7Wannabe5 Journal Take 2

[BPA]

Dating can be a chore. I've kind of developed a "Who cares? Being alone is good for me too" attitude to avoid it seeming like work. At 46 I am okay with my serial monogamist way of approaching relationships and accept that as each one ends, that might be the last. I just can't stand bullshit.

I've had this attitude since I was 32. Funny thing is that I'm never single for longer than a year and have been dating my current boyfriend for 7 years.

The cool thing about substitute teaching is that it will give you all the liquidity you need, at least in the short term. It all depends on how much you feel you can handle. I couldn't do elementary school, but I find teaching high school fun (apart from parents who are in denial about little Johnnie's behaviour and government initiatives which are designed to win votes, not improve education). But you can largely avoid that problem if you are subbing.

[7Wannabe5]

BPA said: Dating can be a chore. I've kind of developed a "Who cares? Being alone is good for me too" attitude to avoid it seeming like work. At 46 I am okay with my serial monogamist way of approaching relationships and accept that as each one ends, that might be the last. I just can't stand bullshit.

I've had this attitude since I was 32. Funny thing is that I'm never single for longer than a year and have been dating my current boyfriend for 7 years.

Hear you. It's kind of like this cycle where I'm happy in most ways with being alone but then I'm thinking "But why shouldn't I be dating? Isn't that what single people do?" and 6 weeks from the moment I have that thought I am well on my way to being in another relationship. I think it's very analogous to other thoughts I sometimes have about baking cookies.

The cool thing about substitute teaching is that it will give you all the liquidity you need, at least in the short term. It all depends on how much you feel you can handle. I couldn't do elementary school, but I find teaching high school fun (apart from parents who are in denial about little Johnnie's behaviour and government initiatives which are designed to win votes, not improve education). But you can largely avoid that problem if you are subbing.

Funny, I really like the little ones but I can't handle large groups of teenagers (1-on-1 I do enjoy tutoring at the more advanced levels of study.) I think this is partly due to the fact that I know the little ones do need adult supervision on a very basic level but I feel like I am too much playing prison warden with the older ones and they can sense that I feel that way. The only "problem" I am having at the moment is that I am now on the preferred list for all 3 elementary schools within walking distance of me and I feel somewhat guilty turning down some assignments because I tend towards being soft-bloated in my adult feminine caretaker functioning. One really annoying because true thing my recent-ex once told me was that I didn't have to worry about money in my old age because if nothing else it will always be the case that somebody in my social circle will set up a rocking chair in an extra room for me and plop a baby on my lap (Of course, it was also annoying that he said this because he was quite wealthy himself.) I can sometimes write like a cool, calculating rational bird-possessed-of-talons but in real life my external presence/vibe is so harmless mammal that the most frequent nickname bestowed upon me is Bunny. One of the high school teachers I was supposed to cover for actually told one of the bigger better-behaved boys in his class to bodyguard for me before he left the room.

[BPA]

ha ha Prison warden! That's what it feels like some days for sure and depending on what the principal is like, the inmates run the prison.

Very interesting that your cyber persona is quite different than "Bunny" which is quite endearing.

[sky]

Is car-less living still working out for you?

[7Wannabe5]

Well, my second attempt at being happy with the lifestyle of kept woman has ended in fail so here I am back again in almost the exact same circumstances as when I last made a journal entry.

Since my fixed expenses only total about $420/month, I foresee only a little difficulty in managing on a budget of $625/month. I gave up coffee for green tea and I have planted a lot of vegetables on my 3 vacant lots so I am going to challenge myself to get by on only $10/week of additional groceries. My rough goal/plan for semi-retirement is to strive to work for money only about 20 hours a week most of the year and not at all in July/August and Mid-December through mid-February and earn an average of $20/hr. Since this should provide an income of about $1250/month, I will have a 50% savings rate. Then I will maybe eventually use the savings to purchase a foreclosed duplex or build a tiny duplex on one of my lots and then my shelter expenses will be net zero and my fixed expenses will be only $220/month. I have been considering working full-time or more for a shorter period in order to accelerate my duplex acquisition but it is highly likely that I am too lazy to do that.

