Late Sexuality Extreme!

Should you squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle or from the end?
7Wannabe5
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Re: Late Sexuality Extreme!

Postby 7Wannabe5 » Tue Jan 10, 2017 2:51 pm

@Bobby McGee:

There are just 3 basic steps to the female half of the conventional dance.

1) Make yourself attractive.

2) Signal availability.

3) Filter.


I don't hear you saying anything like "I would like to date, but I am too fat and psoriasis-ridden." or "Nobody ever asks me out.", so we'll put a CHECK by (1.)

So, the first potential problem area to address would be in the boundary or intersection of (1) and (2) where you may need to make more of an attempt to assume the superficial appearance, posture and behaviors readily associated with being "approachable." For many years you have been spending most of your day in a situation where you need to look attractive, or at least presentable enough to perform the duties associated with your career, while simultaneously signaling "not available' to your male co-workers. So, it is likely that you have semi-consciously adopted a posture that is either rather closed and rigid or a sort of neutered beige casual, like the office equivalent of wearing Mom jeans.

Luckily, now that you will have plenty of time at your disposal during semi-retirement, you will have ample opportunity to engage in activities that will serve to help you relax out of office posture. Spending time in nature, focusing on the aesthetic or sensual elements during any activity, interacting with other women or children or animals, focusing on your own body in a positive way (pampering) are all activities that will help you to relax in your feminine energy. Felipe did a very good job describing behaviors he engages in to help his female partners relax into their feminine energy. He has to do this because most of the females he meets are probably only advanced beginners. Generally, it is better if you learn how to do this for yourself, because then you free up your male partner to focus on invoking the masculine. IOW, you want to take care of yourself in a manner that will bring you to the first encounter with a man already in a state of post-massage relaxation. Once you achieve this state of relaxation, all you need to do is smile. Even if you are too shy to smile for more than a second before lowering your eyes, it will still work.

Okay, moving on to what should be, but often isn't, the obvious main behavior change needed to be made by many females in order to signal availability, which is YOU HAVE TO GO OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!!! The second, simple but difficult, thing you have to do is inform everybody in your social circle that you are looking for a boyfriend. Likely the first person you need to inform is yourself ;) Do it right now. Walk over to the mirror, and say it to yourself, "I, Bobby McGee (fill in real name) want a boyfriend." First rule of frugality is the same as the first rule of filtering which is don't go shopping without a list.

The second rule of filtering is the same as the second rule of dieting which is "Don't go into the donut store unless you plan on eating a donut." If you have difficulty getting to know men well enough to determine suitability before having sex because you tend towards being rather easily sexually aroused, you will have to make up two or three rules for yourself to help with that. The first rule I would suggest you adopt is if you sometimes fail at following your other rules, just let it go. Some females find jilling-off before a date to be helpful, but sometimes it has the opposite effect. Most men are actually not inclined to hard-sell for a job position they aren't looking to fill. Therefore, if you are unambiguous in communicating that you are looking for a boyfriend, then they will stick to play within those parameters. Finally, in dating realm, the donut store maxim is simply adhered to by not allowing yourself to be alone with a man in any private venue. Of course, his car is always a risk, but it's kind of unavoidable. The most important thing to remember is that if you make out with a guy in his car on Friday, he is not necessarily a better candidate to be your next boyfriend then the guy you didn't make out with on Wednesday. Keep your standards even if you lose your bra.

I hope some of this might be helpful? Have fun out there! :D

Bobby McGee
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Re: Late Sexuality Extreme!

Postby Bobby McGee » Tue Jan 10, 2017 5:51 pm

Yes this is very helpful. Thank you ! Made me laugh too.

1) You are right, no issues here.

" So, the first potential problem area to address would be in the boundary or intersection of (1) and (2) where you may need to make more of an attempt to assume the superficial appearance, posture and behaviors readily associated with being "approachable." For many years you have been spending most of your day in a situation where you need to look attractive, or at least presentable enough to perform the duties associated with your career, while simultaneously signaling "not available' to your male co-workers. So, it is likely that you have semi-consciously adopted a posture that is either rather closed and rigid or a sort of neutered beige casual, like the office equivalent of wearing Mom jeans "

I never thought about this. How the office environment would impact my personal life at this level. This is enlightening !
+1 on developing my feminine energy.

