Lightfruit55's Journal

[OutOfTheBlue]

lightfruit55, I understand this is a big step for you and the fears you have.

The concept of the good enough parent could apply here (although in many ways, this is different to raising a child). You don't need to be perfect. You'll do fine. I don't doubt that you can be a loving caretaker for this cat, and wish that in turn this relationship "across species boundaries" and the contact with the mystery of that little one may help you grow as well. May its presence be a shared joy and a gift.

[Scott 2]

I've helped raise dozens of kittens from birth to adoption age, typically around 3-4 months. I've also known a handful through to old age. No attack intended, only trying to help you and the animal find success.

The temperament of a cat is very hard to predict. Within a single litter, kittens will vary wildly. They also change a lot with adolescence, especially if they are not fixed. You don't have the control over this. Neither does the breeder. Claims otherwise are marketing. I wouldn't share an apartment with an unfixed cat of either gender, btw.

Something to consider - many animal shelters only adopt kittens in pairs. They bond and tire one another, making behavioral problems much less likely. If you're having challenges, and only one kitten, that's a likely cause. Not a failing in your ability to train, or the temperament of the cat.

I encourage you to learn to trim the kitten's nails ASAP. Taught young, they'll let you blunt the pointy bits with minimal complaints. It goes a long way towards pain free play and protecting the furniture.

If you consider declawing, take some time to learn about the procedure. It's essentially amputation of the cats finger tips. Considered so cruel, some states in the US have made it a crime.

Best of luck with the new pet. Life with animals is always more exciting. You'll certainly grow as a person.

[ertyu]

Right -- in the end, I'm someone who read three paragraphs of text on the internet so my opinion is necessarily just that, an opinion which may or may not be serviceable. You know yourself and your own life best -- and your own country, too: what is best when it comes to getting a pet, etc.

I don't doubt you will care for your new cat well. Share some cat pictures when you're in the mood, I like cats!

[lightfruit55]

lightfruit55, I understand this is a big step for you and the fears you have.

The concept of the good enough parent could apply here (although in many ways, this is different to raising a child). You don't need to be perfect. You'll do fine. I don't doubt that you can be a loving caretaker for this cat, and wish that in turn this relationship "across species boundaries" and the contact with the mystery of that little one may help you grow as well. May its presence be a shared joy and a gift.

Your kind words made me tear up. My close friends think I'm being dramatic with this cat issue and I know I may sound like that, but this is a most profound "leap of faith" first for me - a decision that is totally irrational to me, and driven mainly by feelings towards a "what if I step out of my comfort zone for once and see where life takes me", my partner's desire and a trust that he will be a loving cat dad, and a chance to voluntarily expand my world and heart beyond just myself.

[lightfruit55]

@Scott - Thanks for sharing your experience and knowledge. I did read up on how it's best to adopt kittens in pairs but it's currently beyond our perceived capabilities. Maybe once we have some experience with one kitten/cat, we will be more confident to get another, and next time by adoption. As for declawing, we are not considering that at all as it sounds quite cruel. We are definitely planning on training our kitten to accept regular nail trimming. By the way, do you brush cats' teeth and if so, how often do you brush them?

@ertyu - Your opinion was very valuable to me - lots of harsh truths. I get that my perfectionism is feeding into my anxiety and vice versa. Hopefully, in rolling with the punches that come with learning to raise my kitten, I will learn that I don't need to be perfect and that life (me and my kitten) is sturdier than I give credit for.

[lightfruit55]

Tomorrow, we will collect our kitten. I am scared yet excited for what the future holds. I hope that my partner and I will be good enough 'parents' and that we will enjoy the journey of caring for something so utterly dependent on us.

[Scott 2]

I've never been successful at brushing my cats teeth. It's a shame, because the dental cleanings are expensive, especially when extractions are required. But it's not something we've been able to figure out.

Good luck with the kitten. A new pet is so much fun.

[lightfruit55]

Financial Update

I’ve close to 21x yearly expenses in liquid assets, and ~27x in total net worth (including retirement accounts and mortgage debt but excluding property value). For the purposes of ERE, only the metric for liquid assets is relevant though so definitely not FI yet.

I tend to do a lot of mental accounting, and I’ve decided that my next financial goals are in the following order:
- Earmark all new income towards paying off our mortgage before our fixed-rate term ends. We are in the 3rd year of our mortgage and have about 2 years to go before the end of the term. It may not be the optimal financial decision to pay it off but it would feel good to clear our mortgage within the first fixed-rate term so we don’t need to bother about interest rates, refinancing, etc, going forward. (Will be able to save up for my remaining share of my apartment mortgage if I work until May of next year…)
- Increase target net worth by 50k for my share of cat expenses.

