White Trash Book Smart

Where are you and where are you going?
7Wannabe5
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

chenda wrote:Yes absolutely and arranged marriages are kind of like wartime central planning, where everyone gets there basic needs met and no more. Which for the sexually deprived men might be an advantage, as they at least get something.
True, if the marriages are monogamous and celibacy is not a good available option. Arranged marriages also exist in cultures that practice polygyny. In an imaginary world where all humans had 3 partners arranged, the distribution would also be more egalitarian. So, actually, on some level, it is the fact that many modern women still condone/practice/ignore/allow for one-sided male polygyny that causes the discrepancy. OTOH, it is the case that on average men experience higher sex drive, so the demand/supply for # sexual occurrences as opposed to #sexual partners will always be skewed for the primarily heterosexual.

Anyways, I'm pretty sure that all 3 men who are still attempting to have sex with me are currently having more sex with their other partners than I am, because I don't want to look at my own pudge belly while having sex. So, the growing percentage of humans with pudge-belly might be part of the problem, except it doesn't correlate very well with youngest men being on the decline the most.

M
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by M »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Mon Nov 14, 2022 10:29 am
OTOH, I think being able to vibe Domme is a very valuable skill to have even if it's not your thing. For instance, in the novel "Children are Like Diamonds", a frumpy middle-aged woman needs help rescuing her adopted African baby from war zone, so she exhibits Domme behavior in order to solicit the help of highly competent generally sexually successful young man who only has an edge of submissive. That's how in demand the behavior is on the general market, but it is STILL generally a mistake to unconsciously use assertive moves to seduce moody introverted men while having thoughts along the lines of "He's just shy." or "He just needs some cheering up." BTDT and have suffered both the short and long-term consequences. Thus, my consciously established best practice of "I don't date men who don't date me."

I hope this makes some kind of sense and/or contribution to the discussion at hand :lol:
Yes - this makes complete sense. Also this is your journal...so I hope I am contributing something to the discussion at hand and not getting too side tracked. :lol:

This sort of reminds me of some women who 'want to be wanted'.

E.G. Some women (and men) will find the idea that they are more attracted and desired by a certain man than any other woman around to, in and of itself, be a more attractive trait than many other attributes a man could have. People seem to have a desire to be desired. It is like, instead of having a man who is six feet tall who doesn't care much about them, some women prefer to have a man who is five foot eight but who desires and values them more than any other woman in the room, school, restaraunt, etc...which makes sense I think.

I speculate at times if this is why some women don't desire shy, submissive men so much. If a man is very shy it might be harder to say if he is really into you, where a more dominant will just come out and say it / show it some way.

I was very much in the shy / submissive man category at first. I started dating because some more dominant girls asked me out in junior high, which made me realize I much prefer girls over video games.

When I got with my wife I switched to being incredibly dominant sexually after realizing, in this order:

1.) She was ok with this
2.) She was naturally submissive and wanted this
3.) I was naturally more dominant and wanted this also, and it's ok to express my desires.

Every step took a lot of social unconditioning. Before I believed from social conditioning that women did not naturally desire sex, that women did not desire to be submissive sexually, and that I should not be dominant sexually over a woman, even if this was what she expressly stated that she wanted.

I have since learned that everyone can be different on many levels and that my wife and I are both hyper sexual and crave physical touch and affection. Physical touch is both of our love language, so we wind up kissing / hugging / massaging / cuddling / having sex whenever we pass each other or see each other.

I assume there is some mismatch in sexual desire in hetero couples. Certainly not all women desire sex cuddles and kisses 24/7. Of course not all men want it 24/7 either.

On the pudge belly during sex - this may worry you more than the men you are having sex with, honestly. If this bothers you you could opt for cuddles and kisses first before switching to doggie style sex. Not trying to get too graphic here but you would not see your belly then :lol:

jacob
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by jacob »

Heh! This reminds me of every discussion about diet, exercise, and investing, already.

