Re: INTJ Can't Relax Around People
Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2019 9:30 am
@sclass, no offense taken. Even as an introvert, I needed decades to both understand and accept the difference. I'd tell myself I was being lazy, not trying hard enough, needed to develop my skills, get used to it, etc. The fact is, American society rewards extroversion. By external measures of success, it seemed like I'd achieve more fighting my nature every day.
Career wise, I've done just fine giving that up. There is plenty of need for someone who will focus on a complicated problem for hours. The ceiling is lower than putting the same energy into relationships, but there is enough opportunity. The work pays plenty and is well respected. Since it is aligned with my nature, producing good results is far easier.
By external measures, my social experience is definitely stunted. What I finally came around to though, is if I don't want those experiences, I am not missing out. Just because other people desire them, that doesn't mean I enjoy them. This especially, can make more extroverted people crazy. I really don't want to dance at a wedding, I'm not just insecure about my moves. I don't want to attend a baseball game, I don't care that the seats are great. It doesn't matter that the band is doing a reunion tour and this is the last chance to see them, I will still suffer at the concert.
An upside, is keeping me happy is very inexpensive. Most of my favorite things are free or extremely low cost. I don't see "missing out" on big events as sacrifice, it is my preferred way to spend time. Really catering to my introversion might mean a $100 bottle of scotch, a session at the float tank, skipping public transit for a cab, paying to avoid the free day at a museum, etc. All indulgent, but not very costly in the grand scheme.
Career wise, I've done just fine giving that up. There is plenty of need for someone who will focus on a complicated problem for hours. The ceiling is lower than putting the same energy into relationships, but there is enough opportunity. The work pays plenty and is well respected. Since it is aligned with my nature, producing good results is far easier.
By external measures, my social experience is definitely stunted. What I finally came around to though, is if I don't want those experiences, I am not missing out. Just because other people desire them, that doesn't mean I enjoy them. This especially, can make more extroverted people crazy. I really don't want to dance at a wedding, I'm not just insecure about my moves. I don't want to attend a baseball game, I don't care that the seats are great. It doesn't matter that the band is doing a reunion tour and this is the last chance to see them, I will still suffer at the concert.
An upside, is keeping me happy is very inexpensive. Most of my favorite things are free or extremely low cost. I don't see "missing out" on big events as sacrifice, it is my preferred way to spend time. Really catering to my introversion might mean a $100 bottle of scotch, a session at the float tank, skipping public transit for a cab, paying to avoid the free day at a museum, etc. All indulgent, but not very costly in the grand scheme.