dating ERE

palmera · Post by **palmera** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:16 am

can we all just admit that, regardless of gender, what we all have in common here is that we're cheap, selfish and jaded?
except EveMadeline, she's still in the bloom of youth.

C40 · Post by **C40** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:29 am

good lord that site is... interesting.

zarathustra · Post by **zarathustra** » Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:32 am

May I just cut through the sexist/expectation/too-few-ERE-peeps-out-there stuff and say this?:
When you take a girl out, do what you would normally do, be who you are, and if she turns up her nose then you KNOW she isn't ERE-compatible, or at least a good match for you!
It's the same thing as what was said earlier about being gregarious in social situations because when you get a negative response it's good because you know quickly it would be a waste of time.
I'm an (almost) 30 year old woman and I have dated men who make 400 a month and I never gave a shit. My FRIENDS would bring it up all the time and that just annoyed me.
My last date was from a guy I met online. We met at his place and he took me to a gorgeous hidden beach he loves to photograph (he's a poor nature photographer). We climbed rocks, he picked me up to carry me so my shoes wouldn't get too ruined (hawt), and we sat and talked for hours. Then he took me to his place and made me tea, where we browsed through a coffee table book of galaxies/starts/nebulas and it was one of the best dates ever. He may've spent 2 bucks on gas and almost nil on tea. He offered to take me to dinner but I thought it was ruin the date!

We exist. You can discover us if show us who you are!
I live in Silicon Valley. I'm new to the area and I can tell you I want to throw up the way dudes throw money around. All it tells me is that they think that is what I care about or what I should care about and then I know I'm not interested. Eff that.

Arrrrrgh · Post by **Arrrrrgh** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:18 am

I've had some interesting first dates: 2 where I dyed a woman's hair, 1 water balloon fight, 1 trip to the emergency room because she had kidney stones, 1 where I got asked to the opera (I'd never been before), 1 was a round of frisbee golf (only had a freebee frisbee that we used, but who cares?) and 1 that was a 10 hour conversation in a park over a large pizza.
I try to find things that are unusual, novel, or something I or her haven't done before.
Sightseeing locally is fun too. See the things your local city advertises to tourists. There are some surprisingly fun low to no cost things to see and do!
Tone it back a smidge, but this would be a fun first date too: http://youtu.be/EZ4tthrMiNo I'd even pop for buying used wheelchairs at Goodwill and doing the same thing (ok, steering might be tricky).

dragoncar · Post by **dragoncar** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 6:12 am

There are beaches in silicon valley?

zarathustra · Post by **zarathustra** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 6:56 pm

Santa Cruz

Spartan_Warrior · Post by **Spartan_Warrior** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 10:40 pm

I've been trying out OKCupid. It's about as terrible as I expected. I'm thinking about taking a course at a local community college in the hopes of widening my social circle, since I don't have any social hobbies to meet people outside work. Any thoughts on more ERE-compatible (aka free) alternatives for meeting people "in real life"?

BennKar · Post by **BennKar** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 12:09 am

Is there anyone from your past that might be worth checking into? It might be a long shot, but at least you'd have a good idea what you're getting into. I did that last year with one girl I always thought about from college and it turned out she was going to be single again (and is now) and we have been even more compatible now than we were years ago. And while not into early retirement, she is very financially secure and frugal, and fabulous in other areas as well.

BeyondtheWrap · Post by **BeyondtheWrap** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:45 am

@Spartan_Warrior: I've also been using OKCupid. What about it do you find terrible?

Roark · Post by **Roark** » Sun Apr 29, 2012 8:48 am

I got pretty into game in college. I'm still a young guy, so maybe young girls don't care about you having money much, but most of my dates are free. ie, meet in the library, or "study" at your place/dorm.
As long as you can keep chemistry, tension, and make someone laugh, it doesn't matter the venue. I like university libraries anyway, mine is on a hill with a nice view of the ocean and islands. Places with nice views are romantic, quiet places are good, and walks along the boardwalk and harbour are all good too.
Try to make the date about you two rather than being about the venue.
When I'm not in a relationship, I date a lot of women (no e-brag) mainly because I actually ask them out. Tip to you guys, actually ask women out. And don't think you have to be in love with a girl to ask her out, if I meet a pretty girl and she seems nice I ask her out within a few minutes or we might never see each other again. Dating is about getting to know someone, not committing to being with them the rest of your life. So just ask them out!

Dragline · Post by **Dragline** » Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:34 am

I don't think my wife would be very happy about that!
But it is good advice -- learn to accept some percentage of failure and you will find great success. Gotta speak up for yourself.

