Shaz's journal

[shaz]

@theanimal @mooretrees thanks for checking in. The reducing has slowed down. I got to a point where it felt like I got rid of nearly everything I don't need. I know that isn't really the case. I'm still slowly getting rid of things and I expect it will pick back up once I get used to the new lower amount of possessions.

~General Update~

A scarcity mindset has been creeping back in as DH and I get closer to our retirement dates. It's scary seeing the firehose of cash about to be cut down to something more resembling a garden hose. Which part of my brain knows will be plenty but part of my brain finds to be terrifying.

I also find myself putting off all sorts of things until after I retire because I know I will have more time for them then. I'm not sure that is exactly a good idea but also I don't have the emotional energy to fight it right now.

Last month my body found another creative and unprovoked way to try to kill me (my small intestine literally tied itself in a knot). I spent a week in the hospital with a tube down my throat and had another surgery. I finally got cleared to resume normal activity 2 days ago.

DH set his retirement date as May 3, with April 19 being his last day actually working. He submitted all of the necessary paperwork to HR so we are committed.

I am wavering on my date. My employer has offered to allow me to be 100% remote if I will put off retiring. On the one hand, my recent hospitalization took me to my max out of pocket for the year so changing health insurance mid-year means I will end up spending thousands of dollars needlessly because I know I have 2 sets of expensive scans that I still need to do this year. On the other hand, I would like to retire while I can still enjoy it. On the gripping hand ... I suspect what will happen is that I will retire as soon as the weather warms up enough to make me totally envious of DH's freedom to be active outside.

As of January we hit our target retirement savings so that worked out pretty much as planned.

I'm putting my oldest cat to sleep today because her quality of life has declined to the point where it is the kindest thing to do. I'm overwhelmingly sad to lose her. I slept on the floor with her the past 5 nights because I didn't want her to be alone. I also recognize that the reduction in pets is also happening pretty much the way I projected.

I'll try to put together a more coherent update soon.

[mountainFrugal]

Last month my body found another creative and unprovoked way to try to kill me (my small intestine literally tied itself in a knot). I spent a week in the hospital with a tube down my throat and had another surgery. I finally got cleared to resume normal activity 2 days ago.

O no! I am glad you are on the mend. By "normal activity" are you able to ride your horses yet?

[shaz]

@mountainFrugal I got out on my horse on Saturday. It was such a a relief to be able to ride again!

[Slevin]

I'm putting my oldest cat to sleep today because her quality of life has declined to the point where it is the kindest thing to do. I'm overwhelmingly sad to lose her. I slept on the floor with her the past 5 nights because I didn't want her to be alone. I also recognize that the reduction in pets is also happening pretty much the way I projected.

My sister put her oldest pup to sleep today too (of her 7 dogs, and he helped raise / train literally over 40 other fosters over the past 15 years), so I understand the feeling. Its always so tough to do even when they are struggling and breaks my heart every time. I've only broken down sobbing like 5 or 10 times today. I'm sure when you look back on this you will be really happy you spent the past few nights with her on the floor to stay with her.

[shaz]

@slevin thanks, and I'm sorry about your sister's pup.

[Scott 2]

Glad to see an update from you @shaz. Sorry to hear of the health issues and your cat passing. Some animals stand out as special. We're lucky to have the time.

Congrats on hitting the savings target. It may feel anti-climatic, but that's a major life accomplishment.

100% remote can quickly grow into living at work. I'd probably give it a try, see if strong boundaries are possible. If not, there's no shame in saying I'm done, or even trying to negotiate a part time relationship. It all depends on how fast you'd like to make the transition. Our work relationships can be intimate and important, even as we're trying to escape the time obligation.

[shaz]

@scott 2 thank you. I miss that cat a lot.

You are so right about the hazards of 100% remote. I did it for 7 years at a prior job. The first 5 years were great but the last 2 turned into living at work. It was so bad that it drove me to take a different job that was 0% remote.

