let brute answer this in reverse, because he's learning about this himself as he goes. it's more of a discovery process.
FBeyer wrote:
You don't want to travel anymore. You don't want to start a company. You exhibit a strange duality towards other people[1]. Do you just want to fuck some skanky doll that you can't stand having a conversation with all day, browse 4chan in the afternoon and eat all evening for the rest of your days?
brute used to think that is all he wanted - travel, fuck skanky dolls, browse 4chan and eat all evening. then he took some FU money and did it, only to find out that it stopped being fun very quickly. travel actually lasted much longer thank skanky dolls did.
brute might travel and fuck some more skanky dolls in the future if he feels like it again. it's not that he's decided these things aren't fun, but they're not enough to do all day every day, or give life meaning. (in brute's mind, meaning == sufficient distraction == fun to do all day, every day).
FBeyer wrote:
Why are you pursuing FI?
I don't care what you're running from, I want to know what it is you're moving towards. What do you want to be remembered for?
brute is hoping to know it when he sees it, running past. incidentally, brute doesn't feel like killing himself (which humans sometimes assume upon learning of his cynicism). thus he's probably going to be here for a while. individuals change, and most of the things they want to do take money. so FI is likely a good use of time if brute ever finds meaning, and just as useless as everything else if he doesn't. brute also enjoys watching numbers grow.
FBeyer wrote:
Your Cynicism and apparent need to feel needed by others clash greatly in my head and I'm really wondering how your personal form of nihilism meshes with becoming financially independent.
You mention having plenty of friends, but you almost always mention that in the grand scheme of the universe nothing matters.
for brute, Nihilism isn't an ideology (=nothing should matter), it is a realization. thus there is no real clash or paradox - just like there exist chickens and eggs that apparently never heard of the chicken-egg-paradox.
in the end, brute is run mostly by low-level, unconscious functions, like most individuals. the intellectual philosophy he comes up with is likely more of a pattern that matches his incidental unconscious preferences, rather than a strategic vision. again, like most individuals.
in the grand scheme of things (=universe), quite obviously, nothing matters. especially nothing that humans can do. even if humans nuke the entire planet and leave no trace of it, which is probably beyond their reach, it would hardly matter. nobody would remember. the other planets would keep flying around. the solar system would continue soaring through the milky way or however that works. in terms of entropy changed that day in the universe, the change would hardly be detectable.
these statements are not very controversial, brute thinks. what's controversial is brute thinking about them. but if it's controversial to think about somewhat uncontroversial things, doesn't that mean that humans simply don't WANT to think about them? either because they're trivially true, or they want to distract themselves from them.
so brute's conclusion is that the way in which he is defective is his lack of attachment to his own life, or the life of the human species, in the abstract. he finds nothing morbid in talking about the heat death of the universe, and of every life form in it, including all humans who'll ever live. this just does not faze brute emotionally. this does not mean that brute doesn't get fazed emotionally in regards to humans, ever. just that he seems to have more emotional distance in some intellectual pursuits.
edit:
FBeyer wrote:
Are you certain you're applying your Cynicism in a constructive manner?
brute is certain that without a goal or meaning, there can be no constructive measure to any activity. brute is somewhat hedging his bets by pursuing FI, but not too much, so he can say "Carpe Diem" and check out any time, but potentially fund some meaningful behavior in the future, should he find it.
other than that, what would FBeyer consider a constructive application of Cynicism?