The variables are fads, fashion, and personal preference.

Means are different.
Methods vary on a decadal scale.
Ends are personal.

Begin discussion. Autobiographies present.

Alas, I'm getting too cynical.

What's the point of exploring it in all its intricate details? Flushing various hormone receptors? I know the feeling, but ...
What's the next step beyond mapping this out and seeing it repeat itself?
Is there even a next step or next-step just another aquarium?
Is it more about the process of repeating?
To what end?
Is the framework of means and ends even a good lens?

M
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by M »

jacob wrote:
Mon Nov 14, 2022 3:14 pm
Heh! This reminds me of every discussion about diet, exercise, and investing, already.

The variables are fads, fashion, and personal preference.

Means are different.
Methods vary on a decadal scale.
Ends are personal.

Begin discussion. Autobiographies present.

Alas, I'm getting too cynical.

What's the point of exploring it in all its intricate details? Flushing various hormone receptors? I know the feeling, but ...
What's the next step beyond mapping this out and seeing it repeat itself?
Is there even a next step or next-step just another aquarium?
Is it more about the process of repeating?
To what end?
Is the framework of means and ends even a good lens?
Lol - all data starts with personal experience. Even the scientist in the lab is taking measurements personally then reporting the measurements and providing analysis as objectively as possible. They just like to pretend subjectivity does not occur.

I used to play video games and people always assumed there was a goal. To be the best. To beat the game, etc. I don't play games to be the best. I play games to enjoy the process of playing the game. Some game I never win because I simply enjoy playing. People who assumed there was a goal always seemed confused watching me play, because they both knew I was very good at the game and was confused about why I was meandering about aimlessly.

As far as I can tell there is no overriding meaning in life, so I mostly just do things to enjoy things. Conversation is like this for me. It's mostly all just flushing hormonal receptors. I'm not arriving at any point or goal. The conversation is both the means and the ends.

I mean - this is also how Facebook became a multi-billion dollar corporation, by flushing hormonal receptors on a massive scale.

Here we are doing the same thing except it's more intellectually stimulating as well, so it's like a doubling of the hormonal receptors that get flushed. If we could start a conversation somehow about both sex and quantum mechanics this would be like a triple flush. :lol:

daylen
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by daylen »

Fuzzy bonding between entities like atoms, molecules, and cells is in some sense a sexual primitive and may be considered closely related to quantum wave functions distributed over space. Asexual replication being a form of sex between the duality of a normal trajectory and a mutated trajectory. Sex is a way to crossover aspects of two (or more) spacio-temporally bounded entities of sufficient self-referentiality into the next generation.

That, and it has a certain feeling, though the intensity could be thought to vary continuously giving an infinite range of possible experiences without even getting into the variations in orientation/perspective.

M
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by M »

daylen wrote:
Mon Nov 14, 2022 4:04 pm
Fuzzy bonding between entities like atoms, molecules, and cells is in some sense a sexual primitive and may be considered closely related to quantum wave functions distributed over space. Asexual replication being a form of sex between the duality of a normal trajectory and a mutated trajectory. Sex is a way to crossover aspects of two (or more) spacio-temporally bounded entities of sufficient self-referentiality into the next generation.

That, and it has a certain feeling, though the intensity could be thought to vary continuously giving an infinite range of possible experiences without even getting into the variations in orientation/perspective.
omg, lol. :lol: :lol: :lol: hahahahaha.

Ok I think all the hormonal receptors have been flushed now.

I will come back here tomorrow for more hormonal flushing.

jacob
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by jacob »

@M - So how do you deal/respond to humans outside your perspective to bring them around to whatever works for their individual preferences without destroying the whole as an ongoing operation.

I mean, obviously I can see the immediate response... lolomgwtifbbqmultipleemoji ... but how would show others (humans, life, etc.) to enter the same state?

M
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by M »

jacob wrote:
Mon Nov 14, 2022 4:48 pm
@M - So how do you deal/respond to humans outside your perspective to bring them around to whatever works for their individual preferences without destroying the whole as an ongoing operation.

