Dizzy's adventurefuntime journey

[dizzy]

New journal for me, I've been around some other FIRE/etc forums but don't exactly feel I fit in there.

I clicked on a few journals here, like'd AxelHeyst's intro, so borrowing a bit of that, sorry!

A summary intro of myself:
42yo American woman.
Married 2 yrs ago to American dood, he's 47.5

My job-types? A woo-adjacent medical field, playing music (mostly world music), churning and other related shenanigans, the rare misc. woo-related or thru-hiking related gig. #whatevenisacareer
My husband (aka P2) is in plumbing and maintenance.
Live outside Philly in a super affordable NJ town.

A brief outline of my financial situation as of today:
Income: $58k for P2, he's W2 normal person (both of these are pre-tax)
Mine changes a lot since I'm entirely self-employed (mostly 1099). Current guess: $75k for me? really unsure, some changes with work coming up for main job but idk how it will affect. Also main music gig season is just getting booked, just got another few gigs in the last week.

I made under $20k a year until 4 years ago. Big changes- finally some career traction in main job in 2019 forward. Covid hit, husband out of work most of last couple yrs. I applied for all the jobs, worked to the bone 6 days a week, doubles most days 2020-2021, slightly less 2021-2023. Experimenting with working 4 days a week starting 9/2023 (though so far it's looking like I have gigs on most of the days off)
P2 has struggled with mental and physical health, he's been over the rat race for a hot minute. Been in current job for half a year now, he hates his boss again, but it's otherwise doable for him.

My savings (all accounts): $135k, mostly in pre-tax
P2's savings: $164k, almost entirely in brokerage

Other assets: house will be paid off in couple months! We also own cars outright: POS Toyota commuter, less POS Mitsubishi commuter (both a bit over 100k miles), 17' fiberglass trailer, pretty new SUV tow for trailer (it's actually gone up in value since we bought it, even used).
We have some other random shiz around the house that probably doesn't total a ton but maybe a tiny amount. P2 has a ton of plumbing tools he's inherited and I have no idea the value of that, but he plans to sell some of it when it's more clear we'll leave.

Debt: all of the student loans. I am income-based and so far have not had to pay even $1. Don't judge me, I'm not here for that- I work smarter, not harder, according to the laws. I'm saving for the expected forgiveness tax bomb.

Current Estimated Annual Expenses: We keep separate finances tho share with each other.
Me: probably about $30k this year, I'm bummed about this, I used to spend a lot less. A fair chunk of this was therapy, I am starting a break soon to test out how I'm doing. This year I also had a lot of spending on convenience stuff since I was very burnt out/busy, and some health issues.
SR: If I'm 50% for the year I'd be really happy. Trying to catch up. I don't make most of my contribution until year's end since I use it in various churning deals throughout the year.

P2: Probably around $30k for the year
SR: I got him to make contributions to full match on his 401k for the first time in his life. He only started working again 6 months ago so has just about got his emergency fund filled up again. Will see what happens next for him.

[dizzy]

Goals
For me, I feel like I'm *so close* in a lot of ways. I'm doing things I like, I just want a way freer schedule.
My plan would be to keep working in some capacity but not be tied down to a schedule. My main job is always needing subs so if I ever quit I'd like to do that. There's other one-off opportunities that come up all the time that people usually don't want to do as well, these pay better than normal work (because they are off-hours, in the early am, and require extra travel). Gigs are whenever, I can always say no. There's a couple main times for that. It's also a good area for my churning hustle. So probably we'd keep some idea of a base (if not an actual base) in the area we are now. One of P2's favorite nature areas is here too (also happens to be where I grew up)

I didn't have much to lose in my 30s so went back to school. Have a fk ton of debt from that degree but that degree is letting me earn money for once.
I lived in a van and saved all my money for travel in between semesters, then spent the next 2.5 yrs after school travelling (this included some volunteering that got me room/board, and a cruise ship contract, as well as hostel backpacking, and 3 thru hikes). #travelhackingAF. Did a couple more thru hikes since. Haven't been doing as much the last couple years but the itch did not die.

P2's basically over working. He's dreamed of travelling in the camper, spending more time in nature, travelling abroad. He got the camper and tow couple years ago and has fixed it up. It gets pretty decent gas mileage. He's ready to hit the road in one way but feels overwhelmed with figuring out the future and if we have enough. That's primarily my job. He's always worked a full-time W2 job and just tries to get through each day, especially in recent years with pain, brain, and bad job situations (he worked for one place for almost 20 yrs but they closed and it's been crappy since).

