A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

[OutOfTheBlue]

This wasn't a "don't try this at home" type of activity,, iDave was clearly fit for the task and he was wearing his life jacket,. As he said, he was never in real danger. Why are we even talking about this.

Aren't you projecting a bit, Henry?

I don't think the takeaway is "don't sign up for those Darwin Awards just yet" here.

To my also honest opinion, it would more be like: stay the course or adjust it as needed. You seem to be doing many things right. Continue living life in your own terms. ERE is also about this.

Life is not meant to be lived inside a bunker.

Edit: I just saw iDave posted in the meantime. Still, just adding my two cents.

[ertyu]

... it just now dawned on me, this is us worried hahahhaa

god we're ridiculous

the upside is, the internet people care about you Dave

[IlliniDave]

July Scorecard

Ignoring whatever today brings.


Rolling 12-month monthly expense < monthly annuity rate: 100% Good
Rolling 12-month monthly expense < instantaneous monthly equivalent 3% withdrawal rate: 100% Good
Stash Assessment: Fair, trending up.

Stash down around 2.3% since retirement but up 8.4% for 2023. Still one more trading day this month so those numbers are subject to adjustment though tbh, their precision is not critical. July spending acceptable per my plan, well below annuity income.

Nutrition and Health

Up at the hideout I wasn't able to stick to my nutrition plan as much as I would have liked. I gained 5 or 6 lbs of which maybe as much as half is "good" weight (my belt notch metric implies minimal girth changes, if any). I still feel good and at the midpoint of the season I haven't started accumulating aches and stiffness the way I did last year. My exercise/fitness regimen has been sporadic, but actual activity has filled some of the void. When I get back up there towards the end of the week I'm going to make an effort to restore some consistency.

General Stuff

I'm home from the hideout as part of a planned ~ 2 week break. I have some parts inbound to complete the build of a new battery box. The small challenge I have is having forgotten to bring my drill and my electronics toolbag back with me. Sloppy consumerist iDave thinks how nice it would be to get a new drill and other small tools required for kayak bush repairs to begin the process of outfitting the hideout with enough of a toolkit I can get out of the business of lugging a bunch of tools with me. I can probably scrounge and borrow enough to get by for this little project (just need to mount a 60A breaker to the box and reroute the hot side of the battery through it), which means drilling two holes in the box, cutting the "red" lead off the little harness the kayak shop put together for me, and adding terminal lugs on both sides of the cut.

But once that's complete the yak should be 100% operational. I have a scheme in mind that should fix the box to the kayak more securely at the expense of making it more difficult to access the inside of the box out on the water. I've never had a need to get into the box on the water, but it's almost guaranteed that now that it'll be a PITA to get in there, a need will arise. But it should heep the box attached to the boat in the event of another flip.

Things with my dad are going okay. Our IHHC person is slowly gaining ground against the chaos, and having a more orderly environment seems to be helpful for him. Aside from the cognitive/memory issues his health seems pretty good. Most importantly, he seems to be reasonably happy which tells me that we're doing what we should be doing.

I just passed the second anniversary of plug pulling day over the weekend. It came and went without notice, meaning things are going pretty well. From a financial perspective things have gone about as well as expected. I've not had to dip into the stash yet and two years of 0% withdrawal rate exceeds my most optimistic spending plan. My spending has been trending down for the last year so I'm hopeful that I can go at least a few more years while the stash rests. Once I get back to the hideout I'll probably sit down on a rainy day and do some internal reflection on year two. For the most part it's been anticlimactic which I think is a good thing.

[IlliniDave]

I've been back at the hideout for about 12 days now. The yak is fully operational and the fishing has been consistently good but not spectacular. I easily could have laid in a month's worth of protein in the 4-5 days I went out for a coupla hours. I did get caught in another squall of sorts, just wind under a blue sky. It definitely spooked me some but in the end was fairly easy to navigate home through. Of course as soon as I was out of the water the gale died down to the forecast 4-6 mph breeze again. My paddling continues to improve. I've switched to paddling for my commute out and back and between spots, rather than just the commute out. Cuts into my fishing time but it feels good. Without a headwind I can cruise 2.4-2.8 MPH pretty easily. Can get over 3 MPH but can't sustain it. A year ago a mile at 2.0 MPH wore me out.