I mean, obviously I can see the immediate response... lolomgwtifbbqmultipleemoji ... but how would show others (humans, life, etc.) to enter the same state?
It depends on the human and subject material in question.

Someone like yourself - I would find some research studies and reports to support my perspective. You can then decide if we have different facts that made us arrive at separate conclusions, or if we are interpreting the data differently, etc.

A regular person - I typically don't try to change their perspective unless they are first looking to change. For example, I don't discuss money unless someone is having financial problems, then I will try and change their perspective / offer a different solution to their problem. Same with physical and mental health, etc. I don't argue - I offer alternative perspectives and solutions after someone has a reason to change already.

Wether something is good or bad - what perspective you have ... it is often subjective at the end of the day. War is horrible for the loser..the same war may be viewed as great for the winner.

If there is no overriding goal in life, are there any meaningful smaller goals? What meaning people seem to assign to things seems pretty subjective to me. It is whatever they happen to value typically.

For me life is mostly about maximizing joy and inner peace, not changing perspectives or increasing intellectual understanding. Most of my learning and activities supports these goals - physical and mental health, relationships, finance, etc.

Changing perspectives is not my goal. I'm mostly here to socialize. It seems like you are assuming I desire to change perspectives.

M
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by M »

jacob wrote:
Mon Nov 14, 2022 4:48 pm
@M - So how do you deal/respond to humans outside your perspective to bring them around to whatever works for their individual preferences without destroying the whole as an ongoing operation.

I mean, obviously I can see the immediate response... lolomgwtifbbqmultipleemoji ... but how would show others (humans, life, etc.) to enter the same state?
After rereading this it occurs to me you may be looking for a real answer here.

I largely abandoned most external goals in life as a teenager and concluded there is likely no objective meaning to life...Perhaps the closest objective meaning I have found is some wacked out theory that we are fundamentally confused about the source of our own consciousness and that the mind actually creates physical reality, and not the other way around, and we are living in a simulation we created for ourselves for the exact purpose of blinding ourselves to this reality in order to believe we are seperate from the source of creation that exists underneath our universe in eternity and our entire universe including space and time is a projection from this eternal universe. Thus the entire purpose of life is to slowly heal this illusion of seperation we created... Like I said - it's a wacked out theory.

The mind is designed to sort of guide a person through life. Our pain and pleasure are there to help encourage specific actions that are beneficial to survival. The point of the mind is often not to be happy permanently, but only temporarily. In fact perpetual happiness would certainly cause a human to die as they may never experience a desire to eat food or experience the discomfort of starvation or be scared of a poisonous snake.

Thus people spend their lives chasing things they believe will make them happy while avoiding things they believe will cause them pain and suffering. For many people happiness is pretty elusive for this reason. The happiness state was meant to be elusive on purpose.

Every time a mental mechanism is engaged it is also reinforced, even if this is done subconsciously. Neuroplasticity. The brain can be changed, which can change the subjective experience of life over time. This is why cognitive behavioral therapy is often better than prescription drugs for anxiety and depression, while also having lower odds of relapsing. People are basically training their own brain to have beliefs and views that are more likely to produce positive emotions. This works surprisingly well.

It works even better if you project the positive feelings onto something internal that does not exist in the external world which can't be lost while you are alive..such as God, or life, creator, Jesus, Buddha, or some other idea. It could be anything really. The key is to not link the perceived source of joy and love to an external thing or person.

The other key is to simply not engage the various mental mechanisms we have at our disposal. Do not see things as good or evil. Disengage from both points of view and the whole judgment mental mechanism can be surrendered. There are tons of mental mechanisms running 24/7 in a typical persons head, often left completely unchecked. A surprising amount of these mechanisms are dedicated to socialization with other humans. These mental mechanisms also require a huge amount of energy and a certain amount of stress to keep running, but most of it is sort of subconscious. The process of constant surrender and contemplation brings these various mental mechanisms to consciousness and disengages these neuronal pathways.