We are definitely open to the idea of becoming houseless at some point but there's not a whole lot talked about this in the FIRE community and how that affects your stash. It's very possible we'd sell the house and do full-time camper-ing, crashing with folks, airbnbs, travel abroad etc for a while.
I'm more keen about using the house as a rental but P2 isn't. I have experience renting an old apartment out on AirBnB so know a bit about what it takes. At any rate neither of us is in a rush with it and we will likely dip our toes (like travel for a month or couple months in camper then come back etc). One day we'd probably get a house again but in a more naturetime area that we haven't figured out yet, no rush. Or! retire to Macedonia with friends. IDK.

Current Actions
P2 has signed up for 401k and full match for the 1st time in his life. He's also allowed me to start churning for him- I have a goal of $5k/yr for him.

As for me I'm plugging away at what I can manage with churning, trying to get sustainable churns and reselling set up. I've been in that world over a decade and just starting to get into some of the more lucrative and higher hanging fruit since I earn more now.

I'm also super burnt out. I just finished with 2 of my regular clients, we are done working together. We also made a change at main job last month that will allow all of us to potentially earn more per hour. Since it seems like that's the case a lot of the time now, I am changing to 4 days a week plus the one-offs here and there. I had to take some time off in the last week due to an injury (1/2 days and one entire day off) and with all of this I'm finding I'm able to get more done and also spend less (not too tired to cook, which I love).

[dizzy]

We talked a lot yesterday and have come up with some very estimated numbers for if we moved into the camper (post-mortgage paid off)
To keep us "in house" will cost us about $750/month for taxes, utils (at current rates), etc. Our taxes are low for this state, but super high compared to other states. So we likely won't stay here forever (many other reasons for that also though).

Our RV livin expenses (this includes normal stuff like groceries, health insurance, etc) would be about $2300/month. It could be high but I feel it's a conservative estimate that lets us enjoy life.

So it would save us a fair amount to not have the house. On the other hand it's not a CRAZY amount either- we could rent the house out and make a decent profit (according to zillow our house would rent for $2.2k/month, which sounds and probably is wild), that's my preferred mode. I feel like we can use my professional contacts and experience to find good quality tenants. P2 isn't as keen on it since he's heard horror stories about renting out properties.

[dizzy]

Oh also another note:

P2 and I both respectively started our retirement savings journeys at similar ages. AKA, not that long ago.
P2 never really got any info, he was just saving money in a bank account and asked relatives what to do but they didn't tell him anything or just where like, invest it but he didn't know how? Finally a relative told him about investing at Vanguard so he finally did that. Around age 37 or so. His job before that didn't have a 401k plan or anything (this was place he worked for 20ish years, small biz).

I met P2 when I was 37, few months in he is talking to me about he'd love to travel like I did, how he is saving in a brokerage, etc. I knew nothing, legit thought "retirement" is just you don't work anymore and I guess social security covers it, or in my case, work till I drop dead. Learned about all the things. Saved up enough to start and opened my 1st account on my 38th birthday. No one around me ever talked about savings like this- almost everyone I know is self-employed and not making a ton of money, or have a partner with money/"real job", or came into money.

So I guess we aren't typical for a lot of FIRE people in that regard either- that we started pretty late. But I always like to work smarter than harder so I'm sure we can make something happen.

[dizzy]

Some thoughts this week:

Gigs (hope to do a lot of these still if FIREd) are unexpectedly good this month. $750!
Sep + Oct are looking decent so far too, just starting to book more of that, so far they are $1285 and $980 those months.

I had some work finish up so more free time and then threw my back out last week...had even more time off (took a couple half days and one whole day off). Wowsers, feeling a lot more focused! Also, actually cooking more. There's a lot of ways in which if I worked less even if not RVlivin my COL would go way down...can spend more time gardening (each year I learn a little more), cooking, paying less for food...oh wait, like how I used to live? Ugh. BUT I didn't save anything with that lifestyle either. It's all about finding that sweet spot.

I'm supposed to head out to CO in 2 weeks to finish the Colorado Trail which I did about 70% of in 2019 (could only get 2 weeks off work)...unsure what I will do now...back is getting rapidly better but it was pretty f'k'd up last week.