With the bugs waning and the trails dry I've been off hiking on some of the trails. One in particular that nearly bested me a couple years ago (short, but a lot of climbing) felt like a stroll in the neighborhood. Local folklore says when the black flies/sand flies are thick in the spring, it means a bumper crop of wild blueberries. I have to call BS. All that climbing for about 15 blueberries that were tiny even by wild (i.e., low bush) blueberry standards. I transplanted some wild raspberries to a better site on my little patch of ground and it looks like they will probably survive. Won't have much of a crop next year but it should improve as the root systems develop year by year as the have much better sun exposure than in their prior location. I need to find some ideas for what to do with serviceberries (aka June berries) I already have 4 trees of bearing size and another 6-8 saplings coming up here and there. They're not bad straight off the tree but are a little bland. The birds are funny about them. Some come when they are not quite ripe, some when they are perfectly ripe to my tastes, and the most (and larger species) come once they are all shriveled and raisin-like. I wonder if mabe they ferment on the branch. Still can't live off the land/lake in this spot, but after the tree removal and the brush clearing I've slowly been doing, a small garden next year isn't out of the question.

I had a guitar out to get refretted. The luthier doing it is a guitar/amp builder of some renown with whom I'd become acquainted with online. Happens the guitar is one I picked up used on the cheap, a 'signature model' of my second-favorite player. The luthier has had my guitar for over a year (had a bout with cancer over the fall and winter, which obviously superseded my frets). He contacted me to say it's done but shipping to the end of the road here is a dicey prospect so I asked if he's mind keeping it until October when I'm fully back on the grid. He agreed and said, "You know what, Andy (the player alluded to above) is going to be here in a couple weeks when he's back from Europe, maybe I could get him to sign it for you and hold it for a picture if you'd like." He sent the pics Sunday, and as silly as something like that seems, I'm like a giddy little kid about it. Luckily mine has a small scratch on the finish that's clearly visible in the photo, which otherwise looks just like a bazillion other photos of him holding his guitar. If nothing else, I can probably get another $100 for having his signature on the head stock and the provenance the photo provides.

I mentioned last time I crossed the two year career-free mark at the end of last month. My lifestyle feels incredibly natural now. Despite inflation my spending continues to decline. Even though I'd have argued to the point of breathlessness otherwise, it seems like even in the home stretch when I was just running out the clock, I must have been using money as a salve for some amount of discontent.

I've also found myself in an online entanglement with a female. One of those cases where you just hit it off with someone very naturally, compatible and complementary in a lot of ways, mutual interest, etc. Of course I'm one of those people who just seems cursed in such endeavors. What's the rub this time? She lives in another country and is married. The latter of course rained all over my parade. Doesn't seem to bother her in the least, nor deter her from being out there looking. And for anyone who'd been following the "How do ere Men find ..." discussion, no I wasn't on tinder, ha. For now I'm just spinning it as having dodged a bullet. And Chenda, if you happen to see this, I'll just keep fishing --though likely more literally than metaphorically.

I was thinking about why, when the sky is blue, the water I look at out the window looks inviting for a swim or a paddle, but when the sky is gray it looks forbidding and almost menacing. Even though it's the same water. Maybe that's why I don't do the prepper thing well. Gloom pervades all.

[llorona]

Apologies for laughing at your miniscule blueberry harvest. Sometimes good things come in small packages so hopefully they were tasty. And good things happen to those who wait so I predict better luck with your raspberries.

Well, at least your potential love interest was honest about being married. Although it sucks to have a nice connection with someone only to have those hopes dashed. If you decide to go Tinder fishing, please keep us updated.

[IlliniDave]

Apologies for laughing at your miniscule blueberry harvest. Sometimes good things come in small packages so hopefully they were tasty. And good things happen to those who wait so I predict better luck with your raspberries.

Well, at least your potential love interest was honest about being married. Although it sucks to have a nice connection with someone only to have those hopes dashed. If you decide to go Tinder fishing, please keep us updated.

