Can''t you stick to simple short sentences? It makes the discussion harder and less friendly for me and everyone else.7Wannabe5 wrote:Right. One evening several weeks ago I was relaxing in the living room with my SO and his two young adult daughters. He was clipping his toenails and he looked up and around at the three of us and inquired in his guilt-provoking Iranian paternal (much like stereotypical Jewish maternal) manner "I wonder who will do this for me when I am old?" The three of us looked at each other and none of us said anything until the buck slowly came to a stand-still in front of me due to the gravitational pull of maturity. I put on my thinking-cap and made the suggestion "Maybe the John-of-the-future will do it." Since John-of-the-present is a strapping young man who is willing to do odd jobs for my SO for very low wages due to the fact that he apparently has a crush on one of his daughters, my suggestion was received with much hilarity and agreement by my semi-step-daughters and a deep sigh and dark comment along the lines of "This is what I expected. No gratitude. No loyalty." from my SO. Unfortunately, I am still suffering a bit from this event and that is why my last post was so negative. Sorry.noided said: I had written a response to 7Wannabe5, but I think the forum ate it up... Well lets just say I don't agree with the "I have to force this person to be with me, or he will leave" attitude.
Okay, so if we are in agreement that guilt or duress are not the reasons why we want somebody to choose to remain in relationship with us, the question "What are the reasons we want somebody to want to remain in relationship with us?" The thing I have rather surprisingly found to be true as a low-earning, frugal woman dating at mid-life is that there are many men who do want to be appreciated for offering some level of financial support or advantages as part of the package they are offering up.
It really depends on how much you have a more practical view of the world vs. how much you have a more magical view of the world that informs you and others that you wish to be appreciated simply on the basis of the fact that you are a unique snowflake. The biochemicals that increase when we "fall in love" with somebody cause us to believe that the other person is special in a special way. These are basically the same biochemicals that promote the illusion that something is very important or interesting when you are under the influence of certain recreational drugs. So, it is very important that you ask yourself whether of not you are the romantic equivalent of somebody who can't hold his liquor before you make legal or financial commitments. However, if you are reasonably certain that you are capable of acting in your own self-interest, there is absolutely no rational reason why you shouldn't consider all sorts of variations on financial contracts as part of negotiating a relationship that is also inclusive of human pair-bonding behaviors. Entering into or somehow managing to maintain a relationship that is absolutely independent and even-Steven financially is in no way a guarantee or even a signal that your SO really "loves you for you" or some other magical notion like that which separates a human being from the assets and behaviors they bring to relationship.
Maintaining these sorts of magical romantic notions is even more likely to render you victim due to your inability to exit a bad relationship in the future. Every person is special. Not every special person is a good relationship partner for you. Somebody who is a good relationship partner for you this year may not be a good relationship partner for you 20 years from now and their enduring specialness will not alter this reality.
Just because man want to offer you some finantial security it doesn't mean that you have to take it or go along. I don't want that for me, but if you do, go ahead, its (mostly) a free world.
You don't have to lecture me on brain chemicals, I am not a 15 year old girl.
Another thing you say is, because I have my contract-less relationship, this does not mean that my SO loves me more then someone in a contract bound relationship. Is that even relevant?
Lets assume I do have a childish notion of love. Who do you is mostly likely to break up a relationship where they are unhappy? The unmarried person, who just talkes to their SO, and they go their separate ways OR the married person, who is thinking how is wealth will be affected if he decides to leave this person he does not like anymore?
Again, I have a hard time understanding your walls of text, so sorry if I am missing something. I don't think your arguments are helping the case for marriage.