A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

[IlliniDave]

I'm nearing the 3-month mark of being career-free. I'm disinclined to wax on ebulliently and flaunt the privilege. I'll just say that so far I'm happy.

I do have to say it is a bit jarring to see the flow rate of the incoming money spigot wane. It's especially noticeable in my old YMOYL "wall chart". But it's not upsetting.

I'm doing less of many things than what I envisioned, but I haven't been bored doing nothing or wallowing in unpleasant activities. It's something I'm going to pay attention to going forward as I settle into a new rhythm. The autumn has been warm and pleasant and I'm more inclined to find somewhere to go walk/hike/explore than anything. That appears about to change, might even have some frost on the ground Saturday morning, two weeks behind the average first frost for this neck of the woods. With the approach of the days of long shadows (don't remember where I came across that, but I've always liked it) I'm likely to start getting myself mentally organized and possibly come up with a more efficient routine--efficient in the sense it checks more of the boxes in my list of trial leisure pursuits. And if it doesn't, no big deal I suppose.

My housing situation is still unsettled. My aunt hasn't yet found the place she wants to downsize into. For now, being a long-term house guest isn't a big deal, but I've decided if nothing's changed by the first of next year I'll start looking for a different place for myself. On some level I suppose not being able to spread out and arrange things to my liking is an impediment to some things I'd like to do. The worst part is that she's compulsive about being industrious--if she doesn't have work to do from the time she gets up until an hour before she goes to bed she gets bored out of her mind. Then I wind up feeling guilty for just doing my thing while she is out pruning the dead leaves off her gazillion hostas or whatever. I did fix a toilet and patched a couple holes the resident redheaded woodpecker put in the siding in hopes of gaining a roosting cavity well enough to weather the winter. So it's not like I'm a complete slug, haha.

[GandK]

The most pleasant part of my day is being able to sip hot tea and breathe... to enjoy not feeling like I have to DO in order to BE.

[IlliniDave]

... Hoping your time with him has otherwise been good.

It has. He seems to enjoy having a partner in crime to get him out of the house a couple additional times per week. And every Friday I go over there and bring a pizza or something and we watch an episode or two of a multi-season series on Netflix, and on Sundays to watch the Bears try to play football.

Glad that some days are revolving around hiking, fishing and chilling for you. Does it still feel like a transition with retirement?

It still feels like I'm in an evolving situation but work is already a distant memory. That's sort of a "yes and no" I suppose. But as far as shedding the mentality of corporate career guy, that happened much more abruptly and seamlessly than I thought, and I'd thought it would pretty smooth and natural. So rather than drifting away from that prior facet of life, it's more like I was launched by a loaded spring.

[IlliniDave]

The most pleasant part of my day is being able to sip hot tea and breathe... to enjoy not feeling like I have to DO in order to BE.

It's a good feeling, for sure. I get glimpses of it but haven't quite gotten all the way there. Seems like for me, living alone is a prerequisite for really getting to wallow in it.

[henrik]

Your journal is one of the few reasons I keep coming back here. The way you convey your transition experience is enjoyable and thought-provoking. Thanks for taking the time to do this. I'm wondering.. have you considered writing as something to pursue? I get a unique vibe, a combination of technical rationality and linguistic creativity that could produce something interesting.
Best of luck with everything!

[RockyMtnLiving]

The way you convey your transition experience is enjoyable and thought-provoking. Thanks for taking the time to do this. I'm wondering.. have you considered writing as something to pursue? I get a unique vibe, a combination of technical rationality and linguistic creativity that could produce something interesting.
Best of luck with everything!

+1

I second henrik's sentiment.

As I've stated before, I'm pretty sure that I'm just a tad bit behind you, IlliniDave, though I'm not nearly as organized or analytical as you in the planning. I do feel as if you are the scout on the ridge ahead, sending back dispatches as I stumble through the underbrush as I try to make it to the clearing that I hope is not too far ahead.

[Married2aSwabian]

I second RML’s second!