I don't know how long I will keep working. I do want to get my next set of scans completed before I change health insurance. My boss is trying to jedi mind trick me into continuing to work. He is pretty good at the Jedi mind trick thing but I think the lure of uncrowded trails on weekdays during the summer will win out.

My job is pretty easy right now but it does keep me off the trails during business hours. The big risk to sticking around for a while is that if a crisis such as a global pandemic or a major lawsuit occurs, I might feel too bad about quitting and leaving someone else stuck dealing with the crisis. Then I could be trapped for years while living at work and be forced to fake my own death to escape.

[guitarplayer]

When I worked as a carer I was off from Tuesday 3pm to Friday 2 pm. This was brilliant for interacting with the uncrowded outside world. I wish this working pattern could be adopted other workplaces. And I think even in white collar / coding it would be great too as it would facilitate deep work on weekends when there are no meetings. Shame there are few options for doing it in this setting.

[Gadget]

Hello Shaz, dropping in to say how much I am enjoying your journal. I grew up with horses and am inspired by your desire to travel with them full time. I am sorry to hear about your beloved cat and recent stay in the hospital. Glad to hear you are better now and up for a ride!

I agree with guitarplayer, it can be life changing to arrange your schedule to gain off time during the workweek. Its like a completely different world without the weekend crowds! I'm trying to get DH to do this. It's easy to feel like we *need* to be available during all standard office hours, but I suspect once everyone knows you are unavailable during XYZ times, people will work around it. Of course it really depends on the nature of your job.

Wishing the best on your retirement journey. I will be following!

[shaz]

@gadget Thank you for the kind words.

That's a good point that I can (maybe) rearrange my work schedule to have more weekday time on the trails. Last year I took vacation every Wednesday during the warm months. That was OK because I just made sure all of my recurring meetings were on other days. This year I want to try taking half days every Tuesday and Thursday but it is a bit of a problem because of course those are the days all of my recurring meetings got rescheduled to last year. Hopefully I can get all of my urgent health needs taken care of and just quit the job!

[shaz]

@guitarplayer one of the reasons your journal caught my attention is that I also worked as a carer when I was in my 20s. I always chose to work weekends and have weekdays off. My favorite schedule was when I could do all of my work hours in 3 days per week. I agree it would be great if other workplaces would adopt more flexible schedules.

My main complaint about my job now is that it restricts me from being outside on nice days. If I were allowed to work in the evenings I would happily continue for years yet because mostly I enjoy what I do and I think the nonprofit I work for is doing important things. Maybe I should try having a conversation with my boss about a flexible schedule. He has already offered to let me work part time or become a contractor. Hmmm. Something to consider.

[shaz]

I am sad to admit that I am OMY'ing it at this point. I have what seem like very good reasons (mostly health insurance), but possibly am just rationalizing fear.

DH retired in April and is very much enjoying life without paid employment. He looks 20 years younger than he did before retirement.

The reducing has only been partially successful during this time. We reduced nearly all of DH's office clothes and home office equipment. We added home gym equipment (most of it secondhand). We also reduced miscellaneous items such as water bottles (how do they keep multiplying?) and unused cookware.

We bought too much clothing. DH needed clothes for being home 7 days per week rather 2 days per week. I was wearing mostly clothes that were 10 to 15 years old and falling apart. When I was home alone I didn't care but with DH here to see me, I don't want to wear clothes that are ragged and have large holes and fit poorly. Those were good reasons to buy clothes but now I am finding it difficult to stop shopping.

So far this year I have been hospitalized and had emergency life-saving surgery twice. I'm currently recovering from the second surgery and am in a huge sulk about not being able to do anything fun for such a large chunk of the summer. Until the latest hospitalization I was using PTO two days per week. Now I am using no PTO until I am cleared to full activity. Work is a good thing while I am trapped in the house.

The early part of the summer was very fun and active with horseback riding, cycling, or paddleboarding almost every day.

