wolf wrote: ↑Fri Aug 24, 2018 1:37 am
In the last few weeks I thought about "socializing more" too. I am into this, because I've met an old friend from school. We had some walks and understand each other pretty well. After those meet-ups I felt quite positive. It's good to see how a great conversation and talk can influence my mood positively.
This is exactly what triggered the whole line of thought for me as well. Nothing more dangerous than an introvert (especially of the I-N-T variety) suddenly having high quality social interaction and then just as quickly being left alone to think about it.
I've realized that my past reaction to these situations has often been along the lines of "uggggh I just experienced human emotion - I can never let that happen again." But I want to build quality relationships and need to make it a priority. Both from the morbid standpoint of “if I died who would actually be at my funeral?” to the much more sappy but true statement made by another person I know “having special people in your life is that extra thing that makes life worthwhile." I'm embarrassed to write the last statement but I'll admit it is somewhat true.
wolf wrote: ↑Fri Aug 24, 2018 1:37 am
How do you approach "socializing"? Do you read books about it? Do you have a role model? Do you plan "socializing"?
I am the least qualified person ever to answer these questions. One of the reasons I decided to pursue my current work opportunity is the senior people I’m working with are total experts at human relationships - both in terms of business and personal life and I think they can start to pull me upward into new areas of competency. One guy in particular is a master of emotional intelligence. I’m trying to spend a lot of time working with him and thinking about how he handles different situations. I’m also just trying to be friends with these people.
I did read the “Personal Village” book recommended on another thread - it was worthwhile and has encouraged me to try and find different community groups I can be part of, and also to simply start taking more walks with a proactive mindset of interacting with the community. But for me, the real need is actual practice, not more books. I'm gradually realizing what most 5 year olds already know, that people signal that they want to socialize, and that I can also signal the same. So trying to be very aware of this and then go with the flow.
wolf wrote: ↑Fri Aug 24, 2018 1:37 am
Currently I investigate success factors in order to change my personality a bit (towards socializing, extraversion, relationships). From experience I know that changing some aspects of personality could be difficult. . . . And I have to say that I value quality in relationships, not quantity.
I agree. We are who we are - that said, I’ve realized I can dial certain things up or down a notch. I just need to consciously practice. I’m not looking for quantity either. I have a feeling my “need” will be met with a fairly small quantity, and I suspect that once this need is met it will actually lead to more quantity.
wolf wrote: ↑Fri Aug 24, 2018 1:37 am
How was the feedback from your friends on social media? Were some successfull?
Yes it was worth doing and I’m going to be more proactive about it in the future. My past attitude has been “if someone wants to interact with me they’ll reach out.” Well it turns out I can reach out too. I genuinely made several people happy - they were glad to hear from me. Several lunches and catch-ups, and I think ongoing interaction, but guess what . . . the most successful attempts were local people I’m connected to from past work. It was still good to connect with people from out of town, as I’d like to do extended travel again at some point, and would be nice to have people to visit along the way.
classical_Liberal wrote: ↑Fri Aug 24, 2018 5:11 pm
I think what suomalainen posted in my journal on the subject is probably the most pertinent; repeated unplanned interactions, which tends to require proximity. Any "personality" or habit changes should probably be focused on putting oneself in the situations that promote such exchanges.
Yep I think this nails it. Pretty hard to beat repeat interaction and shared experience. Reminds me of a totally random and only somewhat off-point quote I heard from Peggy Noonan. Apparently many years ago there was a political debate about whether male and female cops should be allowed to work together as partners on a shift. Her quote was “yes it’s fine if your goal is for them to fall in love.” Not trying to make a political point here, just noting that if you put people together they are going to become a community of some sort. Without interaction, it’s a lot harder.
classical_Liberal wrote: ↑Fri Aug 24, 2018 5:11 pm
Trailblazer seems to be lucky in his work environment, he works with people he enjoys and respects., so good relationships will come more naturally. I think that's a situation he has earned with semi-ERE though. Certainly not the norm across Western society.
Congrats on the clients Trailblazer!!
Thanks! Yes - the chance to work with certain people is exactly why I took the opportunity. A number of people in our field declined to join because the opportunity was not "secure" . . . they may be right but if nothing else it's giving me a good chance to build some much needed social skills.