DutchGirl's journal

[DutchGirl]

I had a very busy work week this week. I worked 4 hours each morning and then again 4 hours each evening. This was due to colleagues having the week off and me taking on their (early morning or late evening) shifts. By Thursday it had worn me down a bit, but today I only had a morning of work and then I was free. I spent the afternoon sleeping on the couch and I feel much better now!

Next week I'm only scheduled to work for 24 hours, 3 x 8 hour-shifts. Much better. I think I'll use some of the remaining time to just relax.

Income was normal in April, 2900 euros roughly. Expenses were 1650 euros. So roughly a savings rate of 43%. I worked a lot more hours in April than what my contract says, so I'm expecting a bigger pay check in May. Plus the government still owes me some money (I get a tax return), maybe it'll come in May, too...

I spent 106 euros on transport in April. I had hoped to take that down a notch because the weather is great for biking. Indeed I have been biking a lot, also to and from some work. But I also made two long-distance train trips to family meetings, and that kept me at a "normal" amount of expenses on public transport.

I noticed that my savings were a bit high, again. I want to have 5000 euros in savings as an emergency fund. And currently I'm saving another 5000 euros for possible expenses related to that possible PhD thesis thingy. My savings were up to 11,500, so I took the liberty of putting 2000 euros in a bond fund. (So now I'm at 9500 in savings, but that will be rectified once the next paycheck comes in, I'm not worried...).
I also have automated my investments, going forward: I have created automatic withdrawals that will recur every month and that will put a reasonable amount of money in savings and investments every month. I will probably still have a bit of surplus, but that will accumulate slowly and then of course I can also manually put that somewhere every half year or so.

[DutchGirl]

My savings are indeed back at 10k exactly after this paycheck. And I put more money in investments as well, which I really like .

I reached 53k euros for my net worth; however it'll go down in the next couple of days to weeks as I pay my monthly rent etc...

My income was lower than expected, I'm still waiting for the paystub that will tell me why. I'm guessing they still didn't give me the salary for the extra hours that I worked. So that'll be next month, then... Also no tax return yet, but hopefully I'll hear something more about that in the next few weeks as well.

I worked on the PhD thesis last weekend; this was after a long long pause. A pause during which I asked myself whether I was burnt out or perhaps even depressed. I wondered whether I should go see my doctor (for discussion and perhaps antidepressants or a referral to a psychologist). I wondered whether quitting would be better for me in the long run (you know, stand up for myself and take care of myself and my psychological health instead of continuing to torture myself with this PhD process). Still, there I was this weekend, sitting there, and actually writing on my fourth article. Not quite enjoying the process, but also finding it much much less hard than I thought it would be. The 4th article has now been sent to one other contributor who needs to add a few paragraphs; and then it can be send to all of the co-authors for their approval. Not bad.

During the last two months I also asked for the support of my family members and friends (actually not something that I do easily: asking for help). I got that support. That feels great. My sister added that she experienced similar things when finishing her PhD thesis (in other words: I'm not mad for feeling this way), my brother added some of his knowledge about negotiating (hopefully I'll floor my two professors next time I see them with my new-found negotiating skills), my parents wanted to fund weekend getaways for me to keep me sane (and well, I could take them up on their offer), an uncle told me how bad he still felt about not pursuing an academic title when he could have and how proud he would be of me if I manage it. I needed to hear all of that, and it is hopefully pulling me through.

I still cry a lot, which isn't normal for me. But maybe I can still make it, even when I thought that I just had to quit...

[mxlr650]

During the last two months I also asked for the support of my family members and friends (actually not something that I do easily: asking for help). I got that support. That feels great. My sister added that she experienced similar things when finishing her PhD thesis (in other words: I'm not mad for feeling this way), my brother added some of his knowledge about negotiating (hopefully I'll floor my two professors next time I see them with my new-found negotiating skills), my parents wanted to fund weekend getaways for me to keep me sane (and well, I could take them up on their offer), an uncle told me how bad he still felt about not pursuing an academic title when he could have and how proud he would be of me if I manage it. I needed to hear all of that, and it is hopefully pulling me through.

discuss your progress (or lack of it) more often with folks you think will give your a friendly ear. The PhD monster that you will slay will reveal more about yourself which is an awesome thing in itself! Good luck.

[Hankaroundtheworld]

Hi DutchGirl, it reminds me of the Dutch saying "Ik worstel, en kom boven". With your attitude to life, you will get there with your PhD, I fully trust that!

[DutchGirl]

... Sometimes my attitude really is to whine and moan and cry. But anyway... I have a meeting with my supervisors two weeks from now, and hopefully I'll be able to convince them to tell me what I really need to do, and nothing more. Hopefully we can create "final" targets to meet and call it a day. Fingers crossed.

