My husband is still on the treadmill

[Thecoalminerswife]

Like others, I've decided to write here to make sense of why I'm coming back to this ERE site so regularly.
It was an easy conversion for me when a young friend sent me a link. I grew up in a family who practise ERE principles, although not so much of the Extreme part, My father retired at 55, my brother retired last year at 56. I recently drifted out of the workforce at 55, although intend to drift back in and out as I want to. I'm a secondary teacher and can do casual days at short notice. I have no desire to ever "own" a job again.
My husband has a hectic job in the mining industry in Australia. He earns good money. He works extraordinarily long hours. He's knackered. I play the support role - happily - I'm loving not working flat out, pottering around cooking and gardening, doing some volunteer work, enjoying exploring new hobbies, catching up on reading for pleasure, having long conversations and deep thoughts. Researching things that catch my interest. Bliss.
My real issue is that my husband seems to be working himself into the ground. The mining industry has shifted in the last couple of years and is now more demanding on workers than ever before. Having only met ten years ago, and having decided to consolidate financially in those early years of our relationship, we decided that he should do FIFO work (fly in, fly out), so we really haven't spent too much time actually living together in those ten years. Last year we relocated away from our home to a pleasant country town where he was offered a well-paid job, with the idea that he would finish his career there and retire about age 60. His adult children live in our family home on the coast and we rent a cottage in the country town.
In the last couple of months, he has increasingly been saying "I can't do this any more". Instinctively, I thought that we'd be OK if he walked away tomorrow, and after reading what Jacob says on ERE, the various forums and other links, I know we will! The main problem I have is convincing him.
I've talked about ERE with him, given him examples of how people have taken advice, planned and then do it. He's not convinced. We've worked hard to consolidate. Our assets are currently:
House $800,000 (No mortgage, adult children living in it)
Two cars (Audi, Subaru) No debt
$400,000 in savings account/term deposits. Accumulated with the idea of pulling the plug at any minute.
$50,000 in shares
$700,000 Husband's superannuation (retirement fund he can access at 57)
$200,000 My superannuation
Our annual spending is approximately $60,000, plus rent of $25,000 for the cottage which will disappear if he leaves his current job and we move back into our family home.
His take-home income is approx $120,000 pa.
I know that we can cut our expenses, but he needs to be assured that we will have enough money to live without feeling as though he is restricted by lack of money.
He's always worked hard, with a strong Protestant Work Ethic. I've always worked hard, but have taken more risks - leaving good jobs to go travelling, etc. He's more fearful than me about jumping out of the workforce. His identity and life is bound up with his work. Mine isn't.
I turned 55 a couple of months ago and realised that I'm only 15 years off 70!! While I know that there are many 70+ healthy, happy, active people around, my feeling is that is when we may start to slow down a bit. I want to make the most of the next 15 years. My husband doesn't feel the same urgency.
Please ERE-ers, how do I convince my wonderful husband to join me on the adventure of life while we still have our fitness and health.

[jennypenny]

Welcome.

Annual expenses of $60K seem high to me, but without seeing budget details it's hard to comment. I'd be uncomfortable trying to retire with that kind of annual burn rate. You'd need to get that lower I think before he quit. Once you've lowered your expenses, you could live off of savings and bank his check as a trial run for retirement to make him feel more comfortable.

Do the adult children pay rent or contribute to the cost of owning the house?

[Thecoalminerswife]

Hi Jennypenny. I agree with you - we spend too much. He's the classic person often mentioned on the ERE site who spends/wastes money buying things to make him a bit happier in the short term, e.g. most recently he bought two bottles of wine for $150. Ahhhh.
His adult children are "house minding" for us, not paying rent, but they are paying utilities. We have agreed that they would not contribute to our house's expenses so that they can "get ahead" financially, although I'm not sure they are being as financially sensible as I'd like. My fear is that they have increased their standard of living, not their savings rate! However, we also have a few rooms downstairs that we use once a month or so when I/we return to our hometown to visit family etc. It's more convenient for us to have access to this accommodation.
I completely agree with you about living off what we think our budget might be before we actually retire, however our expenses are a bit extraordinary because of the nature of his work - e.g. having to rent another property, fuel costs (he travels 100kms each day, I travel 700kms each month to visit family in hometown). I know that these things will significantly reduce once he's not working. I have no doubt that we can reduce expenses. My challenge is convincing him that the benefits of FI outweigh the inconvenience of not buying expensive stuff.