I totaly agree with M. There are also small but cute condos in the cities in okay untrendy spots for 50k.
Maybe your partner is cold and sick of the pipes freezing? Isnt it going to be -25 F tonight.
Cheap housing options that don't look cheap
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secretwealth
- Posts: 1948
- Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:31 am
Another important point, I think:
Materialistic societies by definition create hierarchies based upon how much material its constituents possess. These soccer moms might look down on your wife less for living in a condo in an untrendy part of town or an older house in a middle class neighborhood--but they'll still look down on her. And if your wife is the shy-but-needs-friends type, she will probably sense this and resent it or crave more possession to get higher in the ladder. Thus the consumption treadmill begins.
Materialistic societies by definition create hierarchies based upon how much material its constituents possess. These soccer moms might look down on your wife less for living in a condo in an untrendy part of town or an older house in a middle class neighborhood--but they'll still look down on her. And if your wife is the shy-but-needs-friends type, she will probably sense this and resent it or crave more possession to get higher in the ladder. Thus the consumption treadmill begins.
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RealPerson
- Posts: 875
- Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2012 4:33 pm
After thinking about your situation more, I agree with others that you need marriage counseling more than a new residence that looks more expensive. It is definitely not right for her to make such monumental decisions without your consent.
Like everybody else, I really want to hear how you get monthly expenses for 3 people down to $600?
Like everybody else, I really want to hear how you get monthly expenses for 3 people down to $600?
2handband,
Please define "McMansion". My impression is that without the derogatory labels (this is my first exposure to "McApartment", at least) perhaps your wife would simply like a house which is not in itself an unreasonable request. There are cheap ways to fill that request if you both have an open mind.
Fundamentally, this sounds to me like more of an identity issue than a money problem. Money shouldn't define you, neither in needless displays of wealth, nor in any reflexive need to flee from it. IMHO, you two should get together, avoid judging each others motivations, and work out a compromise.
Please define "McMansion". My impression is that without the derogatory labels (this is my first exposure to "McApartment", at least) perhaps your wife would simply like a house which is not in itself an unreasonable request. There are cheap ways to fill that request if you both have an open mind.
Fundamentally, this sounds to me like more of an identity issue than a money problem. Money shouldn't define you, neither in needless displays of wealth, nor in any reflexive need to flee from it. IMHO, you two should get together, avoid judging each others motivations, and work out a compromise.
I am going to assume that you are not understanding what your wife wants. I bet she does NOT want a McMansion. She wants a change, and she wants to feel accepted by other moms who are in her world. She does not want to live in a trailer park any longer.
And, hey, change is good! Trust that her gut is right.
What I'd do is make a joint decision to go "neighborhood hunting." Talk about what you really want in a city and neighborhood. I can see you fitting in perfectly in a university town, living near campus. Everyone/most live cheap, many have walking lifestyles, many are parents, and money isn't the driving factor. The non-students who live there are people who could live elsewhere but choose not to because they prefer the university lifestyle.
Offhand, I recommend you check out Madison, WI. You will likely find a good philosophical fit. Do you have degrees? Married-people campus housing is kind of cool. Built-in friends for you guys and your daughters, no one has money, yet the people are intelligent and interesting. With your income, you could probably get grants.
My point is - she wants something better for herself, and maybe it is more about her insecurities than anything, but isn't there a place you could find that will give you both what you need?
And, hey, change is good! Trust that her gut is right.
What I'd do is make a joint decision to go "neighborhood hunting." Talk about what you really want in a city and neighborhood. I can see you fitting in perfectly in a university town, living near campus. Everyone/most live cheap, many have walking lifestyles, many are parents, and money isn't the driving factor. The non-students who live there are people who could live elsewhere but choose not to because they prefer the university lifestyle.
Offhand, I recommend you check out Madison, WI. You will likely find a good philosophical fit. Do you have degrees? Married-people campus housing is kind of cool. Built-in friends for you guys and your daughters, no one has money, yet the people are intelligent and interesting. With your income, you could probably get grants.
My point is - she wants something better for herself, and maybe it is more about her insecurities than anything, but isn't there a place you could find that will give you both what you need?