P2 is going to go camping for the 1st time in a year! His back has been really bad and then the only day we have (sometimes) off together is on Sundays which is a weekend camping day for him, so he hasn't been going as often anyway since we've been dating. He planned to just do a weekend in the Pines but it looks like his godson is going to come down with him. He has this campsite which is $3...we have no idea why it's that cheap, but coolio?

Anyway some fun stuff to look forward to.

[dizzy]

Once upon a time I lived a life that was mostly coolio and pretty inexpensive. AKA my 20s. I was a musician with a dinky part time, pretty flexible admin job in a music school (technically in a university which got me pretax public transport, not really other benefits tho)

I lived on little and for the most part enjoyed life (dating was meh to non existent). I had no debt (full ride for ugrad- 2 degrees!- and grad school actually paid me to go). Lots of time to cook, hang out, read, practice. I had a lot of hope about the future but that was mostly about my music career. The bottom came out during the Great Recession, I lost the "day job", most of my teaching gigs (students dropping out of not just music lessons, but private schools completely), groups I'd been a few years folded and never came back. Then I got propositioned a couple times unexpectedly or dealt with other misogyny and lost out on gigs- group I'd been in for a long time dumped me unceremoniously (ghosting!) when leader found out I'd gone on some dates with another dood (um, wtf), another guy got me blacklisted for classical in a city I moved to since I wouldn't sleep with him, made a great connection for Latin music but then when I'd get called for the gig or show up they would be upset I was a woman (my name sounds like a guy's) and either not hire me, or not hire me again if I was already there.

I ended up going back to school for something else and had to take out all the loans. This was after about 7 months of applying for a billion jobs. It was almost 2000 applications and I couldn't get anything except at the very end a favor from my mom to work in a grocery store in the town I grew up at about 10 hrs a week. I knew I was supposed to be doing something different with my life. Decided to go back to school, there are basically no scholarships for that type of professional school (I applied for the few that existed and did manage to get most of them). When I got there I went all in, luckily it was a good fit for me.

Mixed bag of student loans but also chance to make more than a little money for once.

I'm grateful for that opportunity but it's fkd me up in some ways. I know that some of what I have is a nostalgia for the ways in things won't ever be exactly again but I also am glad it put me in a position to learn and prepare A BIT for my future. For me I plan to keep all of my sweet pretax money (that's keeping my student loan payments down) growing untouched for as long as I can.

One of the big things that's been difficult for me is getting my P2 to understand things. He is definitely on board with FIRE! Definitely on board with adventuretime! But gets overwhelmed by the numbers a bit. For him he is just used to grinding, started to contest that a bit in the last couple years. Currently he's in the mode of "just get through today" due to the instability and pain of last couple years. To me it's no way to live, although I agree with the idea of getting a little more stable before making a big decision.

He has thought for a long time he needs a million dollars since that's what he always heard/it seemed like "enough". The man eats cold soup out of cans. It's hard to see a world in which he really spends $40k/yr which is what that would give off in a typical 4% withdrawal plan. He also was overwhelmed by travel too- the only international trip he did before he met me he spent thousands of dollars. I travelled all around the world for a year (including some expensive areas like Japan, Oceania, Europe) on under $10k. So it's trying to get to this understanding where he feels comfortable (he is open to it! but I feel like I don't know exactly what that is, it seems like it's not a number so much).

I guess even figuring out that number is a difficult thing. I came up with a number this weekend for rvFIRE and even that is really up in the air. It allows for nice eatin since we appreciate that. I think there's a good amount of space in that budget so it might be less. Or more! ugh I don't know for sure.

We do know for sure that we don't want to grind all that much longer, so figuring out that spot where we feel confident and secure, but ASAP, is the key.

I do know I want to have $30k (estimated amount for tax bomb) in a special savings for my student loans - ALTHOUGH - now that I might switch from PAYE to SAVE it might might make as much if not more sense to have that money in my solo401k. SINCE I will be 59 when the loans are forgiven.
Work smarter, not harder, friends!

