Re: Relationship? Married? If so, why?
Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 1:52 pm
Noided, you might enjoy this thread
---an online community leveraging 14 years of experience in resilient post-consumerist praxis
https://forum.earlyretirementextreme.com/
https://forum.earlyretirementextreme.com/viewtopic.php?t=6023
I was just thinking about this and recalled that I said to DW before we got married, "You make me better than I am." I suppose that's as good a criteria as any for making the leap.Ego wrote:Symbiosis. Our cooperative results far outweigh our individual contributions.
Marriage, for better or worse, is the commitment that allows each individual to give everything. Anything less is.... less.
This stupidly destroys so many marriages. So many couples combine checking accounts (I see zero benefits, yet many potential pitfalls [both signatures to do anything]) and fight about each other's purchases. As someone who is good with my finances and outside of sharing those skills, I can imagine no reason in the world this would benefit myself or our collective two. Can anyone here give me a reason why I should?Noided wrote:Another thing I find odd is that people join their finances. I just don't see any rational reason for doing that, even if you want kids.
So you eventually met someone who didn't try to change you into all those things? Can I ask if this happened before or after you retired?Sclass wrote:Strategically from an ERE perspective I could live cheaper alone. And I did for a good part of my life. But it was empty moving in and out of relationships on a yearly basis with mates that wanted to change me into Mr. Middle Class Dad of Two, salary getter, church tithe participant, bling buyer. Everyone seemed to have this five point agenda for changing SClass.
7Wannabe5 wrote:(...)
Thanks for the topic. I am reading it and I think I finally found someone who understands me!henrik wrote:Noided, you might enjoy this thread
Right. Please ignore. I was mostly just being silly. I had only read the first few chapters of "Anti-Fragile" when I wrote it. I think the question to ask yourself is whether or not you would really be the half of the couple with more "skin in the game" under contract of legal marriage. IOW, do you consider it fair to ask your partner to engage in social marriage contract absent legal marriage contract? For instance, it is commonly assumed to be the socially mandated job of the younger/healthier female partner to care for her male partner in decrepit old age. Therefore, bitter old single females when on the dating scene(roughly my potential peer group except that I am usually rather cheerful) are sometimes heard to mutter the truism "All these old guys are looking for is a nurse or a purse." Anyways, my point here being that, all other things being equal, social-financially-egalitarian-marriage is only really fair (given current actuarial tables) if the female half of the couple is around 3 years older than the male UNLESS the pre-nup provides for end-of-life care because no matter how tough a guy seems you can't really trust that he will just go off into the woods alone to die a noble death anymore than you can trust a female no-matter-how-good-she-seems not to file for divorce and take half your goodies at mid-life. My ex-father-in-law biked the entire Lewis and Clark trail solo at age 69 but his 3rd wife ended up caring for him full-time for over 5 years (approximate length of time in which one could achieve financial independence according to this forum) out of the 16 they were married before he died from degenerative nervous system disorder.noided said: Got kind of confused with your post to be honest haha.
I can't speak for 7W5, but I think one of the perks of marriage is that someone is contractually obligated to care for you and have sex with you when you're old.Noided wrote:Let me see if I understood what you are saying: one of the perks of marriage is that a person will take care of you when you are older?
If you are a man. Most of the people in nursing homes are female. Of course, personal demographics might vary. My SO is 7 years older than me and smokes a pipe so I'm not counting on it. Luckily, I have 3 younger sisters with whom I have a pact for old age co-residence and 2 children who are fond of me and have recollections of a happy childhood under my care.noided said: Let me see if I understood what you are saying: one of the perks of marriage is that a person will take care of you when you are older?
The idea of early retirement tends to appeal to those who have great respect for self sufficiency. While self sufficiency and independence are important, they are only halfway to the real savory part of a good life that comes after the long journey from dependence to independence and then on to interdependence.IlliniDave wrote:Yeesh, all this talk of "contractual obligations" gives me the heebie-jeebies and reinforces some of my cavalier attitudes about being a big boy and taking care of myself.
Nah, ill define my path think you very much.Ego wrote:The idea of early retirement tends to appeal to those who have great respect for self sufficiency. While self sufficiency and independence are important, they are only halfway to the real savory part of a good life that comes after the long journey from dependence to independence and then on to interdependence.IlliniDave wrote:Yeesh, all this talk of "contractual obligations" gives me the heebie-jeebies and reinforces some of my cavalier attitudes about being a big boy and taking care of myself.
This is something I have just started realizing. I have historically been very very very reluctant to infringe in any way on my independence. I'm working on changing that.Ego wrote:The idea of early retirement tends to appeal to those who have great respect for self sufficiency. While self sufficiency and independence are important, they are only halfway to the real savory part of a good life that comes after the long journey from dependence to independence and then on to interdependence.IlliniDave wrote:Yeesh, all this talk of "contractual obligations" gives me the heebie-jeebies and reinforces some of my cavalier attitudes about being a big boy and taking care of myself.
My post was half tongue-in-cheek, but let's face it ... no matter how well I take care of myself between now and then, no one wants to sleep with a 65yo woman. I'm under no illusions about that.Noided wrote:Nah, ill define my path think you very much.Ego wrote:The idea of early retirement tends to appeal to those who have great respect for self sufficiency. While self sufficiency and independence are important, they are only halfway to the real savory part of a good life that comes after the long journey from dependence to independence and then on to interdependence.IlliniDave wrote:Yeesh, all this talk of "contractual obligations" gives me the heebie-jeebies and reinforces some of my cavalier attitudes about being a big boy and taking care of myself.
I had written a response to 7Wannabe5, but I think the forum ate it up... Well lets just say I don't agree with the "I have to force this person to be with me, or he will leave" attitude.
Right. One evening several weeks ago I was relaxing in the living room with my SO and his two young adult daughters. He was clipping his toenails and he looked up and around at the three of us and inquired in his guilt-provoking Iranian paternal (much like stereotypical Jewish maternal) manner "I wonder who will do this for me when I am old?" The three of us looked at each other and none of us said anything until the buck slowly came to a stand-still in front of me due to the gravitational pull of maturity. I put on my thinking-cap and made the suggestion "Maybe the John-of-the-future will do it." Since John-of-the-present is a strapping young man who is willing to do odd jobs for my SO for very low wages due to the fact that he apparently has a crush on one of his daughters, my suggestion was received with much hilarity and agreement by my semi-step-daughters and a deep sigh and dark comment along the lines of "This is what I expected. No gratitude. No loyalty." from my SO. Unfortunately, I am still suffering a bit from this event and that is why my last post was so negative. Sorry.noided said: I had written a response to 7Wannabe5, but I think the forum ate it up... Well lets just say I don't agree with the "I have to force this person to be with me, or he will leave" attitude.
Not true. I highly recommend you give "A Round-Heeled Woman: My Late Life Adventures in Sex and Romance" by Jane Juska a read. I don't deny that younger women are on average more attractive but the primary reason why older women aren't solicited for sex is that they no longer signal availability. I mean, stating that there is no one who want to sleep with a 65 yr old woman is the equivalent of stating that there are no 79 year old men who would still have sex with a pumpkin if it was capable of signaling availability.jennypenny said: My post was half tongue-in-cheek, but let's face it ... no matter how well I take care of myself between now and then, no one wants to sleep with a 65yo woman. I'm under no illusions about that.