7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑Sat Jun 03, 2017 10:37 am
I lived better when I was a boy on the farm then I do now." So, I asked him "Why don't you visit her again, and maybe you could live on the farm with her?" and he instantly, brusquely replied "Oh no, I couldn't do that. I would be bored to tears in 3 days."
brute has experienced this type of "unable to put cat back into bag" or "what has been seen cannot be unseen" or "ratcheting" effect before, if probably not in such a dramatic way. once certain experiences have been lived, it is hard to go without them.
this is more elastic in some areas of brute's life than others, but it's particularly true in terms of salary and food. it's just really hard to go back from steak and similar foods, and it's hard to go back to a "real life" salary after working in a bubble for years.
on the other hand, brute has discovered that in certain areas he has no problem going "back", because "back" wasn't worse at all - sometimes better. brute actually prefers harder mattresses - or none at all. brute prefers monotony in eating. brute prefers simple to fancy, and often, less possessions to more.
relationships is one that's particularly hard, because humans are so infungible - every human relationship brute has ever had was unique, even if it lasted only hours. in a way, the more relationships brute has had, the worse it's become, because the new ones have to measure up to an increasing amount of past experiences they won't provide.
brute wouldn't go so far as to wish he could un-experience certain things or humans, but as he ages he can definitely see the conservative opinion that having relations beyond marrying one's high school sweetheart will ruin one forever. there is no way brute could have a relationship like he used to, simply because he's known too much. there isn't a human in the world that could fulfill him as much as marrying the high school sweetheart could a high schooler.
all this has made brute more cynical over the years, and he's increasingly had to compartmentalize his life and relations. maybe it's just part of growing up.