" If you have difficulty getting to know men well enough to determine suitability before having sex because you tend towards being rather easily sexually aroused, you will have to make up two or three rules for yourself to help with that "

Very true. I think I lack this part. Will work on it.

"Keep your standards even if you lose your bra" Yes sire !

RealPerson
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Re: Late Sexuality Extreme!

Postby RealPerson » Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:23 pm

@7W5

Your knowledge and understanding of human relationships in general and sexuality in particular never ceases to amaze me. Given your excellent writing style, I vote for writing some books on those topics. These are destined to be bestsellers!

Or maybe you and C40 can join forces to write from the male and female perspectives.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Late Sexuality Extreme!

Postby 7Wannabe5 » Wed Jan 11, 2017 10:40 am

RealPerson said: Your knowledge and understanding of human relationships in general and sexuality in particular never ceases to amaze me. Given your excellent writing style, I vote for writing some books on those topics. These are destined to be bestsellers!


Thanks for the compliment but I would suffer terribly from "imposter syndrome" if I were to attempt any such thing. C40 and I are kind of on the same page because we have read some of the same books/authors and attempted the practice suggested. My advice to Bobby McGee is just a smash-up from a few different sources combined with a bit of my personal experience. Core bibliography for the above smash-up would be:

"It's a Guy Thing: Owner's Manual for Women"- David Deida
"Be Honest: You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve"- Ian Kerner
"Dating Rocks!: The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make for Love"- Steve Nakamoto

I was a disaster coming out of my divorce 10 years ago, but an older more-experienced-at-being-single female friend and a younger more-experienced-at-being-single male friend both got me started on reading lists that helped me boot-strap rather quickly. Since archival reading (back-tracing to original sources) is one of my hobbies, I determined that core advice towards success in this realm has been pretty consistent across time and culture, and some of it can even be traced back to Voodoo folk wisdom!!!

I would also note, or offer disclaimer, that the behavioral practices that are likely to bring success in dating/courting/sexual-attraction/romantic-attraction are only a sub-section of behavioral practices/skills needed to maintain healthy relationships over the long-run. However, I have witnessed many relationships fail due to lack of awareness/skill in this sub-set because human beings are not naturally a mate-for-life species, so there is a level on which you must always be intermittently engaging in the courtship rituals with your partner. IOW, any relationship is an open complex system which will not forever remain in the comfort zone of easy equilibrium.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Late Sexuality Extreme!

Postby 7Wannabe5 » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:50 am

I should also note that my current perspective/situation is such that the next book on my reading list in this realm is "Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships: How to Create What Works for You." by Michaels and Johnson. As the results of the AARP survey of even the less sexually active over 45 crowd clearly reveals (22% of men and 11% of women having sex outside of primary relationship in last 6 months), if some anthropologist member of an alien species were observing our species behavior from afar, and over the millennia, huge variations from the monogamous marriage norm would be noted. Increasing technology, education and affluence have made the option to choose multiple partners more available while simultaneously causing other not wholly unrelated difficulties. So, it is a bit of a chaotic mess out there these days.

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Olaz
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Re: Late Sexuality Extreme!

Postby Olaz » Wed Jan 11, 2017 2:58 pm

The idea of "feminine energy" (listening, care, kindness) and "masculine energy" (strength, clear, providing) seem to reproduce the binary, traditional gender norms often found in, for example, nuclear families, advertisements, TV media, news articles, k-12 schooling, etc.

Are these terms and their inherent assumptions really necessary? Even if these are socialized gender tendencies, if a man can be both kind and providing, a woman can be strong and caring, a non-binary person can be all or none of the above, or any other number of combinations, why use labels that reinforce stereotypical characteristics onto their respective genders?

7Wannabe5
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Re: Late Sexuality Extreme!

Postby 7Wannabe5 » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:36 pm

Olaz said: Are these terms and their inherent assumptions really necessary? Even if these are socialized gender tendencies, if a man can be both kind and providing, a woman can be strong and caring, a non-binary person can be all or none of the above, or any other number of combinations, why use labels that reinforce stereotypical characteristics onto their respective genders?


No and yes, and yes and no.