Ha, no worries, Llorona. The reason I mentioned the blueberry episode is that I found it humorous too, and I like when people smile even if it's somewhat at my expense.

I took another hike yesterday, same network of trails but an even more challenging loop with a lot more high ground and a lot more/larger blueberry patches and it was even less bountiful (3 tiny berries), but it's also starting to get pretty late in the season. Next year I'll have to put on my full bug regalia and head up there a little earlier. The hike is a glute-burner but it's got some great overlooks for the stretch of country between the Appalachians and Rockies/West Coast, so I'll probably try to make it another half a dozen times before the season is done, even sans blueberries.

What I didn't include in the prior mention is that, according to her, her husband doesn't know anything about her outside interests. I dig the old Howlin' Wolf tune, but really don't aspire to be a back door man. It's not a matter of me having rigid moral standards. I don't know that I'll do much Tinder-fishing. My time with online dating predated Tinder and it never sat well with me. Seems my preference is to fish in common interest ponds (in this case the common ground was a high degree of interest, and in her case some professional expertise, in food/nutrition's role in sustained health). But if I ever make it on Tinder I'll be sure to keep everyone updated

[7Wannabe5]

Little late for blueberries. Also might have gone to the bears. Berries that tend towards the insipid, like serviceberries and mulberries, can be brightened with a bit of lemon or vinegar.

I'm rather surprised that none of your female relatives have had a go at fixing you up with somebody. I am currently on dating hiatus myself, but my DD32 was recently suggesting that she might set me up with somebody from one of her community groups. I think the main reason fix-ups have never worked for me in the past is that my family/friends seem to focus on matching my tendencies towards being "nice" and a "nerd", but they are oblivious to the sort of awkward details that, for instance, don't make me a great match for a man who is 5'5" and 130 lbs. soaking wet. I mean, I could tell them "Please filter/consider whether you believe it might be remotely possible that he could pick me up and place me on a counter-top.", but then I'd hear "Eeeeeeeew, TMI!" , because they prefer to think of me as being like a character out of Beatrix Potter who might be in need of somebody with beard dressed in flannel who is happy to run to the store to get more whipping cream while I am baking the pies (AKA: The Grandma's Boyfriend)

[IlliniDave]

I'm rather surprised that none of your female relatives have had a go at fixing you up with somebody....

I think I lucked out by becoming single-again while living 600+ miles away from my female relatives, daughters excepted. By the time I made it back within effective meddling range they'd all long since written me off as an incorrigible bachelor.

[IlliniDave]

Although it's almost halfway to October, this is a brief August recap.

The hard thing to mention is that a friend/neighbor here--really my first friend here--was killed at the end of August in a single-vehicle crash. It was almost certainly due to some ongoing health struggles he had (heart) and we all sorta hope it was a case where his actual passing may have occurred prior to the crash. It happens I came upon the scene not long after it happened while traffic was stopped and the responders were still doing what they do. I got a view of the remnants of his truck when they took it away, one of those things that can't be unseen, and yeah, can just hope it was not something he consciously experienced.

Very much a reminder that in life too late can come very suddenly.

He was a version of what I sometimes wish I'd have been. We both were products of the Midwest, but where I went the long route to get here, padding a stash building redundancy and a certain type of resiliency, he just went for it right out of school. Along the way he became a bit of a local legend, as a wilderness guide, and one of the pioneering mushers that brought (or maybe resurrected) dog sledding as a means of seeing the wilderness in winter. A number of the photos that have appeared here where iDave photo bombed a nice fish were taken by him. Probably as I recollect over time a number of life lessons will emerge. There was a memorial for him this past Sunday for the folks here (his family brought him back to Kansas for the formal services and such) and I'm just now starting to get back to my normal rhythm.

So the theme is: say what you need to say, do what you need to do, while the opportunity exists.

Regarding the other stuff, things here at the hideout are otherwise well. Late August through September are the best weeks here. Occasionally chilly but usually nice and free of bugs. Water levels are at their lowest of the annual cycle meaning hiking and exploring is much less messy. I'll be packing up and heading back to real life in a couple of weeks. But for now the days are glorious.