[7Wannabe5]

My urban "paradise." First two photos show my backyard poly-culture container planting. Second two photos show my two adjoining vacant lots with baby sour cherry tree and intersecting vegetable beds. Last two photos show my third vacant lot which is planted with not yet visible squash and the abandoned house next to it. Some species identified growing wild or remnant from disappeared garden of the past are concord grape, burdock, dandelion, Canada hawkweed, zig-zag clover, climbing nightshade and white mulberry.

[7Wannabe5]

I have attempted to use the system theory model to design my web of activities/goals for my semi-retired-self-employed-slacker lifestyle for approximately the next 6 months (very long time for an ENTP!) in something resembling the manner described by Jacob in the book. I am allotting/estimating approximately 48 hours/week devoted to activities that are not simple maintenance, transition time or wandering around the house drinking a cup of tea and thinking about the book I just read.

Goals or Effects


1) Health
2) Wealth
3) Knowledge/Skills
4)Creative/Artistic Expression
5) Social Engagement/Connection
6) Fun

Activities/Effects

1) Book Business- 8 hours- Positive (Wealth, Knowledge/Skills, Fun, Social Engagement) Neutral (Health, Creative/Artistic Expression)
2) Permaculture/Shelter/Vacant Lot Development Project- 12 hours- Positive (All 6!)
3) Swimming/biking- 8 hours- Positive (H, K, S, F) Neutral (C) Negative (W-very small since I already own a bike and I get a free pool pass.)
4) Drumming-4 hours- Positive (H, K, C, S, F) Negative (W- not too bad since I will start out by using small kit my sister had for her robotic bear drummer)
5) ACT Test Prep Business- 8 hours- Positive(W, K, S, F) Neutral ( C) Negative (H- slight, since pizza will be served.)
6) Extended Family/Friend Scheduled Plans- 8 hours - Positive(S, F, C) Possible Positive(H, K) Negative (W-but not too bad since my gang is generally willing to substitute creativity for cash.)

Starting in September, I will probably also try to work these into the mix. Not sure yet what I will cut back on to keep it at 48 hours.

1) Substitute teaching- 8 hours- Positive (W, K, S) Possible Positive (F, C) Neutral (H)
2) Dating- 8 hours- Positive (H, S, F) Possible Positive(C, K) Strictly Held Neutral (W)

I will use a spreadsheet/log to keep track of my hours/expenses and whether or not the activity did have desired effects overall. For instance, it has been my experience that substitute teaching is highly variable in the category of Fun so I'm just initially estimating it as a very slight possible positive on average at the 8 hours/week level.

[Dave]

The web of goals system is such a good approach to life. I used to be so min/max on one area, but this approach is much better at moving forward in one area without sliding back in others. Sounds like you have a great plan in place.

I may have missed this in a previous post, but how did you get into rare/used book dealing?

Also, FWIW, I have to say I greatly enjoy reading your posts - you have a very unique, enlightened perspective on many topics and a great sense of humor.

[7Wannabe5]

Thanks! I had to read around 20 books before I finally understood perma-culture philosophy as example of systems theory and then was able to attempt to apply it to my own lifestyle design. My problem is going to be that I am such a dilettante, it will be very hard for me to even stick to just 6 projects. I really should have Pure Novelty as one of my Goals/Effects because I know I will seek it. Having super fun time learning how to play the drums because never attempted before. I even started learning how to twirl drumsticks!

I'm a lifelong bibliophile. I was the librarian's pet in elementary school and she took me on a buying trip when I was 10 years old. I was working for a major chain of bookstores as an inventory manager about 13 years ago and I happened upon a book on the topic of how to sell books on the internet. When the internet market was new, I was able to make an adequate living for frugal person just scouting/dealing books. Now it's more like trying to make a living gathering truffles. Definitely worthwhile and fun to do if you know how but not enough supply of books you can sell for profit. Anyways, I actually have a degree in mathematics so there are other things I can do to make money if/when I want.

.

