Hello from Silicon Valley

[Clarice]

Hi,
I've been a lurker for some time. I don't remember how I've come across Jacob's book, but it has resonated with me immediately. Now it's on my bookshelf together with How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, The Art of Not Being Governed, Small is Beautiful, Antifragile, and many others.
I am female, GenX, married, mother of 2. I live (can't resist the cliche) in the heart of Silicon Valley - my house is a 10-minute walk from the new Apple "Spaceship Campus".
I was born and raised in Russia and came to California to marry my old college friend who at the time was a physics post-doc student at Stanford. I already had one failed marriage and one kid under my belt. I was always attracted to languages and linguistics. I also wanted to help people, so I got a master's degree in speech pathology and started working.
Fast-forward to today. I hate being a part of a healthcare racket. I'm bewildered by the spending patterns of the people around me. I want to retire in 5.5 years when my younger daughter leaves for college. DH, OTOH, loves his job, would have nothing to retire to, and, overall, very conventional in his thinking. How do I create financial independence within the framework of our family? How do I not become a suburban housewife when I stop working? How do I create my autonomy without breaking away? These are the questions I am asking myself right now.
Happy New Year to everybody here! Many of you have been a part of my life as of lately. Thank you.

[Chris]

Welcome. Always nice to see lurkers start posting.

I hate being a part of a healthcare racket ... I want to retire in 5.5 years ... How do I not become a suburban housewife when I stop working?

So you have something to move away from, but do you have something to move toward?

You have 5.5 years to figure it out. Lots of time to find answers to your important questions. Any chance you could glide toward retirement by switching to reduced hours, so you have time to do some experimentation?

[Clarice]

@Chris - you are right. I have many hobbies, but I haven't found a way to convert them to a more serious pursuit. I also need a way to have a separate money arrangement, so that I know that I live on MY money, and not DH's. My educated guess is that DH will work until the day he dies (unless his death falls on Saturday or Sunday:)). I need to live my own life without being dependent on his money. I have to to organize it as a practical arrangement, not as an ideological war between us. That's hard. I am thinking about it. Thank you for your feedback.

[wolf]

Welcome Clarice! I also have the book "How I found freedom in an unfree world". Since you want to have more autonomy, what kind of "unfree" aspects of your life do you find most challenging?

[Clarice]

@MDFIRE2024 - the most challenging "unfree" aspect of my life is being the subject of "The Pygmalion Project" by DH. Ours is a rational-guardian marriage that, as of lately, can be described by the following Keirsey quote, "If pushed too far...NTs will grimly protect their autonomy from SJ bossiness". That's exactly what I'm doing as of lately - grimly protecting my autonomy. Not a fun position to be in... I am trying to figure many things right now with money being just one aspect of it. What about you? How is it for you in Germany (OOH, Nietzsche and Hegel, OTOH, people standing at 3 am at the completely empty intersection with perfect visibility just because the light is red )?

[finity]

people standing at 3 am at the completely empty intersection with perfect visibility just because the light is red

You can't imagine how shocked I was when I visited Dublin a few years ago. People were running over red lights at 10am, more or less ignoring traffic. Imagine me walking towards a green traffic light, green turns red, I stop , people basically ran over me I was in shock for minutes before I accepted the fact that no one cares at all and traffic lights are more of a recommendation than a rule.

[wolf]

"What about you? How is it for you in Germany?"...
Well, Nietzsche, Hegel, rules, order, perfection and punctuality. These are some aspects of Germany But not all. There are also Goethe, automobile manufactures, Merkel, and of course Bavaria! ... and many more.
I don't know exactly what you ask, to be honest. I remember my last relationship now. I am NT and she was/is SJ. I want my autonomy. So I can understand you. As you say, sometimes I was also "grimly protecting my autonomy". I learned from it and I guess I will be a little bit more gentle next time. It depends, IMO, on the level of autonomy you start, the level of autonomy you need, and the level of autonomy which is acceptable in a relationship for both partners.
Does your partner know about your aspects of autonomy? Is he aware of? Sometimes it helps, when you two understand why one is behaving a special way.

[bryan]

people standing at 3 am at the completely empty intersection with perfect visibility just because the light is red

...
before I accepted the fact that no one cares at all and traffic lights are more of a recommendation than a rule.

Heh. That would be an interesting survey question "If come to a red light at an intersection and you see it will be clear for the next 10s, what do you do?" Or "It's 4am with no one on the roads. You are approaching a red light. Do you stop?"

Autonomous cars should help speed trips up if they are allowed to break some laws (or laws are re-written).

And, oh yeah, welcome Clarice!