Spartan_Warrior · Post by **Spartan_Warrior** » Mon Apr 30, 2012 2:14 am

@BennKar: I can think of a few such missed opportunities. I'm only in contact with one anymore and she lives a good thousand miles away. Maybe I'll look up some others.
@Beyond: Terrible might be overstating it, but it's a combination of low response rate and, well, there's no diplomatic way of putting this... low quality selection. 20 year old divorcees with two kids, people with obvious hang ups or "I'm looking for a sugar daddy lol" in their profiles, and the Myspace angles... After a month and maybe sixty messages, I've had a handful of conversations, gotten a few numbers, but wasn't inclined to pursue any of them. I'm also in a relatively rural suburb so not many people are "close by". I'm sure a lot of this depends on your area. There's also the obvious possibilities that I'm doing it wrong, my standards are too high, and/or I'm uglier than I think.

But I think the same girls who ignore my messages would be more receptive in person in a social setting. I think the online interface makes them more picky. Hell, maybe it makes ME more picky.
What has your experience been?

dragoncar · Post by **dragoncar** » Mon Apr 30, 2012 5:58 am

Interesting... I loved OKCupid like 5-7 years ago. But then again, I was also on Friendster back then. Maybe the user base is significantly different now.
These days I mostly hang out on early retirement forums and impress all the ladies with my huge savings rate.

LiquidSapphire · Post by **LiquidSapphire** » Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:51 pm

I met my current squeeze through OK Cupid. We matched something crazy like 98%! I have to say that I was surprised it worked so well because we do happen to match extremely well.
I did find that I at least genuinely liked people with whom I had at least a 90% match, though those people mainly turned into friends and not romantic interests.
I went out with some guy with 67% on a whim - yeah that never would have worked.
I think part of the key is to answer at least 200 of those questions and trust the process. The bad thing is, there aren't too many of those 90+%ers but... it only takes one.
Also it helps to see what Q/As they've made public and what answers they've given...

BeyondtheWrap · Post by **BeyondtheWrap** » Mon Apr 30, 2012 5:58 pm

@Spartan_Warrior: I used OKCupid for a few months near the end of last summer. I stopped using it because of life reasons, but I'm just getting back into it now. I live in the city, so I definitely have a larger selection, but you are absolutely right about those stereotypes that you mentioned. I messaged about 100 girls, and went on a date each with 2 of them, and never saw them again. Oh well, it's a learning experience.
I'm not really concerned with finding a frugal woman at this point in time, since I'm still young right now and only looking to have some fun.

JohnnyH · Post by **JohnnyH** » Wed May 02, 2012 12:05 am

I think OKC is actually pretty interesting, and their algorithm is not total nonsense... I had a "date" with a 20% match that hilariously proved that. Did it again to confirm, which it did.
I've had 3 dates over 80% and all were enjoyable. Have yet to meet a 90 because my rural isolation, there are only 4 F ages 22-36 within 25 miles of me

Was amused for a while, but I'm so focused on ERE I'd rather work towards that than drive 100m for a date and $10-100 date... OKC seems pretty great in the bigger cities, however.

zarathustra · Post by **zarathustra** » Wed May 02, 2012 1:15 am

I've used OK Cupid many times (and am now) and I also find the algorithms pretty accurate. However, they cannot provide the X factor - chemistry.
I'm pretty selective about responses (girls notoriously get a billion emails) and depending on my mood (i typically would prefer a book/being alone at home to dealing with first dates) I will give somebody a shot. I've never had a bad first date from OKC but I also have not found someone that gives me "that" feeling . . . yet. i won't sacrifice my alone-time/freedom for a relationship with someone unless something about our interactions/chemistry makes me feel like trying to find a balance.

Emanuel · Post by **Emanuel** » Thu May 03, 2012 1:45 am

Dating websites are so depressing, I can't use them more then 5 min without feeling that I'm wasting my life away, then I'm of to porn and all is good again.

Emanuel · Post by **Emanuel** » Thu May 03, 2012 4:31 pm

Now we are talking.. you're my kind of guy.

jennypenny · Post by **jennypenny** » Sun May 20, 2012 2:11 am

I made this suggestion to Spartan_Warrior a couple of weeks ago, but I was on the site today and thought maybe I should post it here.
A good place to meet people is a race like this:

http://toughmudder.com/

If you aren't that into fitness you can volunteer and still meet people and attend the after parties.
Similar events can be found on this post by Code Name Insight:

http://codenameinsight.blogspot.com/201 ... -2012.html