Interesting to read you think of investing of a job
I've even named my investment business, so it feels very much like an unincorporated tiny investment fund, in which I'm CEO and that trainee who does all the menial tasks. I don't have good returns to show for all this work. I'm underperforming the S&P500 about 6% yearly since I started. And yet, the value that it gives me is not only financial. It gives me a certain confidence that it's mine, and the good and the bad are caused by my skill or lack thereof. It also serves as a vehicle for me to find a meaning for all the reading I'd do anyway.
Ahahah, as long as it works for you. You're accepting that luck is a big part of investing and integrating it into your process through a random generator
Ahahah, as long as it works for you. You're accepting that luck is a big part of investing and integrating it into your process through a random generator
Yeah, so far it feels good, and it doesn't take a lot of time.
That's a great place to live! I had colleagues who migrated away from Portugal for work. Most of them went back like you have. The Netherlands is all about business.
These past few months have been so momentous that I don’t think I have fully taken in the fact that, if I wanted, I could think myself FI and be done with it. I feel it coming to me in discrete bursts and then lack of interest. For a moment I realize that this is actually happening, I’ve really done this. Then another thought and it vanishes. Perhaps I don’t believe in it, perhaps I don’t think of it as an in or out state. Or maybe with my life still in flux, I don’t consider it permanent. Running a very expensive (for me) scenario, I should be at a WR of 5,8%. If I wanted, I could adjust the spending to fall below 4%. I could, but I don’t think I will. Now that I think about it, it comes down to where in life I imagine myself to be in. I’m not in a settling phase anymore, although a part of me would like that. I’m in a scouting phase.
It’s great that FI is within reach. At best it allows me not to think about what I’ll have to do to earn money in the next months. At worst, it makes me feel a bit detached, a bit loony. Perhaps still related to the end of the relationship, I feel myself sometimes floating higher and higher into the unknown. When my self-confidence is normal, I take it as a wonderful thing, and wonder about the possibilities of possibilities, the great chance to build a life that’s exciting and solid, elegant and fun, kind and unexpected. Then there are days of low self-confidence, and I lose the spark to try new things, commiserate about the past, lose my step, can’t say a thing without sounding strange to myself. I think that will last for at least some weeks, until I leave this job. Sometimes I wonder if I haven’t stayed too long in these corporate jobs while detesting them out of principle. I hope I’ve paid my dues now, and whatever happens, I don’t make the same mistakes.
I’ve now been living for some months in HC. I used to say in NL that I was an aggressive cyclist. Always overtaking, quick to accelerate, finding the tiny spaces to squeeze myself through. I would explain that that came from cycling in HC, where one needs to pedal among insane cars, and always be on the lookout for a quick save from an accident. Now that I’m cycling in HC, I notice that I’ve gone softer, and don’t like it. There’s also the problem of car fumes in HC, which wasn’t a thing in NL. However, in NL there were the 50cc motorbikes on cyclopaths and those also emit a lot of fumes. In HC there are also affordable ubers. I’m still amazed at how I can sometimes take a uber for a 25min drive, cross a toll bridge, and only pay 8 euros. I don’t understand uber economics, but I’m enjoying it. I won’t buy a car soon.
Life isn’t bad, although in the past few days I’ve experienced an elusive self-confidence. I can be positive and think about how young I still am to have this opportunity to leave corporate jobs, and to design the life I want. In that state of mind, I get curious about my future.
I can understand how you feel good one day and insecure the next. I've lived through periods like that, too. I hope the periods of insecurity grow shorter and the periods of security, when you're happy to explore your new options, will grow longer. But give yourself some time, this all definitely takes some adjusting and that can feel bad sometimes, even when it's actually not so bad.
I'm curious for further updates at some point. I hope you find fun things to do and great people to spend time with.
I’m not in a settling phase anymore, although a part of me would like that. I’m in a scouting phase.
It’s great that FI is within reach. At best it allows me not to think about what I’ll have to do to earn money in the next months. At worst, it makes me feel a bit detached, a bit loony. Perhaps still related to the end of the relationship, I feel myself sometimes floating higher and higher into the unknown. When my self-confidence is normal, I take it as a wonderful thing, and wonder about the possibilities of possibilities, the great chance to build a life that’s exciting and solid, elegant and fun, kind and unexpected. Then there are days of low self-confidence, and I lose the spark to try new things
(emphasis mine)
Hi comandante,
Sounds like we're in a similar stage in our life, back in home country, figuring things out.
I too long to be settling but I'm learning to make peace with the unstability and necessity of the scouting phase. It's uncomfortable but full of learning opportunities. I totally relate with the ups and downs in self-confidence.
It sounds like you're in a great position financially, which allows you to take your time and be thoughtful about how you design this new phase of life. Wishing you well on this journey!
But give yourself some time, this all definitely takes some adjusting and that can feel bad sometimes, even when it's actually not so bad.
Yes, definitely. I sense myself getting more often in a neutral state emotionally than at the beginning of the year, and definitely more stable emotionally than before all this commotion – which I shall call the dutch commotion from now on. Still some lingering emotions and that’s ok. They’ll sort themselves out in time.
I had the realization last week that my ego was a casualty of the end of the relationship. I can now see that my ego took upon itself to guard the relationship and make it work, in spite of my self, almost against my self. When it ended, I see that my ego was left bruised and without trusting itself. It seems to me that this might be where my self-confidence is getting entangled. Now I’m in the process of centering myself again, revisiting what’s important to me. It’s a good feeling. I’m more stable in my workouts, ie have less bad weeks in which I skip them. I’m hanging out with my family daily. I’m slowly getting back to reading books. Playing chess again. I’ve completely replaced Spotify and Youtube Music with a locally managed system, which has greatly improved the listening experience. I have less days with mental clouds that shut down my thinking. Feeling more like myself. As I said to a friend of mine on Saturday, life ain’t bad. I trust myself that bad days will come, and then they'll go.
Sounds like we're in a similar stage in our life, back in home country, figuring things out.
Hey there! Thanks for writing that, because I hadn’t dove yet into your journal. I’m now reading it. Funny that we’re back in HC after some years abroad where we had built something.
As the great Shatner once said: I'm waiting for that feeling of contentment
That ease at night when you put your head down It Hasn't Happened Yet
Something that I’m looking forward to is the decrease of my expenses starting in June. Which is curious, because starting next month my income will drop like a stone at the same time. I’ll be much poorer income wise in 2 weeks, and also much less wasteful. No more airbnbs, nor flights as a recurring expense. Geez, the dutch commotion made my expenses high and chaotic.
After that, I don’t know. When someone asks if I found a job, I reply that I’m not looking, and I’m taking a sabbatical. Nods of indifference or reproval have happened. I really don’t know what’ll happen. I have a suspicion that by the end of the year, a lot will change in the world, and I’m more able to react.
