I Was Once Found But Now I Am Lost

[chenda]

I hate bears. They terrify me.

What do the police even do with a dead bear ?

[unemployable]

bears

One night on my current housesit in the North Carolina mountains I had three bears in "my" front yard. Mother and two cubs. This is more than the number of bears I've seen in 13 summers in the Colorado mountains hiking some 450 peaks above 13,000 feet in elevation.

But it does bump my "bear scoreboard" into double digits.

North Carolina 3
Montana 3***
Alaska 3
Colorado 2*
Washington 1
__________________
Total 12****

Asterisks denote the number of bears I've seen from cars, except I don't count any of the bears I saw from a car in Alaska; that's too easy.

[chenda]

The only time I ever saw a bear was in a Swedish zoo. Bear attacks are on the rise in Japan. The countryside is becoming depopulated and the bears have commandeered abandoned buildings for their own purposes. Japanese bears are particularly vicious beasts by all accounts. Be very wary if hiking in the Japanese countryside or doing some urbex.

[Henry]

The conservationist police cover the entire state and investigate all animal deaths. That's their job. To determine if animal death was natural or suspicious. I doubt they prosecute animal on animal crime because there would just be too many cases and I don't see chance of rehabilitation in the animal kingdom and then how would an animal survive if it can't murder other animals. I mean how many zoos can you build. So my assumption is its restricted to human on animal crime. I liked the idea that they let me enter into the investigation and provide my opinion on how the bear died. I wonder if I'm in a report "Anonymous opinionated asshole on morning walk believes bear perished by branch breaking but what the fuck does he know about this kind of shit." I don't know whether there is an autopsy or not or what they do with the remains. It was sad but I'm not losing any sleep over it even though some mother bear lost their child but I don't even know if they care about that type of thing like we sometimes do. I also saw a dead coyote but I ran away from that because it bothered me and the vultures that circle dead animals are not be trifled with. And the fucking Turkeys. They're like the fucking Hell's Angels of the bird world. It's like if you're a turkey and you lose a one on one turkey fight you get ass fucked by all the turkeys who were watching. Under no condition would I want to be a Turkey. It's a brutal life.

[theanimal]

I don't know much about turkeys but if I had to live as another species I would choose a life as a raptor or falcon. All other predators have some brutal killing, infighting and diseases to deal with. I don't think you would want to be anyone's prey so that eliminates a whole list of many more options.

I think a special form of hell would be getting reincarnated as a caribou. They are borne out on to the Arctic tundra and are immediately hunted by golden eagles, grizzlies, wolves and wolverines. Day to day they are eating grasses and getting bitten by thousands of mosquitoes. When they are older, they get infected by bot flies that burrow under their skin and coat their throat. Then if they make it past the first year, they have the joys of migrating hundreds of miles twice a year and slowly starving each winter while digging under the snow to find lichens to just get by. Oh and not to mention trying to avoid running into any human hunters or wolves in the process.

[Henry]

@ Animal.

Animal kingdom is dog eat dog. And I agree. I'd be some type of bird. Not only do you get to fly but you can shit on people's heads while doing it.

I know a hunter type and he thinks the conservationist police is a complete waste of tax payer money and they should spend the money on the human police. I thought about it and decided that I should just think about something else. That being said, the dead bear did break up the monotony of the walk.

[Henry]

We saw another bear. It was alive. Walking across the road. It was between us and a couple of bikers and I thought to myself please attack those guys. What's a few less bikers. Facing imminent death draws out whether you really want to stay alive. It's probably a good way to determine if you're wasting time with someone on the suicide hotline. Send a bear to their house and listen to whether they start screaming or just say "Thank God." The net worth is up but not where it once was so I don't feel as good about myself as I did before. That's probably like really fucking sad but I don't give a shit. I want my money back. I thought about my friend who died a while back and then I remembered how he and his stripper girlfriend used my credit card without my authorization. Enjoy your dirt nap junky asshole. His girlfriend was one of those people who actually got duct taped and stuffed inside a car trunk. I think it was her uncle who did it. She's probably dead too. I'm thinking life expectancy goes down for people who once got stuffed inside a car trunk. There's probably a chart somewhere proving it. Once you become a billionaire you have to decide whether you're going to be an asshole space billionaire or an asshole ocean billionaire. It's like you just can't be a regular walking around on planet earth asshole billionaire anymore. If I had to chose, I'd pick space because if there are aliens I would pay them to come back to earth and fuck with people I don't like. I'd have it push my supermarket cart so all those indecisive numbnuts at the fish counter will move on. Send the thing out during a road rage incident. How do you like my alien, asshole. Not so tough anymore are you big guy. I bet that's Elon Musk's real plan. All that extra terrestrial chatter going on, he wants to find one bring it back to earth and have it take a huge dump in the middle of Zuckerberg's metaverse.