Next update should be a cat update...

[ertyu]

yes please, cat pictures!

[lightfruit55]

2023 Reflections

It’s been a while since my last update. I hope everyone has been well and I’ve been enjoying the many EOY reflections of many ERErs. Here’s one to add to the archive.

Cat

The elephant (cat) in the room - I know, I know, I owe a cat (picture) tax. As a proud cat mom, I really want to share photos of my cat. However, Singapore is a small place, my cat is a special breed and I post videos & pictures of my life with my cat on social media, I’m hesitant to pay my cat tax here for fear of being doxxed. I hope to share pictures one day though…

I never in my life thought I would be a cat owner. I mean, do you know of anyone who goes for counselling before deciding to be a cat owner??? But I’ve really grown into the role and have learnt a great deal about myself and my partner:
- That my heart is big enough and capable of expansion
- That I can be equally annoyed at the responsibilities of having a cat yet enjoy the experience of its companionship
- That my partner is such a responsible and great cat dad in many ways different from me
- That it takes team effort to properly care for our cat
- That the cat is adding a new dimension to our relationship
- That the cat is (truly) our owner and we are its subjects

I’m still commitment and responsibility averse and still view my cat as a burden - I feel so responsible for this helpless ungrateful creature, I worry about it when I’m away for many hours, my day-to-day feels a lot more restricted because of cat duties, travelling is such a hassle, etc. But I also feel this sense of peace, fulfilment and happiness when I spend time with my cat. I can also tear at will just my imagining my cat dying or being hurt or ill…

It’s really a hot mess of feelings towards my cat. I’m starting to think if this is how having a kid will feel like.

Kid

This issue is still at the back of my mind. Currently, my thoughts are that I will only consider a kid if:
- I’m already financially independent (e.g. 30x yearly expenses in liquid assets and no debt)
- We have enough saved up to finance the kid until college (I estimate around SGD 500,000 or maybe more... kids seem to cost a lot in Singapore)
- Probably a bigger apartment???
- ???

I don’t know why the criteria are still so financial in nature. Is my kid aversion due to financial fear or something more? Definitely a lot to unpack here and considering my age/biological clock, it’s not like I have much time. I think that I will eventually need to make peace with things on this issue.

Finances

I now have close to 22.25x yearly expenses (adjusted for inflation) in liquid assets, and ~29.25x in total net worth (including retirement accounts and mortgage debt but excluding property value). For the purposes of ERE, only the metric for liquid assets is relevant though so (still) not FI yet.

Work

In 2023, I became more engaged at work. By engaged, I don’t mean to give 110% or to seek out more responsibilities or visibility. Instead, what I did was try to be more social, to get to know and enjoy my time with my colleagues and participating in work events and activities. Essentially, I embraced Loserism (gervais principle) and I actually enjoyed my “time” (literally and also figuratively I guess) more. My current thinking is that this is (more likely than not) going to be my last proper corporate job and I should have fun while doing time.

Fitness

I’m proud of my commitment to fitness in 2023 - stuck to my habit of working out at least 5 times a week (for 30 mins) during the year. Probably only failed for maybe 2-3 weeks due to illness but even then I would still complete a few light workouts those weeks.

Nutrition

Not proud. While I’m still generally conscious of the amount I eat, I fail at controlling my vices. As the model asian, I am still addicted to evil concoctions with tapioca pearls. And I also consider myself a connoisseur of baked goods.

Relationships and Social Life

Still maintaining loving relationships with immediate family - spouse, parents and siblings.

Friendship circle remains (painfully) small and stagnant.

Increased social life in 2023 by attending more work events and more of partners’ social events. I make it a point to attend with an open mind and being genuinely interested in the lives of other people. I am now beginning to enjoy such social activities and am looking forward to putting myself out there more in 2024.

[lightfruit55]

2024 Priorities

I don’t quite believe in goals but in priorities and systems. But if I were to have one goal (which I hope the my new fitness, nutrition and social priorities below lead to), it’s to lose that pesky few kilograms and reach my ideal body weight and BMI of 20.5.

Fitness: Continue working out 5x a week (for at least 30 mins)

Nutrition: Embrace epicureanism and eat only delicious food that I crave/want to eat in moderate amounts and without feeling guilty. Do not “make do” i.e. do not waste calories on non-delicious food/drinks

Relationships: Continue to maintain loving relationships with immediate family.

Social: Increase social circle by getting back into playing g*lf (not sure if it’s a dirty word here). My partner has a much bigger social circle due to this
sport and I’m looking to see if I can also increase my social circle from this. So my goal will be to play at least 2 rounds per quarter this year.