All the number stuff is still okay. I didn't do all my month-end bookkeeping, but spending continued the downward trend of late, maybe down to the lowest level in several years. I think the stash shrank some but is still up notably for 2023. Things seem to be going mostly okay back home with my dad and others. I'm in no hurry to leave here but also feel the pull towards getting back to responsibilities I've placed on myself.

[Scott 2]

Your friend sounds like an admirable man. I'm sorry for your loss.

The hideout has really worked out well for you. Past iDave did a great job with the lifestyle design. Do you have a hard date for the return, or do you let the weather guide things? With how warm the Summer has been, I'm hoping for a mild and extended fall.

[IlliniDave]

Hi Scott, thanks.

Strangely enough, the summer in this little corner of the map has been somewhat of a cool one. I think in July there was only one day, maybe two, where the temp reached 80, although there was some unusually warm weather in April, and again in early Sept. Frost on the ground this morning. The way I tend to approach the question of when to leave is to start with a notional date, ~early October, where the odds of having to deal with frozen water lines and such begins to ramp up. Then I'll adjust things a little depending on weather, things back home, and such. I like to have at least a week to do the closing and winterizing (though it could be done in 1.5 days) so a week out is when I lock in on a final departure date.

I had a plan in place that unfortunately my aforementioned friend was central to (aside from his outdoor resume, he was also an extremely skilled carpenter/woodworker, had a great eye for aesthetics, and was vastly knowledgeable on how to get the most out of the seasonal dwellings that are common here--all among his side gigs). One part of that was now that my foundation and roof is taken care of, to do some skirting around the ground, some insulating under the cabin, and rearrangement of the plumbing so I would have the option of staying some weeks later once it was complete.

[shaz]

Could you extend your time by staying at the cabin after you shut off the water? It wouldn't be as cushy but it would be cushier than tent camping if you add a composting toilet and a few jugs of water for drinking.

[IlliniDave]

Could you extend your time by staying at the cabin after you shut off the water? It wouldn't be as cushy but it would be cushier than tent camping if you add a composting toilet and a few jugs of water for drinking.

Sure, it's doable. I've had summertime power outages that lasted up to 6 days, which as far as water goes is the same as shutting it off. As long as it's not a multi-day deep freeze, one can even keep a regular toilet functional by bringing buckets of water up from the lake. Dumping one quickly into the bowl will "flush" it. I don't envision being here into the dead of winter, though, so when I look at preventative shutting off of the water for a few weeks where it would only be necessary for a fraction of the time, the amount of extra work involved makes it seem like more hassle than it's worth, and does shutting it off, draining/blowing the lines, then turning it back on situationally. I've been up here 4 months as it is, and with the situation regarding my dad back home, eeking out a few more weeks in the fall isn't an urgent thing right now. The skirting is moderately urgent to keep critters out. One of my side jobs this summer has been trapping chipmunks that get into the walls and attic and relocating them to a large tract of public land nearby.

[IlliniDave]

September Scorecard


Rolling 12-month monthly expense < monthly annuity rate: 100% Good
Rolling 12-month monthly expense < instantaneous monthly equivalent 3% WR rate: 100% Good
Stash Assessment: Fair, trending down.

Stash down around 6.8% since retirement but up 4.0% for 2023. The initial estimate for September spending acceptable per my plan, well below annuity income, and was the lowest monthly total in > 5.5 years.

Nutrition and Health

Over the summer I put on 9-10 lbs total, which isn't terrible as I was a little under 185 when I checked in yesterday. I can't say how much is good weight and how much is bad, but I'm still using the same belt loop I was back in May. Nonetheless, I plan to go back to the straight and narrow as far as nutrition goes officially starting tomorrow. I'm also going to be expanding my workout regimen and retooling my supplement regimen. My goal is to end 2023 under 180 lb which will be a considerable challenge simply because autumn with all the holidays is traditionally ballooning time for me, meaning that holding steady would be a major win much less dropping a few pounds. More to come on this topic in later entries.

General Stuff

I'm home from the hideout for the season. Only been back 1.5 days but it seems like everything here is more or less going okay. No real changes with my dad. His IHHC person has made impressive progress with the organizing/decluttering, with plans for a large garage sale later this month. Not much else to talk about on the home front.