[grundomatic]

Welcome to the forum! The last 3 years have been tough on many people, so don't be too hard on yourself. I'm very familiar with the "spend money to make life easier" mode of living. The good news is you are familiar with frugal living, so all you have to do is get back on track, not unlearn everything you've ever been taught. The expense side is where I'd focus my efforts, since it seems like your earning side is doing well. I wish I had started tracking expenses sooner. Think of it this way, right now based on your spending and savings, you have 5 years of expenses saved up. If you cut your expenses in half, you'll have 10 years of expenses saved, and you'll be 33-40% of the way to your FIRE number, without having to earn an extra dime. Since you decided to land here and not elsewhere, and I see keywords (camper, #vanlife, previously poor, cold soup from a can) that let me know it might be in the realm of possibility, if you can cut your expenses in half again from there, then you'll have 20 years of expenses saved and you are damn near there.

As far as P2 goes, since you two are partnered up, he doesn't have to have the exact same understanding as you. You don't both need to be crunching numbers in spreadsheets. If he's on board but the numbers are overwhelming, no problem, you've done the numbers. Give him concrete tasks that contribute to the cause. Have him focus on the DIY aspect of things, like maintaining the house and cars. Also, crock pot chili is easy to make, and is cheaper, tastier, and healthier than canned soup; maybe he can learn to make that.

As far as the house goes, that's a tough decision to make. Think of your plan with your student loans. Now imagine some large worldwide emergency occurs, and rent forgiveness becomes a thing as well as eviction moratoriums. We were fortunate that the state program paid rent for our tenants, I'm guessing that many other landlords weren't so lucky. That's just my personal experience, though. AirBnB could also be outlawed in your city. These aren't the only considerations, though. Keeping the house would give you a place to land if camper living turned out terrible. On the other hand, selling the house and committing gives you the impetus to make it work.

Anyhow, hopefully some of that was helpful and again, welcome to the forum.

[dizzy]

@grundomatic
Yes! P2's very very good at a lot of things I'm just clueless about. He is an expert in plumbing, good at HVAC, good at the camper stuff, fine for misc general maintenance around the house, passable at electric, ok for minor car stuff. I pretty much hate/tune out at all of that (tbh avoided having a car most of my adult life) but I do appreciate these rare skills he brings to the table.

It's good that you point out we don't have to BOTH crunch the numbers, or at least as intensely. I do feel pressure of being the person who seems like I am ultimately going to lead that decision but trying to come to terms with that my husband trusts me and we will be making that decision together. I guess I've inherited the spreadsheet gene and planning definitely is a strength of mine I bring to the table.

We do ok to great with cooking when we have time. I'm actually the main cook (have even had some paid cooking gigs over the years, and do large events time to time including catering our own wedding) although he has certainly learned a lot since the pandemic and he wasn't working as much. It's so cool to see him experiment, he has a fun time with it IF he is not exhausted from work. We often are exhausted from work unfortunately But he doesn't spend as much as me there, he will eat from a cold can where I absolutely will not. I don't have a way to heat up meals at work (they shamed/outlawed/trashed the microwave, facepalm) and I work during normal people lunch and dinner times most of the time (and sometimes breakfast). I'm picky, health conscious, and a snob. I know for me this is #1 area I can be saving money in now that I'm taking a break from therapy. So I'm hopeful I can use this extra day off I will be starting soon to get back to my old routine of having 1 big cook day a week.

If I didn't work as much commute expenses would go wayyyyyy down. Currently paying $300+ a month just between tolls and parking, not even for gas, maintenance, insurance. Public transit isn't much of an option and takes up A LOT of time where we are, it's so close driving but sucks for transit. Biking unfortunately not an option- besides feeling unsafe the interstate bridge closes for "pedestrians" too late for me most nights coming home from work. I also have a garden in my parking space (pumping out an insane # of tomatoes and beans), so there's that. I try to do the best I can with the situation.

That wouldn't completely disappear if we FIREd but I was gigging/still based out of our state (pay to play anyone), but probably would be below $50 in that case.

I think if we were to rent the house would be medium term and not AirBnB. I've done AirBnB and it takes time/aggravation in the short term rentals. I have connections to a lot of professional types like visiting scientists/professors/artists/playwrights/musicians in residence for few months to a year. Many of whom get a stipend for their living expenses in town. It's easy to see how some of them might want a house in the burbs with a small yard rather than being in the city proper with no yard. I think that would be a good way to do something more secure and even profit a bit.
Every once in a while too I've been getting asked if I know about places for people longer term over here- type of place that in the city would cost $$$ but our area rental price is more like 50-75% that.
For sure rental prices are >>> cost to keep the house which isn't nothing, but not TOO much.
It's also quite possible home values will skyrocket in our town (so far it's spread to many of towns around us although there are also definitely towns that haven't gone up yet). Our home value has definitely gone up quite a bit since 2020, but everything has, I don't think TOO much of it.

