you won't have to deal with the problems that have worn on you.

So how does that factor into your retirement? Having a paid off place to live is part of my retirement, so unless I sell and relocate ever few years, taking a hit in transaction costs, especially in WA with our beloved Excise Tax, it's an issue. I know some prefer to rent, possibly for this reason, and there certainly are advantages; no responsibility or risk, and the ability to move with little notice. But it comes at the expense of footing the bill for someone else's property and needing a considerably higher FIRE number.

An RV seems to be ideal, as you could have some land and also travel when you want. Even in national forests as long as you move more than 50 miles every 2 weeks, you are golden. Well, it's ideal in every way but one: the social stigma associated with living in an RV, and the roof being constantly exposed to the elements instead of a carport.

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vexed87
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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by vexed87 » Mon Aug 24, 2015 9:13 am

Desire to change scenery usually stems from grass is greener syndrome. In my experience it is either a of case of same sh*t difference place, or different sh*t in a different place. Either way, you're going to have one headache or another at some point wherever your work/setup shop.

For me staying put is not a problem as long as you can face the problems and work on them. With this approach I have reached a state of bliss at home. Sadly the same can not be said about work - too much remains of out my control. I think this is where stoicism usually helps but I haven't managed to apply it to my career as well as home life.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by 1taskaday » Mon Aug 24, 2015 9:53 am

I think the saying "Same sh*t different place...etc " originated from people that like stability and routine in life and does not apply to everyone.

Routine over a long period of time saps my energy levels,I prefer to mix/shake things up often.

I am a realist and never expect the "grass to be greener" for me anywhere else...I fully realize if one travels they always bring "them-self" a long,(warts and all) But a change of location always invigorates me.

I definitely plan to move location depending on the seasons,to exploit the most favorable ones for climate and sunlight.

If this is possible,why not?

Does one get extra "brownie points" for staying put in one location permanently/long term?

Would they be considered a "better" ERE citizen?

And if so who gives out the "brownie points"and what do we collect if we have the highest amount at life-end point?

I think life is short and if a life style of moving location often suits you,have at it...

I probably sound "snappy" but the argument of "escaping/running from your problems" if you like to change scene a lot wears thin after a while.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by George the original one » Mon Aug 24, 2015 10:38 am

Moving is a pain, especially if you're not a minimalist and have, uhm, baggage.

Renting, I averaged about 3 years per location. As a homeowner, lived in first home 7 years, second home 11 years, and haven't started living in third home yet (expect 20+ years).

For the homebound, once you find a currently ideal home, there are forces that motivate one to move: too little/too much space, neighbors, marriage/divorce, job change, commute, recreational opportunities, upward mobility, ableness/aging, etc. Recognize them and adapt.

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Dragline
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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by Dragline » Mon Aug 24, 2015 10:58 am

I dislike moving, too. I think a lot of it is just because I lived in the same place from age 2 until I went to college.

We've been in our current house for 13 years and the one before that 10. I think we'll be staying put until all the kids are gone. Then who knows?

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by unno2002 » Mon Aug 24, 2015 11:15 am

We’ve been in the same place since 1997, I am WAY past being ready to leave here. The wife has put in her retirement paperwork, so we’ve at least got a “countdown” running.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by Peanut » Mon Aug 24, 2015 2:07 pm

Depends on the place. Some cities change significantly over time, others barely at all. I hated the small town I grew up in, but I would have been happy to live in L.A. forever. I still miss it even though I know it's not the same place as when I left.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by chenda » Mon Aug 24, 2015 2:36 pm

I haven't and wouldn't want to stay in the same place for all my life.

But the village I grew up in will always be home and where I will probably come back to one day, and will definitely be scattered. It's in my will. Though I was lucky enough to be raised in such a place, I appreciate it much more by living elsewhere. I like to feel I belong somewhere, if only in a personal sense.

[Bit OT, but its funny this got posted today as I was reading some memoirs last night of a man who grew up there in the late 1880s and 1890s. He was in his nineties when he wrote it in the 1970s, when he had the honour of been the oldest man in the village. Apart from serving on the western front, he spent his entire life there, not untypical for the time. He seemed pretty happy although there must have been something deeply sad about reminiscing about his youth, remembering old school friends and times long gone. Physically things hadn't changed a lot, but socially and economically it must have felt like a different world.]