So this can, over time, produce more hormonal receptor flushing and cause a more generally positive experience of existence internally, even if your external reality does not change at all. It doesn't require one to abandon all thinking...in fact it's a slow process for an adult and may take years to undo our own wiring.

There are bottom up approaches as well, such as daily running, whole foods diet, positive relationships, getting enough of various nutrients we can be deficient in that impact the brain and thus subjective experience of life, good sleep, sex, etc, etc. I'm sure you're very familiar with the bottom up approach to this, since this is the western approach to things.

I sort of think of these as 'top down' approaches to inner peace and enjoyment of life and 'bottom up' approaches.

Putting these things together causes one to experience a lot of joy and inner peace in day to day experience as most of the things that cause mental suffering for people get surrendered. I often struggle to relate to what people believe, want, are scared of, egotism, etc and so can only respond with laughter and hahas / lols.

It's hard for me to even relate to the concept of a serious idea or interaction, and on some ways I have reverted to a more childlike playful nature. I am like a child again.

I don't know if this makes sense or not.

daylen
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by daylen »

That is quite a long winded way of saying you like to play with yourself. :)

M
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by M »

daylen wrote:
Mon Nov 14, 2022 10:15 pm
That is quite a long winded way of saying you like to play with yourself. :)
Hahahaha - yes, indeed. I enjoy playing with myself. :)

I suppose I could have left it at that. Sometimes this response does not work very well when I say it in person though. :lol:

7Wannabe5
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

M wrote:I speculate at times if this is why some women don't desire shy, submissive men so much. If a man is very shy it might be harder to say if he is really into you, where a more dominant will just come out and say it / show it some way.
I must not be expressing myself clearly. I was trying to make the point that "shy" does NOT equal " socially submissive" does NOT equal "sexually submissive" does NOT equal "inexperienced" does NOT equal "introverted" does NOT equal "passive" does NOT equal "depressive" does NOT equal "just not that into you." Therefore, you may be engaging in a variety of wishful thinking or covert contract (deal you are making with another human that they don't know about :lol: ) IF you assume that the reason why the attractive strong, silent type nerd OR the attractive silent brooding artist type is not asking you out is "because shy" or "because inexperienced" etc. , when it very well may be "because not into kooky acting women with pudge belly." But, men of all types have a difficult time/are unlikely to turn down free sex when just tossed into lap, so you can end up stuck in less than ideal relationship for a while if you engage in practice of "dating men who are not dating you." IOW, it's best practice to offer respect by assuming that any man you might wish to date either already has his own fishing pole, knows where to find one, or is capable of figuring out where to find one, and you are not doing anyone a favor by just giving him a fish. There is also almost certainly a level of practice that would be even better than this, but it has not been my observation that I yet inhabit an environment in which it would work.

M wrote:On the pudge belly during sex - this may worry you more than the men you are having sex with
Oh, it's definitely about my own aesthetic.
jacob wrote:The variables are fads, fashion, and personal preference.
I grok what you are saying, but there are aspects of Level Green, such as feminism (which I hope is not just a fad), that are continuing to change the overall field. and although I definitely think that I am a beneficiary of feminism, I am concerned about negative secondary effects, even if they may prove to be temporary or not all that significant.

Integral psychology might also be a fad or personal preference, but I think it offers some insight, and I've been struck by how some of the presentations on The Stoa on the topic of sexuality are very much in alignment with my current take. For instance, I laughed out loud when "Hanzi" discussed the circumstances under which polyamory might become a functional possibility, because almost exactly in alignment with my own experience. (I think I posted it on polyamory thread.)

