Search found 163 matches

by ellarose24
Mon Jun 14, 2021 11:06 am
Forum: Lifestyle Questions
Topic: A Jacob Mention
Replies: 79
Views: 4145

Re: A Jacob Mention

I am sad to see alphaville go. From my perspective, there is quite an ego within this community of “only the most intelligent and strongest beings on this planet will understand the full depth of such an amazing philosophy such as ours.” I think the forum can do with some humility, however I know ma...
by ellarose24
Sat Jun 12, 2021 5:57 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

Some thoughts as I disentangle myself. The internet, I believe, is very bad for me. I believe it is bad for most people, but for my specific brain—and I believe those who have brains like mine, it is one of the worst possible things. This is because mania is constantly looking for a way to take flig...
by ellarose24
Sun Jun 06, 2021 4:53 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

Hello my friends, I am once again here to apologize for the mess that you have witnessed. Anyways. It was, how long, 2-3 weeks of me being completely out of commission? By this I mean, I had started chain smoking cigarettes, writing non-sense (not just here, everywhere I could), ordering fast food, ...
by ellarose24
Wed Jun 02, 2021 12:38 am
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

Mental illness is very hard to decipher because there are both (what is theorized and widely accepted) chemical and neurological *things* happening while also those things focusing and being filtered by the reality of your life. For me, this seems to focus on: Rebellion followed by terror and then a...
by ellarose24
Mon May 31, 2021 6:27 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

I am not really sure to be honest because I don't know I'm in a cycle until the very end of one (as in right now) and at the tail end of one--the last week or so, my memory is shot. I know it's ending when I start getting borderline comatose and extremely tired. This last one was I suppose two month...
by ellarose24
Mon May 31, 2021 5:43 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

Sigh, all roads lead to me picking up the pieces again. Focus: Environment and health for now. Needed improvements: I have largely stopped eating and coffee intake is at the point where I am getting sick in the afternoons, losing weight rapidly. My environment is currently: hellscape. I don't really...
by ellarose24
Fri May 28, 2021 9:29 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

i was reading and i ran into this amd i had to stop a second and yell that's totally bpd! :lol: and no it's not the big incurable people used to think it was hahaha anyway more later once i read calmly, but from skimming: good for you resuming dbt. i hope your shrink is a good one, ok now i go on t...
by ellarose24
Fri May 28, 2021 9:00 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

I feel sort of tangled and drowning a bit. As I said above I do think I have borderline "symptoms" or as various psychs and therapists have said--"traits." I typically do not mention this as, strangely enough, bipolar has far less stigma than any personality disorder even though ...
by ellarose24
Thu May 27, 2021 1:18 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

I agree. My ex-GF was prescribed beta blockers and had a resting heart rate significantly lower than that (100-120?). She said if felt like her heart was always bouncing out of her chest even when relaxed. So sorry mistyped due to my phone! It’s 85. It’s actually gone down, it was averaging 115 or ...
by ellarose24
Thu May 27, 2021 8:26 am
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

@alifelongme Hi! I have long suspected I have ASD. Psychs are weird though. I went to one of the top doctors in my area for diagnosing ASD and she said I was a “highly sensitive person” who has had extensive trauma. I really dislike the HSP label. It tries to make my sensory problems and crashes fee...
by ellarose24
Wed May 26, 2021 9:49 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

-M took away my computer, I am 100% addicted to online spaces -I found some awesome radfems to protest with. But they are lesbian separatists. I’ve been down this road before, and it starts with “comphet” and ends with me reframing trauma from men as disgust until someone’s convinced me I’m a lesbia...
by ellarose24
Tue May 25, 2021 3:28 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

in zen which is where she took this from there's a difference between pain and suffering. a teacher once told us "buddhism promises the end of suffering, not the end of pain" :mrgreen: that much is sketched out in the handouts pasted above.... accept pain to avoid suffering. -- eta: here'...
by ellarose24
Tue May 25, 2021 3:15 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

The radical acceptance one is tricky. Sometimes people don't suffer because they refuse to accept reality, sometimes they suffer because others are legitimately being shitty and enjoying the ego trip. Sometimes they suffer bc of social injustice. I'll need to think on this -- where is the line betw...
by ellarose24
Tue May 25, 2021 10:24 am
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

Oh and--these are the two PDFs I send to people constantly while ignoring myself:

Image

Image
by ellarose24
Tue May 25, 2021 10:20 am
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

Could probably use a link to both the class and the pdfs... :D Here's the best resource I've found https://adoeci.com/sites/default/files/grupos/dbt-skills-workbook.pdf But you do need a class. If possible, I'd see if there is an actual program near you for in person DBT(if you have insurance that ...
by ellarose24
Mon May 24, 2021 4:23 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

Alphaville wrote:
Sun May 23, 2021 10:15 pm
you might like this...

https://youtu.be/OTG7YEWkJFI
Funnily enough--I readily distribute radical acceptance PDFs all over the internet, but don't meditate on them much myself lol. I'm thinking about signing back up for a DBT class (online.)
by ellarose24
Mon May 24, 2021 4:21 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

It actually sounds like your Apple Watch is a useful tool for monitoring when your stress levels are getting out of control. Maybe there’s a way to set notifications if your heart rate gets over a certain level as a signal that you need to slow things down? Or maybe this is just another example of ...
by ellarose24
Sun May 23, 2021 9:21 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

My blips have evolved into, erm, is this pre-episode or am I already in it? Money, cigarettes, sleepless nights. Moving medicine up, smoking joints seems to ground me as well. Something I just want to post, for posterity. Many people who are mentally ill are, actually, trying their damned hardest. D...
by ellarose24
Fri May 21, 2021 3:59 pm
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

I thought you meant that you were languid had brain fog and are just plain useless for the first 3 hours. People often tell me that they aren't awake yet or aren't awake when they first get up and that is what they mean. You literally don't get out of bed. My bad. Hmmm.. maybe I was trying to make ...
by ellarose24
Fri May 21, 2021 11:47 am
Forum: ERE Journals
Topic: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles
Replies: 194
Views: 20107

Re: The Road Goes on Forever--Sometimes in Circles

Changing things might thus require nixing some superfluous upkeep rather than outsourcing it. (Usually the first thing to go for such things would be the TV or other sources of video.) also tv/movies/games, again for me, are a great cheap way to stop thinking thinking thinking thinking all the time...