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GandK
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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by GandK » Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:08 pm

I like my specific house, but the community I live in now I would not want to stay in beyond G's retirement.

Ideally I'd like to find a community I care about and stay there for life... really dig in and get involved. This is not G's ideal situation, however. He craves novelty and tends to get bored, which I almost never do. I believe we'll eventually hammer out a compromise that gives him novelty and me community/stability, but I'm not sure yet what that will look like. I can tell you that keeping up relationships online is a stopgap for me, not a desirable end state, so it won't look like us being on the road all the time and me being the family letter writer.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by SimpleLife » Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:53 pm

vexed87 wrote:Desire to change scenery usually stems from grass is greener syndrome. In my experience it is either a of case of same sh*t difference place, or different sh*t in a different place. Either way, you're going to have one headache or another at some point wherever your work/setup shop.

For me staying put is not a problem as long as you can face the problems and work on them. With this approach I have reached a state of bliss at home. Sadly the same can not be said about work - too much remains of out my control. I think this is where stoicism usually helps but I haven't managed to apply it to my career as well as home life.

Don't you live with your parents? I think it's a bit different when you are getting free housing and utilities, etc. That can help you tolerate a lot of things, but when you move out and have to pay those wherever you go...

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Ego
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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by Ego » Mon Aug 24, 2015 5:35 pm

I am generally skeptical of black/white dualistic thinking but when we turn our attention to the natural world it appears that individual stasis is a fiction we collectively want to believe is possible because we fear change.

Fact is, we are either improving or we are declining. Waves of change are happening to us whether we like it or not. We can either learn to ride the wave or try in vain to stand fixed in place as we get battered by the tide and shifting sands.

Many who have adopted the paleo diet in an attempt to halt decline would do better to adopt the paleo lifestyle that embraces regularly moving to new places. Much of our suffering is caused by our attempts to suspend change, or worse, to attempt to return things to how the were. Both are impossible.

H.G. Wells said, "Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative". Moving, metaphorically or physically, is an integral part of adaptation.

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GandK
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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by GandK » Mon Aug 24, 2015 6:20 pm

Ego wrote:Many who have adopted the paleo diet in an attempt to halt decline would do better to adopt the paleo lifestyle that embraces regularly moving to new places. Much of our suffering is caused by our attempts to suspend change, or worse, to attempt to return things to how the were. Both are impossible.
I don't agree that moving is indicative of change, or that not moving is indicative of stasis. In fact, this idea strikes me as attempting to change environmental variables - what's going on outside oneself - instead of, rather than in order to create, inner change. How is changing houses or cities more innovative than, say, embracing a new philosophy? No, I'd argue that many people who move do so for reasons of boredom because something around them has changed, but they haven't. They're escaping rather than maturing.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by slsdly » Mon Aug 24, 2015 6:42 pm

No. I moved away from where I grew up, lived in a few different towns/cities, so I'm not opposed to the notion of leaving, but I lack all wanderlust. Don't get me wrong, I can enjoy novelty, but it doesn't give me much of an emotional high as it seems to others my age. I crave a sense of accomplishment, mostly out of creation and self improvement. Don't need to pack up boxes for that :).

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by jacob » Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:16 pm

There's likely a lot of selection-bias on this forum when it comes to this question, so keep that in mind.

I have a 3-5 year attention span, whether it's where I live, what I do, what I'm interested in, ... and it's typically driven by a drive towards understanding and competence---which I blame on my INTJness. Some pragmatic(!?) Pareto rule applies. I'm happy getting 80 or 90% there. For some reason I lose interest when I'm just short of the top.

I have no desire to become an expert traveler. Been there, done that, to the 80-90% level. No desire to keep moving for the sake of moving for the rest of my life. If there's anything deliberate on my part, it's in trying to branch out and diversify capital. I can't influence my drive towards change, but I encourage directions. Being a renaissance man and trying out the full range of any dimension I can think of. From full-consumer to almost self-sufficient. From salaried to entrepreneur. Doing different fields, intellectual, technical, and service---white, blue, pink collar. Different socioeconomic circles. Different countries.

It's been surprising to me which of these caused the biggest difference in terms of personal growth/change of mindset. It's not the standard recommendations. Or at least the standard recommendations did relatively little for me. You all saw the blog posts :-P

Of course there's a loss from not going for 95-100%. I'll never be a full professor (which was my teenage ambition). I'll never live in a place where I've known everyone since they were children. Or other stuff.. but I'll make up for quality with quantity.