[7Wannabe5]

June Report

Spending:

Entertainment/Social- 59.99
Personal Transportation-40.00
Food and Household-99.77
Girl Stuff - 29.47
Skillz/Gear-14.99
Health-68.13
Kids-50
Shelter/Utilities-303

Total:665.35

So, I came quite close to my goal of $625/month. My social budget ran a bit high because I attended a family graduation out of state. That trip also accounts for my $40 of personal transportation costs which would have otherwise been $0. I did not even come close to meeting my goal of only $10/week for food in addition to garden produce, even though I have been harvesting and eating lots of salads, stir-fry greens and mulberries. Mostly this was due to my close proximity to many very good, inexpensive ethnic markets, bakeries and restaurants.

Web of Goals

1) Book Business- only logged about 10 hours this month. Net income (less phone, business transportation, etc.) $327.

2) Permaculture/Shelter/Vacant Lot Development Project- about 40 hours this month, unfortunately had to spend more time on manual lawn maintenance which I do not enjoy than actual gardening which I do. No expenses this month, but I did have quite a few in May, so still in the red on this hobby/business. Harvested 21.5 lbs. of produce this month including mulberries, kale, collards, arugula, broccoli, parsley, basil, variety salad greens, dill and beets. My beans, corn and squash seem to be behind schedule and my peppers aren't looking too great, but I'm likely going to have a ton of tomatoes, eggplant, cabbage and ground cherries pretty soon. The grape vines I inherited are an overgrown mess but are productive on the fringes. I just got my property tax bill for the year and I will have to pay a total of $322.33 for all 3 lots.

3) Swimming/Biking- only logged a couple hours biking this month due to too many hours of sun-exposure doing manual lawn maintenance and the fact that my new used bike sucks. My free swim pass which also entitle me to free water aerobics classes just became active this week and so far I have logged 4 hours and I am loving it! Expense-$12 for swim cap and padlock.

4) Drumming- maybe 10 hours total. Mostly fun so far even though I have zero talent. My sister who is a talented musician has composed a set of punk-horror songs and she is desperate enough to recruit me to help her perform them. Also motivated to take up this hobby because one kindergartener who was cuddling with me during story time told me that my arms were nice and soft. -Expense-$0

5) ACT Test Prep Business- less than 30 hours. More interesting than fun at this phase. I have to create website and flyers. My sister is putting together the presentation materials. Our first sessions will be offered in September. We plan on beating our competition on price and fun. Hopefully, this will prove to be a good $$/hr activity for me. We've spent around $80 on start-up costs so far and will probably have to spend another $200 before we see any income.

6) Extended Family/Friend Scheduled Plans- more than 30 hours. Very enjoyable. Did spend some money as I mentioned above.

7) Substitute teaching- logged 35 hours last two weeks of the school year. Was able to attend some end of year concerts and parties with cupcakes, so reasonably fun. Income-$678

8) Dating- I was going to wait until September to start dating again, but it was too weird and quaint just hanging out with my also recently single and middle-aged sister eating mulberry crisp and watching period dramas, so we both decided to get back on that pony sooner rather than later. My DD24 periodically raids my closet for cute clothes so I had to buy a few items at the thrift store, but I didn't go over my previously determined Girl Stuff category budget, so my expense for June was $0 and I got coffee, dinner and escort to free concert after dark. (July is proving to be a bit more expensive so far since I felt compelled to go Dutch for one date already because I didn't like the way he kept grabbing me at a museum exhibit, which was unfortunate since he was going to take me sailing too. ) I decided against becoming polyamorous due to the significant lack of man-candy in my age range in that community and also because I am incapable of uttering the phrase "non-fluid-exchange relationship" with a straight face, but it is my intention to not let anybody sucker me into being their girlfriend until I've dated the field. Anyways, having fun so far except for the fact that some nerd-hater sent me 3 mean messages telling me that I should be dating on BrainiacsRUs.

Conclusion:

Income - Expenses= $339.65- start-up-costs-new-business=$299.65

Personal Ratings System

Spending - (A-)
Earning- (D+)
Quality of Life- (B-)

[GandK]

Anyways, having fun so far except for the fact that some nerd-hater sent me 3 mean messages telling me that I should be dating on BrainiacsRUs.