[RockyMtnLiving]

Hey IlliniDave, just checking in to see how you and your family are doing. Winter is coming on. Hope all is well.

[IlliniDave]

... have you considered writing as something to pursue? I get a unique vibe, a combination of technical rationality and linguistic creativity that could produce something interesting.
Best of luck with everything!

Thanks, Henrik. Yes, for a good number of years I tried my hand at fiction. Results were mixed. I have a couple non-fiction writing projects simmering on the back burner. Dunno if I'll ever finish them, or if I do, do anything with them. The last few years my interest has drifted back to music as a creative outlet.

[IlliniDave]

Hey IlliniDave, just checking in to see how you and your family are doing. Winter is coming on. Hope all is well.

Hey RML, I'll use your post as a launchpad for a brief update.

I'm pretty darn happy with this retirement gig. It's something I don't talk about much for fear of inadvertently "rubbing it in" since not too many in my circle are retired or close to FI. The last couple weeks brought the fall peak as far as color goes, and for whatever reason this year I've been taking note of the trees as their branches get bare. They all seem to be writhing in one way or another. Some seem to sway like they are at a Grateful Dead show. Some are very militaristic in their reach for the sky. Others seem very calm and just lean towards the light wherever it is available. Many of the roads in this part of town run through tunnels of tree canopy which makes for some very nice passive scenery.

It's 21 days into the month and I have not peeked at my stash balances yet. I decided to go through the month with no updates to break the habit since I couldn't identify any real advantages to it--it really just creates mental and sometimes emotional clutter.

A spat of drama surrounding Thanksgiving. One of my sisters and one of her sons (brother of deadbeat nephew) have not been vaccinated. My Aunt of course has a terminal pulmonary condition and isn't real keen on spending a day indoors with unvaccinated folks. After a ton of back and forth we're having it here at my aunt's house and my unvaccinated sister had another invite she accepted, and my nephew was planning to spend the day with his GFs family anyway. I'm sure my sister has not expunged all the melodrama over this as it's part of her nature, but for now it will be a smallish event with just 5 of us eating and 7 total and for now everyone is expressing acceptance of the plan. So my vision of great carefree family events is not materializing yet--we'll have the same issue at Christmas in another month. But I haven't spent Thanksgiving here since 1987 and I'm determined to look past the warts.

Almost all of my personal enrichment activity has been gearing up for my holiday recording project. I bit the bullet and have been investing time trying to really learn how to properly use all my computer-based tools (including some new additions). I rearranged the guys of my PC and added a second SSD, this one 1T for hosting all of my sample libraries which where threatening to choke my system drive. Then I had to reconfigure a bunch of applications to look on the new drive for all their stored data and stuff like that. Reminded me too much of my last work assignment, haha. I finished most of that work yesterday so now I really have no obstacles beyond myself when it comes to knocking out a project that's better than what I managed last year.

I feel like I should be wrestling with questions like: what should the purpose of my next phase of life be and things along those lines. I'm finding I really don't care about the topic and just living in the moments and trying to make each one worthwhile in its own right is plenty.

Most of all I'm pleased I made the leap from professional life and bit off the relocation. I'm hanging out with my dad 3-4 days each week and it seems to be a good thing. I get a lot of peace of mind from being able to gauge how he's doing firsthand on a continuous basis rather than relying on the often hyperbolic anecdotes from my sisters. Bottom line is he's not doing much worse, if at all, then when my mom died 3.5 years ago. I think her absence just exposed a lot of his native ineptitude. It's not great to realize one's father has the intellect of a stereotypical valley girl when it comes to a lot of common sense stuff. But it is better than many of the alternatives.

[IlliniDave]

So I'm into month 5 of Phase III. I succeeded in going the whole month of November without so much as a peek at my stash balances, and the only time I even took a deliberate look at what the markets were doing on a given day was yesterday. Although there is something soothing about a having a routine that keeps ongoing tabs on all the financial stuff, I find it much easier to stay in the present when my thoughts aren't continually projecting how much money I might have a good number of years down the road.