Mental: Dream more, be more idealistic, vocalise these dreams and idealisms to expand my possibilities and (hopefully) manifest

Finance: Save 80% of income and reach 26.25x annual expense in liquid assets (assuming I’m employed throughout the rest of the year)

Work: Continue to enjoy work as much as possible and remain employed for so long as the working environment is favourable

[singvestor]

"g*lf" made me laugh. All the best for 2024!

[lightfruit55]

Thanks @singvestor! Same to you!

Slevin’s “freedom-to” post really resonated, particularly in the way it was delivered. No BS and very practical advice. What I got out of it:
- Don’t waste time figuring out the meaning of life (at least for me for now)
- Focus life on “freedom to” and not “freedom from”
- Figure out what I want to do NOW. In doing so, tune out external noise and societal expectations. This is quite difficult for me as I am generally anxious about whether I’m doing the right thing (by perceived societal standards). It’s very hard to break free from the invisible mental chains in an East Asian society.
- Be biased towards actions (especially if stakes are low).
- Reflect after action and adjust accordingly.
- The things you like/want to do may change and that’s cool - do that “something else” then.

The live player/NPC imagery was extremely powerful to me and the thought of living my life as an NPC is just fxxxxing sad.

I am someone who struggles with vision, and also with anxiety regarding how society/others may perceive me (I know this is all in my head and that people who don’t matter actually don’t care). I want to work on that in 2024. That is why as one of my 2024 focus (under the “mental” category), I plan to update this journal more frequently with thoughts/rambles on how I envision my ideal life/what I want to try or do. I don’t want to identify as any archetype but as someone who does whatever she wants.

I always struggle with finding my “freedom to”. And apart from not trying enough things, it’s because I associate finding “freedom to” with something Ted-talk or elevator-pitch worthy. In truth, I don’t really aspire to do anything (societally or materially) meaningful or impactful at this point. I should just be honest with myself as to what I enjoy doing and want to do more of.

What I enjoy doing:
Puttering about at home
Cleaning, decluttering and daily chores in a stress-free manner
Simple, efficient and healthy recipes, cooking for myself and my partner
Spending time with my partner and my cat
Go down Internet and Youtube rabbit holes
Watch funny reels
Organising my finances
Daily workouts
Watch anime

What I want to do or do more of:
Build a strong sense of self and “not give af” about what others think.
Get back into my yoga practice - to be more “mindful” and more flexible
Play more golf - to increase social circle
Learn more simple, efficient and healthy recipes
Eat like an epicurean
Reach my ideal weight
Bring my scaredy cat out!
Spice up my romantic life!!

What I want:
Passive income to sustain my expenses and not worry about money
More friends
Deeper connections
Look fit

I already see some common themes and threads. Will explore more in coming posts.

[lightfruit55]

Financial update ('x' being my annual expenses - at moderate level standard of living)
Liquid assets
Cash: ~2.5x
Bonds (mostly treasuries of varying terms): ~8x
Global equities: ~9.75x
Local equities: ~2.5x

Illiquid assets
Retirement accounts: ~9.25x

I’ve been very conservative. The standard and rational “FIRE” advice is to take risk when you are young (e.g. heavy on equities and growth assets) but I’ve flipped the advice on its head. Since I started pursuing financial independence, I’ve always been biased towards safeguarding my financial base - that means holding cash, building bond ladders and increasing contribution to retirement accounts. Naturally, the cost of my peace of mind is all the bull runs that I’ve missed out on. Oh well. Anyway, I now feel somewhat safe with about 10 years of runway in cash and bonds and think it's time to wean myself off the drug named Security. It’s now time to focus on supercharging my equities portfolio. I’m expecting a (hopefully big) bonus payout in March and intend to deploy most of it into equities.

[delay]

The standard and rational “FIRE” advice is to take risk when you are young (e.g. heavy on equities and growth assets) but I’ve flipped the advice on its head.

Thanks for your journal. I too flipped the advice on its head and took too few risks when I was young.

Although when I was young I didn't know much about investing. The risks I took were all wrong, like investing in insurance products with high costs, or pension schemes that lock your money until you're too old to enjoy it.

If you keep taking more risks, you're still flipping the advice on its head. Why do that?

[frugaldoc]

I think your desire to be conservative with your financial assets when younger makes sense, especially if one has a modest number at which one considers themselves FI. It would be consistent with the Permanent Portfolio type of strategy: you have protected the money you can't afford to lose and now that you have that secured, you can take more risks. Of course one could argue the other course as well but I think that case is made more effectively when discussing starting a business or taking a wild career swing when young. There is a lot more asymmetry in that when compared to plain old investing.

