Frenchgirl's Journal

[FrenchGirl]

Post #1 - Beginning of a journey

Hi everyone,
After my introduction a few weeks back I finally find the time to start my own journal.
I use a great smartphone application to track/handle my budget. It's extremely helpful to have a clear, consolidated view of all my bank accounts, my spendings, my net worth, etc.
I will make monthly updates of all of that hoping that it will help me stay on track.

Another aspect of my journal will be sharing on a monthly basis my journey to creating a better life to myself. Let me explain : It's my final month working for my company (in sales) where I have been working for almost 3 years now. As an introvert (and for many other reasons I might explain in more details later) I hated it. But the pay is good, and I do have a lot of free time (true luxury) so I was keen on being able to stick to it another few years until I'm FIRE. I really, really did my best to look at it on the bright side, being positive, and so on but I just couldn't take it.
Hence my very big and difficult decision : Leaving. It didn't seem healthly to bear with all that unhappiness and depression at age 25 (which should be a golden age of complete bliss, I imagine).

I'm taking the leap and try to live on my own terms and create my own job. One that can suit my INTP/INTJ weirdness.

So let's go for some basic info :

Female
25 yo, started working at 22 yo
Master's degree in finance (business school)
About 6k€ left in student loan (started at 27K€ in January 2012--> very satisfying!)
Yearly fixed salary : 39K€ (+some bonuses throughout the year).


Net worth : (As of end of May) : 14697.22
Debt : 6199.88 EUR (student loan)
Savings : 20897.1 EUR


I usually save 30-50% of my take home salary but this year, very stressful as it is so far, I have been quite bad at saving . So I am hoping that keeping a monthly journal here will help me stay on track.


Next entry will be my monthly status for May with details of my budget

[I(E)reland]

Hey best of luck with that. You are definitely doing the right thing not sticking with a job you hate. I didit for too long and have seen others do it too. It can really drain your energy and creativity.

[Simple Del]

Taking the leap certainly seems like the best decision. Staying in a position you hate and are unhappy with can take too much of a toll on your mental well-being.

Also the amount you've been able to pay off on your student loan is pretty impressive!

[Star*Bucks]

Hey quick question, I see you have over 20k in savings and 6200 in student loans. Why not just pay it off and be done with it? I enjoyed reading your first post as I am very introverted as well. Hope to read more soon

[sky]

which smartphone app are you using?

[FrenchGirl]

@I(E)reland Thanks! You're commpletely right about the creativity: I feel/felt completely drained and dry. That's certainly the most important thing that triggered my decision. For example, I love writing, and that's became more and more painful to do over the months/years. When my biggest pleasure turns into a painful process, it's time to change something.

@Simple Del Thanks for the student loan! I feel great about that. It feels very liberating to get rid of debts

@Star*Bucks Good question: I could have paid everything in one go but I wanted to keep some money for "emergencies" (I'm a bit of a maniac about that). Plus, at the beginning of this year, when I decided to quit my job, I didn't know if I would get unemployment or not. If not, I would have had to live off my savings for a while and then those 6000€ would have been 6 more months of trying to create my own business (6 month is an important ressource for such a project). Now that I know I will have no interruption of revenue, I will definitely pay it all off before the end of the year. Completely debt free before 2015 sounds great!

@sky The app is called CoinKeeper. It's not free (something like 14USD per year if I remember well) but it's worth it. I tried many free apps that really didn't do it for me.

[FrenchGirl]

#2 : May (catastrophic) Financial Review - Some thoughts about being an INTP

-----Money-------


My salary averages 3000 EUR/month with high and low months. This is both a low salary and high spending month.


heberger une image

Absolutely terrible results for may, reflecting what I was saying in the first post. It has been a very bad/stressful/complicated year so far and unfortunately, the big hit is on finances. more than 500€ on bulshit I mean come on! I actually wonder if I would rather have gain 10 pounds from the stress

Important note though, those number are for both me and my boyfriend as we live together.
(And I do most of the money making for now)

Anyway, I have to do better.

Objectives for july (June is already on a poor trend)
- Bank : I have 3 bank accounts and it's getting ridiculous. It was out of my control though. I had to take two seperate student loans in two different banks (long story) and then I went to work in a bank (when I was still in business school) and was forced to open an account there too. Now I still use this last account for everything (I like the service and I still have the "employee discount" even 3 years after leaving the company) but kept the first 2 opened for the loan. Now I realise I could close those bank accounts and maybe deal directly with the recovery department for the rest of the payments.