I checked this morning to get my month-end balances for my spreadsheet. Stash went down a good bit in November but I'm still up $2,800 since pulling the plug. That's nominal so in real terms I'm probably down some. And although I don't have a tally yet spending seems to have settled out and I'm sure I'll come in well below October and thereby logged a second straight month spending less than my annuity income. Whatever the November total turns out to be it will be artificially low since I'm presently a long-term house guest at my aunt's house and it is a PITA trying to get her to let me share expenses "fairly".

She's still not found her downsize house (weird/difficult market around here for the type of place she is looking for). Once the holidays are over I'll probably start looking for myself. Means I'll probably spend more than she wants for this house to get a smaller one, but that's fine since it lines up better with my original plans. I'm afraid it will hurt her feelings a little bit but having my own space relegated to a spare bedroom is getting to feel a little claustrophobic.

Thanksgiving was a little rocky between who's vaccinated and who's not, cases of the flu, etc. In the end we had only 5 people out of the 10-12 we'd have otherwise had. I had dinner with another aunt (dad's sister) and uncle Sunday and their Thanksgiving was also a little messed up with flu and covid-positive (but not particularly ill) folks as was that of my other uncle (dad's brother) and his crew (just covid-positive, no flu there). Maybe that's the new normal. We're all expecting a similar set of circumstances at Christmas.

I haven't decided whether I'll get a covid booster shot. My original was Moderna, and I don't have much in the way of details regarding booster approval for it for the under-65 crowd, but I wasn't real impressed with the case for Pfizer booster in generally healthy folks under 65. Sometimes it seems like it's more an obedience test than well thought-out policy.

Things are going pretty well with my dad. It appears just having a little more in the way of with-another-person activities per week helps him stay engaged which in turn seems to help his short-term memory. Well, really more his medium-term memory. He can still forget what was talked about 5 minutes ago but he does better across days than he seemed to when I first showed up. My siblings and I are trying to get him to see an appropriate specialist but he's resistant because his regular physician apparently doesn't think there is anything abnormal going on. He might be right--in my estimation things have been fairly stable for the last 3 years--but still I think it would make the rest of us feel better to get a second diagnosis and maybe some words to describe it.

Not really a retirement worth reading about so far. Mundane things are taking up a lot of it. Last year I restarted a "tradition" I had for a number of years of doing a amateurish music recording for the holidays, and that's starting to be the focus of my fun/personal growth/creative expression energy. I've spent a good deal of time the last few weeks building up my competence with a collection of VST (virtual studio technology) items, virtual instruments, software synths, etc.; and with my main DAW (digital audio workstation). I've even gotten down the music theory rabbit trail some. That sort of stuff exercises the same mental muscles as my former occupation did. However, since it is now December the focus will turn to notes rather than SI integration, interface wrangling, and clever workflow hacks. Hopefully I'll come up with something that turns out well enough to share. I also hope this stirs up a little momentum and it gets me to where I always have some creation/capture project going on year round.

It's going to take some time to get used to winter at this latitude. I'll probably be looking for a top-shelf winter coat soon. I have a couple decent ones that worked great in Alabama and would do for the average winter day around here. But I want to have something on hand suitable for being outside for a few hours at say, -20F and below.

[RockyMtnLiving]

Thank you for your recent posts, IlliniDave. You are an inspiration.

[Scott 2]

Does your Aunt view having IlliniDave live with her as the medium term solution? Short of the point where she needs an assisted living situation, I imagine it is all upside for her?

Glad your dad is doing as well as could be hoped. Establishing and monitoring a neurological baseline is a great idea. If there is something going on, now is the best time to establish mitigation strategies. One reasons I like tools that externalize memory, is I see them as a hedge for long term degradation of mental facilities. My Grandma used a notepad to successfully hide her problem for a long time.

