@J - thank you for those words, having my little guy happily slap me awake after a nap together is the best: "Da da!!" *slap* *slap* *slap*. Me: "Gentle pets buddy". "Da da!!" *whispering, soft slaps*
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I'm getting back into the swing of normal life -- the past many months have been dominated with family time, errands, helping where we can, dinners, meals prepared, etc.
In 2023, knowing that I'd lose my Uncle really focused my attention in my business on delegating every last part of what I do to someone else. This meant internal hiring (upgrade staff responsibilities + bonus pay + remove lower level tasks) and adding three new people to our org.
It's a hectic thing in some sense, replacing yourself, because you must make everything known but not documented into something known and documented. This "took if out of me" last year and was absolutely a way that I coped in the face of inevitably losing my uncle.
My uncle's life ended earlier this month and it's stayed with me, maybe more than I expected, both the best parts of him and the hardest parts of being with him breathing his final breaths.
So here I am, settling back down into this new work configuration that I haven't really enjoyed yet: 2x 15 minute exec staff checkins per day, 50% of working days.
So far I've filled that extra time with vengeance. Coffee roaster, spend optimization, cutting services, starting seeds for the garden, yard work (pruning as a metaphor for life cleanup feels right), consolidating servers and systems and backups, building, reflecting, writing.
I got all that random stuff off of my to-do list, and then even more random stuff. That backlog is done. Now what.
...now what.
I'm at an inflection point, I can feel it, and the crack of a door is open, I'm opening it, but boy howdy I do not know what's on the other side of that door.
For now, I'm going to marinate in that space. I have some ideas, though, at least of some fun I'd like to have this year:
Japan for 3-4 weeks in fall -- something I've dreamed about for a long time -- will be beautiful and quiet (I hope). On my to-do for this trip is to find and connect with gear makers in Japan because I want to meet locals, make friends, and see other people's beautiful work.
Circumnavigate Glacier Peak with my friend over a few days -- big climbs, big views, good tea, awesome company.
Apple tree grafting -- I have two beautiful asian pear trees that I've just cleaned up a ton, primed and ready to become "frankentrees" that I hope will bear a variety of apples throughout fruiting season (June - Feb) (inspiration:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bkyd4S7bxCY). I'd like to trade for these and as such have saved scions from my trees. (Am in the Seattle area, please send a message if you're interested).
Fiction 'reading' -- I need to sink back down into the weird worlds of other minds. Life has been too "non-fiction-y" recently, time to let my imagination run wild. Currently I'm listening to Hitchhikers Guide on audiobook because the laughs are hitting the spot right now, such a fun one (read it when I was a kid).
Fiction writing -- I am not yet ready to make a commitment on this but I know this will be a core part of what's next for me, so I'm letting what that looks like slowly build. I may revisit a novella I wrote near term to edit and revise or continue on an outline for a novel I've been plotting. I want this to be fun, genuinely fun, and not feel like a slot or an obligation. Counterpoint is the thesis from the book The War of Art. I don't think I need to go to war for my creative self today, but maybe I do.
Cheese making -- as if I need a new weird thing to get into. My main trepidation is limiting my location-independence which I cherish. I also know myself enough to know that I wouldn't make just one cheese and ofc I'm gonna want to check in on my babies, so while it sounds cute and fun, this is actually a big commitment. To trial this hobby without any new costs or substantial work, I've been making farmers cheeses for my wife. Majorly high reward to effort ratio, would recommend.
Outdoor, "zero maintenance" garden -- because I'm local in Q1 this year and have an automated-enough indoor garden setup, I can and have gotten seeds started early for healthy transplanting in March. Once the weather turns here and I'll be on the road/trail/not-home a lot more, my hope is that whatever survives survives without any major upkeep. Part of this project is setting up rainwater catchment and a timed watering system.
