Hello Everyone, I am new to the ERE boards. I am a 46 year old school librarian. I am married with 2 sons (17 and 10 years old). Currently I am hoping to retire by age 55 so I am not as early as most people here. I was raised frugal. My parents were good at telling me to save money and model ways to do this. But they were not educated and were afraid of investments like stocks and mutual funds. I remember my parents putting any extra funds in CDs. My father is of Eastern-European stock and I was raised in a very strict religious background. I lived at home during college except when I had a scholarship to study abroad. I graduated with no debt due to working part-time during the school year, full-time summers and my parents helped with the rest. Sometimes I would work out ways to share textbooks and sometimes I even bought the books, photocopied them and returned them before the 2 week period was up if they were not too long. (I know that was not good)
When I graduated the job market in my area was dismal. I did not want to move and did not have the money to do so without going into debt. I was lucky to get a Grad. Assistant position in French. I was paid $600.00 each month and taught a class/did office work. I also babysat, cleaned a professor's house, substitute taught and did other various odd jobs whenever I had a free moment. I tried to take one extra class for free each semester too. I continued to live at home and save money. Then my second year of grad school I got a part-time job at a private school which paid a bit above minimum wage but I was getting experience. We were told we could not work other jobs which everyone else obeyed but I felt that was ridiculous - they did not own me. And most of the other kids had parental help.
Then my part-time job turned into full-time the following year. I realized very quickly though that being a French teacher was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life so I went back to school for a MLS degree (my true passion, discovered a bit late) and paid as I went along going to school at night and every Saturday. Meanwhile, my friends were living in apartments and buying nice cars. I actually shared a car with my mom until I was 24. It was not easy to meet men when you live at home and have a curfew though but luckily I was dating a man I had known in hs who was from a family that was not well-off. In fact, some girls rejected him when they saw his house. I never thought about those things - I looked at the person. I actually dated another man who was dirt poor earlier in college. Now I realize why he always seemed self-conscious about his background.
At age 28, I finally got a well-paying job in a public school system for $35,000 a year. And the benefits were very good.I thought I was rich!
I got married at 27 to my husband who lived at home for a few years before so he could save for a house. We each contributed towards the down payment of a small condo in a low-cost area called Cuyahoga Falls. He had a few thousand dollars more than I did but I had 2 Masters degrees that I paid for. We both had newer cars and a small amount of savings. We eloped and my parents agreed to give us a small reception which cost them $1,000. I made $1,200 in cash plus gifts. I am the only person I know who made money on their wedding. My MIL took our photos. I wore a dress that cost $60.00 that I could wear again. My wedding/engagement rings were $450.00 total. My parents gave us a few more thousand since we did not have the regular wedding. I don't know many women who have done this but it sure gave us a boost financially. My SIL had a huge wedding at the same time for 20 grand plus the honeymoon. The thought of that made my almost physically ill. The year I married I made 20 grand, before taxes! It amazed me that someone would waste that on 1 day when it would take me a year and maybe 4 months of working 50 hours a week to earn that! It also seems to me that in our society most women want a big wedding in order to have a day that is all about them. They love the idea of everyone fussing over them and being the center of attention. I just never felt that desire. In the past, people had weddings at home and parents/relatives cooked the food. As usual we are influenced by the media into wasting $ on impressing others with things we never had in the past.
2 years later I had my son and I stayed home a year to nurse him (another way to save $). My husband was making about $35,000 at that time. I bought 90% of the baby stuff at garage sales and thrift stores. When my son was 15 months old, I went back to work 3 days a week at my old job and my mom watched him one day a week - my MIL 2 days a week. They did this for very free for one year. Son #2 was born in 2004 and I only took of 4 months with him. This time we paid my MIL, 20 bucks a day to watch him. My mom did 1 day a week for free. Living near family has benefits.
Anyhow, the only major losses of money we have had in our married lives has been due to my health problems. I have some autoimmune illnesses but I have always forced myself to work. I keep hoping for/pursuing a cure. My medications have recently caused dental issues which cost us 10 grand over the last 3 years. I am doing everything I can to fix it. Last check-up I only had 2 small cavities. However, I am a bit angry that not one doctor warned me about the possibility of this happening. You really have to be on top of everything. I got sick when I was 22. I will say that it has been a rough road but I find that if i force myself to keep going, somehow I usually do.
Right now we are doing okay. My husband has a very demanding job at FedEx. He works at least 90 hours each week and is unable to help out much at home. I try to make sure he is taken care of by cooking good food and handling things so he can focus on his career. I am lucky I am off work in the summers and have a lot of sick days. We hope he can work there until he is ready to retire. I worry about his health and well-being. He is very talented with woodworking and remodeling. He figures if he gets laid off he may be able to pursue these interests.
We have $72,000 saved for college so far in an account I opened 17 years ago. I will pay tuition but not for a dorm since it is more expensive than an apartment. I will help my oldest son live in an apartment for one year if he maintains his grades so he can experience being on his own since we missed out on that. But he will need to pay for more than 1 year so he can learn to budget.
We don't eat out often and when we do, we use coupons, split entrees, order H2O, etc. The one area where we spend freely has been on our children's activities. My youngest son takes tennis and gymnastics. I would be wiling to give up a lot for him to continue. The private lessons are outrageously expensive. He only takes 2 half hour private lessons a week right now. We also contribute money to charities and I often donate for various causes at work. For instance, we are asked to donate for students in need. I usually give between 400-450 for that each year. The public has no idea how much fundraising teachers do for needy students and how much comes out of our own pockets. My job used have very good pay but that is changing. I believe that in 10 or 15 years teachers will be paid slightly more than minimum wage. For a while there were some ridiculous things going on like people retiring with lifelong pensions and benefits at age 52. They had only paid in 5% of their pay into the retirement system. My state has since raised the retirement age to 65 and now I pay 15% of my pay towards retirement. We also pay 20% of our insurance. The old-timers paid nothing.
I imagine that it will keep getting worse and I don't trust that there will be enough money to give people what is promised. But most people believe it.
We have a 1,800 square foot house which is paid for and all the cars are paid for. We have some savings and my husband's 401K plus I have a small annuity.
I was shocked to read some of the posts about how most woman are not frugal. I know in my larger family, we are all frugal. I am of Croation/Slovak descent on my dad's side. Maybe some of the single men should check out these types of women. Most of my female cousins work and are frugal. My parents preached work, work, work the whole time I was growing up. My mom drilled it into my head that I should be able to pay my own way and never depend on someone else. We always had a huge garden growing up. We also made hay to sell. I still garden and find it is good exercise and saves money. I plant one with my father and it is great since I am off work in the summer. I have time to freeze and can.
Anyhow, Sorry to have gone on so long. I am looking forward to "meeting" some frugal-minded people here and to support each other. And to give the single men hope that there are frugal women out there!