All-in-all I thought the 2023 hideout season was a success despite some difficult moments. I'll probably journal about it some offline and if anything interesting emerges from that I'll potentially include it here.

[Aspirant]

A little late to the discussion, but wanted to share. Good to hear that you managed the kayaking accident well. Unexpected stuff happens, but you were well prepared and fit enough to handle it.

On my last fishing trip I camped on a steep river bank. When it was dark I went down the river to pick up some water. I slipped and hit my head. I had done the same path more than once during daylight, but it was dark and I was wearing wet wading gear. I had a concussion and skin from the back of my dead peeled off. I had blacked out for some time.

In the morning when I went to collect my gear from the bank, i looked more closely at the spot I slipped. There was a fallen tree trunk close by, and it appears that I came within a feet or two of breaking my neck or the back of my skull.

MRI scan was fine and all the bruising was outside of the skull. 2 weeks of headache and I still have little bruise.

Things happen, and we can just try to prepare and be fit enough to handle the stuff we get ourselves into

[Frugalchicos]

Hey there,

Long due and finally started to read your journal since the beginning. A lot of your early thoughts and feelings hit home and felt very identified with your desires. Especially your comments on page 7 “Well, So It Looks Like Maybe I'm Too Late”.

I have the exact strong desires of freedom and going back home and do all those activities I dream about.

I hope you found freedom, peace and happiness (that’s what it looks like based on your most recent posts).

Also, are you still playing guitar?

[theanimal]

Happy New Year Dave. Hope the winter back home is treating you well. How have you been doing on the nutrition and health front? Did you reach your goal of sub 180 lbs?

[NewBlood]

Hi iDave,
Hope everything is going well for you! Also interested in hearing how your health journey is going?

[IlliniDave]

Hi everyone, it's been quite a while since I stopped in here.

First off, apologies to everyone who left a note over the last few months that I didn't respond to. For a number of reasons I've just been out of my rhythm. I'll try to touch on the general themes in this note.

Usually I talk about financial stuff but I haven't been doing as diligent a job of keeping up with it. I have all the raw data and I've begun trying to catch up on all of that and maybe in a few weeks I'll have actual numbers to report. I'm approaching it a leisurely fashion, it doesn't feel super urgent but the nerd in me wants to keep the database alive and current. What I can say is that 3.5 years into retirement I still haven't dipped into the stash, and as of New Years the stash is back up over it's balance when I retired, though slightly below the peak year end 2021 balance. My recollection is about 14% growth in 2023.

One of the most readily observable metrics on the health/wellness front is my body weight. Historically my pattern was to end the year something over 200lbs, often over 210, then drive it down to the low 180s by late spring, maintain that though the summer, then fatten up through the autumn and holidays to back over 200. In 2021 I think I started at about 211, got it down to a bit under 175 before leaving for the hideout, was about 180 when I returned from the hideout, got it back to about 175 before Thanksgiving and started 2024 in the low-mid 180s. I was checking less than once every 2 weeks so don't really know what the variations were. Friday I was 180.8. And at 6-2 and 59 years old that's not bad. Since I made it through the fall and holidays without porking up too much, I've started changing over my wardrobe to items that fit reasonable well. I had wanted to get down to 170 least spring and didn't quite make it, so my 2024 goal is to get to 170 by my annual doc visit in May.

I had blood work done in November, 6 months after my 2021 checkup and had two major improvements. All my liver health numbers were down into the healthy/nominal range, and my blood lipids improved substantially. HDL increased, LDL and triglycerides fell significantly, as did total cholesterol and VLDL.

Everything else was fine except my eGFR fell off a little. I believe that might be due to an otc PPI I take occasionally for heartburn. During the fall as I got sloppy with my diet (meaning more bad carbs) I started taking it again. I've since stopped taking it so will see if my eGFR improves by May. I don't remember the exact number but it was at the upper end of the mild chronic kidney disease level and something my doc thinks is not a concern at this time since it is still a little better than it was for my baseline bloodwork in Nov/Dec 22.