[IlliniDave]

Just wanted to drop in and wish everyone Merry Christmas, or happy next few days if Christmas doesn't do it for you.

Just to avoid being all talk, no action, here's my 2021 "Christmas/holiday" musical endeavor. I think it's a step back from some of my last couple efforts, but I think I learned a lot more from it. Some of you may enjoy it, others not. I had a lot of fun taking a loon call and loading it into a synthesizer and turning it into a musical "note", something I've long wanted to do but never made time to tackle it.

https://soundcloud.com/grampalerxst/las ... north-pole

Overall, all is well. Not much retirement-specific worth mentioning on the cusp of the holidays, it can wait until my year-end manifesto.

Does your Aunt view having IlliniDave live with her as the medium term solution? Short of the point where she needs an assisted living situation, I imagine it is all upside for her? ...

I dunno. Good question. I don't think she minds having a roomie, but she doesn't seem disposed to leverage my presence all that much. She won't let me share the bills and I have to sneak food into the larder to contribute in that realm. She doesn't want me doing much around the house or yard because that's her conduit to getting exercise and to simply "keep moving". She's the youngest 77 year-old I've ever known. Shame about the disease because otherwise I'd bet money she'd have a 100th birthday party. Maybe it is comforting to her to know someone else is around "just in case". But she hasn't proposed making it semi-permanent. I feel like a mooch even though as well off as I am financially, she's got me beat with less time to have to cover with the money.

Thank you for your recent posts, IlliniDave. You are an inspiration.

Thanks, and knowing a few of the gang read these entries and get something from them is likewise an inspiration.

[Married2aSwabian]

Hey, awesome jam - I will go on the record as having enjoyed it! Sounds Rush-inspired … the Canadian band, not the late, conservative blowhard radio host.

Sounds like you are navigating the early retirement waters well. Glad you are able to spend time with your dad. I can relate, with my dad having been through so many hospital visits and a surgery last month at 80. I’m sure it’s great to be nearby - in my case, he’s still 2000 miles away.

Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays and thanks for the inspirational writing here this year. It has helped me to get prepared, especially psychologically, to pull the plug next year. Cheers!

[IlliniDave]

Thanks M2aS. It'll be here almost before you know it.

There's a little Rush in everything I do, I think. That whole little section I think you are referring took the shape it's in when I goofed up and played a midi recording back using the wrong synthesizer patch (was meant for a melodic instrument and got piped to a patch mapped for percussion, giving the essence of that pulse which immediately made me think: "I could do an angry Jacob's Ladder (no, not the ERE Wheaton Scale ) sort of thing with that ..." so I made a drastic course correction from where I was headed and cranked it up a few notches. So in this case you are correct, some very explicit Rush influence.

[theanimal]

Merry Christmas Dave!

I really liked the incorporation of the loon into your song. Great idea.

[IlliniDave]

I really liked the incorporation of the loon into your song. Great idea.

Thanks, it's something I wanted to do for a long time and am just now getting the technology assembled to do it. Hopefully at some point in the future I'll have a couple additional twists on the idea.

[RockyMtnLiving]

Thanks M2aS. It'll be here almost before you know it.
.
There's a little Rush in everything I do, I think. That whole little section I think you are referring took the shape it's in when I goofed up and played a midi recording back using the wrong synthesizer patch (was meant for a melodic instrument and got piped to a patch mapped for percussion, giving the essence of that pulse which immediately made me think: "I could do an angry Jacob's Ladder (no, not the ERE Wheaton Scale ) sort of thing with that ..." so I made a drastic course correction from where I was headed and cranked it up a few notches. So in this case you are correct, some very explicit Rush influence.

Just played that recording

You are very talented, IlliniDave

Rush fan here. Your most excellent riff does echo Rush. Maybe The Trees in particular: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnC88xBPkkc

And while we are on this topic, a shout out to the departed Neil Peart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWRMOJQDiLU

[mountainFrugal]

Enjoyed the jam @IlliniDave. I especially liked the progression between 3:35 and 4:00.