[Henry]

The non-linearity of life blows big sweaty porous oxen balls but it does provide pedagogical moments. Like I've been here before but I haven't because this is not before. History doesn't repeat but it rhymes thing. The net worth soared and crashed Challenger style but I held on clenched fist in my own sphincter style and watched it launch again (thank you Apple/Nvda) where looking at non-home NW provided yet again "are we going to spend this" moment. Of course we have passed what we originally thought we needed but I am a born and bred American subject to an unquenchable and high diversified abject nature ie give me fucking more right fucking now because contrary to Joseph Heller there is no such thing as enough. I exerted high discipline in saving and caught a few nuts. Now what. Face myself? Maybe tomorrow when things are better.

[chenda]

With bikers and bears in the neighbourhood then you perhaps should invest in a firearm ?

[Henry]

The postmaster was upset the other day because they found a decapitated bear in the road. It appears it was hit by a car. Nobody knows if the bear killer and the bear decapitator are one and the same. I'm assuming they are not because that would mean there is a bear serial killer on the loose which seems to me to be highly impracticable, despite whatever compulsion someone has in this area. It just seem too time consuming driving around looking for a bear in the road, hitting it, and then chopping off it head. I think some innocent hit the bear, panicked and drove off and then a redneck passed by and who always wanted a bear head next to his confederate flag and got to sawing. Now if it was a decapitated biker in the road, I don't think anyone would give a shit. I am not a firearms guy.

[suomalainen]

where I am now neighbors with hedgies, fourth generation dynastic wealth cow breeders and a slew of poseurs

Welcome to Connecticut

[chenda]

Fair enough. I look forward to further bear updates though, it's all sounding like the plot of an enjoyably trashy horror film called 'The beast of bear county' or something.

[Henry]

Cocaine Bear was a huge disappointment. It was done in the slasher/horror/comedy genre. If the Coens did it, it would have been a masterpiece.

I am becoming the bear update guy because they tend to appear on my jaunts. Hey Henry, see any bears today? Do I look like I just shit my pants you backwoods bitch? Good one Henry. The ones I see look happy go lucky as opposed to the Russian bears I see on you tube mauling drunk guys while their dog thinks barking at it will help.

[chenda]

Cocaine Bear was a huge disappointment. It was done in the slasher/horror/comedy genre. If the Coens did it, it would have been a masterpiece.

Absolutely, but hopefully they'll get to do Crack Crocodile instead.

[unemployable]

I've seen two more bears in Colorado since late June, one from my car and the other in the front yard of my housesit, so my Colorado total is now up to 4**, which is the same as my housesitting total across all states and with no asterisks. I'm in Montana now, so very possibly will see more in the immediate future.

[Henry]

When I assess the world and all its creatures, I can count on one hand how many I get along with. I like a couple of human beings, somewhat. I never met a gnat or a cat I liked. I like horses from a distance but they got gnats and they shit like they own the place. I just don't love much of what is alive in the world. I understand other living things are necessary for my survival and I really don't have much to offer in return, but that doesn't change my take on the situation. The bears I see always look like they are smiling, like they are playing hide and seek not realizing people are not pretending not to see them but they are frightened. The bottom line is they will upon certain circumstances tear me limb from limb and that dampens the relationship significantly. I can't enjoy the bear. It's like if you saw the most beautiful woman in the world but she discloses that she has a venereal disease. Or someone gifts you a million dollars but says they stole it from El Chapo. There is always a trade off. Always the dark side lurking. It's frustrating. But what can you do about it.

[ertyu]

But what can you do about it.

You can begin by admitting how wrong you are about cats. Cats are awesome, truly

[chenda]

You can begin by admitting how wrong you are about cats. Cats are awesome, truly

They certainly are.

Nature reported a global bear attack rate of 39.6 attacks (40 bear attacks approximately) per year, with 11.4 attacks per year in North America and 18.2 attacks per year in Europe (excluding Romania, which brings it down to 10 attacks per year)

These are pretty good odds, although there have been a spate of attacks recently which have led to calls for some culls. Conservationists object because they like bears. Romania has the largest population of bears in Europe. There are none in western Europe apart from a few in the Alps and Pyrenees, but plenty in Scandinavia and out east. An Italian was recently eaten by one.

Apparently Connecticut has seen an upsurge in bear home invasions by bears. However I am told you can only shoot it in self defence, the bear just roaming about isn't enough just cause to shoot. This must generate some interesting case law. Frankly if any bear was in my back garden I'd pepper it with so much buckshot you could melt it down and manufacture a fiat uno. Actually I'd probably just scream and run away crying. I hate snakes too.

[Jean]

i brought raclette to romania, it was good, but it attracted a bear, and my stupid friends all wanted to look at him trough the door. I could already see the bear coming in, and panicking because he woukdn't find the exit, thus killing everyone to feel safe again.

[Henry]

An Italian was recently eaten by one.

I bet that bear sat down and enjoyed an espresso when he was finished.

There is call to cull here but it's not happening. Unbeknownst to the bear community, they have a posse of high powered lawyers protecting them. Although I doubt they would change their behavior much if they could comprehend that they were operating with immunity. I don't see a bear's decision making process being including gaming out legal repercussions. I'm dealing with brown bear not those crazy ass Euro bears that bust up shit for the fuck of it so you got to be either extremely unfortunate or unlucky get mauled.