At any rate our house is paid off soon and we won't be making any quick moves with it for a few years.

[Dream of Freedom]

Is P2 just way more cautious than you are? He worked the same job for a long time while you have probably had 100s of gigs. Have you asked him how comfortable he would be looking for a new job if your plan fall through after pulling the trigger?

As for renting the house, that is probably worth its own thread, but he might feel better if you had a clear plan on how you will do background checks even if you know them and have several people/ways to look in on the property.

Anyways, you seem to have a good selection of skills to start with. You have a lot to do, but the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

[dizzy]

Yeah he's more cautious. And lol, 100s of gigs, yeah. I had 75 just last year (and I'm "part time" haha).

For him, working full-time is just all he's ever known since age 18. It's also what everyone around him has always done. He has not ever had friends or family or neighbors who didn't do that. They also have way different values than him (to have kids, get nicer and nicer house, cars, renovations, toys etc) so it is a struggle for him since he sees his values different but doesn't feel confident what to do.

HOWEVER things got so bad for him he's quit jobs with almost no notice a couple times in the last 3 years. He couldn't take it anymore (brain + pain). It was really tough for him in the job search, although TBH I think he was being very very specific on what he would do, to put it gently. For him he likes the idea to never HAVE to work again, though he has said if he found something he liked he would be open to it. Currently he doesn't feel great about looking for another job if our plan didn't work since the last couple years were so tough for him with that. This job is "tolerable" for him and it pays pretty good with good benefits. I plan to always work since I like the things I do and they pay money, I just hate a fixed schedule. I'm totally down to work a "normal" job if it didn't work out.

I grew up similar to him but for whatever reason always wanted to do this offbeat stuff (which caused tons of criticism from family! yay :/ ) and since college I've always been around people who are self-employed/not making a lot/living unconventionally/mostly enjoying life. My husband always talks about his admiration for that but how he is also cautious too.

That's a good idea on background checks and such. I know that usually happens but I've never discussed that with him, we haven't usually gotten that far.

[dizzy]

As a way to get myself motivated on spending less/eating healthier, this is my produce box last week (I get from CSA sometimes, I can cancel it though)
and these are things I either made in last 2 days or making soon
All the produce is organic and everything is local.

8 grassfed beef patties (2lb)
1lb tofu
6 lbs peaches
6 brioche rolls
1/2lb smoked cheddar
1 jar pickles (32 oz)
3 green peppers
1lb potatoes
4oz garlic scapes
2lb red onions
1 lb zucchini squash
1 bunch kale
6 corn
1lb green beans
1 black beauty eggplant
2lb nectarines
1lb kohlrabi
1lb yellow plums

$79.17 but that included $8 delivery fee (which if I had more TIME I could actually pick up like I used to). For this day and age $71 is pretty good for all that, at least at that quality in our area.

P2 ate the whole block of cheese one night for dinner haha
I have been eating tomato sandwiches with the rolls (tomatoes from my garden)

-zataar roasted potatoes
-smoked paprika and garlic roasted potatoes
-eggplant/black bean chili (vegan, used canned beans/tomatoes)
-beef burgers
-eggplant/chickpea tagine (used garden tomatoes) served over instant mashed potatoes because we classy
-rawdoggin some nectarines
-I cut up the peaches and froze them for smoothies (will add previously frozen blueberries, protein powder, matcha, adaptogen powder)
-big thing of scrambled tofu (also had another block) with kale, pepper, onion this time, we love this
-kale salad w/crispy tofu, white peach, tomatoes (garden), figs (garden) and pumpkin seeds (this was 5 servings worth, there is a lot of kale)

Plums I think I will make a shrub with, it's been a while since I made that. Will use either mint or basil with it from the garden
IDK what to do with zucchini, was hoping to grill it but I don't know how, P2 wasn't up for it last weekend (were also going to do the corn)
I often make zucchini soup when IDK what to do with it
Probably just going to boil the corn now? idk what I'm feeling.
I usually grate the kohlrabi but I think I will try to roast it this time and see how that goes. P2 loves roast root veggies

Also making a cucumber-tomato salad tomorrow, I got a huge cuke out of the garden yesterday. This is 1st year I got them to grow, they have been slow but gotten a few nice ones. Will get more tomatoes from parking spot garden today, my best tomatoes grow there. Maybe I'll put some of the garlic scapes in there.