This presentation by Raven Connolly on the topic of "Sex, Dating, and Why Modern Relationships Are So Fucked Up" is also excellent.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4K4vXHrZTw


In most general terms, the disolution of stereotypical sex/gender roles at Orange/Green may leave humans lost/confused in their sexuality, in somewhat the same way that the concept of moral relativity may leave humans lost/confused in their purpose. So, at Level Yellow, you are free, and also somewhat compelled, to work with the components available, and put together a model that does work. But, the vocabulary may still be awkward, so, for instance, you might find yourself typing phrases like "when a man is in his feminine energy" , so maybe you try something like "when a man is in his submissive energy", but that doesn't work either, because what we used to mean when we typed "feminine" is not the same as "submissive." etc.etc. Can we construct a model of human sexuality absent concepts associated with gender and/or submission and dominance and/or health/beauty/status etc.? I mean, I could go on for a bit at systems level borrowing vocabulary of permaculture and using terms like "that which is more like a swale" and "that which is more like the rain" , but it's not the case that all holisms are perfectly congruent.

Anyways, anecdote is kind of weak as data point, and toolbox is certainly limited if that's all you've got, but it may serve to illustrate, create empathy, lend perspective, or simply amuse. Also, I would note that there's a thread on this forum entirely devoted to the topic of tying knots, and in purely practical terms, sex skillz are way more likely to promote survival in post-apocalyptic worst case scenario OR even get you a ride on a yacht in happier circumstance. ;)

Toska2
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by Toska2 »

We have a saying here in the sticks : "Find a fat girl to keep warm in the winter. Then don't feed her so she is skinny for summer."

IOW 7w5, there are men out there willing to help with your web of goals.

M
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by M »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Nov 15, 2022 12:29 pm
Also, I would note that there's a thread on this forum entirely devoted to the topic of tying knots, and in purely practical terms, sex skillz are way more likely to promote survival in post-apocalyptic worst case scenario OR even get you a ride on a yacht in happier circumstance. ;)
I don't think it's the nature of the content. We have discussed sex on the forums pretty extensively.

I think it's more of the back and forth discussions with no seeming forward progress on the objective perspective as people seemingly work out their own issues. It makes it appear to be a forever discussion with no real ending, but really people are just working out their individual perspectives and how to fit them into the more general framework / perspective they are learning about, imo.

7Wannabe5
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Toska2 wrote:We have a saying here in the sticks : "Find a fat girl to keep warm in the winter. Then don't feed her so she is skinny for summer."

IOW 7w5, there are men out there willing to help with your web of goals.
I guess I could attempt to straight-forwardly make contract with a Caloric Restriction Dom. I lost around 30 lbs in 3 months the last time I did that by accident. Main downside being that the more sensitive and/or sensible females in my social circle were about ready to have me committed to psych facility for engaging in that kind of trade.

However, just contempating that solution makes me realize my other limiting factor beyond vanity which is that I am still very weak, depleted from Crohn's disease. My "ex' invited me over for dinner and movie the other night, and just driving over there seemed like too much effort. I'm generally finding it difficult to emerge from injured-animal-licking-wounds-alone-in-cave mode. It's also entirely possible that my sex drive has gone down due to menopause. I went through late menopause right before Covid lock down with only a small window of dating opportunity before I was knocked down with the Crohn's, so it's hard for me to sort out the variables.
M wrote:I don't think it's the nature of the content. We have discussed sex on the forums pretty extensively.

I think it's more of the back and forth discussions with no seeming forward progress on the objective perspective as people seemingly work out their own issues. It makes it appear to be a forever discussion with no real ending, but really people are just working out their individual perspectives and how to fit them into the more general framework / perspective they are learning about, imo.
Oh, I know. It's just like how I get bored tutoring 3 kids in a row who are working on fractions as opposed to the starred problems in pre-calc.

I think everybody who was participating in the discussion considers sex to be a solved problem by one means or another. My own projected concern was that it is difficult to have discussion about what it takes to be sexually successful without typing something that might be perceived as unkind. For instance, even communicating that I feel less sexy with belly pudge might hurt the feelings or raise the defensive hackles of some other human who has belly pudge.

