Ego wrote:Among the fifty-some lab rats living in my building it is certainly becoming more popular. Will & Jada are apparently the most famous polys. I've witnessed three (strange, confusing, inappropriate, disproportionate) explosions of bottled rage among the polys here. Coincidence?
Well, based on the overall impression you've given us of the residents of your building, I find this result entirely unsurprising. You can't successfully attempt polyamory until/unless you've otherwise mastered the task of being a decent human in an intimate relationship. Although my illness has currently made my daily default sexual mode celibacy, I am still in some level of relationship with 3 different partners I have now known for more than 7 years (!!!) Also, you have to be very freedom focused and in possession of some skills of diplomacy. I think you also have to have achieved the level of adult cognitive development that allows for perspective on the entire relationship system.
Jealousy is a problem, so you have to have the mind-set (also found in ERE, permaculture and other systems level models) that the problem can be the solution. To offer a conventional example; a couple that has been together for some while is out for dinner, one of them notices that the other is briefly checking out the waitress. There are several different mature functional ways to process the incident, and the polyamorous way might be to honor the energy and put it to work within relationship, maybe talk up the incident into a 3 way fantasy later that evening. Obviously, mature couple who have zero intention of actually venturing outside of monogamous committment will do this sort of thing too. It's roughly equivalent on a developmental level to breaking the fourth wall in a film or text, so indicative of the modern partnership marriage verging on the post-modern.
Anyways, I do feel jealous at times while practicing polyamory, but I tend to combat this feeling by focusing on my preference for the overall freedom the practice allows for me. Also, the fact that there is no way in heck that I would want to have several men all to myself.