Next week I want to use some of our garden veggies, I have a lot of chard and kale to harvest and there will be more tomatoes, eggplants, and figs (we just have small trees in pots and have to battle squirrels/birds so harvest is not super duper). I also have more burgers and we have some other meats I previously bought on special in the freezer to use.

[AxelHeyst]

Welcome dizzy! Cool journal. I lol'd at P2 eating a block of cheese for dinner... sounds like he and I have some culinary dispositions in common.

Since you enjoy or don't mind working/earning and it's such a drag for P2, I wonder if there's a 'failure mode' you can envision that just doesn't involve him having to work traditionally, which would make him feel more comfortable taking a risk to try e.g. rvFIRE? An example would be - you try rvFIRE or whatever your plan A is and it doesn't work out for whatever reason. The 'failure' backup could be you ramping up gigs/flexible work to cover CoL, and his thing could be, idk, fixing and flipping thriftstore furniture or building bespoke something-or-other or something else that he'd enjoy and that aligns with his skills? Can the numbers be made to work for that?

[dizzy]

@Axelheyst

I'm a little worried about that option, of rvFIRE and if we had to go back to work. Only because we've sort of done that before.

For me, I have few issues with going back to work. I do like my current job for the most part though and know any other scenario probably wouldn't be as good as that. I plan to keep a foot in the door there anyway doing subbing.

P2 didn't work much of the last 3 years (bad timing, mental health, physical health, and sh!tty jobs) and he really struggled with that, feeling bad about himself, trying to balance out his not wanting to work a super crappy job but also feeling pressure to "do the right thing" whatever that means. TBH we didn't need his money at all, I could have easily supported us. To be fair, it was a huge difference- when we first started dating he was making almost 5x what I was (which was....not a lot lol).

We are both a little worried about what would happen in the case of rvFIRE. I don't think it would be as bad because its timing during the peak of the pandemic and politics.

He really felt a lot of pressure when applying for jobs to cover up what he was (not) doing...I think he was overthinking this a bit, but very concerned about what employers would think about job non-continuity, feeling he needed a good reason not to be working, etc. Also he struggled to find an organization to do something like volunteering with, and he lost the last of his friends due to political differences (they got really mad/refused to come/broke off friendships because we asked people to wear masks at/encouraged vaccinations for our wedding when not eating/drinking since we had some immune compromised people there and some of the wedding was indoors, if well ventilated). There's also been distance from certain family members too over politics and health issues (we are kinda in the middle, but everyone is distant now). So it was a perfect storm of isolation and self-doubt and stress.

I doubt things will be exactly the same as before but we are both a bit concerned about it.

He has NOOOOO desire to do any sort of self-employed stuff, have been through this so many times with him in the past couple years. I think a lot of this has to do with the stress of his dad, who was a small business owner. He did do some food delivery earlier in the pandemic which he was ok with for a while and helped him financially but it became not worth it in our area.
I do try to encourage him about coming up with ideas (for instance he has this awesome grey-water mod he came up with for the camper, to let it boondock for longer without water refills) and I've suggested, hey, we roll up to a gathering, people would definitely pay you for this. I think he just doesn't really feel what this will be like until it happens...which is fair to a degree. He has said he's definitely ok to work again someday if we "FIRE" but he really wants it to be a situation where he doesn't NEED to work again. With the numbers he's said he wanted (1 million just for him) there is very little chance of us getting there. For me it makes more sense to base off of what we'd actually spend (MUCH less) and focus on living our lives now instead of being miserable.

[dizzy]

As a side note being FIRE or whatever will allow both of us to have more time to build better social networks...new opportunities...etc...so some of this will be moot.
It's just been a tough couple of years for sure. Big time of transitions for both of us.

[AxelHeyst]

Ah I understand better now, thanks for explaining. That definitely sounds like a tough few years!

[dizzy]

Well, yesterday was a crazy day for me.
I'm recovering from throwing out my back...sigh. No idea what brought it on.