So, attempting to take it up a level to meta-discussion about discussions...

I used to a forum that was much like this one in terms of quality of participant/discussion, but the general topic was how to resolve sexual problems in marriage. Initially there was a strong dichotomy between the participants who identified as the high sex drive partner vs. the low sex drive partner. I mean, it was worse than the current red vs blue dichotomy in the U.S. in terms of heated power struggle. The participants who were able to solve this problem, by one means or another, no longer experienced the high drive/low drive dichotomy as being very relevant, because any of the possible solutions were only to be found at a higher level than the problem.

So, I sometimes wonder if there might be difficulty in finding a general solution to the problem of resource conservation/ERE2 in a discussion that only includes those who self-identify as frugal? IOW, the general solution might only be found through first taking a hard look at the more negative connotations of frugality, such as skin-flint, Scrooge, miser...the vice of greed vs. the vice of gluttony, etc.

I recently skimmed the first few chapters of a rather terrifying book entitled "You Are a Badass at Making Money", by Jen Sincero. Her intended audience was something like Level-Green-broke-azz-women-who-are-too-nice-and-don't-make-enough-money-to-buy-the-nice-things-they-won't-admit-that-they-want. So, her advice is along the lines that first step in motivating yourself to make more money is to admit that you want and deserve the nice things that money can buy. So, she pokes fun at people who try to virtue signal through conspicuous non-consumption, and makes the argument that the reason why the expression "Put on your own oxygen mask first" exists is that it is necessary to counter the more prevalent tendency humans have towards taking care of others. She also argues along the lines of "You not having the nice things you want is not going to save the planet."

It struck me that this is kind of like the concept of "not wanting to want" in the realm of sex drive disparity. Anyways, I may just be getting lost in my own take on the matter, due to the fact that, unlike the majority on this forum, my primary difficulty in achieving FI/ERE1 is lifelong tendency towards being Low Earner rather than High Spender. According to my social security statement, since I first acquired my card at age 14 though age 57, I only earned a total of approximately $260,000 = approximately $6000/year = less than 1 Jacob per year!!! So, if the financial lens perspective of Jen Sincero is applied through sexual analogy, I'm like somebody who maybe only wants to have sex around twice a year, so how can I understand or empathize with the perspective of somebody who is much more driven?

M
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by M »

I think most people here view sex as a solved problem. I think the way they solved the problem may be very different though. It is hard to talk about it without someone taking it personally, yes.

I have probably had sex over 10,000 times in my life with a few different women, and married an extremely sexy woman who literally wants sex all the time. In 18 years she has never once said no, and will often bug me for sex. We are both very sexual creatures, and this is primarily how I wound up having constant sex. This is how I 'solved sex' as a hetero male with a high sex drive. I think everyone solved it in their own way though, such as your polyamory example.

I wonder if it is really a 'solved problem' for everyone on the forum though...Most of the hetero males I know who are the most frugal also happen to be single and have not had sex with a woman in years. I don't know if there is a connection there but it seems like extremely frugal hetero male calling typical hetero female to pick him up in her car because he does not own a car, then refuse to pay for her food on the date, then take her back to his place where he has no couch or TV or hot water may not sexually arouse typical female human. She may seek a more normal male human.

So I think this limits the dating pool for extremely frugal hetero male to women who are either:

1.) Same financial wheaton level as themselves. ERE level of expenses is not very popular. Finding a partner with ERE level expenses probably eliminates 99% of the dating pool right off the bat.
2.) A woman who is very open minded and willing to change to ERE level expenses ... good luck.
3.) A woman who has low mating value who was not wanted by other men.
4.) A woman who is so low income that she is already used to ERE level expenses due to income restrictions.

Interestingly the few women I know who have ERE level expenses have no problem finding a male partner, especially if they have physical beauty. Sometimes it seems like hetero men chase women because they look good and never consider if they're poor, crazy, etc until after copulation. Where hetero women seem to take all kinds of things into account before agreeing to copulate with hetero man. This seems to be a point of frustration between the sexes.