My paystub showed me that unfortunately I overestimated the payout from the extra hours that I worked, so it really was my paystub and they didn't forget to include these hours.

I always spend too much money on fun. I have 150 euros in my budget per month for fun, unexpected expenses, and gifts. You would say that that's quite enough ($200...). One month I'll spend waaaaay too much on gifts, another I'll dine out a lot, etc etc. This month I set a weekly budget instead of a monthly one. This week, I went over already... But when I saw I spent 6 euros too much by Wednesday, I stopped spending. Perhaps I can make up for it next week. It's an experiment...

[IlliniDave]

What worked well for me when it came to paring down frivolous spending was to use a variation on a technique from Your Money or Your Life. It can be tedious because it requires keeping a detailed record on spending. Part of the process is to essentially grade each expense on whether it improves your life (I'm sort of paraphrasing), makes it worse, or is neutral. Neutral or worsening items are candidates for reduction/elimination, bettering items are candidates for maintaining or even increasing. I found a lot of things I bucketed as "fun" money expenses weren't really all that fun, and sometimes had costs that went beyond the actual money spent.

That approach made the chopping process much easier because it made sense in the big picture. Having a "reason" to cut back somewhere rather than just for the sake of being a cheapskate made it more sustainable, and I wound up with a higher quality of life and a higher savings rate together. Very simple and intuitive, but I needed prompting from a book before implementing it in earnest.

[DutchGirl]

Yesterday was the big meeting with my two supervisors. They asked me how I've been. I told them about how terrible I've felt. I was met with disbelief. They could not understand why I would feel so bad. And I could not explain it to them. They told me I was 80% there, I know that the remaining 20% is not something I want to go through. The remaining 20% is licking their heels and them pissing all over my work to make it theirs. They've done this with the 3 papers I've published so far. But I can't take any more. I'm done. I've had it.

It could be that this is because I was teased as a kid and I can't take what feels like a lot of rejections. It could be because I was raised on a farm by two people who are honest and whose words are honest, simple and true. It could be that I'm not made to be this competitive or able to stand this underdog position for long enough to become a top dog. I don't wanna be a top dog anyway.

As I said before, I don't need this diploma for my own future or for my current career. I actually like the fact that at my current career I'm considered an adult who can be trusted to do things the right way all by herself. I also like the fact that people (both colleagues and the blood donors I talk to) appreciate my work.

I guess I have become too old to be an obedient PhD student. Well, too bad.

Now I have a lot of free time on my hands. My job does take me something like 30 hours per week on average. What shall I do with the rest of my time?

[Hankaroundtheworld]

Very brave decision, wow, read it twice
If you suddenly have free time and most important free in your mind, then you can start planning your next step, and if you focus right, it will be at the center of:
(1) That which you love
(2) That which the world needs
(3) That which you are good at
(4) That which you can be paid for
It might be a bit like searching for the holy grail, but if you get close to the center of these 4 goals, it will feel like a riding a nice wave
good luck !
Henk

[m741]

Wow, what a bold move!

You always sounded really unhappy with the PhD life, so it seems like this is the right decision for you. And so much free time!

[George the original one]

Cutting the ties that bind and onward to the future!

[IlliniDave]

And here I thought I was on the cusp of a monumental decision. I salute your courage and conviction.

Initially for a couple weeks at least, I'd suggest using your extra time to decompress and allow some of the negative energy of that situation drift away. I don't know you well enough to suggest specifics, but I would hike and fish--being outdoors and in natural settings tense to have a cleansing effect on me. I would also write, just some sort of journaling, a throwaway notebook where I'd just explore thoughts and possibilities for the future, where I'd write the things I would hesitate to say aloud.

In time there's a good chance a path will appear. Good luck!

[chenda]

Congratulations on your decision. I would spend your time at first just enjoying the freedom, then you can decide what else you want to do

[I(E)reland]

Congratulations....other opportunities will open up...and interesting to hear your comments about people being fair and honest. How much easier and better the world would be if people were more straightforward!

[DutchGirl]

I am a bit surprised and very pleased with all of your responses. Thank you so much, guys!

I've spent yesterday celebrating my father-in-law's 77th birthday, today is a day off. I found this post on the Simple Dollar yesterday, and perhaps I could use this technique to think more about what I want my life (or at least the next few months) to be about.

Keeping a diary is also a smart move.

I've got some things to explore, for example writing, and accounting (I've got a basic diploma and quite liked it). I definitely could use some time and effort to lose some weight, and I've lost one excuse to eat chocolate now... That could be one of the things to focus on, because it's important for my health.

[saving-10-years]

This sounds like it was the right decision. Hoping that those supes of yours have some explaining to do about why this happened on their watch. If they've done this to you then they have done it to others too. A bold move and enjoy the new possibilities you now have time for and basically being in charge.