My PLAN was to go fly West and go hiking the last week of Aug for a week and a half (maybe some visiting relatives or just relaxing after the hike)
Anyway that was up in the air.

I was at a massage trying to get my back together. (My pain has gone from 9.5/10 to about a 2-3 in a week, so huge improvement, threw all the things at it which mostly I can do, the massage was only thing I paid for and def. worth it). It was one last thing to do to decide what I'm doing before end of the week. This weekend is a big test, I have gigs Sat (and now a 2nd one Sat!), Sun, and Tues. Then all afternoon I kept getting called for gigs WTF

On the plus side! Now going to be earning total of $2540 in Sep + any tips, including a totally weird sounding gig (questions: can you play merengue, sing in Hebrew, Yiddish, Greek, and Spanish, and play a hora? On a yacht? For 8 hours? Answer= sure- tho if they really want someone authentic on the Hebrew and Spanish, maybe someone else. I got yer backing vox fo sho tho).

Also on 2 of the new gigs I have there are connections to pretty big name wedding bands, with people I know already in them (aka hopefully extra recommendations- the recommendation to those gigs came from outside the people in the band). No one has ever heard of me, but they know everyone I play with. Story of my life (basically all the bros network with each other and as a woman I've been left out of a lot of it). So feel like some big breaks coming my way. I'd love to be able to focus more on music and less on the day job, dig? Anyway I have been waiting YEARS and YEARS for some breaks like this.

Bad news is I need to cut trip short and walk faster if I go. I think it's still definitely doable but it's more pressure than I was hoping for.
I might not go though, I guess I'll see how I feel after gigs this weekend.

Meanwhile P2 had a really really bad day at work (both brain and pain...also just really feeling under-appreciated and disrespected at work) and though he wasn't up for deep conversation he himself brought up the thing I'd just written about here- if he quit, what would he do? He felt he would spiral again so he is just "pushing through it". I again gently reminded him it's no way to live long term...also I got him if we need to. He wasn't thrilled about my extra gigs (he LOVES that I'm a musician but between work schedule and gig schedule we barely see each other)...eyes on the prize yo.

In other news out of the blue we have to do a review of both my boss (mostly chill, sometimes a little too hands off) and practice manager (person I have issues with a lot and has made more work and stress for me on the daily, everyone is not super in love with them). This has never happened in 4.5 yrs of me working there, TBH I think it would be really great if the manager got replaced, it doesn't feel like our place is a good fit for them anyway.

OK well I was good today and since my work schedule looked dead blocked off the 1st 2 hours. Tomorrow day job is stupid busy (8+ hours no meal break) so trying to get some stuff done...practice...bank robberies...chores...etc

[b00gs]

Hi, dizzy! I just wanted to pop in the thread and say that I'm following along your journey. Just from reading these posts, you're so cool! I'm definitely not in an ERE mindset right now and I'm stuck in the mindset of not imagining what it's like to not have a corporate job. You're definitely an inspiration that you can do several gigs in areas you ENJOY. I guess it's the blend between work and life that you have figured out.

What's your social network like currently? What types of communities are you in?

[dizzy]

I'm ok-ish...I moved in with my P2 during the pandemic (happened to be when we were planning anyway) and he is a suburbs person, I was in the city and always walked/biked, lived in apartments, people always around (always had those Third Place things, we have nothing like that really here. Been trying to do that at a brewery which is only thing kinda like that- no local coffee shops etc- but with a partner we end up isolated just us. But it's date night so that's still cool) It was a big contrast also I know no one here in NJ burbs, everyone I know is in the city or in PA burbs. So I felt I lost contact with people a lot then. I'm still friendly with most of my network but it's basically just through playing gigs. I'm in 3 main bands and then occasional other work.

I guess I have like 2-3 other friends though I see them pretty rarely. And longer term there are a lot of people I used to be closer to but I live really far from them, some I hear from a lot others less but when in the same town we always make a point to connect.
I also have social interaction with my patients/receptionists and that is helpful even if not going out and doing stuff with them.
I also have a couple of online groups I participate with a lot- astrology, figs, gardening, FIRE, other rando interests that come up now and then

I'm an introvert and while I miss the going-out friend group stuff (mostly this was just gig people we used to hang after gigs, but now we are old and don't so much? Or I feel like I need to rush home bc work the next day, or to see my husband before he's totally comatose) it's not the worst for me.