Anyway - my point is, I don't think this is a solved problem for all the men on the forum, and no amount of theoretical understanding of sex is going to help satisfy sexual urges...unless someone has some strange sexual arousal upon hearing theory. This is one area where practical application is required.

In a world where typical woman sees man's gifts and food as part of courtship and flirting, and sex demand is much higher among men than women, I think ERE can make sex more challenging for hetero male to obtain due to a more limited dating pool.

The only real solutions I see are to expand out social circles or target communities with ERE level expenses. IOW roll your own solution to sex instead of the typical modern 'dating app, dinner and walk, netflix and chill' to 'meet friend of friends, talk for hours about ERE theory, then move in together to split expenses while also having sex'.

ertyu
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by ertyu »

M wrote:
Wed Nov 16, 2022 9:49 pm
single and have not had sex with a woman in years.
This doesn't mean sex isn't a solved problem. One might be asexual or have low sex drive, thus the fact that one has not had sex is not a problem. Or, one could be single but, like the one guy who budgeted for a 30 y/o Ukrainian sugar baby, have solved sex in a different way (has he updated since the war started? I forgot his forum handle but I wonder what he ended up doing). I guess the point I am trying to make is that what "solved sex" looks like is very personal, and just because one appears to outsiders not to have solved it doesn't mean one hasn't solved it.

On the whole though, I agree with the gist of your main point: while this is a broad generalization and there are exceptions, heterosexual men are more likely to screen women as potential sexual partners whereas heterosexual women are more likely to screen men as potential relationship partners and sleep with a man only if they have established the whole package is desirable. I think one mistake extremely frugal hetero men make is not to realize this.

chenda
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by chenda »

Women are more selective with their sexual partners than men, as they get pregnant and men obviously don't. Even with reliable contraception and reproductive rights, the same mammalian impulses tend to remain.

M
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by M »

ertyu wrote:
Wed Nov 16, 2022 10:21 pm
This doesn't mean sex isn't a solved problem. One might be asexual or have low sex drive, thus the fact that one has not had sex is not a problem. Or, one could be single but, like the one guy who budgeted for a 30 y/o Ukrainian sugar baby, have solved sex in a different way (has he updated since the war started? I forgot his forum handle but I wonder what he ended up doing). I guess the point I am trying to make is that what "solved sex" looks like is very personal, and just because one appears to outsiders not to have solved it doesn't mean one hasn't solved it.

On the whole though, I agree with the gist of your main point: while this is a broad generalization and there are exceptions, heterosexual men are more likely to screen women as potential sexual partners whereas heterosexual women are more likely to screen men as potential relationship partners and sleep with a man only if they have established the whole package is desirable. I think one mistake extremely frugal hetero men make is not to realize this.
This is an excellent point. What 'solved sex' looks like is a very personal thing and could be very different from person to person.

For someone who is asexual or who has a low sex drive this may not even be a problem to solve to begin with. This is probably most ideal situation for a very frugal hetero male.

Sometimes I wish I was in this category as having constant desire for sex gets old. Also sex has been very expensive for me because like typical hetero male I only screened for sexual partner and not relationship partner. Thus my wife wants sex 24/7 but has never worked a traditional job so I have always paid for all of her expenses in life literally since the day she turned 18 and we moved in together.

If I were asexual I also would not have four children to feed right now. Being hyper sexual can be very expensive for a hetero male.

chenda
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Re: White Trash Book Smart

Post by chenda »

M wrote:
Thu Nov 17, 2022 5:37 am
Thus my wife wants sex 24/7 but has never worked a traditional job so I have always paid for all of her expenses in life literally since the day she turned 18 and we moved in together.

If I were asexual I also would not have four children to feed right now. Being hyper sexual can be very expensive for a hetero male.
But presumably they were not all accidents ?

I suspect some asexual people do want and indeed have children.

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