MYOG Pulk + winter camping setup -- was given a very large sled for winter adventuring with my kiddo and it immediately screamed "make me into outdoor gear right now!" so I'll take some extra PVC piping and cordage and fashion a pulk and waist harness. The worst part about winter backpacking is that it's dark too damn early so I hope this will eventually become a "max gear" set up where I haul the kitchen sink out with me. The truly awesome version of this would be my own MYOG hot tent, DIY stove, and some lofted bed situation. I could imagine a version of this that's ultralight and intended for elk hunting but that's years away.
Foraging -- would love to learn more about local wild plants and fungi to combine the following "tags" that I'm now trying to RPG-character max out when doing stuff: natural environments, mental health, exercise, skill development, wilderness survival, high quality produce, socializing. I think this would be an overlay on top of an existing interest (backpacking) that can provide a deeper canvas of experience while out in the woods. Found food can also be traded.
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One thing I've noticed envying (too strong) about others here is that folks here seem incredibly mission-driven. In the past I have as well about things like developing social/dating skills, FIRE, business, philosophy. But right now I do not have any through-line with what I'm working on.
I have an idea but frankly it feels too big and too nebulous to break down into parts. I've had a "shortest time horizon possible" view for many things in life (example:FIRE) but this path is intended to be the longest path possible. That structure feels new and different. More to poke on this topic for sure.
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The past few days have been covered in a haze of underslept exhaustion but also love and fun.
My kiddo and wife and I went to a therapy pool for family swim last weekend and while costly (got a punch card, $5/adult, $4/kid), this was really delicious consumption of money: my guy absolutely freaking loves playing in the water. The joy of counting to three but my dude is jumping into my open arms on the two count, just beaming. Giggle mania. Just so good.
On a sunnier day we had a lovely time playing at our local park. Kids everywhere and all my guy wanted to do was chase dogs (he is 16 months old in a bright yellow rain suit so, I'll be honest, he's not winning). We struck up conversation in Spanish with a nanny team and their kiddos which was lovely and led to one of them giving us a kids tricycle because their kid had out-grown it. Being nice is free and being nice creates opportunities, even if its just a bit more guac on your burrito (oof streetmeat taco truck, I miss you).
== As an aside: a really lovely lady in my unmarried years taught me the lesson of being just extra nice to people especially when they expect the worst and it stuck with me. Being nice is a social skill, certainly, because plenty of folks can mean well but come across poorly. That lady demonstrated it to me on a new years night when all both of us wanted to do was be all over each other but she insisted on having a full conversation with the cabbie that was driving us home. That cab driver appreciated her kindness more than whatever positive feels my lower-brained hormonal body could've felt. Everyone* deserves kindness, dignity, and appropriate attention (*okay okay, not everyone, but it's a smart default orientation to others). ==
Not a ton of time in the indoor plant room but I've enjoyed myself a ton just watching cotyledons and then true leaves grow. Experiencing change is beautiful. One of the best parts of seasons: the same hiking trail with different colors, plants, animals, sounds, even views.
The ordinary things are sweet these days.
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Positives:
- giggles and big laughs with my wife and kid
- cleaning my slate for new things
- energy consolidating and building
- being "aimless" does not feel bad if I decide to occupy that space intentionally
- spending on myself that feels really valuable, honoring the person I'm constantly striving to become
Lessons:
- transitions take time so plan for a transitory space between big life events. I'd thought that I'd hit FIRE and things would change. Now I'm in this ambiguous "maybe I'm already there and nothing is different" space, realizing crossing this finish line does not give me guidance on what's next. I've never been bored or wanting for new projects to do but the larger identity level change just takes time.
- Sometimes my friends and family react to my weird new thing I'm doing in a pat on the back, "cool buddy" kind of way (that's fine -- they don't owe me their interest in my next project). But, as it turns out, fairly often they're also like "oh yeah and give me more of that pls". Recent examples are hot sauce, roasted coffee, farmers cheese, my wife's bread, tea, misc frugality tips, and investing advice. There's a right and wrong way to express these things and I think I've found a healthy, dynamic balance here: offer to share things you eat and lead by example elsewhere (no one wants to get unsolicited financial advice lol).
- spending money on baby giggles is a super solid use of money