- Transport : that will be gone by july 1st

- Magazine : to cancel

- Eating out and Misc : That of course *haaaaas* to go. Before this dreaded year, both combined was about 150-200 for the both of us. That's the goal.

------INTP Problems ?-----------

Most of this year's stress is due to my job that drives me crazy. It took me a long time to actually decide that I needed to quit because I could not figure out why a perfect job on paper could'nt do the drill for me. I was constantly wondering what was wrong with me. And let me say, it's not so much because of my friends and family who all thought that I "had it good" or was "lucky" - that really didn't affect me much because I figured out a long time ago (when I was a toddler actually) that I was just weird and "different". My whole life I haven't been satisfied by what satisfied others, I was always on a new activity/quest, loved thinking and being alone... The funny thing is for a long time, I thought I had no sense of humour. Then I realised I did not have *their* sense of humour. I could litterally spend hours solving very hard math equations for *fun*. So yeah, I never took the way other people perceived my job for granted. But in my team, there is this guy, total brainiac. When we talk, I can see that just like me, he dislikes the absence of intellectual challenge in our job. Like me, he does not get the very point of what we're doing on a daily basis but he has been there for 5 years and has every intention to keep doing it. This was very weird to me and to this day, I don't get how he does it. How can he just take the money (he makes 2x my salary) and the free time and leave everything else -what is the most important to me- on the table : challenge, purpose, flow.

Anyway, that guy made me doubt the legitimity of my pain. Maybe I was being too childish? Maybe it's not ok to be so troubled by a job I only spend about 30hours a week to?

And then today, I was reading this tread here on ERE about INTP careers and someone mentioned that it was extremely rare for an INTP to have a career and be happy about it. After that I spend some time on the internet researching INTP profiles to validate this.
Now I am quite confused. This is both a relief and a grief. A grief because, well, I am hoping to find/build a day job that I might enjoy for a least 5-10 years until I am FI. Pipe dream?

*sight*

I have a lot to think about.

[I(E)reland]

I could have written that myself! My exact experience!

[henrik]

For what it's worth, the INTP in me became satisfied with my dayjob only after moving from managing people and organising things into solving problems (logical/technical) and analysing things. The move came with with a significant salary cut which I may or may not recover if and when I move along in the new field. Absolutely no regrets so far, but it's only been a year, so who knows. Also, I don't know if it has anything to do with the personality type, but I need to be working with people who know more about what we're working on than me. The whole "if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room" thing.

[FrenchGirl]

I could have written that myself! My exact experience!

Glad to see I'm alone out there

For what it's worth, the INTP in me became satisfied with my dayjob only after moving from managing people and organising things into solving problems (logical/technical) and analysing things. The move came with with a significant salary cut which I may or may not recover if and when I move along in the new field. Absolutely no regrets so far, but it's only been a year, so who knows. Also, I don't know if it has anything to do with the personality type, but I need to be working with people who know more about what we're working on than me. The whole "if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room" thing.

It is worth a lot.
I am now actively thinking about what activity (that also makes money) can suit me. The most obvious choice would be an academic job, doing some reasearch and some teaching in physics for example. But that would mean going back to class for at least the next 6 years and I would need money for that. 6 years is a long time, I cannot go wrong with that.

[FrenchGirl]

#3- Goals for this year - Cutting the cord

I thought I might come back here and write about my goals for 2014.
My last day at work is really close now and I am finally feeling the relief. It's crazy how long it took me to "physically" intake that this job will not be my future and therefore there is nothing to fear anymore.
Anyway, I can now really focus on my financial goals for the year!

1) First of all, my monthly expenses. This year (so far), it's been about 2100€ average for my boyfriend and I. [1105 per person]. I would like to bring that back to 1500€ [750 per person] (as is was on average in 2012 and 2013).

2) Paying all debt. (currently 6007.09 €)

3) Bring net worth to 21000 €.

4) Reduce eating expenses.

Only 4 goals, purely focused on savings for now. I would like to start investing, and make my money work for me toward financial independance but I don't want to be unrealistic. 2014 is the year I quit my job and start my own business. Challenging as it is, it wouldn't be reasonable to make it also the year I start investing in the market.