[lightfruit55]

@frugaldoc - Great observation. yes my mindset was to protect the money that I feel I cannot afford to lose - a financial safety net that would ensure I would not be faced between the choice of homelessness or toxic employment. I agree that I now feel assured to take more risk but would like to clarify that the risk that I'll be taking is more in terms of volatility (as compared to cash, bonds and retirement account assets in my local currency).

@delay - As long as your assets have been preserved, those decisions, while not optimal can't be "all wrong" - don't be too hard on yourself! Also, great question. To clarify my intention, I'm not trying to take on more risk for growth/more money (though that would be welcomed!). Actually, I feel that it is risky to have too high a capital allocation in local assets for long term purposes (outside of 10-20 years). I am looking to increase my proportion of global equities because I don't have full trust in the long term trajectory of my country/currency. I'm no financial or investment wizard but I see the risk that I'm willing to take on here as, specifically, volatility risk. Hope this makes sense.

[delay]

@delay - As long as your assets have been preserved, those decisions, while not optimal can't be "all wrong" - don't be too hard on yourself! Also, great question. To clarify my intention, I'm not trying to take on more risk for growth/more money (though that would be welcomed!). Actually, I feel that it is risky to have too high a capital allocation in local assets for long term purposes (outside of 10-20 years). I am looking to increase my proportion of global equities because I don't have full trust in the long term trajectory of my country/currency. I'm no financial or investment wizard but I see the risk that I'm willing to take on here as, specifically, volatility risk. Hope this makes sense.

Thanks for your reply. I wish bad investment products preserved my assets. For example, when I started working I paid into a company pension scheme. After five years I had put in 20k, the market had done very well, yet the value of the pension was just 4k. Turns out the insurer took around 80% of my deposits in costs. Investors in the "profit triple" product fared even worse. Their deposits were used as leverage to borrow more money and buy stocks. After 20 years of contributing the participants ended with a debt!

I share your doubt about the future of my country and its currency. But global equities also come with questions. They've risen so much over the last 15 years that I wonder what's up. Investing in global equities feels like fishing in a pool where lots of investors just made a killing. How likely is it that global equities will continue their growth?

[lightfruit55]

Thanks for your reply. I wish bad investment products preserved my assets. For example, when I started working I paid into a company pension scheme. After five years I had put in 20k, the market had done very well, yet the value of the pension was just 4k. Turns out the insurer took around 80% of my deposits in costs. Investors in the "profit triple" product fared even worse. Their deposits were used as leverage to borrow more money and buy stocks. After 20 years of contributing the participants ended with a debt!

Sorry to hear this. The debt part is shocking. How is it legal even? Is there any kind of recourse?

I share your doubt about the future of my country and its currency. But global equities also come with questions. They've risen so much over the last 15 years that I wonder what's up. Investing in global equities feels like fishing in a pool where lots of investors just made a killing. How likely is it that global equities will continue their growth?

Well, I suppose I don't see any other alternative? I think we can only hedge our bets. For a successful retirement, from a financial perspective, there has to be (at the very least):
(1) security in a roof over our head (home ownership is important especially in older age - I can't imagine having to deal with uncertainty of rent increase and/or stress of having to move in one's later years)
(2) assets in currency of retiring country; and
(3) foreign assets to guard against decline of purchasing power of local assets. For foreign assets, the easiest to manage and which is sufficiently liquid would be global equities.
A plus would be right of residency and to work in another country but this does not seem so simple to acquire.

The non-financial assets would include good physical and mental health, a strong family/social network and a wide range of useful skills.

[lightfruit55]

It has been a while. These days, I feel like I have reached some sort of financial milestone though I'm not able to pinpoint exactly what it is. My FIRE goalpost has shifted significantly over the years. In fact, this singular goalpost has been broken down into various fuzzy milestones which I'm not able to nor particularly interested in defining in great detail. Generally, with my liquid assets, I feel financially secure for the next 20 years (conservative estimate)... or even up to 25 years. It will be great to increase the financial buffer but accumulation is no longer a primary focus, and I want to be more intentional in shifting my attention to enhancing my non-financial assets e.g. health, relationships, etc.

Recently I had the opportunity to quote for a part-time consulting gig. This is my first time with such an opportunity and I felt so confident in setting my asking price, payment terms and maximum hours as non-negotiable. I wish I could say otherwise but this confidence comes from still having my reasonably cushy day job. I will only want to take on this part-time consulting gig on VERY SPECIFIC terms and am willing to walk away if any of those terms will not be met. I am primarily interested in this gig to have exposure in a new industry and to explore whether I would enjoy part-time consulting. I should be hearing back from them in the next 1-2 weeks. We shall see...