A friend of mine who is a very conventionally attractive woman developed a crush on a famous quite-overtly-uber-masculine journalist/writer who was going to do a signing at the bookstore where we both worked. It was part of her job to pick him up at the airport. The next day, I asked "So, how did it go?" and she grinned and said "I f*cked him blind." Obviously, what she meant to convey was that she had whipped herself tight as a top with self-induced through idol-worshiping behavior mix of testosterone/dopamine????, so she was the driving-energy partner within the context of that encounter. In life, as in sex, the most attractive individuals are those who are strong in both energies and can freely choose to exhibit them as desired.

OTOH, I personally know many people who have experimented with taking testosterone, and there can be no denying the fact that it has an effect on drive and personality. Beyond simply popping a pill or applying a cream, there are many behaviors that can boost or reduce testosterone levels and drive. Exercise, overt success, status gain, observing new hen in the barnyard, all tend towards raising testosterone levels. Human beings who were born with testicles usually behave as though they have more testosterone in their blood stream than people who were not born with testicles, because usually they do have more testosterone in their blood stream. I don't think it is beneficial to deny this reality. I do not think it is beneficial to overstate or repressively reinforce the ramifications of this reality.

Ironically, although men on average have higher and stronger sex drives than women on average, they are actually more fragile in their sexual functioning. To put it in simple, obvious terms, a male can not engage in the act of sexual intercourse unless he is physiologically sexually aroused, and a female can. Also, males have a much longer on average refractory period than females. Therefore, drive and arousal and behavior tend towards being differently muddled and mixed in those who have outies vs. innies. Sexuality is generally experienced as more binary on/off by males and more wave pattern by females. I also have a good deal of experience interacting with men who have lost the ability to easily achieve an erection when aroused, so I have a feel for how this is the opposite of the manner in which a female can choose to function even if she is not aroused. There is a limit to the ability (even with aid of active imagination and props) to assign homologous organs similar purpose. The brain wiring isn't even the same. For instance, most men have a nervous system superhighway connecting their visual cortex to their penis, and eyes-to-clitoris superhighway is not the case for most women. Another example would be that I have noted that men who have nipples that are erogenous are more likely to be ambient in their sexual functioning than men who have "dead" nipples. Some wiring can be changed with training or practice, but only so far up or down the dial.

So, when directed strength/energy is labeled as "masculine" and responsive strength/energy is labeled as "feminine", there is a level of which this is reflective of physiology and indicative of preferences. OTOH, I absolutely believe that each individual human has a unique and evolving fingerprint in terms of sexual identity, so ...?

Have you seen the movie "Wetlands?" Great depiction of a character who exhibits a lot of crazy-strong juvenile mixed feminine and masculine sexual behavior and appearance.

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Dragline
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Re: Late Sexuality Extreme!

Postby Dragline » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:47 pm

7Wannabe5 wrote: A friend of mine who is a very conventionally attractive woman developed a crush on a famous quite-overtly-uber-masculine journalist/writer who was going to do a signing at the bookstore where we both worked. It was part of her job to pick him up at the airport. The next day, I asked "So, how did it go?" and she grinned and said "I f*cked him blind." Obviously, what she meant to convey was that she had whipped herself tight as a top with self-induced through idol-worshiping behavior mix of testosterone/dopamine????, so she was the driving-energy partner within the context of that encounter. In life, as in sex, the most attractive individuals are those who are strong in both energies and can freely choose to exhibit them as desired.


It's that grand old story of "She offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night long it was on her and off her." A classic. :lol:

Felipe
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Re: Late Sexuality Extreme!

Postby Felipe » Thu Jan 12, 2017 12:42 pm

@ Olaz, what's your perspective on what humans find attractive?

I'm also curious, were you born as someone who was naturally attractive or was this a field that required focused effort for you to cultivate?

I find that all those traits you mentioned are things that either gender finds attractive in general, who doesn't want a caring partner who listens?

I see masculine and feminine as energies that create polarity of a focused vs receptive energy.

There is masculine in every feminine and vice versa. I enjoy the dancing between these 2 and occasional switching of energy here, it is not black and white but more of a tendency that fuels more passionate fun.

Moreover, there are many things that humans simply find attractive that are irrelevant to the dichotomy.


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