I will most likely continue working until the end of the year when my health insurance resets. I am finding it to be VERY DIFFICULT to overcome anxiety around health insurance. I hate that I have these anxieties and that I can't make myself ignore them.

[theanimal]

I'm sorry to hear about your recent medical issues and wish you a speedy recovery. Regarding feeling anxious around health insurance, have you looked at options in the marketplace? Are there not similar type plans available to what you have now?

I'm sure it's not an apples to apples comparison between your plan and mine, but anecdotally, I was able to find the same plan on the marketplace for a fraction of the cost that my previous employer offered.

[Scott 2]

Health problems suck. Sorry you are contending with them

I think if the work is personally rewarding, or enables a legacy you couldn't otherwise create, OMY is completely reasonable. From what I recall, your employer has been very accommodating on quality of life factors.


I do want to challenge the insurance assumption. Over the next 18 months, I bet your COBRA premiums would be tolerable. Outrageous, but not bank breaking. You could keep the exact same insurance, with a long window to figure out ACA.

Given the health stuff, I'd place a high premium on that time, the memories I could create. If insurance falls apart, you could get another job, maybe even at the same company.

If you were so unwell that wasn't an option, having spent that time exactly how you wanted, might be preferable. Potential for SSDI and early Medicare also opens, if you are extremely sick.

You also might be able to pull the FMLA lever, trimming your weekly work commitment, while maintaining benefits eligibility. Combine that with COBRA and there's a longer runway, with the exact same insurance.


Unless a retiree policy is on the table, at some point you are making the insurance transition.

[shaz]

@theanimal did you have any difficulty making sure you didn't have any lapse in your insurance when you switched plans?

[shaz]

@scott 2 thanks for the thoughtful reply. You touched on more than one thing that fuels my anxiety.

You are correct that I can afford COBRA. You make a good point that I can use COBRA to buy time to figure out the ACA insurance. You also make a good point that eventually I will be making an insurance transition and I REALLY don't want to wait until I am old enough for Medicare.

I do think about how to make the most of this time in case my health continues to decline. It's one of the reasons I am so frustrated with my fears.

I'm also frustrated and discouraged because I keep working so hard to regain health and fitness and then poof! I land in the hospital again. I am scared that I will die from this which makes it difficult to scrape up emotional energy to deal with other anxieties.

You are correct that my working conditions aren't exactly onerous and I enjoy a lot of what I do at work. This week I am resuming my 3-day workweek. I have enough vacation time accumulated that I can keep it up for the rest of the year. Hopefully the light work schedule plus physical recovery will let me get to a better place mentally.

[Scott 2]

FWIW, I'm averaging about 25h a week with my contracting, and it feels pretty good. Better than no work, in a lot of ways. My dad semi retired a few years ago, and he's been happy on 3 days a week. So you might already be on the winning formula.


ACA treats leaving your job as a qualifying life event. The policy goes into effect on the 1st of the month after you apply:

https://www.healthinsurance.org/obamaca ... -coverage/

Your window to elect to take COBRA is roughly 60 days. When you elect, you have the option to do so retroactively. It requires paying premiums for the prior time, but closes the potential coverage gap:

https://www.cms.gov/CCIIO/Programs-and- ... /cobra_qna

When I retired, I went without insurance for two months. The intent was to retroactively buy COBRA, if something came up. But, that's really your safety net if something goes wrong during the ACA transition.

Depending on your employer, it's possible working one day into a month, extends your health coverage through the full month. That was another thing I did to ease the transition time. I don't think my 60 days started counting down until that month ended, bringing it closer to 90.

Your employer's plan or your state's exchange could be different. But I found the process very reasonable.

Switching mid year does create a financial hit. You'll reset deductibles, and it's unlikely this year's income qualifies for subsidies or cost sharing.

[shaz]

@Scott 2 thanks, it is very helpful to know an ACA policy goes into effect on the first of the next month. That clears up one of my concerns. It's also a good reminder that I can opt in to COBRA retroactively if something goes wrong in the ACA transition. I keep forgetting about that.