About the eating expenses, I am struggling with a bad habit of binge eating/money spending every time I'm stressed, anguished, happy or sad. Not good for finances, not good for my body (even though I manage to keep my eating 80% healthy). I don't know how do deal with that. I'm usually pretty good with having the "mind over matter" self control attitude which make me even more frustrated with this particular trait that is resisting me! The only reason to eat should be hunger. Period.

In order to help me get a handle of this, I am going to write about it.

I am blaming my childhood. Every adult does, of course. Everything is blamed on the childhood and ultimately on the parents. I hate to be such a cliché but it is what it is (Or, well, it is what I feel). Both of my parents grew up very poor. They didn't have much to eat and were very grateful for every full meal they could have. Therefore, as adults their opinion of what is "good enough" and what is "plenty" is quite distorded (Well, my dad more than my mom but still). I love that about them and I love that they taught me that. It is what allows me to live off 1105€/month and not feeling depraved one bit. But a child is a child and I kind of suffered (the world is hugely inappropriate. Real suffering is much worse than what I experienced but my english is not good enough to be more precise) the fact that I didn't have all the good food (I mean treats) my friends had.
When everyone in the schoolyard had fancy creamy cakes + juice (morning and afternoon) I would have 4 salty crackers for both breaks of the day. At diner at home, my sister and I weren't allow to have second serving of our favorite dishes. All in all, we (my sister and I) felt that we were kept out of a delicious world in which everyone else lived : Treat/pleasure food paradise. Oh my! When we could sleep over at our friends/cousins' houses we were so happy! We could eat! Delicious treats!
As soon as we were out of the house for college (the sis' first then me) we took our revenge on food. We would buy delicious food, cakes, juice, burgers, grilled chicken from food trucks, etc. as much as we could. We were/are reasonable. We weren't spending all of our tiny student budget on food but we took the habit to (finallly) enjoy (or even over-enjoy) food.
Oh and I have to say, we're not fat. (That was my Mom's excuse : I don't want you to get fat)

Anyway, to this day, food is engraved in me as the guilty delicious pleasure that I can treat myself with because I am grown and independent and not poor.

It's so ridiculous.

Oh my god! After writing this I feel all the more ridiculous about it.
I am 25 years old, it's time to cut the cord and get over it.

[eudaimonia]

I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about splurging on food. I grew up much the same way you did - feeling that I was surrounded by people eating out, eating delicious things, etc.

Good news is that you figured it out at 25. It took me until I was 35 to figure it out. And I was fat until recently!

[FrenchGirl]

I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about splurging on food. I grew up much the same way you did - feeling that I was surrounded by people eating out, eating delicious things, etc.

Good news is that you figured it out at 25. It took me until I was 35 to figure it out. And I was fat until recently!

Thanks! It's very helpful and congratulations for the weight loss!

[FrenchGirl]

#4

[DutchGirl]

Similar story here about food. I spent the weekend at my parents this weekend, and they still have some strange rules, for example they keep on seducing my little niece to eat "just one more bite", while she (2 years old) shows that she has had enough. When I grew up, they would on the other hand not allow me to not eat something. If I didn't like to eat something, I would go to bed hungry, and next day I would have to eat it as breakfast (yes, for example cabbage as breakfast, yum). So for me, too, when I started to live on my own, I celebrated the freedom of being able to decide by myself what to buy to eat, and how much, etc. I have a complicated relationship with food and it's something I definitely still struggle with, although I might be getting better at it...

Also, as for your work: that job and you probably were not a good match. I hope you will now have time to develop a career, find a job or a work environment to your liking. My boyfriend started his own company after working for a boss for a few years, and for him that was the best option and probably the only option, he is just not made for the regular 9 to 5 job kind of thing, and also not for having a boss who can boss you around. For him being an independent contractor is also quite lucrative, as he is very good at what he does (software engineering by the way) and so companies hire him to solve a problem for them, and they pay him well.

Maybe working on a project basis is something for you as well; maybe you "just" need a different kind of job... I hope you get the opportunity to find out what to do next.

[FrenchGirl]

#4 - June update and Jubilation

Well, time flies and I could not be happier about it since I finally got out of my job! After 6 months of excruciating pain, of not knowing *how* I would be leaving this company (on my savings, or waaay better than that), after endless administrative bulshit and struggle here I am : Free! In the best possible circumstances!