Glad you're having fun! And it's no wonder the gentleman who messaged you isn't, if that's his response to women's preferences when they don't describe him.

Bless his heart.

[7Wannabe5]

Actually, he was taunting me for being a nerd, not for expressing a preference for dating nerds. He may have been joking, but not a good tactic to employ with somebody who did suffer some nerd-persecution in childhood. My sister told me to emphasize how obnoxious I can be in my profile, since my appearance is sort of Cabbage Patch Doll.

[jennypenny]

I decided against becoming polyamorous due to the significant lack of man-candy in my age range in that community and also because I am incapable of uttering the phrase "non-fluid-exchange relationship" with a straight face,

That reminded me of an old article that talked about "fluid-bound" couples ... http://www.washingtonian.com/articles/p ... exclusive/

I like the pics. Will you have to fence things off to prevent people from taking the food? Someone once recommended planting 'sharable' crops/bushes along the street lines (like berry bushes and fruit trees) to me. The idea is to let people help themselves to what they can reach and hope that it satisfies them enough so that they don't come into the garden to take other things.

[7Wannabe5]

@jennypenny- Interesting article. I think that it is likely true that due to simple market factors, over the long run, women would tend to benefit from such an arrangement/contract. I mean, whatever the modern manifestation, the fact is that traditional marriage (whether monogamous or polygamous-but-not-polyandrous) contracts were mostly invented by free male property holders for free male property holders. One long-term successful polyamorous arrangement I knew of was between two married couples, and one of the wives (mother of a friend of mine) was definitely the primary instigator and promoter of the relationship. My friend grew up with the other couple's two children as semi-siblings. However, this may have been a special case because both of the husbands, one British and one American, were literally diplomats.-lol. I once suggested opening up our marriage to my ex as a solution to some of our difficulties. He was hipster-enough to give the matter some due consideration but then told me "No. I am too American."

I have decided to consider human vandals to be just like any other form of garden pest. I will start with doing less and rationally proceed towards doing more to prevent crop theft or destruction if/when it occurs. This is just an extension of a general philosophy I follow which keeps my resting pulse rate in the excellent range, which has included, for instance, considering teenage girls in the kitchen as being like chipmunks in the garden. Later this summer, I also intend to start an experiment with living on one of my vacant lots which will also be based on this rule of thumb. I will simply go over to my property at 6 AM one morning and commence to live there until I encounter problem, rather than anticipating any problems beforehand. Of course, I will retain my current living quarters, so I imagine that it will be sort of a challenge I will safely fail at some juncture every day, for many, many days. One of my favorite books is "A Pattern Language: Towns, Building, Construction" , so my experiment will be towards revealing my own individual patterned needs in the realm of shelter and attempting to come up with some creative solutions towards a frugal ideal.

[1taskaday]

I just thought of 2 good business ideas that may suit you.

1.Start a relationship blog based on matchmaking people through their Myers Briggs personality types.

2.Start a type of "agony aunt" type blog based on answering relationship problem-questions.

I know they are the most lucrative type of blogs,I kid you not...

I have no time now but will dig out some info.on this later.

You definitely can write,you love all that Myers Briggs stuff and you enjoy advising people about relationships.

Penelope Trunk does a really popular one based on careers and Myers Briggs.

Just a thought....

[Dave]

I just thought of 2 good business ideas that may suit you.

1.Start a relationship blog based on matchmaking people through their Myers Briggs personality types.

2.Start a type of "agony aunt" type blog based on answering relationship problem-questions.

I know they are the most lucrative type of blogs,I kid you not...

I have no time now but will dig out some info.on this later.

You definitely can write,you love all that Myers Briggs stuff and you enjoy advising people about relationships.

Penelope Trunk does a really popular one based on careers and Myers Briggs.

Just a thought....

Very interesting! I could see 7Wannabe5 doing this if she has the interest. The skill (of producing entertaining writing) and knowledge (of relationships) are there. Is there a blog in your future?