PS: I've never thought of it as running away from problems. Usually I arrive to fix problems. That's another thing that drives me.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by Ego » Mon Aug 24, 2015 8:53 pm

GandK wrote:I don't agree that moving is indicative of change, or that not moving is indicative of stasis. In fact, this idea strikes me as attempting to change environmental variables - what's going on outside oneself - instead of, rather than in order to create, inner change. How is changing houses or cities more innovative than, say, embracing a new philosophy? No, I'd argue that many people who move do so for reasons of boredom because something around them has changed, but they haven't. They're escaping rather than maturing.
Both inner and outer changes are necessary throughout life.

When we were pastoralists we experienced new places, or at least the same places from a slightly different perspective, each season. Today we are told that the "mature" people are those most affixed to one place so we dig in for the long haul and make big investments that make external change difficult.

There are certainly comforts to remaining in one place but those comforts come with aspects that are maddening. When we put ourselves in a position where it is difficult or impossible to make external changes we leave ourselves with no option but to change internally in order to cope. There are times when making only internal changes are no different from placing band-aids on wounds that do nothing but fester in the same old environment.
jacob wrote:I can't influence my drive towards change, but I encourage directions. Being a renaissance man and trying out the full range of any dimension I can think of. From full-consumer to almost self-sufficient. From salaried to entrepreneur. Doing different fields, intellectual, technical, and service---white, blue, pink collar. Different socioeconomic circles. Different countries.
When I am considering taking a particular action I often find it enlightening to look to those at the ends of the spectrum to help me understand what I might be unknowingly trying to accomplish by moving toward them. For instance, Mike Tyson and his face tattoo can give me insight into my desire to get a honey badger tattooed to my shoulder. :?

Sadhu, monk or nun........................................................................ David Siegel, Mukesh Ambani
Last edited by Ego on Mon Aug 24, 2015 9:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by Campitor » Mon Aug 24, 2015 9:54 pm

Living in one place isn't so bad if you are in the right location and seek new experiences and meet new people. I have moved several times and traveled to many places alone and with travel companions. I can truly say, from my own experience, is that adventure and novelty can be found anywhere and doesn't require traveling. I think people get restless and struggle finding new experiences; moving forces their brain to click into the "everything is new" perspective.

In reality everything and everyone is pretty much the same. Sure the languages, culture, and scenery change but eventually you will get accustomed and it will feel like the same-ole-same-ole. Unless of course you let out that inner child and go crazy with curiosity and allow yourself to be vulnerable. I've had some amazing experiences traveling but have had some equally amazing experiences right outside my door.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanderlust and uprooting every few years - if done correctly it can be cheaper than setting down roots. Some people are born nomads and die nomads, which is how it should be if that is what truly makes them happy.

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vexed87
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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by vexed87 » Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:18 am

SimpleLife wrote:Don't you live with your parents? I think it's a bit different when you are getting free housing and utilities, etc. That can help you tolerate a lot of things, but when you move out and have to pay those wherever you go...
Just to clarify, I'm not a serial-freeloading basement dweller! :roll: At 27, I have lived away from home for total for 4 years, so I think it's fair to say I have experienced my fair share of change. I really hate moving house despite not having much stuff to haul. I moved three times within that period before returning home in 2013. Technically I do not pay for utilities now, but I paid a high lump sum to cover board and development of an adjoined living space.

I would argue that returning to the family home has it's own set of problems. I don't know many people who would choose to live with parents which is reflected by the number of people renting or being up to their eyeballs in mortgages. I see living with family as no different as living with housemates really. Living next door to family has its own headaches, parents calling in unannounced, complaining that I never visit them and the politics of turning down family get together when I have other plans. Just to be clear, I live in a separate dwelling next door, not in the same house! There are also odd relationship dynamics between mother and SO to contend with. I'm always on damage control alert. :roll:

Despite this, I'd happily stay here even if I were paying modest amount of board fees to my parents, however the reason to move home was to save for a large down payment on my first house purchase, rather than accept a large lump sum from my ageing parents who I'd rather kept this to themselves. Its win win for both of us really.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by jennypenny » Tue Aug 25, 2015 7:09 am

I'm more like the nomads on the forum and wouldn't mind moving frequently or living on the road. DH likes to dig in. He loves owning a home and feeling rooted in a community. He needs a 'home', not just a place to sleep.