I'm not so close with family and I don't miss it too much tbh, although ironically since my husband and I have been together we have spent WAY more time with my folks than any other time of my adult life.

@b00gs I can't imagine what it would be like to work a corporate job, that's just so far outside of anything anyone I'ver ever been friends with or dated or been around does. I hear some stuff from my patients and I guess my sister maybe is corporate (tho, she's a math/statistics person so IDK if that counts or not)

[dizzy]

Well, in this day that had a lot of free time off (yay! I want more of this) I've been rereading ERE. I read it a couple years ago, vibed with the idea but felt falling asleep for some reason, sorry! This time I am feeling much more engaged with this.

I saw the skills thing and wanted to to a checklist there for us:

• Hair cutting. If necessary change your hairstyle into something you can do. Be flexible! Mending clothes and darning socks. - P2 cuts his own hair since the pandemic. I get mine cut (it's a luxury for me) but usually go 9 months to a year. I barter with my friend tho for what I do

• Cooking, preferably from scratch. Heating something in the microwave or mixing powder with water doesn't count. Again, if necessary, change your diet. I USED to do this all the time but being so busy it's been much harder for me. With reducing work schedule I hope to get on this again.

• Buying something used instead of new or swapping something. There are now many websites to facilitate this. Yeah I pretty much exclusively buy used things unless it's food or something (and even that I look at clearance or amazon warehouse etc). I've gotten P2 to shop for clothes at thrift sometimes now too!

• Getting somewhere without a car. Use public transportation, commute by bicycle or try walking a few blocks to the grocery. This sucks, there are very few places I can get without a car that aren't going to take forever. This is so dumb! I'm 6 miles from the heart of the city. This is where I feel like spending money on convenience but if I worked less I'd spend a lot less. I used to bike/walk/public transit everywhere in the city when I lived there, miss that.

• Borrowing a book from the library. It's amazing how many people do not take advantage of this free resource. I do this from time to time, although paying for my kindle unlimited again is something that's worth it to me. I easily read 5-10 books a month (this is my eve chill out activity)

• Planting a garden of edible vegetables. Start with spices. Move onto high-cost/low-effort plants like tomatoes (not potatoes). Look into permaculture and intensive gardening. Yeah I am trying to do this. It's been a whole thing with P2, he is hesitant for change especially if we may move at some point. I'm like, why don't we get the skills now- also I just enjoy this, always have. Super fun. I've grown the garden each year but it's an issue for us. I put some of it in my parking spot in the city now.

• Making simple nontoxic household agents from scratch, like laundry detergent, toothpaste, insect killer, window cleaner, or beer. We don't do this but could....P2 DID used to make cider and mead but got away from it. We made all the wine for our wedding and still drinking that whoops. We could try again, I had a lot of fun making the wine and we have everything, tho one of our activities we like is going to local dive bar/brewery to get out of the house.

• Bicycle, motorcycle, or car maintenance. At least start by washing it yourself. Move on to fixing flats, cleaning, changing oil, and lubricating parts. Graduate to disassembling the drive train and engine. Me: nooooo clue or interest P2: loves doing most of this up to the drive train/engine. He knows enough to know when he can't do something. He can also do all sorts of house/camper fix-it things

[dizzy]

Aaaaand, this is not what I was expecting. P2 told me he's quitting his job. AGAIN.

On the one hand fine, it's not working for him. He is in so much pain, also brain pain. But there is never a plan with this and this is feeling really really unstable for me. It's the 5th time in 3 years which doesn't include quitting food deliveries, he did this for a time.

Much more talking needs to ensue obviously. I don't know where we go from here. I can easily support us but really need P2 to figure out the beat his own drummer is beating to...he puts a lot of pressure on himself and also others (annnnnd me inadvertently).

Sigh, will write more about this later. Anyone who has a clue what a plumber with no college degree can do for a job when they realize they simply can no longer physically do the work anymore, I'm all ears....(alternately figure out how P2 will let me live out my homesteading dreams and we can grow more food for ourselves)

I will leave one positive thing, my neighbor's fig tree which has grown into our yard started ripening figs....holy schnikes, dang they are good. The variety is White Marseilles and it's Pure/Honey (beyhive nod!)