[7Wannabe5]

I very much appreciate the support and suggestion : ) , but at the moment I would really feel deserving of any sort of "physician, heal thyself" commentary that might come my way if I attempted such a blog. Up until around 12 years ago, I was a total snob who rarely read anything that fell into the category of self-help, but then when my long-term marriage reached a new low, I suddenly cracked and started reading anything that might help, and I joined a forum, much like this one, but inhabited by people who were either in sex-dead marriages or had cheating spouses, and we all read and discussed more books on the topic together.

Anyways, that is why I am quite knowledgeable about most of the theories and recommended good practices in this realm, but half the time I am just talking-the-talk rather than walking-the-walk myself. Actually, somewhat analogous to how I am naturally good at being frugal, but not very good at earning money, so I don't accumulate significant savings, except in the realm of relationships, I would say that I am more somebody who is good at earning money but bad at being frugal. In the 8 years since my marriage ended, I have been in two relationships in which rings were exchanged, had another 3 serious boyfriends (said "I love you", requested monogamy, introduced me to children and/or favorite aunt, saw or called me every day, etc. etc.), 2 fairly long-term lovers (absent one or more of the qualifications for BF status), 1 sexualized friendship (12 years younger than me-terrible error in judgment) and 1 ONS (we were both sad and on the rebound, his wife had left him to become a Buddhist nun) with no overlap, but, obviously, no significant breaks either. My serial monogamist behavior/attitude has become somewhat akin to "Oh, I'm out of Captain Crunch, that's too bad. Guess I'll just mosey on down to the store and get me a box of King Vitamin this time." My 26 year old son, who is a very I , INTP , recently told me that although he loves me very much, he has no interest in meeting any more men with whom I am in relationship until/unless I am walking down the aisle. My response was "But, have you even considered the possibility that you might actually like the next one? " and that cracked him up. (Of course, this is the same kid who wandered into my kitchen the day after his father moved out and said "I guess this means more food for me.", so grain of salt.) OTOH, my 2 younger sisters who are single themselves (third one is happily married) and my DD24 and some of her friends ( although I do know that this is partially due to the fact that they all find the topic of their insane middle-aged mothers highly amusing) do sometimes come to me for dating advice and/or help in finding cute little dresses in thrift stores.

So, I need to focus on further developing my own independent adult masculine functioning. which is why I joined this forum. I AM A DOER. I AM A FINISHER. I WILL ACTUALIZE MY IDEAL!

[1taskaday]

The name of the blog is theratracejournal.com

Although the blog is old (and may make a lot of the technical info obslete)the guy gives lots of information on making money through blogging.

He was divorced etc and didn't seem an expert on relationships,yet made most of his money through relationship blogs.

[7Wannabe5]

@1taskaday

Thanks for the information. Not exactly what I want to do, but led me to a few very good new ideas. Unfortunately, I have no shortage of ideas. I am a self-starter, just not a self-finisher. Anyways, in a better attempt to actualize my ideal, I have (duh) returned to my previous more functional practice of leaving my house when I want to actually get some work done. Not necessarily the most frugal choice, but I am much more productive if/when I rent myself a table or booth for several hours for the price of a cup of coffee. My ideal lifestyle visualization is entitled "The Adventure-Cottage-Library" and one of its vignettes has me sitting in a new-to-me cafe working on an interesting project (and then either my DD24 or my young Italian lover approaches and joins me at the table ; ) - jk- I don't have on of those, but 9-years-younger took me out for watermelon gazpacho and that was very nice : ) ) Success for me will be income = to twice my expenses from average of less than 16 hrs. week of varied temporary or self-employment in addition to any passive income. I focus better in a distracting environment, so remembering to structure my 16 hours of work-for-money as away-from-the-cottage activity is the better plan for multiple reasons. Also, home office write-off/ cost of coffee with air-conditioned ambiance pretty much a wash, I figure.

[1taskaday]

Whatever it takes to get the job done!
Retired Syd has to do the same to get her writing done.
Best of luck with it all.