It looks like our compromise in retirement is going to be having a 'home base' more than a home. We'll have someplace that's ours with a bit of land to satisfy him, but we'll spend significant time visiting other people and places. I also envision traveling without him for part of the year since I like it a lot more than he does.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by Ydobon » Tue Aug 25, 2015 8:11 am

Does one get extra "brownie points" for staying put in one location permanently/long term?
Possibly cost related brownie points? House price inflation means that if you're fortunate enough to buy somewhere reasonable for a fair price, it will feel much cheaper in future. I have lost track of the number of times older relatives have said 'I'd never be able to afford the house I'm in if I had to buy it now'.

With renting, I'd imagine that your income would need to grow faster than house price inflation to feel the same way?
Just to be clear, I live in a separate dwelling next door, not in the same house
The laddy doth protest too much, methinks! :D

Nothing wrong with living at home, we may move to inlaws again if we sell our flat and can't find anything suitable in the short term.

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vexed87
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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by vexed87 » Tue Aug 25, 2015 1:04 pm

So much stigma :(

Haha.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by enigmaT120 » Tue Aug 25, 2015 2:04 pm

I've been at my place since 1991. I don't expect to move. I live in the woods with 32 acres, have a good shop for working on stuff during the winter, and am impatiently waiting to no longer have a commute.

I'm not a country music star, but that scenario came closest. I just have a stupidly long commute.

We moved all the time when I was a kid. I went to 12 different grade schools by the end of the 6th grade. Maybe I got it out of my system.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by Did » Tue Dec 01, 2015 10:59 am

I have a theory that a change in physical environment can assist in the transition from prestigious (salt included) wage earner to ERE type. It helps the ego cope.

Other than that. Yep. I get bored and need a change.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by SimpleLife » Tue Dec 29, 2015 9:00 pm

Did wrote:I have a theory that a change in physical environment can assist in the transition from prestigious (salt included) wage earner to ERE type. It helps the ego cope.

Other than that. Yep. I get bored and need a change.
Like what, going from Beverly Hills to the ghettos of Chicago kind of change of physical environment?

In any case, the point of the thread was I've noticed that most people get restless at the two places they spend the most time at: work and home. It seems as if the daily grind and the same old problems just wear you down and you start to experience wanderlust. It seems to fade as you get older and realize things suck pretty much everywhere. But man, it sure is an argument for renting.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by BRUTE » Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:40 am

brute likes to move frequently. brute has moved house on a motorcycle, carrying all his belongings with him in a backpack. he has lived on 4 continents.

for brute, changing geographical location helps prevent settling and getting stuck in mental/social patterns.

of course there are some costs to moving, but there's also costs to staying.

brute thinks the idea that he's "running away from something" is fair, but he doesn't necessarily think this is bad. why would one stay in a place when there's nothing to keep one there? brute has lived in many great places, but none of them seemed like they were the end of the journey. there's so many more places out there to live.

maybe brute will change with age.

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Re: Do you find it challenging to live in the same place for years on end?

Post by Did » Wed Dec 30, 2015 6:42 am

SimpleLife wrote:
Did wrote:I have a theory that a change in physical environment can assist in the transition from prestigious (salt included) wage earner to ERE type. It helps the ego cope.
Like what, going from Beverly Hills to the ghettos of Chicago kind of change of physical environment?
Well no, not for me. Everyone is different, of course, and someone coming from a university dorm to some form of ERE living may not notice a difference. But if you are well paid professional going from say 500k per year to 25k per year, and elect to sell your house and live in a car (my situation was not far off this), then living in your car under the bridge near your old house (ego shattering) will be a different ego proposition to say living in a car as you travel around the country (awesome). Similarly living in a tent next to your workmate's bus stop will be different to living in a tent on the plains of africa as you volunteer to look after baby hippos.

In my case I went through a massive change and threw away an enormous salary from a swinging big dick position, really before I was as wealthy as many reading this, and for me a physical change helped me cope. I traveled the country for 8 months, visited thailand for a month, and now vagabond around Ireland and do up our cottage.

It's just an option for people who cannot comprehend their ego coping with the scale of change that may be necessary to get out.

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