In terms of how I feel, I feel great. I relaxed my workouts and fitness activities over the holidays and have been ramping back up. Next week I'll return to the full schedule except for walking/hiking because it's been cold af here recently. I am largely going to keep my prior routine except pay a little more attention to core and leg strength.

One of my focus areas for 2024 is going to be sleep quality. I don't feel like my sleep quality is poor, but I typically only sleep about 6 hours/night. Out of the blue my dentist asked me if I had sleep apnea. Since I got back to Illinois she's had to rebond 2 crowns for me and replace a third one that broke. She said it's common for people with sleep apnea to grind crowns off. I suspect the issue is more due to my final dentist in Alabama not being very good at crowns. But it's something I want to watch.

To that end I did an un-ere thing and as my Christmas gift to myself I splurged for an Oura ring. It arrived last week. Supposedly it takes some time wearing it to get calibrated to the wearer and provide all of it's features at full accuracy. But so far it's telling me I'm not having any issues with breathing during the night, as my scores have been between "Good" and "Optimal" as measured by my SPO2 number/fluctuations.

Some other interesting (to me) numbers is that my nighttime resting heart (minimum) is pretty consistently 48bpm with averages in the middle 50s. If I understand correctly, it measures for 5 minutes and computes an average, then bins them in 30 minute intervals and computes a range and overall 30 minute average. My daytime resting heart (i.e., after having sat still for a time) tends to be in the 60s, occasionally dipping into the 50s. That's slightly better than what I was getting from my BP cuff at the end of last spring.

Speaking of BP I think I only measured my BP twice since I went to the hideout last June, and both times it was good, in the 115/65-70 range. As we get into February I think I'll measure that daily for a while.

I need one more day of wearing the ring to get an initial "stress score" from the ring.

My only complaint about the ring is that I don't seem to have access to the raw data to export and examine, and am limited to what the app tells me which is generally summary data. Maybe they'll improve on that in the future.

And yes, getting the Oura ring did require what I feel was a bit of a personal defeat as a prerequisite. I finally broke down and got a smart phone and retired my old flippy companion. The reason for that is because I needed something that could do VOIP up at the hideout. My neighbors there gave me the okay to put a wifi extender in my cabin (they've been graciously allowing me to piggyback off their wifi for the last few years). I did that right before I left to come home, and it seemed to make a world of difference in terms of reliability of connection. I'd begun to think I'd have to suspend my all-summer-at-the-hideout plan for the foreseeable future in favor of staying here to keep up with the situation with my dad. But being able to receive and make phone calls on a more consistent basis might convince me it's okay to go up again next summer.

And I am still fairly active with my guitar playing and music hobbies, although I've been slacking off some these early weeks of January. The oura folks say the best thing is to wear the ring on the index finger of your non-dominant hand, which for me is my fretting hand and it does interfere a little. In time I'll solve that by just taking it off when I play. For now I'm prioritizing wearing the ring as much as possible (all the time except when it's charging) in order to get a solid baseline established.

Things on the personal front have been up and down. I don't have the energy to delve into all that this morning.

Hope everyone is doing well, and hope to get back in the habit of coming around more regularly.

[7Wannabe5]

Friday I was 180.8. And at 6-2 and 59 years old that's not bad.

Yes, you weigh less than me, and I am only 5'9" and will be 59 next week. OTOH, our health metrics are similar. Likely because most of my weight is carried posterior and the hormonal profile associated with such a weight distribution. I don't know exactly how much the men in my semi-active poly circle weigh, but I would guesstimate 6'2" 185 age 69, 6'2" 200 age 61, and 6' 240 age 67. The one who is 61 also has very good metrics. The one who is 69 has dangerously high blood pressure even though he still looks/behaves like the tennis player he was in his youth, and he recently told me that he is going to ask a friend to let me know if he suddenly dies so I won't think that he is ghosting me. The one who is 67 has more problems that are due to being in a terrible motorcycle accident than any related to age/weight related health metrics, and he still rides a motorcycle even though one of his arms is semi-paralyzed. So, it is a bit of a complex actuarial/demographic problem to determine the likelihood that I can maintain a polyamorous circle into my twilight years, although basic probability theory would predict far more resilience than monogamous practice.