Interesting enough, for the first few days I felt nothing. I was just going around the day like nothing happened, like nothing changed. And then, when I started working on my classes (I am going back to school for awhile, more on that later) in the middle of the week, I started feeling the relief, the joy.
It almost feels like I haven't been myself for the last 6 months. Like a zombie, I guess. Studying, learning something I love makes me feel so... I don't know, alive ? It amazing!
Amazing what FU money can do for you. I was prepared to walk out the door just like that, just quit. Something very few people actually do (without another job secured) because it means no unemployment money which is not sustainable for most. But thanks to the power of frugality, my (very meager) savings could last almost 2 years (My BF and I would have started spliting expenses again) giving me then the power to ask my boss directly for this specific departure contract. Worse case scenario he gets mad, says no and I have to quit. No big deal !
A few of my co-workers wanted to do the same, but could not afford the "no". I could, and now here I am. You have to be able to risk it all (seemingly at least) to win it all. Lesson learned.

Financially, not much is going to change for the next 9 months. Then I will qualify for unemployment.

My BF might start working again very soon, so we will be spliting expenses again. Which means, I will probably be saving even more, now.

Now let's go for June.



My last month at work. Not so bad considering the income taxes I had to pay. And my fridge broke down, we bought a new one one for 400€.

Now not much to add to that except I expect to do much better for the following month. Oh and yeah ---------> I'm free!!

[FrenchGirl]

Similar story here about food. I spent the weekend at my parents this weekend, and they still have some strange rules, for example they keep on seducing my little niece to eat "just one more bite", while she (2 years old) shows that she has had enough. When I grew up, they would on the other hand not allow me to not eat something. If I didn't like to eat something, I would go to bed hungry, and next day I would have to eat it as breakfast (yes, for example cabbage as breakfast, yum). So for me, too, when I started to live on my own, I celebrated the freedom of being able to decide by myself what to buy to eat, and how much, etc. I have a complicated relationship with food and it's something I definitely still struggle with, although I might be getting better at it...

Also, as for your work: that job and you probably were not a good match. I hope you will now have time to develop a career, find a job or a work environment to your liking. My boyfriend started his own company after working for a boss for a few years, and for him that was the best option and probably the only option, he is just not made for the regular 9 to 5 job kind of thing, and also not for having a boss who can boss you around. For him being an independent contractor is also quite lucrative, as he is very good at what he does (software engineering by the way) and so companies hire him to solve a problem for them, and they pay him well.

Maybe working on a project basis is something for you as well; maybe you "just" need a different kind of job... I hope you get the opportunity to find out what to do next.

Hi, thanks for stoping by!
My parents were exactly the same. Except I did not even had the option not to finish my diner. Like it or not, you're going to eat it. No fuss. Worse, I would get bigger servings of food I did not like. Funny enough, now, I can eat just everything (well, eddible things). I don't even get it when adult people say "Oh no, I don't eat this or that". So I guess my Mom got what she wanted

Thanks you for your encouragement for the job. I do think too that I need to work on a project basis. I have a real problem with perfectionnism and competitiveness. Which means whatever I do, I feel compelled to master it and be the best. In my former job (and I feel it would be the same in any office job) being the best meant being the best politician. It was about sales and client retention, so of course there was hard numbers, but what gives you raises and promotions is 80% office politics.
Of course I went right in the game, got the best raises of my team every year. But I felt so very empty.
I figured I need to be in a field/business where I can be proud of my mastery after a few years.
Now I am not proud that I got good at hypocrisy, flattery, and looking impressive. The problem is, I don't think I can help it (giving 200% of myself) even in things I hate.
For example, I hate cleaning, but when I do, it's like I own a restaurant about to get inspected.

I hope I don't wound too much like a maniac, but it is what it is. I might try to fix that later in my life but for now, I love the drive! I just need to be very self conscious about where (and in what) I put myself.

[pemulis]

@FrenchGirl very cool, very bold decision to quit. I was recently in a similar situation but instead ended up switching jobs rather than going for it on my own. Although in preparation I did start a contracting company (web development) and started looking for clients, I just curtailed that and decided to focus on the new job.

Anyway, here is my question- what will you do now? You said you wanted to start a company and be your own boss (me too!) but do you have any ideas now? I will keep following your progress, I hope you come up with something great!