How a PhD becomes what some other people make you do (even though you don't want to) to serve their needs rather than yours is a common and sad story I've heard before. So enough of that book, you have the skills and passion to write your own new (and better) book. Good luck.

[DutchGirl]

I'm quite happy about my expenses in June! I spent 1350 euros instead of the budgeted 1300 euros, and this was due to a sudden bike repair for 30 euros (replacing the inner and outer back tire of my bike) and an unplanned train journey for 20 euros to visit my very old and now very frail grandmother. (I categorized both as "traveling" expenses and overspend 50 euros in that category).

Generally it was a month with no "extra" expenses, just the barebone rent - groceries - health insurance things that come back every month. During many other months I'll have an annual or semi-annual bill coming due, but not in June.

Also, I experimented with a new way of budgetting for "extra / fun expenses". I used to do this per month and allow myself 150 euros per month for fun expenses, dinners, unexpected expenses and gifts. But I would run out of money by the 15th more often than not, and then I would go over. Now I budgeted 50 euros for gifts and 20 euros per week for the rest. It turned out that it made it easier for me to reduce the extra expenses, apparently I'm still not very good at planning for a whole month... I still overspend by 3 euros, so I spent 153 euros in total in that category... . I'll be continuing to budget this per week.

(You could discuss whether the "unexpected" bike repair and the "unexpected" extra train trip belong in the "unexpected" budget category... In which case I did overspend there, but anyway...).

My income was a roughly 2300 salary and a 770 euro tax return from 2013... So my savings rate would be over 50% if you count the tax return, and a little bit under if you don't.

Onwards to July, which will, by the way, see some very big annual and semi-annual bills. Expected expenses are 2100 euros...

[1taskaday]

Hi DutchGirl,

Just caught up with your latest journal entries.

I have made some decisions like this lately regarding career moves,(or "no moves" as I decided).

Never regretted it for a moment.

My path is clear I just want to suck the most (that is possible) out of life.
Enough with the hardship and "bettering myself".

If we could just let ourselves enjoy what we enjoy and stop wanting more-I think this is the recipe for a happy life.

Remember there are no mistakes-always only learning ...

[DutchGirl]

Busy weeks ahead of me... At my work, people are going on holidays, and I picked up a few extra hours because of that. So I'll be working 140 hours per month in July and in August. Others will laugh at this low number, but it's a lot for me since I am used to working 100 hours per month or so. Of course, it will also increase my salary, which is good.

Also, I will be working for a few weekend days as well. I will be promoting the blood bank at certain events. A few weeks ago I did the same, it was outside and very hot that day. I survived by drinking a lot of fluids and by using the sunscreen lotion enough times. No sun burns and no headache... But this is one of the reasons why I'm not looking forward to the next set of events, they will also be outside and who knows what the weather will be like? Maybe I was a bit stupid to volunteer for this (volunteering as in I don't have to do this; I will get paid about half my regular hourly wage).

My normal work involves sitting behind a computer and talking to people and walking around in a more or less airconditioned environment. This will be standing a lot, talking to more people, and no air conditioning . Maybe I should just toughen up a bit

Anyway... The busy time ahead of me makes me want to reach ERE even more, so I have been looking for jobs-on-the-side for when this busy period at my current job has passed and my income drops again. So this busy period encourages me to get more busy in the future as well, even though I am not looking forward to being so busy. Hmm.

Also, I have invested a few more of my euros in a wind turbine cooperation (should give 5% per year returns, plus I like the environment-friendly part of it) and in a mutual fund at my bank. Now I actually need to sit tight for a while and replenish my savings account. It is at 1400 euros currently and I would like it to be at 5000 euros... It will take me a few months to get that back up again; but I like investing so much more...

I do not have a lot of patience...

[DutchGirl]

Tropical temperatures expected for this weekend when I will be outside trying to promote the bloodbank. Just my kind of luck... . The only upside is that it's "only" for five hours and starts right during the hottest hours of the day (so will hopefully cool down a bit over time).

Today I'll have my annual job performance review with my boss. My boss is a nice person, so I'm not too worried that she'll misinterpret everything I'll say etc. I think they're still happy with my performance. I am too, mostly, although I do remember some mistakes I made this past year. Also, we'll discuss the future... and I have my "hidden agenda" of quitting in the next 5-10 years (probably if I quit five years from now I'll need to find other work to do to get to FI, but perhaps that would be best for me). I believe my boss and the boss of my boss see me potentially have a career and I'm not sure whether I want to deal with climbing the ladder...

[Hankaroundtheworld]

I feel with you, promoting bloodbank while everyone else is cooking their blood in the sun and drinking white beer

Pretend to have a career to your boss, and get some Salary raises !!