[FrenchGirl]

@FrenchGirl very cool, very bold decision to quit. I was recently in a similar situation but instead ended up switching jobs rather than going for it on my own. Although in preparation I did start a contracting company (web development) and started looking for clients, I just curtailed that and decided to focus on the new job.

Anyway, here is my question- what will you do now? You said you wanted to start a company and be your own boss (me too!) but do you have any ideas now? I will keep following your progress, I hope you come up with something great!

Hi Pemulis, thank you for your comment! If now was not the time for you, so be it, maybe that new job will be the right one for you?
I have a business idea that I am working on (trying to develop a strong business model) while studying part time to become a graphic designer. My "real" plan was always the start-up, but the contract under which I left my job is very specific (with many advantages) and required that I study, so I just chose a field that I thought would be useful in my future company.

[FrenchGirl]

#5 - July update - Social status, news projects and feeling good -

First, the financial update.
I decided to change the way I consider taxes : I used to consider it as an expense (since here in France, you recieve it as a "bill") but now I am just going to substract it from my salary every time I have to pay. So my "total income" is now "total income after taxes".



Another rather high spending month (more than 500€ higher than budget) due to 2 big events :

1- Leaving my company after 3 years.
For my last 3 days I had 3 differents celebrations : One for everyone who could not be there on the big friday party, another one just for my closest colleagues/friends, and then the big party. So... yeah, it was expensive.

2- 30th birthday party of a friend.
I am not a birthday person. I don't like the idea of considering one person's birth as a huge event in history. But for everyone in my life to whom it's extremely important I willingly step into the celebrations. This was my friend 30th, kind of a big deal for a single woman so we went all out.

But eh, almost +600€ in my net worth while I am out of a job! So I guess it's fine anyway.


----------Leaving my job and social position--------------

It's been a little more than a month now that I left my job.
I don't miss my company, I don't miss my colleagues I don't miss a single thing. Maybe it's because it's too soon (I am so highly introverted that I can spend months without actually speaking to my closest friends and family without even noticing. I am fine with email and texts or hearing new from someone else) we'll see.

What I am noticing though is that if you don't leave your house everyday to go somewhere specific, you become somehow irrelevant. My former colleagues, who I know for a fact spend at least 50% of every working day chating at the cafeteria of surfing the internet get the nerve to imply that I do nothing all day so I have time to do this or that for them. Seriously ?
They know, because I told them, that I study part time and work on building a company part time. But apparently, doing all that from home just makes it irrelevant or just blatantly inexistant.

So now I am considering just telling people I am unemployed. Because "I am working on this project" just makes me look lazier.

What I am trying to say I guess is that really, when you leave your job, you don't just leave money behind. You leave the much more important social status (and also respect, I imagine).

I thought that studying would label me with "student" and that I could get away from the "entrepreneure" (which, believe it or not, in France is really not an appealing status, you look like a child who does not want to step into reality and get a real job. Or, you look greedy. Nasty greedy capitalist) but since I do it from home, it does not count.

So from now on and until I successfully get my start-up off the ground, I embrace my new identity : lazy unemployed young women who left a perfectly good position just because.


------------The projects-------------


Now back to reality, I am building a company. I am not going to disclose what it is just now, but it will be internet based.
I had been nurturing one business idea for a long time that I could just run into just now. But since I get my salary until march I decided to take some time to re-evaluate the market. Now, I am not so sure about my first idea : there is a lot of competition and the most important key success factor to beat the competition would require huge investments.
The market I am targetting is big, and growing. I know there are many business model that could work, I need to find the one with the best ROI, with the smallest initial investment. I want to limit my personal exposure to 25K€. I am going to invest the time that I have to focus on research.

While I do that I am studying graphic design. Webdesigner to be more specific.
My departure contract specified that I had to be studying something. I chose Webdesign because on top of my head, that appeared to be one key success factor for any web based business. And I always had a thing for art which I left behind after high school.
It's so easy to lose yourself through adulthood. Quite often you have that passion that you know would be really hard to make a living from. So you study something more "conventional" thiking that this passion will always be a part of your life anyway.

And then "life" happens.

I am so happy right now to reconnect with art, and mix it with my "adulthood passion" : computer science and the internet



Another small financial point. During this research phase of creating my company, I am starting to get some expenses that I don't know if I should just consider as another category of expense in my budget or if I should consider it an investment. The law on creating companies specifies that any company related expenses made before the filing can still be reimbursed to the founder (on the company's money) or be added in the company's equity.